death before detransition

not my main blog

[redactedangelcollective]

"well i'm sure that i could be a movie star, if i could get out of this place."

ִ ࣪𖤐.ᐟ redacted angel collective (they/it)

alex - host/core - he/she - 🎧🖋️

nyx - prosecutor, cohost - it/xey - 💫🪻

virgil - persecutor, little - he/they - 🧨🛹

logan - accidental caretaker, fictive - he/him - ⚙️🛰️

+a few unknown/unnamed that will be added once we figure it out

our system is somewhat a blender and it's a bit confusing. alex is both the collective consciousness of all alters while also being distinctly his own. the best label we've managed to find is hydraconscious but that still feels incomplete. this also results in a lot of interchanging between i/me and we/us.

࣪𖤐.ᐟ interests/fandoms

i'm in marching band and musical theatre plus i also draw, bake, cosplay, and write.

i do fanfiction on ao3 but the majority of my writing (and art) goes towards my ocs and their story called "periods of hope", which i'll start posting soon.

i love so many different fandoms there's genuinely infinite but right now i'm super into sanders sides, percy jackson, the magnus archives (not done yet), deltarune, project hail mary, and iron lung.

in terms of special interests i really only have a few major ones which are psychology, medicine, greek mythology, and sociology.

࣪𖤐.ᐟ info (tl;dr we have no dni, follow your own)

we don't do dnis because we know a lot of people don't follow them, so we don't really see the point, but here's some info about us for your own dnis if you have one.

we're not advertising our origins because given the current state of sysblr that feels unsafe for our littles (also it's none of your business), but we are endo neutral and incredibly anti syscourse.

socialist. we hate capitalists, cops, censorship, maga, ice, and terfs.

bodily a minor but over 15.

anti transID, anti radqueer, anti proship, anti transmed

fuck ai

i'm overweight!!!! and fat!!!!! and idc!!!!!

free palestine, free sudan, free congo, free ukraine

i love cishet aroallo men, he/him lesbians, people who use xenogenders/neopronouns, and anyone else who has "weird"/contradictory labels

asexual but fuck purity culture

angelkin, sirenkin, voidpunk, computerkin, fox therian

if something isn't listed here that you want to know or you're just not sure, feel free to ask as long as you're polite/respectful.

also no dni doesn't mean i won't abuse the fuck out of the block button if you're pissing me off.

[redactedangelcollective]

unknown; probably not a little (?), unknown pronouns, very dramatic and over the top about everything ever, has wings i think. possible roles - black sheep, disordered mood holder, diva, fawn, lyre, performer, self inflictor, understudy,

unknown; little (5-stagnant?), guessing he/him until given confirmation or denial, might be mute or might just be painfully shy, easily overwhelmed. possible roles - anxiety holder, cubkid, doekid, kittenkid, pupkid, snakekid,

alex; not little (15-ages with body), he/she, quiet but gets very talkative once yk him, emotional especially with anger, gets the brunt of the amnesia. sort of feels like the collective of all alters while also being her own core possible roles - angelmate, anger holder, anxiety holder, artist, BFRB holder, BPD holder, core, denier, host, lyre, scar keeper, suicide holder, writsmith

nyx; not little (???-stagnant), it/xey, seems very neutral on the surface but can be violent and slightly unhinged when xey want to be, doesn't understand emotions. possible roles - advocate, adopter, cassmate, co-host, coercer, impasnite, scar keeper, voice of reason,

virgil; little (12 to 14-age slider), he/they, not sure if they're a sanders sides fictive or just stole the name, very angry all the time, defensive about everything, emo. possible roles - prosecutor, anger holder, arsonist, artist, athenateen, BPD holder, cubkid, ED holder, kittenkid, kittykid, mothkid, pigkid, rebel, self inflictor, suicide holder,

logan; not little (20?-stagnant), he/him, fictive from the show "sanders sides", actual pinnacle of stereotypical white boy autism, does not have the ability to sarcasm ever, says he doesn't have emotions (lying). possible roles - assidumate, BPD holder, census taker, debater, self inflictor, suicide holder, voice of reason, writsmith

possible system types - musaicus, blended, angelkinplex, sirenkinplex, aphantien, avisum, uncovered system, cephaconscious, chaotien, consciousexistant, mutoconscious, family system, fluctotus, median, parasian, machina, multgration, sempersystem

[redactedangelcollective]

im scared and i need help

i have 3 (3.5?) different systems all saying they think im a system. (all very close friends of mine btw)

the issue isn't the accusation, i dont think theres anything wrong with being a system, i just. for me??

don't other singlets not remember massive chunks of their (decently traumatic) childhood? don't other singlets feel like their body isn't theirs when they look in the mirror? don't other singlets have names and voices for their emotions like it's fucking inside out? don't other singlets feel this disconnected from reality?

i cant be a system. i dont know why i cant, i just cant. every time i try to come to the conclusion its like nails on a chalkboard, something im not meant to know.

why don't i belong in my own brain?

i dont understand but i want to understand and i just want this all to stop or be better or anything. please.

[redactedangelcollective]

when it's 2 am and i can vividly remember the sensation of pushing a boy twice my size off of me

[redactedangelcollective]

why do i have to thank you for abusing me "raisng me"

where's my present for being a better dad to my sister and myself than you ever have or will be

how am i meant to love you when you'd never love me as your son

how am i meant to hate you when you'd do anything for me as your daughter

how could you do that to me when i know you loved "me"

whatever. happy fucking father's day.

[redactedangelcollective]

i should violently tear myself out of the lives of every person around me because i exist only as a curse and a burden to others

[redactedangelcollective]

or i'll pull away into nothingness and never speak to anyone again until i die

[razzmothazz]

still caring about internet friends you lost touch with years ago is so embarrassing. yeah i had a deam we met up irl recently. the last time we spoke was maybe 7-8 years ago. i still wear the laces we randomly decided was a sign of our friendship. i dont know what any of your socials are or if youre even active on any. sometimes i see someones art resemble yours and i wonder for hours. do you still go by that name you chose? whenever i see it i wonder if its you. we couldve passed each other in this vastness a thousand times and not have a clue.

[razzmothazz]

we were lonely kids having fun together. do you remember?

[greelin]

“why do you rb and add to your own posts” i’m talking to myself

[redactedangelcollective]

i have to be a good enough older brother to protect her from everything our parents put me through

[redactedangelcollective]

you're telling me everyone feels like the exact same person in the same body all the time??? sounds made up tbh

[redactedangelcollective]