Sociologist @reeese29 - Tumblr Blog

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As the world begins its day, each of us has a different way of setting our moods. Some find solace in music, while others start their day by sharing a kiss with their loved ones. Some bid farewell to their family before heading to work, only to reunite with a warm hello at the end of the work shift.

We all face our own struggles, pressures, and challenges every day. It doesn't cost a cent to be kind and tackle these challenges at our own pace. Don't let negative energy attract others because it doesn't contribute positively.

I burst out today after a very long hours of sleep, I went out to check, it was already late in the afternoon, I was worried by seeing the work related text messages. I saw my mom and hugged her tight, then suddenly my tears went rushing, I said "Ma, kapoy na ko, lisud kaayo apason tanan" Mama responded, "pagpahulay pud panalagsa, pagleave para makasleep kag tarung. unaha imong lawas, ayaw na paghilak" but my tears went rushing that even my mom cried with me.. I don't know if I'll be okay in the next few days but I just hope I won't get sick.

Lovely heartbeat

Every day I wake up with the thought that the day should end up fine so I do my best every day. I wished for superpowers like the ones in Marvel Cinematic Universe and just like them, we have different responsibilities and I have to quote from the Spiderman movie: "With great power, comes with great responsibility" and I learned that using it too much is also not good. Everything comes with control. Everything we do comes with a consequence. Every day we struggle and face challenges for ourselves thinking that it will bring us food for our families which we consider our responsibility.

I am happy about the things that happen every single day, I learn from different people, I learn how to adjust and consider things that are not meant to happen and are not really what we expect.

My heart beats for the sound of how happy I am every time I gain a new skill and if I have made someone happy by doing small things for them. I hope it stays that way.

But life doesn't give us the sunshine that we strive hard to see every day.

I walk myself home, I cry. I am disturbed by the chaos that no one will ever understand, it's painful but I'm happy that my faith in GOD kept me going. I cry myself to sleep ever since I saw that I was alone and I am in this never-ending game that I have to win because when I get home, I see my mom, my dad and tried to be honest that I am not okay sometimes and that I also have bad days, I don't want to be someone's pain in the ear by just listening to how sad I am.

I could not help but pretend to be okay with everything because I am not allowed to say that I'm sick, I'm tired, I have headaches but I still need to put a smile on my face and I am too loaded and I could not please everyone by saying "one at a time please, I beg you, I will do everything but not all at once" because I am never was and never will be a superhero.

In the end, I still want to hear my heart beat fast as I seek happiness, I still wish to have superpowers that I can handle with control because I am responsible for it.

Here's to good days and unexpected bad days ahead. We will survive.

My Last.

My one and only. Dearest Mr. Late comer of my life. I always ask, why we met at such a complicated and threatening situation and why things be so scary and risky when I fell for you but you told me to just let yourself love me and maybe it will work. So I did. I saw moments, I saw how scared you were when I was struggling and to the times I needed to make sure you're not harmed and let myself be hurt instead but you told me that you will wait, for I am your last love. I took the risk of saying yes. I was too anxious that I might hurt you in a way that I'll never know or in a way that I am still scared of the unknown and the previous. My love, I'm so sorry for the things that hurt you and for almost giving up. I love you dearly in the most special way that I could imagine. I love how things are too simple between us but you made me feel loved and cared of. I woke up one morning and found that I am scared of losing you and scared of the day that I might not see you or hold you at all because along the way, you were there as my shield, my arms to hug when I'm scared and my strength. You always told me that you always have my back, and when I feel small, you always pick me up and get me back on track. When I had you, I saw myself changed. You taught me how to love unconditionally and to never expect anything in return. I could not thank you enough for the respect I gained from you and made me feel that I deserve it. I promise to love you with all my heart and for you I will be true, for you I'd risk and I promise that you will and always be my last. I love you Dy..

11:37 PM. April 19, 2021

Thoughts be fighting over the things that I love and the things that I hate. The imperfections that I had with me and where I lay and I walk, I have with me my flaws and I am so sorry for not being enough to be something worth needed. I wanted to achieve something but all I have with me is my flaws, where I tried to work on. I tried to loosen up the rocks that tied my feet where I drown saying that I am a failure but the waves kept drowning me everytime I my actions were wrong. I don't wanna waste what's left and eventhough that every night I cry because I tried to be something now and in the future, I won't give up chasing my dreams. I guess being too apologetic for being very imperfect is just a total nonsense because that's me and I know and I'll grow and look back to see what I have achieved. Small wins makes it bigger someday. I won't give up. 🏆

An open letter to everyone whose struggling.

Dear Reader,

Life was molded to be as unfair as it may seem and I'm so sorry about that. Each day, I can feel that sometimes things don't go your way even though you strive hard. The rain falls unexpectedly even when you set the sun to shine. The way life was biased to the things you're new at and thunderstorms strike right at you even though how much you hide, the pain will still haunt you. The way you want to handle things like the way you ironed your clothes each morning to make them look great and satisfying, but still, when you came out to wear them, you hear thunderstorms and ruin your clothes where you put effort into it but please be reminded that it is okay to feel things that are uncertain and does not come your way.

I'm sorry if life is unkind but I want you to know that giving up is not a solution and that life will pay off someday soon. You're winning when you strive harder, you won when you faced your fears. You already won when you surrendered your fears and anxieties to God. He will never leave you. Strive hard to become your best. Never be afraid to learn things and to feel pain because in time, you'll realize that those pain were converted into beautiful scars and realizing that you got through it and seeing how far you went from being a failure. Never lose hope even though that life turns its back on you. The sun will shine on your time.

❤

October 9, 2020

RYAN

I seriously don’t how to start this but maybe I’ll make it clear and I’ll do my best.

Meeting you was the best moment that had ever happened to me. We were young, we have dreams, we were both single and had no issues in our past relationships. I love how things went right even though we were the total opposite but no engine works if both are positive or both are negative. Our relationship really worked out just fine and we never thought we’d come this far. Problems may occur but what’s important for me was to save our relationship because I love you so much.

I know I don’t speak this out aloud but I miss you on every weekend but I never want to bother you because you are a workaholic man, you value your work so much that I also felt that I maybe just an option but it was fine because I do believe that some days you’ll miss me too. I miss you when the rain falls, I want more cuddles with you. I miss you after my work shift is done. I wanna make love to you but I guess that isn’t very important but I was okay with it. I’ll always be. But love, did you know that you hurt my feelings when you said you won’t marry me? and that "Rain" will be impossible to exist. You also said that you won’t marry me because you don’t love me and that you were only staying because I might commit suicide.

The year started and we reached 5 years together. I really tried hard to be on track, to be happy, to make you happy in any way that I do but misunderstandings always lead you to leaving me. I love you too much that I’d chase you to forgive me and talk things over. My heart got tired. I’m so sorry.

Love I never cheated, I admit to be searching for someone on social media whom I told you that was creepy and mysterious but you won’t believe me. I understand that you were hurt, felt betrayed and cheated and I am so sorry for that. You left me with the thought that I must not chase you anymore for I have always been so dumb and stupid for you to handle. Please don’t think of it that me not chasing you back means that I already have someone else. My heart got tired. I’m so sorry and right now, I feel so down and I hate going out exposing how my heart is torned into pieces because love, I never cheated on you. Yes I lied but that is because I don’t want more arguments and it was just nothing to me. I made a mistake but that doesn’t mean that I am a bad person.

Silently, I prayed for some good news. The global pandemic took my job away.

Dear God, Please give me strength to understand him better, I know this relationship isn’t fair when he immediately gets mad without me doing anything. but please give me strength to hide what I felt

3:00 am

6:30 am, April 30, 2020

I woke up at almost 3:00am and I just cried, I tried to figure out why I was sad. I could not blame PMS for it, I never said anything annoying to my boyfriend, I didn’t hurt anyone, me and my parents were okay. I tried to look for reasons. It just felt so real where my heart was crashed and it felt so heavy and I never wanted to see anything so turned off the lights and tried to fall asleep again. I thought or maybe I felt that I overshare too much on facebook and twitter and I maybe too annoying for everyone. The thing is, I could use maybe a psychiatrist right now because it felt like my mental and emotional health is weak.

I remember way back when I was just focusing on my studies, I miss that old self. I miss how life seemed to be very easy where I just needed to start the day and I know I have classes, that was my focus and my goal was to graduate. Of course, as a young adult we experience courtship and try to evaluate yourself if you are ready because wasting time is painful and just merely a waste.

Right now, it just felt so different. My heart bleeds for the things that I’ve done and the things that I say. What I only want in life is to be genuinely happy. I have dreams, I wanted to have a stabled job and save up for my future. Everybody wants that. I find happiness to little things like BTS whose way out of my league and I can’t help but to love them because it took only one Kim Seokjin to tell me that beyond anything else, I should love myself and put myself first because I’m precious and beautifully made just the way I am (I’m literally crying right now) and those 7 boys taught me that it is okay to struggle, overcome your fears and love yourself and their song “Magic Shop” will always have a space my heart and it goes like this,“I do believe your galaxy, I want to hear your melody, How will the stars of your milky way embroider your sky. After my despair, I don’t forget that I found you. You're my last reason to stand on the edge of a cliff live. The day I hate being me, the day I want to disappear. Let's make a door, everything in your heart. If you open the door and enter, this place will wait. It's okay to believe it, a magic shop that will comfort you. Sipping a cup of hot tea, looking up at the milky way. You'll be fine oh this is a magic shop. So show me (I'll show you), So show me (I'll show you)” but what hurts me most is that people will never understand their impact to my life. I’m not idolizing them because they're just good looking but because they have the ability to say that everything will be fine, just be yourself, do what makes you happy and never be afraid to dream big.

It’s 7:21am and I guess I’m okay to start the day now and I hope no one else gets to feel this way every 3:00 am. Have a nice day!

#goodday #nevergiveup #don’tlosehope #ARMY #BTS

Travel while you’re young!