Growing Disciple

A blog around my mental health journey.  Some of my thoughts and feelings along the way, some things that resonate with me, some things that help.  The goal is to get from surviving to active ministry (maybe ordained, maybe not, we're all ministers).  Come stumble through the days with me.

[serenityquest]

[cowboy]

I think a big problem with people that have a problem with the concept of cultural appropriation (i.e. everyone who's like "oh nowadays you cant appreciate any culture because everyone's scared of appropriation!!") Is that they fail to realize that most people of every culture do want to share what they have when they meet others from different cultures. The way my parents gushed about Mexican cuisine or holidays when I have my black American, Somali, or white American friends over was really noticeable; I personally love to share new ways to cook, Mexican clothing, and dia de los muertos with my friends, to a degree. The thing is, I am someone with direct access to this culture who is able to give an accurate view on the culture, making it authentic and joyful on both ends. The issue occurs when some (often but not always white) people see something they like or are interested in from a different culture, they completely ignore the part where you find someone from that culture or do research on what the concept means, and simply use it as an aesthetic, spiritual, etc. piece without actually understanding any meaning behind it. It changes from cultural sharing to cultural "taking", better known as cultural appropriation. Not only that, but in the case for marginalized groups, it goes from cultural appropriation to a straight slap in the face, as white people who vote to deport your people or keep your city racially segregated then want to use your culture's holiday aesthetics and hairstyles. It completely bastardizes the cultural meaning and also very often simply capitalizes on that power structure, both socially and economically.

[ms-demeanor]

Hiii, so I'm an anarchist activist currently dealing with bunch of kids (14-15 y.o.) that made their first spontaneous direct action and got doxxed. We're helping them in many ways but I want to compile an age appropriate doc on how not to fuck oneself over while on action. Do you know any potential resources I could add to the list? Thanks, I love your writing btw

Crash Override has an excellent so-you’ve-been-doxxed guide: http://www.crashoverridenetwork.com/soyouvebeendoxed.html

And they also have an automated helper to check your security: http://www.crashoverridenetwork.com/coach.html

And @queeranarchism​ has written about this a bit; here’s a post of theirs that talks about not getting fucked by phone tracking that I’ve added a comment to: https://compusever.tumblr.com/post/187149826472/ms-demeanor-dbeatbat-sorcierarchy

[afeelgoodblog]

One for the lads

[catcrumb]

[ms-demeanor]

I understand if you can't or won't answer this, but... I recently realized that one of my friends had repeatedly sexually assaulted me. At the time I always just saw it as them "being really pushy sometimes" and "sometimes really inconsiderate" and blamed myself a lot for what happened... I don't know what I should do now. How to move on. Do you have any advice?

You know, I think it’s actually pretty common not to realize that you’ve been raped or assaulted by someone you care about until after the fact. I think our brains go “no, this person is our friend/partner/safe person, they wouldn’t do that!” and our brains can get that pretty wrong.

Like. It took me a week to realize that my ex had raped me and for me to dump his ass even though it was a very clearly nonconsensual situation. Because he was my boyfriend. And he was a sweetheart. And I loved him and we’d been friends since the seventh grade. He wouldn’t do that!

But he did.

SO FIRST OF ALL what I think you should do is not be around this person anymore and I think you should tell maybe one or two friends who you trust a lot what happened and ask them for some emotional support if you’re having a hard time.

SECOND OF ALL don’t buy trauma - if you are traumatized by what happened then you are valid, that’s an extremely reasonable response to what happened, this is a significant betrayal of trust and a shitty manipulation. But if you’re sitting there going “heeyyyyyyyyy waitaminute, that was assault! What a fucking asshole!” and you’re pissed or indifferent or whatever that is ALSO fine and valid. Like. There’s no script for getting over assault - nobody says you need to sit and stare mournfully at a window and let the rain project tears on your face for six months. How you move on depends on how you feel and there’s no one right way to feel.

THIRD OF ALL be really nice to yourself. You say that you’ve been blaming yourself and that sucks, that’s not nice to you, you didn’t do anything wrong. Try to get yourself to learn that. Try to be kind to yourself and to understand that you are not at fault for this. You didn’t ask for this, you didn’t invite this. This was someone else being a shit human being and that’s not on you.

FOURTH OF ALL I’m not sure where you’re at but in the US RAINN is a really decent resource for rape and assault survivors and their chat/support lines can be really helpful if you’re having a hard time processing what happened.

FIFTH OF ALL do things that you like, do things that make you happy. When I’ve been sexually assaulted (jesus fuck is that a depressing thing to type) I like to aggressively assert my autonomy and I generally like to do that by learning a new skill, getting stronger, or making comics. You’ve been betrayed by someone you trusted, you’ve had your choices taken away from you: now is a great time to reaffirm your trust in yourself and to make lots of loud choices just because you can.

But for real, the way you move on is by getting up every day and being you.

Being assaulted is a thing that happened to you. It doesn’t define you, it doesn’t have to shake your world to pieces, you don’t have to collapse into a puddle of misery on the ground because it has fundamentally ruined or broken you or something like that.

YOU’RE STILL YOU, you’re not what happened to you.

Let yourself know who you are by doing things that you care about, that are important to you.

Like. Part of what sucks so much about sexual assault is that someone tried to turn you into an object for them to use. That doesn’t make you an object, that makes them a supremely shitty person.

But sometimes you still feel a little bit like a thing afterwards and that’s a crappy way to feel.

You are not a thing. You are a person who does awesome shit. So go do awesome shit.

(also seriously I am in no way a counselor or medical adviser or a trauma expert; if you are in crisis please consider calling RAINN’s hotline or using their chat service and they may be able to help you find resources in your area if you need a therapist or a support group)

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

There’s nothing wrong with being sex repulsed.

[refuseandgrow]

Finally went back to in-person church today, only to find that it doesn’t feel like home anymore.

[gahdamnpunk]

It’s also based on a true story! But of course Netflix isn’t promoting it at all 😒😒 Please watch it so we can get another season!

[whitepeopletwitter]

[refuseandgrow]

Nationalism is idolatry.

[refuseandgrow]

This is your irregular reminder to boycott Nestle.  They’ve done so many horrible things, there is no excuse to give them any of our money or support.

[ms-demeanor]

Justice RBG's death has just been announced, what happens now? I'm terrified of what's going to happen if the GOP manage to replace her; I don't know if they even CAN, if there's enough time, or if that could somehow be prevented until after the inauguration. I don't know what's going to happen next but I'm afraid of what this will mean.

Not to be an anarchist on main but the answer is always:

Connect with your local communities to share resources and make sure everyone is safe.

learn new skills whenever you can, especially survival, communication, and first aid skills. Look for CERT trainings as a good source of free classes and hands-on education.

join and support unions whenever possible.

look to the activists of the past for guidance: if the ACA is overturned start staging die-ins (and if you’re a medical professional then now is the time to work with your colleagues to figure out how you’re going to provide care to people who are going to lose their medical coverage)

work local; the supreme court isn’t something that you can control, but maybe you can have an impact on your city’s zoning policies or on whether or not unused land becomes a community food garden.

do jail support, film cops, and listen to cop communications so that you can report on their movements to the people they threaten.

feed the hungry.

hack the planet.

If not you then who? If you see a need, fill it.

Take care of yourself and take care of each other.

Shit is fucked up, the government is fucked up, the world is fucked up. It probably won’t always be that way, but right now all that you can do is make the part of the world that you’re in contact with a little better, so do that.

[serenityquest]

If you are struggling, always remember that eventually you'll end up where you need to be.

[refuseandgrow]

If things don’t go your way, do not forget that God hears you; you just need to be patient.

[piratebetty-deactivated20200804]

gay and bisexual religious people are so strong. it can feel so confusing and conflicting and both sides will just tell you to get rid of part of yourself and so few people respect you as a whole and recognize that your spirituality and sexuality are both parts of who you are and you deserve full respect and acceptance as you are without having to compromise. being gay, lesbian, or gay and being christian, muslim, jewish, hindu, or whatever religion you belong to is a wonderful part of who you are and no one can take that away from you. you are just as much a part of the lgbt community AND your spiritual community as anyone else. you are loved and you are important.

[skygenders]

yall gotta stop saying religion when you mean Christianity 

[sorayachemaly]

Even little kids have a wage gap

Boys, on average, spend two fewer hours doing household chores per week than girls do (they play two hours more).

If they live in households where children are compensated for doing chores, boys make and save more money.  

A 2009 study conducted by University of Michigan economists found a two-hour gender disparity in responsibilities per week in a study of 3,000 kids.

75 percent of girls had chores, while just 65 percent of boys do

This disparity in chores and free time continues into adulthood all over the world.   According to the Organisation of Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD), men “report spending more time in activities counted as leisure than women. Gender differences in leisure time are wide across OECD countries.”

Year after year, studies repeatedly confirm these patterns.

The problems women face with unequal pay and housework duties actually start in childhood.

The fact that boys’ chores appear to be more profitable makes the childhood chore gap even more disturbing. Turns out, parents tend to value the work that boys do more. 

Gender stereotypes dictate these patterns. 

men who grow up with sisters do less housework than their spouses and are also significantly more socially conservative.

[lizardtitties]

Just had to bold that bottom point there because of the amount of misogynists who claim that because they have women in their family, they can’t POSSIBLY be sexist ever. 

[nocakeno]

oh my fucking god

[serenityquest]