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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@reheatedarchive
One of the most annoying parts about my old account being hacked is losing access to the original posts I'd made on @heatedarchive, so if any of you happen to have screenshots or rebloggable copies of them I'd really appreciate a copy!
Posts included the one about the Centaurs "guess the real couple" video, the one about Shane being a menace about his sex life when he's no longer closeted, and the "ways centaurs + respond to hearing hollanov having sex" list
Can you imagine the cuteness aggression that Ilya would get when he finally sees a real loon and it has its fluffy little babies with it?
And we know he ends up getting a loon tattoo. What if when they have their first kid, he gets a fluffy little baby added to its back? 😭
like in general i am very against the idea of rr = bad tierney = good. they are one brain. they are two halves of one brain and they made something so insane together. they are bonded for life unfortunately. so i do feel like if you critique one you kind of have to critique the other. rr had the delusion. and tierney had the canadian tv nepo connections to make it so he can read a mm romance book on the beach and be like. yo. i need a modest TV budget the canadian government on my phone and the two of the hottest twunks in human history in front of my camera STAT.
The Long Game version here!!!
I cannot wait for season 2. This art is stunning, hot, sexy, strong and everything in between.
Shane signs autographs as S. Hollander. He signs legal documents as Shane R. Hollander. The Centaurs get to watch him sign contracts on his first official day with the team and realize that nobody knew he had a middle name. Guessing what it is becomes the team’s favorite pastime.
Chaos, of course, ensues.
“Really Good At Hockey,” Wyatt theorizes jokingly. “Because Mama and Papa Hollander knew the power they created.”
“I’m going with Ridiculously Talented,” Luca pipes up. “Because he’s good at pretty much everything.”
“Down, fanboy,” Bood teases, grinning when the rookie squawks indignantly. “I’d put money on Robin. Shane seems like a Robin.”
Shane crosses his arms and sighs—amused, but just a little frustrated.
“Guys,” he grouses over the arguing. “I can just tell you. It’s R—“
“NO!”
Shane goes wide-eyed and holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Okay then. Guessing’s more fun, got it. But you only have until Ilya comes back.”
Ilya chooses that moment to return to the locker room, dressed for a pre-planned date night and holding a bouquet of flowers almost as big as he is.
“Shane, our reservation is in 45 minutes,” he sing-songs behind a sea of red and white roses. “And we will need at least 10 minutes to strap your flowers into the back seat. If a single one is ruined before we take pictures tonight, I will light things on fire. Sexily, but still.”
The team’s arguing over Shane’s middle name briefly turns into oooh’s and awww’s. Shane absolutely does not go all gooey-eyed at the flowers. Ilya absolutely does not blush in response.
“Nope,” Troy calls out over the rest of the guys. “Nobody leaves until we figure this shit out.”
Wyatt nods along. “Matters of great importance, Cap. You understand.”
Ilya’s expression goes from lovesick to thunderous in milliseconds.
“I planned this date for weeks,” he hisses. “Weeks, you fucking—“
“Cap,” Luca interjects, tone serious. “We need to figure out Shane’s middle name.”
Ilya takes a beat and then, much to Shane’s chagrin, takes a seat on the bench next to him.
“You put me in a difficult position, boys, but I can give you 5 minutes. Work quickly.”
Shane rolls his eyes and silently accepts the flowers as his husband passes them (more like heaves them; Jesus, this is a shitload of flowers) his way.
“Can I at least give a hint? Otherwise, we’ll be here forever.”
“NO!”
Dykstra throws out Robert. LaPointe thinks it’s Randall. Harris, who promised he wouldn’t get involved, picks Rick.
Ilya chuckles as Shane rolls his eyes again. In the middle of his eye-roll, though, he notices that Ilya’s got 4 fingers up. Then 3. Then 2. And just as he counts down to 1, Ilya winks, grabs Shane’s hand, and shouts over the debate.
“It’s Ren! It’s Japanese for ‘love’!”
The couple cackle uncontrollably as they make a run for it, pointedly ignoring the socks, balled up papers, and boo’s thrown their way.
“Oh my god,” Bood groans. “His name literally means ‘love’ and he’s playing on the same team as his husband. He spends his workdays with Cap making heart eyes at him. This is the greed they talk about in the Bible!”
Hollanov 💔
It was ordered as commission, but the customer deceived me, didn’t pay me for the second half and muted me, so PLEASE feel free to use this commission as you want, make prints, post it online (with credit), anything!
— Shane, does this book make me look smart enough?
— Well, it’s doing its best, Ilya.
shane sitting on ilya's face. shane's thick thighs working as he grinds himself down on ilya's tongue. shane just loud as fuuuuck moaning and swearing as he chases his orgasm. ilya moaning into shane's ass as shane takes what he needs from him. ilya flipping them over and coming on shane's ass after.
Ilya and Shane, but it’s just them seeing each other as a version of their husband no one else understands them seeing.
To Ilya, Shane is the funniest, sexiest, bitchiest and downright FREAKIEST person he knows. He tells everyone he knows this, yet for some reason no one seems to believe him. His husband is such an asshole, and Ilya loves him for it.
While to Shane, Ilya is his soft and most precious baby. A heart of gold and with feelings so wide and deep he is breathless at just how much he CARES. Sunshine itself. Shane laughs at how people describe his ‘scary, no-smiling Slavic nightmare of a husband.’ See Ilya! He DOES get sarcasm (he does not.)
the thing is that Shane LOVES when Ilya is an asshole and he is right there with him. he's joyfully participating. he's setting him up for jokes so he can enjoy the punchline when Ilya delivers. they're gonna be cuddling on the sofa watching a game and tearing every single player to strips while giggling and jerking each other off. asshole4asshole relationship 💖
rose: hey honey. we had bad sex. are you gay?
blessed with the divine vision that bb shane was a fucking STICKLER for equal application of rules when he was an itty bitty. he'll accept the rules just fine, but they will now be HOUSEHOLD rules.
and most of the time it's fine. shane's bedtime is 7:30 pm because he is so itty bitty, but yuna and david have always just gone to their room after that so bb just assumed they were also following The Time To Sleep rules.
which is all well and good until nana is visiting while staying with her sister, it's 7:40 pm, and she is just cooing and delighted at bb shane just repeating "night NIGHT" over and over from the doorway to the living room because she is not understanding that this is not him being cute and saying goodnight.
this is attempted enforcement of the rules because nana, it is time for NIGHT NIGHT and you are clearly NOT ready for night night, and to TOP IT ALL OFF!! YOU ARE KEEPING MAMA AND DADDY FROM NIGHT NIGHT. RULES!! BROKEN!! RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS LITTLE BABY FACE. >:(
and he’s wearing Snoopy footie pajamas….babyyyyyy
(Ilya voice. Pausing mid thrust) Hollander if I go any harder I will break a hip. You would not like me if I break a hip. Yes, OBVIOUSLY, bc I wouldn’t be able to fuck you anymore
the intern is doing a funny montage video with a bunch of questions for the centaurs and they ask shane “what do you consider to be a perfect day?” and shane answers “any day i spend with ilya is a perfect day” and the intern’s like “but you spend every day with him” and shane just deadpans “yeah? it’s been perfect since i married him” and they ask “even when you guys lose?” and shane goes “if i lose, i still go home to ilya”. and then they ask the same question to ilya and he answers “a perfect day is when i spend every single hour with shane” and the intern says “shane answered the same way” and ilya’s like “really?” and the intern tells him “he said that every day has been perfect since you guys got married” and ilya gets a little emotional and asks softly “he said that?” and the intern nods and ilya just gets up and leaves to go find his husband because he needs to give him a big sloppy kiss immediately.
really beautiful bit dashboard confluence right there
just checking if he lost a tooth in the scrum, that’s all
Those poor people who work with David. For years they have had to hear about the Canadian treasure that is Shane Hollander. “Yes I’m taking two weeks off in June. My son is in the Stanley cup finals”
“Yes, that is my son on that billboard, he’s got a new sponsorship”
“Yes, my son has started a new charity and is running hockey camps”
I know at least one of them was hoping they get a terrible in-law, but no it’s Ilya Rozanov. So now its
“Yes, my son and his husband were over for dinner, they wanted to talk to my wife about expanding their charity. You know the one they founded together”
“Yes, I’m taking two weeks off in June. My son and his husband are in the Stanley cup finals. Yes, again.”
“Yes, we’re so happy that NHL players are going back to the Olympics. We’re hoping both of our boys get to go.”
I think David pushes off retirement just so he can keep bragging.
