Tired Survivor

Survivor of child sex trafficking, child soldier operations, trans woman, incest survivor, always willing to help survivors in need, questions accepted and very much wanted (I love to yap), DM's open. TERFs and general shitheads DNI

[retiredchildsoldier]

[retiredchildsoldier]

When I was a kid it took me a long ass time to come forward about my suicidal levels of depression, and frankly I wasn't even fully honest with my abusers (adoptive parents) and only told them I was depressed but not suicidal. Frankly an obvious lie to anyone who actually knew me.

Cw mentions of rape below

And you might ask, RCS, why did it take you all of eternity (3 years) to open up about being depressed?

Because how am I ment to assume they'd take it seriously? These are the same people who didn't care if I cried while they were raping me, so obviously they'd never give a shit if I was depressed.

Turns out I was wrong, suddenly they cared for some unknown reason. Not like, a human amount of caring, but they got me in to see a psych and therapist, both of whom I assume were the lowest in price because they both sucked ass.

Though to be fair, I've never had a therapist that I would call exceptionally helpful.

Nobody who gets payed for mental health expertise has ever made a major difference in my wellbeing. Therapists have been useless, psychiatrists can't find success unless I supplement their sub-standard work with herbal medicine.

My cult deprogrammer has easily been the most helpful person in my progress so far, she's a fucking G.

My owner has been helpful as well as a key element of my support system. They're amazing.

Before you ask, the owner isn't a kink situation it's a "helps me not kill myself when my brain goes "who do we belong to?" And tried to kill me if I don't have a response" situation.

[agvantibo]

Transfemmes are so reluctant to touch grass they've had to invent grass that touches them instead. And also carries them to the doctor. And also tops them because why fucking not.

[furiousgoldfish]

me being tortured as a child: ah if only something actually bad was happening to me, so I'd have a reason to feel this bad and ask for help :/ I'm being so dramatic I'm sure my experience is normal.

[exgaytherapysurvivor]

Why is this universal 😰 I tell other people now as an adult and they act horrified.

[retiredchildsoldier]

So guys I got high on weed for the first time as an adult yesterday at 8pm, I took one hit off a bong, 9am today and I am still fucking high.

I become a fucking space cadet after one hit, and I'm still high the next fucking morning.

When glitcyrobo said she wrote class-A's based on her experience with weed, I fucking get it now.

Touch was amazing, as was everything else, such as turning to the left and thinking I was in a whole different universe for a sec. I have not been that high ever in my adult life.

As a kid, I've been much higher for training purposes, tbh idk how sober I ever was as a child, but you get the idea it was intense over 12 hours ago.

Still feels a little funky now, I'm def not ok to drive and frankly I don't even think going outside is an amazing idea. Might just watch my little pony half the day idk.

Oh yeah since my friends appartment has the same floor plan as mine, I kept thinking I was in my appartment when I was at his, and kept thinking I was at his after I WALKED home.

Craziest part, this was the legal weed you get at the dispensary. I got that high of the stuff.

Also I'm 280 pounds, I'm not a small woman by any stretch of the imagination. His weed was some sunburst sativa 70% THC thing, gotta text him and find out.

Idk if my experience is normal but that was intense.

[hagiomoto]

Are toddlers bourgeois? The evidence is inconclusive, but they appear to be liberals. They rarely maintain a consistent position for more than a few minutes, and their contribution to improving our collective situation has been negligible. Despite this, they continue to exert considerable influence over household policy.

Given these facts, I see little reason to regard them as serious political actors. A single, centrally administered re-education centre would simplify matters and reduce administrative overhead.

[retiredchildsoldier]

Toddlers do not own the means of production or have power over the proletariat, and are therefore not bourgeoisie.

[retiredchildsoldier]

They named her Lute because it's supposed to be short for Lieutenant because the person who named her that (in the show) is depicted as not very creative.

I'm annoyed that I know what this is about, and suprised it took this long to come up.

[florishingfloret]

HDG haters be like: "idk how can you read this when it has evil monsters who kidnap drug and brainwash you?"

Bc that's the point!!!! I want the big evil monster lady to kidnap me!!!

It gives the same energy as: "how can you be into pain play? Doesn't it hurt?"

Yes you freaking idiot!!! Of course it hurts!! I like it!! That's the point!!!

[yagirlsophie316]

The terranist propaganda leaving my the body the moment an Affini gives me cuddles.

[modern-politics111]

“But my senator is a Republican”

Gamergate was like 200 people. And now look where we are. “A lot of emails” on a topic to congressional staffers is like, 20. Are politicians spineless idiots? Yes. Use that to your advantage! Is this the only thing you can be doing? No! But it can be the first.

The internet has completely short circuited our sense of scale. The number of people required to move almost any needle is remarkably low. Your involvement in local causes, political pressure WILL have an impact.

Ok, get out there.

Here’s Why You Should Call, Not Email, Your Legislators (Published 2016)

Activists and lawmakers say a phone call can have more weight and be harder to ignore than an email or social media post.

[theprofessional-amateur]

Need some help/inspiration calling your republican reps? Check out Red State Scripts

Introducing Red State Scripts, Vol. 1

The fascists will fash, but I can’t let them believe they’re doing it with my implied consent.

[lyricwritesprose]

Also, while calling may have more of an effect than emailing, email doesn't have zero effect, so if that's all you can do, do that. Every bit helps.

[tehjleck]

Call your Reps and Senators and make NOISE... it's good trouble. Call 202-224-3121 and let them know what you think about all the pain they're causing with their carelessness. Make sure to remind them that they work for us.

[fluffyplushiesworld]

Happy Pride Month Tumblr ✨

[retiredchildsoldier]

:( after that ask i accidentally remembered that my trauma was in fact organised in some way. But thank you for your response!!

Happy to help! May your healing journey be easier than mine

[retiredchildsoldier]

I used to be so depressed that I didn't believe happiness existed

[retiredchildsoldier]

Hey do you know any tags that are like oea but the abuse was not organised?

RAMCOA

Ritual abuse

Mind control

Organized abuse

You only need one to be a survivor of ramcoa I'm a survivor of mind control and organized abuse, possibly ritual abuse but I don't think I understand ritual abuse well enough to say for sure.

[only-cat-memes]

[hc-did-culture-is]

Soldier programmed culture is throwing urself into the ground at the sound of a shotgun muffler because you suddenly think youre in active combat and taking the rest of the fucking day to calm down from the stress

.

[retiredchildsoldier]

Casually remembering this one fight that happened between us and our adoptive mother, I don't know what the fight was about but our adoptive mother screamed the following in our face

"And if you can't follow your heart, then follow your logic, he is your brother!"

No idea what that fight was even about, but from there on out I thought of myself as heartless but logical, and it shaped a lot of my teen years.

I wasn't heartless, of course, I was a heavily abused and neglected autistic child with PTSD and no love for her abusers. Of course they felt like I didn't love them, because I did not.

It's weird to spend so much of your life thinking you're the monster your abusers pretended you were. I thought I was a diagnosable sociopath, turns out I was just abused and autistic.

And somewhere deep down I think I always knew I could feel, I was just so depressed that I usually felt nothing but that depression. And since that depression was so normal it became my baseline, so I figured I didn't feel anything at all.

So yeah, not a Sociopath. Trained killer, absolutely. But not some dangerous person who feels nothing or whatever they thought I was. I'm really a very kind and loving woman, but they decided that I wasn't, I was only seen as the symptoms of the abuse rather than a person.

Truth is, I've always been a person, and that was their least favorite thing about me.