Rhi @rhionna - Tumblr Blog

credits: dead white square on vk

THIS was the image that haunted me as it just screams hellcheer! a major thank you to @endlessdreamerxoxo for finding the original for me 💕

movementnudge

Movement nudge, walkies!

🔊 🔊 🔊 X

homoidiotic

Us again <3

theinternetarchive

from the 'born this way,' cd packaging; lady gaga, 2011.

I used to wonder, why did my mom stop doing art? When I was a kid, my mom was young too. She had me at 18. We kind of grew up together, in a way? She used to do ceramics. She used to paint with oils. She would create things that were strange and beautiful and now there is no evidence of it. Rarely, will she paint a deer skull for a friend. Infrequently does art find her heart. She's in her 60s, I'm in my 40s. And I finally feel it.

Maybe its the citalopram. Maybe its the heart attack I had. But I struggle to create with my hands. There is evidence that I used to create, loads of it. My partner saved it when I wanted to destroy it. I still have these days where I feel like I might create? But then I look and see the world around me with so much more creative luster than I could ever hope to glean.

My art is faded, it is the lack of laughter I can't seem to generate. It is my depression, it is this dark shadow that presents itself as diabetic macular degeneration in my eyes. It's the tremor in my hands that came with my heart attack. It's the neuropathy that causes me to faint when I walk now, this squeezing at the back of my mind that chokes the colors away.

I hate everything I make now. So I just don't... I think, "No one will like this" - when did my art become about likes? About popular views or opinions?

It used to be whatever strangeness came out of mind mind.

It was custom shoes I used to paint.

Tattoos..

And now I don't even know what my style IS. I don't know what I can offer anymore. I always thought I'd do something more with my creativity. But at every turn, every artist is told to give up. After enough turns, I lost myself to it. To life, and bills, and the requirements of my ongoing health struggles. I had dreams of being married, having a house with a white fence and doing art.

It is what it is.

I'm not sure what the point of this post is. I usually just shitpost and reblog dumb Stranger Things memes or whatever. I guess today I saw an artist who I really enjoy and hoped to god they didn't end up like me. All of these images are memories of someone I used to be.

#art block #art depression #just some thoughts #art emo #struggling artist #art struggles #tattoos #traditional art

lengthofropes

ST 04.09 || ST 05.06

rhionna

Just casually sobbing again ndb

marril96

sylvadine

Tattoo Sketch - The Little Mermaid

I plan on tattooing this on myself. I drew it today on a whim hoping to capture my favorite Disney Princess for a leg piece I am going to start very soon. I am pleased with the doodle itself and am looking forward to claiming it forever :)

rhionna

I was recently discussion this with someone - I had designed this tattoo for myself, about 15 years ago. I put it in my thigh and tattooed it, only to find out that someone on tumblr not only took my art, but had their tattoo artist put it on their body.

I still think about it. Feels bad man.