I'm back!~ *Plot twist: nobody ever realized she was gone in the first place*
Anyway, this is my first drawing in months... I was finally able to draw something and of course it's Katsuki Bakugou. I've put some thoughts into words that I'd like to share with y'all, feel free to read or not, as you wish. The thing is, I'm ready to be back. I hope everyone is doing well! I've missed you! <3
Around a year ago I was reaching my limit. Everything felt out of control, even when I was working really hard to break through. I wasn't able to understand why, maybe something was utterly wrong with me. I wasn't being able to finish my course of studies, I wasn't being able to manage my own home, I couldn't find a job, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't take care of my dog. Every little thing was a mess and I was stressing out. It has felt like that my whole life really, but it was at that moment that I truly feared losing it all. And by that I mean losing my mind. It was like a desease, a rotten curse spreading over every little thing I tried to accomplish, every project I put my mind on and every dream I dared to have. Drawing was no exception. Even when everything was good and smooth it felt like it could be corrupted at any minute. So I put it on hold while trying to figure out what to do… I ended up taking a long hiatus unexpectedly.
I sought help. I talked with my family, my friends, my partner. Thankfully they all got my back (and still do): "your well being should be top priority", "take as long as you need" were some of the things I desperately needed to hear. I began the difficult road to achieve mental health. I swear I was so tired of feeling bad, that's not how we're supposed to feel every single second of our lives! And so I went to different psycologists (many turned their back to me, but i kept looking for the right one), to a neurologist (who studied the possibility of brain cancer, which terrified me) and finally, I ended up in the hands of a psychiatrist specialised in neurocognition. Well yeah, turns out my ADHD went undiagnosed for almost 30 years. Suddenly everything clicked and I was so mad… I've fighting with this ghost my whole life! How many things were ruined by this? How many years I lost? But overthinking wasn't doing any good, so I make amends with the universe and kept going. For the first time in my life I feel hopeful and ready to make some choices.
I choose to come back here, to my socials and to my drawings. To try again connecting with people who share my interests. Now that I'm positive it will be less likely I ruin it all with my fussy brain. And I hope one day to become an artist I'm comfortable being. I hope for the best, I guess. If you read till here, thank you for bearing with me… And let's have some fun!
P.S: it took me a whole year to figure this out, and I know that it was fast. Imagine being desperate, thinking you're losing it everyday for a year. I've been so lucky to have a support system. I know there're so many less lucky than I. To those who need help: don't give up, you're important and your health matters. To those sharing spaces with neurodivergents: be kind.
