Now that the finale is out I can finally share some thoughts.
I didn't hate the finale, but I didn't love it either. I feel like I wanted Caine back so so much that somewhere a monkeys paw curled and my wish was granted but at what cost.
It's hard to explain how I feel SO happy that Caine is back and gets to be one of the gang now, but simultaneously feeling like it was so unearned and like it resolved none of the conflict and trauma both inflicted by him but also TO him. I guess I wanted them to realize that they needed him a little bit, he was providing something for their lives just by being in it, or at the very least to feel bad that they killed him. They didn't seem to really care, nor did they explain to him that they didn't hate him so much they tried to kill him.
It's like all of the things that made me connect to Caine in the first place were kind of removed. I guess I wish I could study instagram and rip my neurodivergence out of my head and suddenly be capable of understanding the people around me? Is that all it takes to be a functional person?
Also didn't love the show narratively saying that the autistic coded character was in fact wrong about everything the entire time. He is the only one that had to work to understand everyone else and apologize for his own shortcomings. They don't owe him any mutual understanding or accommodation. Just rip out that pesky autism out and start acting normal!
And of course that is not to say that his actions in episode 8 were justified, it's just that he was pushed to that by years of desperately trying to understand and connect with people, only to be rejected at every turn, so it's understandable how he got there. He hurt them but also they hurt him, through mutual inability to understand each other.
And I struggle to understand why a character like Jax will be repeatedly reached out to to try and help and include in the group, but they won't do the same for Caine. Caine has a break down and is an irredeemable monster. I understand the way he ran the circus was frustrating to the humans as well, but ultimately he really meant well and just wanted to make them happy. Meanwhile Jax pushes two people essentially to death and both mentally and physically abuses the people around her for years, and yet they will all always come back to Jax. Like Jax tortures people too! Regularly! So why does Jax get support and attempt at understanding but not Caine?
On a very personal level, I just deeply deeply connected with Caine and at least what I perceived as a very accurate depiction of my own struggles in connecting with people, the want to be seen and appreciated, the linking of creativity to self worth, the slowly being pushed to your breaking point by trying and trying and trying and seemingly never getting it right.
To me the ending said the only way you will you form real human connection and be welcomed into the in group is to fix your fundamentally defective self. Remove the broken part and prove that you are useful in some capacity.
I still love the show a lot and will miss it terribly and I'm glad I got to see the finale when I did, just wanted to share my thoughts on it a bit.
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