Every single one of your 74 and 86 end sadly and I am not here for it!!! I want a part four please, with some type of happy ending, please, please, please!! I’ll name my first born after you💕 (also I loveeee this story)
When Richie had agreed to come celebrate Eddie’s birthday it was out of guilt.
The group hadn’t been the same since his and Eddie’s fallout, lines now being drawn between the seven of them. Richie rarely ever spent time with Beverly now, her Ben always walking Eddie to and from school leaving no room for the trashmouth to sneak in quality time with his used-to-be closed friend. So instead he stayed close to Stan who stayed close to Mike who stayed close to Bill. Richie was the definition of a fourth wheel and even though the three of them did their best to keep their relationship from interfering with the time they spent with Richie-there was no way around the fact that when they were together Richie was the odd man out.
So it was easier to be alone, which he preferred more and more now a days. When Beverly had shown up one night explaining that Eddie’s birthday was coming up-which Richie already knew-and that he was expected to attend their traditional party he had first opted to bow out. That hadn’t gone over well and Beverly used every guilt trip in the book to get him to agree to attend-and to behave as well.
The gift decision however, was done out of utter desperation.
Richie had bought the damn thing on a whim, watching Eddie fawn over the music box caused him to spend every cent he had collected mowing lawns just to get it out of that antique store. It taunted him after the fallout, sitting on his nightstand and staring at him each and every time he tried to forget the guilt he carried. It was a reminder that he had broken Eddie, that he had rejected him in the worst way possible and that in life there was no going back.
Stan had suggested that he talk to Eddie but every time Richie tried it was like his voice was stolen, his throat clenching and heart stopping. It was almost impossible to catch Eddie alone-between Beverly, Ben and that fucking Rick guy-and when he did Eddie would turn away and leave. Richie decided to deserve this but knew that if he was going to make it through the party with his sanity intact he would have to give talking one last, honest try.
Que the Eddie’s birthday, the music box and that horribly awkward interaction. Eddie hadn’t even reacted to him, staring blankly as Richie tried to get him to accept the wrapped present. When he finally gave up and shoved it onto Eddie’s desk-retreating to the safety of his seat right after-Eddie ran out of class.
Now here he was sitting in the hay inside of Mike’s barn listening to the other Losers badger Ben about where Eddie was. At first they had just figured that he had gone to spend some time with Rick-that assumption left a slimy lining in Richie’s stomach-but as time crawled on things got more and more out of hand.
“Okay but where is he! It’s his party for God’s sake.” Bill said, pulling down some minor decorations that had been left from Stan’s birthday-four months ago. “Eddie wouldn’t just ditch us for Rick would he?”
“No, he wouldn’t.” Mike assured, soothing his boyfriend with a gentle hand on his back. “I went to talk to him after third period but he wasn’t there. Betty Ripson told me that he had ran out of class, I guess he never came back.”
“You share first period with him Richie, what in the hell happened?”
Stan’s question caught him off guard and the balloon he had been busying himself with slipped, letting out a long whine as it shot across the room-exhaling Richie’s breath. “I don’t know, he just left.” He defended, the image of Eddie gathering his things and bolting from class still fresh in his brain. “Ran right out.”
“Did you call home?” Beverly asked Ben, making Richie perk up a bit. “Did your mom say anything?”
“No, mom hasn’t seen him since this morning.” Ben answered with a shrug,
“I’m sorry, hold up.” Richie sputtered out, “Why would your mom know where he was?”
Beverly and Ben looked at one another, sharing a silent conversation before sighing and turning back to a very confused group of friends. “Eddie’s been living with me for the past month or so. Sonia kicked him out.”
Richie was on his feet then, “What the fuck?”
“What happened?” Stan asked, “And why didn’t anyone tell us! Why wouldn’t you of-”
“Eddie didn’t want to bother you guys with it.” Beverly interjected, “He said that it wasn’t a big deal.”
“Uh, it is a very big deal.” Bill shot back.
“We know.” Beverly replied defensively. “That’s what we said but shit has been all fucked up lately and it was obvious you guys picked Richie’s side so-”
“We didn’t pick any side.” Stan shot right back. “The Losers don’t have sides.”
“Bullshit.” She nipped, rolling her eyes and puffing out her cheeks in frustration. “Let’s all just be honest here, okay? Ever since that little fiasco between Eddie and Richie things have been falling apart, and you know what? You guys have been keeping things from us too so don’t act so high and mighty over there Stanley.”
Even Stan’s face went white he still managed to speak, “We haven’t been keeping anything from you.”
“Oh no? So you, Bill and Mike aren’t dating?” The three of them went silent under Beverly’s burning gaze and the tension was pulled taught. Crossing her arms along her chest she finished with a cold, “That’s what I thought.”
“We were going to tell you,” Mike started, frowning, “it’s just-well-it’s just-”
“It’s fine.” Ben said, cooling the flame that Beverly had started. “Like Bev said, things have been messed up lately. We were hoping this party help relieve some of the pressure but obviously it’s just making things worse.” Everyone became silent then and Richie wanted to just scream. All of this was his fault, and it gnawed at his skin like an angry monster leaving nasty gashes along his body.
Just when everything seemed lost a voice called them all back, “What’s going on?”
Six eyes shot to Eddie who stood at the entrance, his face twisted in confusion. It was enough to break the trance, and Beverly was on him in an instant. “Eddie! The birthday boy is here!”
“What took you so long?” Bill poked fun, although his question was a little jaded. “You’re two hours late!”
“Sorry.” Eddie defended, pulling himself out of Beverly’s hug only go be engulfed by Mike. “I went back home for some clothes.”
Ben shook his head, “Wh-but I called mom and she said-”
“No, I went back to get my stuff from my moms.” Eddie said, “Took a while but I won’t have to borrow your clothes anymore.”
“Oh shit.” Beverly gasped, “How did that go.”
“About as well as you would think.” Eddie laughed, it was hollow and cold and Richie saw though it instantly but the others apparently bought it because the party moved forward with that explanation. Drinks were served and the fire was lit and for just a few moments it was like the Losers were back to how they were supposed to be. Friends talked like they hadn’t talked in months, Mike joked and Ben laughed, Beverly argued and Stan rolled his eyes, Eddie even talked to Bill about his mom as if he hadn’t been left alone to die. It was perfect.
Richie watched them, sitting back and letting things unfold. Every now and then he would catch a glimpse of the real Eddie, his face falling and eyes darkening in between conversations. It was like his mask was slipping and the only person who cared enough to notice was the only other person who wore one themselves. Eventually the Losers got drunk on the cheap beer, and things began to get sloppy. The only two that were still of sound mind was Eddie and the trashmouth who had been nursing the same beer the entire night.
With Mike leading Stan towards where Bill already lay inside of the barn Richie decided he couldn’t take it any longer and went to sit beside Eddie. Eddie immediately stiffened, keeping the conversation he was having with Ben going as long as he could before Beverly came to steal him away. Once Ben was gone Eddie stood and Richie caught him by the hand, sending a spark right to his chest. “Eddie wait, please.”
Eddie pulled his hand away and Richie almost whined. “What is it Richie?” He asked in a flat tone.
Swallowing the lump in his throat he replied, “I wanted to talk to you.”
“I-” Eddie started, looking back to where their friends were inside of the barn and shaking his head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“It won’t be but a minute.” Richie whispered, his chest collapsing in on him. “I promise.”
Eddie shook his head and his face fell. “Promises mean nothing to me nowadays.”
“Sorry.” Eddie said quickly, as if realizing his mask had been pulled back without his permission and Richie had seen his beaten and battered face. “No right, wh-what do you want to talk about?”
“You don’t have to do that with me.” Richie said softly, the flames light dancing along Eddie’s tanned skin painting him with it’s warm tones. He was just as beautiful as he had been that night, the night he had laid his heart on the floor so that Richie could stomp on it.
“Pretend.” Richie answered, nearly crumbling under the weight of it all. Eddie must have seen himself in Richie’s gaze because he sat back down into the folding chair, rubbing the bridge of his nose and muttering under his breath. “I wanted to tell you I was sorry.”
“For what?” Eddie asked, eyeing him.
Richie shrugged, “For what happened with your mom, for you feeling like you had to keep the secret from all of us, for breaking your heart, take your pick.”
Eddie scanned his face, obviously looking for some sign of humor or inconsistency but Richie knew there was none and Eddie pursed his lips. “None of those things are your fault.”
“We both know that is bullshit.” Richie said, sucking in his bottom lip to keep the blubbering to a minimum. “Let’s not kid ourselves.”
“Well, even if I tell you it’s okay does that help anything?” When Richie didn’t answer Eddie nodded, “Exactly so why are you apologizing? Can’t we just go back to pretending that we can tolerate being in the same room?”
“I don’t want to pretend anymore.” Richie said honestly, letting out the breath he didn’t know that he had been holding. “I’m tired of trying to be something I’m not.”
Eddie looked like he was about to cry, his nostrils flaring and lip trembling. “That’s fair I guess.” He sniffled and Richie’s heart ached, “I’ll keep away then, I can talk to Ben and Bev and figure out a way that we can keep our hangouts separate so that you don’t have to-”
“No that’s not what I meant.” Richie defended, shaking his head, “Eddie I don’t want to have separate hangouts or whatever. I think you misunderstood-” He noticed that Eddie had started to weep silently beside him, his tears falling onto his collar where they lay untouched. “No Eds, don’t cry-please don’t-”
“I’m sorry.” Eddie choked out, wiping his eyes. “I didn’t mean to-things have just so horrible lately and I just-I’m sorry.”
Richie moved from his chair and knelt in front of his friend, unable to keep away any longer he placed a reassuring hand on top of the smaller boys knees. Eddie didn’t even put up a fight, it seemed that the fire that Richie had admired about him had been put out weeks ago, now it seemed that what was left was a confused and broken boy unable to keep the tears in. “Alright, come on now if you keep crying then I’m gonna start to cry and you know I’m an ugly crier Eds, no one wants to see that.”
With a sniffle Eddie nodded, sitting up straighter in his chair and sucking in the snot that had began to descend from his nose. “God how could I forget, you look weird and pathetic when you cry.”
“Okay ouch,” Richie laughed, “That’s a low blow.”
Eddie laughed, the noise honest and pure as it rang in Richie’s ears. This made the trashmouth smile, his hands still on Eddie’s knees and Richie couldn’t bring himself to back away. It felt so right being this close, this entangled and Richie wished it could be always like this. “Eddie, I need to tell you that I-”
His words stopped as Eddie pushed his hands off of his knees, making him gape up in surprise. As Eddie stood Richie was forced to stand as well, a feeling of fear washing over him. “I should go, I don’t want to cause another fiasco because I can’t control myself.”
“This has been great-well not not really great but uh-yeah.”
Eddie was leaving and Richie felt panic hit him full force. “Hey, no I’m not done talking and-”
“It’s fine Richie we are good.” Eddie lied, the lines on his face slowly forming his mask again. “I’m sorry I blubbered but it is my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to or-whatever the song says.”
“Eddie I lied when I said I wasn’t a faggot.” Richie blurted, his confession lifting the hundred pound weight that had been on his chest. “I-I lied to you.”
“Y-You lied?” Eddie repeated, stopping in his tracks.
Richie nodded, “I’m sorry.”
“You lied and you are sorry.”
“Is there an echo in here?” Richie joked, biting his bottom lip.
He waited patiently for Eddie’s implosion, for the yelling and cursing, for the accusations and slurs but it never came and instead Eddie let out soft and harmonious “Huh.”
“That’s it?” He asked, shocked by the lack of response. The ground should be shaking with fury, the earth opening up to swallow Richie up whole and burn him in hellfire. None of that happened of course because at the end of the day Richie was still Richie. Loud, crass-laughable Richie and that was just that.
“Alright then.” Eddie muttered, turning heel to leave once again.
“What no comeback? No nothing?”
Eddie stopped again, only this time he didn’t turn as he said coldly, “What are you wanting here Richie? Are you wanting me to jump into your arms and praise you for telling the truth? Or maybe grovel at your feet for admitting you are indeed a faggot like myself?”
“No.” Richie felt his stomach drop, “But I expected more? Relief, maybe? Anger definitely.”
“I don’t have anything for you.”
“No.” Eddie cut sharply, “No, you know what just stop with the Eds. I’m so sick and tired of you calling me that like you don’t know it doesn’t fucking hurt.”
“But I-” There was a pause, a small one inside of him as the damn holding the truth broke. “I love you.”
“Is that right?” Eddie asked, his tone almost mocking in cadence. “Richie Tozier has decided that he loves me! Oh, call the presses! I’m the luckiest guy alive.”
“Why are you being like this?” Richie choked out, his self preservation tethering on the edge of agony. He moved so that he could see Eddie, trudging in front of him with a mixture of desperation and devastation. “You’re being mean.”
“Mean?” Eddie repeated, actually sounding shocked. His face twisted in what could only be described as pain as he nearly exploded with emotion, “You ruined me Richie, absolutely ruined me! Just because you had some kind of aphenemy does not fix anything! All it does is make me feel about a thousand times worse!”
The earth stood still then, the starless sky hanging above them, the only light coming from the dying fire that sizzled some feet away. With hearts hanging on a thin line Richie looked at his best friend, the love of his short pathetic life and felt absolutely broken. Eddie had never been fragile-contrary to Sonia’s beliefs-but it seemed that Richie had managed to shatter his very being.
“I shouted at my mom because of you, I called her a bitch because of you, I got kicked out of my house because of you! If not for Beverly’s pity I would be homeless! God, I gave you everything, did everything to get you to love me back and finally when I’m beginning to get my shit together you give me that god damn music box and tell me ‘oh just kidding I am a fucking faggot’.” His breathing was ragged and strained, his words begging for attention as they spilled from his lips. “So yeah, congratulations you won. You, Richie Tozier have won.”
They stood there staring at each other for an eternity, tears blurring Richie’s vision as he tried to see things from the other side. Finally Richie took a step forward, feeling a sudden puff of confidence hidden in his tears. “Eddie Kaspbrak, I fucking love you.” Eddie let out a long sigh but Richie was not detoured, “I loved you when we met and you told me I was gross and dirty. I loved you when you pushed me down into the mud for making fun of your fanny pack. I loved you when I tackled you in the barrens and you stopped talking to me for a week. I loved you when you punched Henry Bowers in the face for calling me a fairy and I fucking loved you when you laughed as he was breaking your arm.That night, when you told me you loved me back my father replied, not me. I have always loved you, and will always love you even if you turn me away and we never talk again but you deserve to know the truth so this is the truth.”
“I can never make up for what I did to you. I know this but that doesn’t mean I won’t try every goddamn day.” With a deep intake of air he allowed his heart roll in between them, ready for Eddie’s scuffed up Nike’s. “I, Richard Wentworth Tozier am gay and I’m in love with you, Edward Frank Kaspbrak.”
Eddie was crying but Richie wasn’t sure if it was from happiness or not so he did the most daring thing he could think of and stepped in close, brushing his lips against Eddie’s barely grazing the forbidden flesh. Eddie’s hands flew to his chest and Richie leaned in, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist and diving in. It was a short kiss, but enough to taste the tears on Eddie’s skin, leaving his own lips salty and warm. “Eddie, I love you.” Richie whispered, leaning his forehead against Eddie’s. “I’m so sorry.”
“I-I love you too, you fucking idiot.”
Things weren’t fixed in that moment, not at all but Richie felt better than he had in months, setting free the love that had always been trapped inside. They would talk, discuss all the pain and agony that had been experienced between them but that was for another time, another place. For now they cried in each others arms as Eddie’s birthday bleed into the next day.
Life, it seemed, could indeed get better.
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