Text | Riley
J: Catholic school and I think private school as a whole is just a lot tougher than public school. I mean, you're basically paying for your education so...look at it as college level almost. They don't care how many exams overlap in one day or if you're feeling overwhelmed by homework. I think if I hadn't gone there, I would've been so underprepared for college. There were kids I knew that confided in me and a few others about their sexuality but when prom came around, they were still feeling obligated to take a girl. Sometimes they'd pretend to have a crush on girls when they got paranoid about people being "onto" them. In those situations, you so badly want to tell them to say fuck everything and everyone and just be yourself but I know in reality, it's so much harder than that. In school, the nuns who taught theology never said things like "oh, God hates you, you'll rot in hell" it was more like "it's fine to be gay, just don't act on it" which I think can be worse. It's telling someone they can be who they are but don't give into temptations. If the nuns and dean knew half of the shit I was doing with girls in the library or empty classrooms, I'd be getting my ass handed to me on a platter. The entire religion is just corrupt as most are and it's sad. Really sad. My family is Catholic but certainly not devout. I don't know how people can follow one set of beliefs throughout the centuries and not be open to progress and alteration. It defeats the purpose of what they stand for "God loves all". Sry I can go on about this shit. Wow, I feel like that's the best way to ease into relationships. Be their friend first because chances are, they'll know everything there is to know about you. It's like you know you won't be judged or feel the need to hide anything. Can I ask why you guys broke up or is that too personal? I'm sorry. I really am. You don't spend holidays alone, do you? Come spend them with me ok. For Christmas, my mom will fatten you up with all of her good cooking. By day 3, she'll start treating you like your own. Well, there's my mom I just mentioned and I don't think there's anything else you need to know about her other than she's always making sure people are well fed and taken care of, hahah. My dad...he comes off intimidating as fuck but don't be fooled by anything. He's full of it, loves cartoons and Pixars and shit, he has his little remote control helicopters. A kid at heart with an interest in politics, hahaha. My sister, her name is Hayley. I'm not sure if you've met her but she's pretty cool, she just moved back home to go to school there so yeah. She's just as much of a child as I am sooo. That really means a lot to me. It does. I feel really comfortable around you and not just to where I can feel like I'm fine being myself but I can tell you anything and not have to worry about being judged. You know? I'm serious tho, let's go swimming ok. The puddles should be deep enough outside, we won't even need a pool :')
J: YEAH. I start to open up and then they pull the, "it can't be any worse than when blah blah" and go on about their lives. I can't stand that either, when you finally feel safe to say something and they start talking about yourself. Suddenly you're gritting your teeth and patting their back, "there, there..."
J: I'm telling you this because that's how I really feel. I'm not trying to work the shaft and give you an ego boost (even tho those are always nice). That's how I honestly feel about you and this friendship, Riley.
J: I'm ALWAYS down for tacos. I fucking love tacos. I can't wait. Maybe I'll just make it my cheat day and let you show me all of the good shit. Did the power go out for you? DID YOU LOSE WIFI? Why live. I'm kitten. Aww, shucks. Look at you looking out for me. But yes, I would. I'll bring you blankets and shit and all of the shitty snacks I can't eat that are in my apartment...then we can play a board game. I'll be your little hero, don't worry. I have a cape and all.
R: Unfortunately, in public schools you have a ton of underpaid, frustrated teachers dealing with a bunch of hormonal kids. And a lot of those kids don't even have time to dedicate to school, because they have jobs. So it makes sense that private schools end up being a lot more demanding, I think. I know I wasn't ready for college when I graduated, even if I just had to consider the academic part of it, so you're probably right. What college did you end up going to, by the way? It's honestly super sad, and I hate that so many kids grow up hating or even being afraid of a part of themselves. There were a few of us in my group of friends that weren't straight, and it was pretty hard sometimes. I mean, it always makes it so much easier to have someone supportive, but still. It can be really upsetting to find out you live in a world where people debate whether or not you count as a person. I'm glad you didn't just try to tell them be themselves, though, because there's really so much more to it. Ew, that's pretty much telling kids they can never be happy, or God will punish them or something. I want to scoop up all of them and wrap them in blankets, I swear. That's the thing too, right? Making sex in general to be something bad and punishable? Like, teenagers have sex, and there are ways to deal with that that don't involve making it this big taboo thing. Ugh, I knooow. I was raised Catholic too, and my mom could get intense sometimes. Not just about me, but stuff like tattoos and piercings were apparently evil. I feel like it teaches you to develop a superiority complex because you're "closer to God". And I really doubt the God and Jesus they tell us about would be okay with that, you know? It is, I think. I don't think I could date someone that I don't consider a friend. Getting to know someone and already being exclusive just feels weird. It can get a little weird at first though, when you're figuring out feelings and stuff. Ha, which time? We were on and off for three years, it was ridiculous. The last time, though? We got back together when we were both kinda in a vulnerable place, and then I remembered why I broke up with him before that. We were just different I guess. He was going to college in LA, you know, he had huge plans. And I was just figuring it out as I went along. I had no clue what I was doing with my life. It just wasn't meant to be. Um, I try not to spend them alone, but it happens, I guess. I mean, we never did Thanksgiving anyways, but for everything else I try to find somewhere to be? Awww, you're a sweetheart! And your mom sounds super cool. Is that where you get your love for food? Hahaha, aww. If I ever meet your dad, I'll be sure to start a conversation about Pixar. I bet we could talk for hours tbh. I think I did meet her, and we actually talked about Disney movies too, ha. Just talk to me about Disney. What is she going to school for? And do you guys all get along? Yeah, me too. Seriously. And you're right, by the way. I'll only judge you if you hate Harry Potter. Hahahaha, sounds like a plan. We can even pretend we're at the beach when cars go by and the water goes all over the place.
R: Ughhhhh. That one is one of the worst, oh my god. I mean, even if someone tells you their single worst life experience is losing their pet, you have to take a step back and realize it doesn't have to compare to yours. It's not like you can measure other people's feelings, you know?
R: Well, I appreciate that more than I can tell you, okay? And I'm more than happy to be able to help you with anything. And I know you didn't say that to get me to say anything back, but your friendship means a lot to me too. A ton.
R: Ohhhh, then we can go all out. Pastor, carnitas, all the greasy stuff. For a couple hours, yeah. I just played games on my phone while the storm raged on outside. Idk how I didn't lose the will to live. Hahahaha, awww. What if I just wanted ice cream? Would you still swim here? Seriously though, I wouldn't make you do that unless it was an emergency, cape and all. I like you alive, okay.
