Too gay to function

Beck~ Maid of Rage 30 ♈ witch blog: apiciasspellbook.tumblr.com recipe blog: apiciascookbook.tumblr.com

[loveridden1999]

"they've had intercourse" "i know that i'm asking if they've kissed"

[loveridden1999]

i think abt this a lot

[byjove]

The funniest part of A New Hope is that Luke Skywalker is a 19 year old who has not locked in yet and plays with toys and sleeps in his childhood bedroom at his aunt and uncle’s house and Leia Organa is a 19 year old with a mission to save the galaxy from fascism. Luke has never left his hometown, Leia just watched her planet be blown up. He’s peeved his uncle is asking him to do his chores, she’s imprisoned for resisting the government. You relate to them both but they’re on complete opposite sides of the 19 year old life stage spectrum.

[wander-without-cause]

And yet - HE is the Hero

What in the Joseph Campbell philosophy, people!?

[moonlightdeathwish]

[miseria-fortes-viros]

yoooo guys these wings my dad made look INSANE i can’t wait to try them tomorrow

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i don’t think you understand i totally thought we were gonna die locked up in this castle but this fucking genius was like “im going to invent a way for humans to fly”. shout out to my dad he’s a real one fr

[miseria-fortes-viros]

LMAOOO this dude told me to be careful as he affixed the wings to my back…..dad no offense but you just invented flying and we have to go high enough to avoid the king’s archers. soo

[miseria-fortes-viros]

HOOOOLY SHIT YOU GUYS I AM SO AFRAID. THE GROUND IS SO FAR. HOW DO BIRDS DO THIS. OH MY GODS OH MY GODS OH MY GODS

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it’s so beautiful up here

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i don’t like seeing the ground. i’m going higher

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it’s cold and i can’t see anything. not sure if that’s better or worse

[miseria-fortes-viros]

by zeus….what is that thing…….it’s as bright as the sun and twice as warm

[miseria-fortes-viros]

the gods look truly down on me this day…apollo calls to me from his chariot of fire. a mere mortal. he must think my flight such a wondrous feat

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i don’t understand why but he’s coming closer. he is not supposed to stray from his path, lest the sun fall from the sky. why does he look so anguished to see me?

[miseria-fortes-viros]

oh. i am in his path

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it’s so hot…was it this hard to fly before? maybe i’m tired

[miseria-fortes-viros]

the wax

[miseria-fortes-viros]

he really does look like the sun…the light emanates from his fingers, his hair, his skin. he means to catch me. i reach for him

[miseria-fortes-viros]

his skin burns. i cannot hold on

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i slip through his fingers.

[miseria-fortes-viros]

it takes a really long time to fall from the sky. longer than i thought

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i wonder if he cried for me

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i pray to him just in case. i am grateful he tried. my palms are red and cracked from where they touched divinity. the ground does not look any closer than it was

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i have not seen my father since we took flight…i hope he escaped. i hope he will not witness this. i wish i could tell him how joyful these wings made me before the wax melted

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i do not regret it. i have seen with my own eyes what others will only dream of

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i am not afraid

[miseria-fortes-viros]

i am not afraid i am not afraid i am not afraid i am not afraid i am afraid i am afraid i am afraid

[miseria-fortes-viros]

please please please please please pleaseplease

[miseria-fortes-viros]

the gods will not save me. i suppose this is a lesson in hubris. i am forever a flightless thing

[miseria-fortes-viros]

please please please i have no coin for the ferryman if i am to die now i will never reach the realm of hades please turn me into a bird any bird or a bug or something anything please please pleasepleaseplease

[miseria-fortes-viros]

I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM NOT AFRAID I AM N

[coolcomicbookcovers]

[vacuously-true]

Hey tumblr friends, in case I haven't told you lately, I have no idea what the FUCK half of you are on about and I WISH I didn't know what the rest of you are on about. Great work. Keep it up.

[nudityandnerdery]

[southfarthing]

[sobcat]

getting yourself to do things is so hard omg you fucking little idiot get up

[theunfairfolk]

in elementary school i figured out how to customize the classroom desktop's autocorrect to make Word change whole sentences. this made it appear almost like the computer was responding to you. you could, for example, type in "where did i put my keys", hit enter, and watch it switch to "you put them under the couch". this was before chatbots, and we were all 9 so i considered it closer to a magic trick than a tech one.

i immediately scripted out a dialogue exchange between me and a girl who had died by the swings (classic). i invited another student over and told them i had found a ghost, then proceeded to type out the pre-scripted exchange. i was immediately pulled into the counselors office. the kicker was that none of the adults could figure out how i did it. i had to show them the menu and everything.

[theunfairfolk]

important detail i forgot to add: the swing ghost wanted blood sacrifices from the students. in my defense it was "only a few drops".

[canipleasehavefood]

[fexalted]

[image description: photo of miles o'brien from star trek ds9, standing in front of a blue backdrop and smiling with his hands on his hips. text covering the image reads:

"stay alive. stay fucking alive

it's shit now but it won't always be

happiness comes in waves

you will find it and feel it again".]

[valtsv]

i'm like a fujoshi but for dead people

[valtsv]

if you could see the thread i'm hanging on by you would not say these things to me

[luulapants]

Story time:

In middle school biology, we did an experiment. We were given yams, which we would sprout in cups of water. We then had to make hypotheses about how the yams would grow, based on descriptions of yam plants in our books, and make notes of our observations as they grew.

Here’s what was supposed to happen: we were supposed to see that the actual growth of the plant did not resemble our hypotheses. We were then supposed to figure out that these were, in fact, sweet potatoes.

What actually happened was that every single student in every single class lied in their notes so that their observations perfectly matched their hypotheses. See, everyone assumed the mismatch meant they had done something wrong in the process of growing the plant or that they had misunderstood the dichotomous key or the plant identification terminology. And, thanks to the wonders of a public school education, everyone assumed the wrong results would get us a failing grade. We were trying to pass. We didn’t want to get bitched out by the teacher. Curiosity, learning, science - that had nothing to do with why we were sitting in that classroom. So we all lied.

The teacher was furious. She tried to fail every student, but the administration stepped in and told her she wasn’t allowed to because a 100% fail rate is recognized as a failure of the teacher, not the class. It wasn’t even her fault, really, though her being a notorious hard-ass didn’t help. It was a failure of the entire educational system.

So whenever I see crap like Elizabeth Holmes’s blood test scam or pharmaceutical trials which are unable to be replicated or industry-funded research that reaches wildly unscientific conclusions, I just remember those fucking sweet potatoes. I remember that curiosity dies when people are just trying to give their superiors the “right” answers, so they can get the grade, get the job, get the paycheck. It’s not about truth when it’s about paying rent. There’s no scientific integrity if you can’t control for human desperation.

[bowlby4]

[andrea-plays-nice]

[fishpondfish]

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

[luguuuu]

i’m having an edging party but none of you can come

[tinyyellowflowers-blog]

After school care pulled me aside about my child dropping an f-bomb “without remorse” and I put on my concerned face and nodded a bunch.

Apparently he was building something with a younger kid “who really looks up to him and is just starting to make friends” and said “Hey, you’re really fucking good at this.” which is, in my estimation, really a parenting victory.

[tinyyellowflowers-blog]

I absolutely failed at doing this:

[whencartoonsruletheworld]

[doublism]

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

[wizardarchetypes]

when I was a kid I had an old tv in my room that would always turn to unwatchable static in the middle of shows but one night my sister and I were watching Naruto & every time Kakashi was on-screen the static cleared so we were like “hahaha the tv looooves Kakashi.”

I had a Kakashi bookmark so we held it up against the screen as a joke but the static actually cleared up. Mystified, we tried different bookmarks and objects with the same plastic material but nothing else worked, only the Kakashi bookmark.

We ended up taping it to the corner of the screen and it stayed there for 11 years until we moved out. When I was older people would be like “can you move the bookmark off the screen” bc it did sort of block a bit of the view but I would demonstrate the static issue and everyone was always just like “huh. what the hell?? well…alright.”

No explanation, but thanks Kakashi.

[scarletjedi]

I had a similar tv! It was a tv with a built in dvd and vcr because it was in college and I’m apparently old now. But! The dvd player never wanted to play- unless it was Chicago (2002). First, we would put that dvd in, let it start, and then swap it for the movie we really wanted to watch. It got to the point where we would put in the dvd we wanted and sing “he had it coming!!!” At the screen at volume. Fucking worked *every time*

Bizarre.

[inkcurlsandknives]

I miss when technology had real personality, instead of fake ones designed to generate lies and nonsense and spy on you.

[forthesanityofsome]

We had a VCR that would randomly switch on and rewind. Even if there was nothing in there to rewind. Also even if it was unplugged. It would just start up and we all kind of shrugged and the explanation was "our VCR is possessed." Worked when we needed it to, tho.

We also learned that our Xbox (original) was sensitive. Halo had a loading screen where you could see the progress and when we jokingly would make fun of our Xbox the progress would stop and eventually it would start going backwards. One time we waited until it was almost there, made fun of the machine and got it to go all the way back to 0. But after that it would start 'unloading' when we were saying and doing nothing so we were incredibly nice every single time we in used it. All we had to do was coo at it and encourage it and the games loaded fine.

My dad's Xbox was chill tho. I think I tried to encourage it once and the game froze and I had to reset things.