@ritualguiltpipe - Tumblr Blog

nothing even is bad. nothing bad has even happened to me. i spend a lot of time dismayed at how upset i am at NOTHING happening, or good things happening

#how am i supposed to like living with this dipshit #simply dont be upset about things that dont do you harm.

lord-squark

I hate it when they're mean to detective gumshoe

website-enjoyer

#shit im about to see scrolling by after i die

bc i cant take myself seriously it feels so stupid to say i feel violated by it but god holy fucking christ just stop. it makes me regret going outside or speaking to people so badly because once it starts you just can't make it stop i feel like a zoo animal getting camera flashed and shouted at and seeing a huge crowd that thinks i am going to respond like a well behaved sociable domestic dog

#mostly i know im being unreasonable cause feeling socially deprived is making any and all minor issues put me straight into #kicked dog mode. i just Dont want to i dont Want to.

in my heart i hope this is just a brief symptom of me having to interact with everyday people again and ill get numb soon but oh my fucking god i forgot how stupid everything is. i forgot that Nice People irl physically cant fucking take no for an answer and it is not Nice to point that out and it is not Nice to have issues with things that are meant Nicely. it is not Nice to have wants that are not aligned with what they think you want (despite not knowing you) because then youre probably lying cause you feel soooo bad (why would you possibly be expressing any personal willpower? one time you said something kind of anxiously in front of them, after all) and everyone will triple down and bombard you with the thing you explicitly verbally do not want

#i feel really bad socially at my job but i also feel that in general so mostly i just have to hope poeople stop. doing that. forever.

anyway i'm just glad i knew it was going to be bad. #1 worst thing about pessimism is that its really nice and helpful to be right

#like its nice to actually have a method to manage pain of failure/issues that works but everyone really seems to hate it for some odd reason

innerchildabortionclinic

Hi! You want me to die for being a Californian male?

Kill anon?

Yes

No

Voting ended onMar 20, 2025

i think its cool they invented a body taht can opt out of sleeping or eating or having necessary energy before a long chain of work days

#im not seething fucking mad constantly at all

have they invented a way to properly channel being angry. my body is too weak to break or hurt things & i cant scream on purpose properly

i need help but i also dont. and as usual im going to go back and forth on whether i do until someone tells me which one they think it is or until i die without taking care of any of it

#cant open the door if no one else can tell me its there #i have to be making it up then #cant open the other door if no one can tell me it isnt there #making that one up too probably cant tell

at the end of the day its like the eating thing wehere theres both solace and a lot of frustration in how completely pointless it is. i can only blame myself but there's no actual good reason why my body wont respond the way it should and no way to force it

#like dude thers people. you can just go befriend them if youre so socially starved #but also i wont because i really dont want to and trying feels so much worse and does not give the benefit it should even if i do it right #no country for old men guy voice. Which i wont

i want to be less evil & more able to socialize without being extremely picky who i want to be actual friends with but its also like. when im not selective im just not hanging out. like im doing the opposite of socializing with everybody. i feel worse and more drained and MUCH more isolated

#its not reasonable. i should be able to suck it up and hbave interstitial 'friends' that i dont like that much but can still enjoy hanging w #but i barely have the energy to care for myself and im too selfish to justify spending friend energy on people i do not want to befriend

free-my-mindd

like i am being totally unreasonable as usual vis a vis reaction but also jesus fucking christ i wish everything forever didn't feel lonely or at the very least i wish i had the baseline competence not to do loudly, immediately, annoyingly bad

#BUT! points my finger in the air #hopefully people at work will want to socialize w me less now bc theyre nice but i really really cannot get with it all that much

annoyed everyone at work by presuming being told that i am lagging behind & need to go faster by my manager means i am lagging behind & need to go faster

#like i did such complete shit the last two weekends and my third is not shaping up to look well. am i genuinely insane #for thinking that may not reflect well on me?????????#i dont think im getting fired right away but jesus fucking christ it sounded kinda clear that im not meeting baseline expectations #and need to. like primarily the only reason im freaking out is bc literally nobody else seems to treat not doing well as a possibility.#like i know its really simple and shouldnt be hard for anybody but is it that unimaginable ??????#anyway i started my period and lost my day off tomorrow #i just want time to make fucking doctors appointments before i have to job hunt again #and also for everyone ever to kill themselves

heavensghost

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