In my mind Shane’s allergies are latex, peanuts, tree nuts, and mangoes. The mango allergy is pretty mild and he LOVES mangoes so he eats them anyway but Ilya hates that so when he’s away from Ilya for sponsorship-related trips he’ll go eat a bunch of mangoes alone in his hotel room and later when he FaceTimes Ilya he’s got a suspicious mouth rash. Ilya’s like what are you doing. That better not be a mango reaction, Shane. Tell me it’s anything else. Tell me the makeup artist didn’t wash the brushes right and now you have herpes but do NOT tell me you’ve been eating fucking mangoes behind my back AGAIN—
the idea of shane who denies himself SO MUCH and optimizes SO MUCH OF HIS LIFE and is SO focused and SO dedicated
but who cannot resist the siren call of Forbidden Mangoes
it ends up being his end of season treat
he did a whole season, he did a great job, he stayed focused and On It the whole year. other people celebrate with champagne. shane celebrates with an allergen.
shane who has one last photoshoot to knock out before he's free and is just oh no :) it conflicts with my husband's schedule :) guess that means ilya can't go with me :) so sad :)
why are you so happy
i'm not :)
then he does the photoshoot and has knocked out the last thing he has to do in front of a camera for a while.
now it is Mango Time.
he facetimes ilya with the lights down WAY low later and ilya just ?? shane??? i can barely see you, malysh. turn a light on.
uuuhh, no thanks. it's sexier like this.
what? i want to se-
...
shane is it the fucking mangoes
...no
SHANE
YOU GET TO SMOKE SOMETIMES. I GET TO EAT MANGOES.
ARE YOU FORGETTING PART WHERE ALLERGIES CAN GET WORSE WITH EXPOSURE?
THEN I SHOULD ENJOY THEM WHILE I CAN
WRONG
Ilya learning FOR SURE that shane let him win during every foreplay wrestling match the day he has to try (*TRY*) to get this contraband mango away from him
Now imagine, this has been a conversation, this has been a fight, it's been years and it's one of the few arguments that they never reach a compromise on...
And then they win the cup together, for the first time.
They've won and carried the cup and the loved ones have entered the locker room and everyone has been drinking out of the cup already, everyone at least tipsy if not completely drunk, sogging wet from champagne and beer and what else, and it's time for the the media to do their round of questions! Not a whole interview, of course, but some quick questions to get the winners fresh reaction and capture that victorious feeling, you know?
And they're happy, they're in love, they won their first cup together just now, they're tipsy and everything is lovely and wonderful! And Shane feels so fucking proud. Of Ilya, of his team, of himself. He's so proud of himself. He adapted to his new team and truly contributed to this win, especially the last two rounds of the playoffs where they did a series and a half with Ilya playing with bruised ribs, and Shane's line had to pick up the slack and increase their already long ice time minutes... Shane is proud. Shane feels like he truly earned this. He earned this happiness and the wonderful summer he's about to have. He earned anything and everything he might want.
And then the media comes and the questions come and Shane's so fucking happy and thirsty and hot, and it's summer and they've been playing this last series against LA, six games and three of them in hot California.
And they ask "Hollander, you just won, what's the first thing you're gonna do?"
And he says "I'm gonna eat some mangoes"
And Ilya is answering his own set of questions a few feet to the right but he heard him, and he turns on his feet so fast he almost looses his balance and screams "YOU WILL NOT"
And the reporter who asked the question in the first place was already confused, all of them were, really, because eating mangoes? That's the first thing he would do? What kind of celebration is that? But then Rozanov is making that angry sound and Hollander responds with a very, very offended face and what is this about, that's juicy, so they all shut up and let them bicker.
And Shane goes, mullishly "I will eat as many mangoes as I want!"
"Absolutely not! Why are you like this? It's not good for you!"
"Neither is smoking, neither is alcohol, or the absolute trash junk food you have all the time!"
"I quit smoking! And I'm not allergic to fucking McGriddles"
"But I'm sure is worse! You have them all the time! I can have mangoes one time! I just won the cup!"
"Allergies get worse with exposure Shane, you CAN'T have mangoes one time! It's a bad idea!"
"YOU WERE A BAD IDEA"
"What thE FUCK DO YOU-"
"I KNOW I'M ALLERGIC TO MANGOES. I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS ALLERGIC TO MANGOES. IF I WASN'T THE PERSON WHO KNEW MANGOES WERE BAD FOR ME AND ATE THEM ANYWAYS I WOULDN'T BE THE ONE WHO SLEPT WITH YOU AT NINETEEN"
"Shane, lyubimyy, are you comparing ME TO MANGOES?"
"Yes!"
"They are bad for you!"
"Well I still love them! And you! TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT"
Well... Idk how this scene ends, but I sure know where it ends: In the internet! also as the first time Hollanov does any kind of confirmation of how long they have been involved together.
