R

he/him, 16 meronia enthusiast artist, writer, level 2 autistic

[riverr4n]

hi, i'm river, also known as R on other platforms. this is an introduction for my page.

i'm mostly a death note account, although i sometimes post content for other fandoms. i draw and write mostly meronia (🔄) and mattmello (🔄❌), but i do make content for other rarepairs i like.

i am explicitly profic. i write and draw abusive dynamics, and i also delve into the depths of mental illness in my artworks. my clear boundary is that i do not want antiship interacting with me or my work, it is not for you if you think that way.

my entire account has a severe trigger warning, including things like gore, suicide, and sexual abuse. if you are sensitive to anything extreme, don't follow me as i do not put trigger warnings on my work.

another boundary is that i do not want people dming me, unless it's for something serious. mutuals can dm me if they want, but bare in mind i am level 2 autistic and am terrible at social interaction. i may struggle with dming you back.

my asks are always open as well, if you want to ask me a question or see my take on a headcanon of yours. i really enjoy getting asks ♡

that's all really. just don't be weird to me, please

[riverr4n]

i have a fic idea of near dying of suicide, and as he's dying he's hallucinating mello meeting him in heaven. he's smiling, saying how long he's waited for near to come back, that all the suffering is over now. all of this is happening while near is actively bleeding out in his room, and it leaks into the hallucination through smells and odd inconsistencies

[riverr4n]

can we all get on the 'meronia has severe catastrophic ptsd between them which makes their relationship highly unstable because they disgust and terrify eachother yet can't stay apart' train pleaseeee pleaseee

[riverr4n]

random general near headcanons

he was a premie baby, before 37 weeks. it contributed to his short height, how frail he is, and the constant pain he has in his body from low bone density (always sitting down).

the reason he became an orphan was congenital heart disease as a baby. his parents didn't want to care for a severely disabled child, and that's it.

due to his low bone density, he struggles to stand or walk without pain, so he uses a cane. it got worse after 25 though, and his movement became basically net zero.

because of his heart disease, he spent a lot of time sick in wammy's. he would do a lot of tests and studying while being monitored in their nurse office.

he's had OCD since he was little, with most of his symptoms focusing around anxiety and intrusive thoughts over compulsion. his autism also contributes to it.

kids in wammy's would start literal rumours about who he was because of his appearance and intelligence. he was called fairy a lot.

he was abused way more than the other kids were due to his proximity to roger. a lot of the kids hated him for being the golden boy who could do no wrong, and a lot of the adults hated him for making roger such a pain to work with.

roger was also abusing near, but in a much more subtle manner. he had a close and highly inappropriate relationship with near, which usually got excused due to how people viewed both of them.

[riverr4n]

[thisiisjune]

Nothing makes my day better than reading hcs from moots

[riverr4n]

i think near's driving force of suicide would be the idea of finally being one with mello. they were always destined to be together, enemy or lover, and their entire lives are so tightly woven that they'll never escape it. they're bound together, one reaction causing another, and near used his little manipulative tactics to get that.

then mello dies. near has lost the person who was his only safe constant in his head, his opposite attraction that balanced out his thoughts. he's now unable to function, because of course he is. so now, he craves to find himself in the exact same situation.

[riverr4n]

i've been outside too much as of late that my death note brain worms have calmed down, i need to get more chronically online immediately. anyway here's my videography (?) stuff

[riverr4n]

[meroniaevent]

as we count down to june 17th, when all prompts for the event will be revealed, we will be giving weekly prompt previews!

this week our prompt is: secret.

meronia week will take place august 17-24; you can find the event rules here, and can follow our page to stay up-to-date on everything! we hope to see you there 🖤🤍

[riverr4n]

getaway car by ts is mattmello embarrassingly enough like

'we were flyin' but we'd never get far, don't pretend its such a mystery, think about the place where you first met me'

very mello being the flighty type who would abandon everything for the answer to the kira case. maybe even them arguing over them both dropping out of the kira case

[riverr4n]

[riverr4n]

[riverr4n]

look who!!!! finally arrived!!!!!!!! AA

[riverr4n]

i love ignoring mellos canonical colour palette cus its just so give us nothing

[riverr4n]

I could write a genuine essay on matt's characterisation but I'll try to keep it short because I'm not even sure if tumblr likes my rambles yet, but hey

I mildly dislike fanon matt. this isn't to say that I think it's an invalid way to characterise him, but I feel that it's very lost on people that matt is as true of a victim (and perpetrator) as both mello and near are. I think he must have some sort of cycle of victimhood and malintent, just how the other two do. he isn't exempt from the grooming, which imo I see a lot.

I also feel that matt gets turned into an accessory for mello frequently, either to validate how mello feels or to be the 'balancing force'. this is kinda my biggest pet peeve because again, it forgets how matt was in the exact same situation as mello. sure, we don't know how he left and we don't know why he came back, but he was still very much in the same environment that lead to mello's cycle of abusive behavior, and I wish more people leant onto the genuine abusive characteristics of matt that could be there.

this is why I'll forever say that mellodramattic isn't the healthy ship a lot of people try to say it is (I see this most on tiktok so this isn't really an argument for this platform, but still I think it's a point I want to think about). there could be constant cycles of abuse between the two depending on so many factors, and even them just growing up in the same, very specific environment could be a huge source of codependency.

essentially, I want more evil matt

[riverr4n]

I think mello is a lot weaker than how he's perceived. I don't think he's exactly stoic or tough as nails, imo he's just genuinely faking it until it's true. sure, he's quite badass in a lot of ways but I think the inherent inability to accept that you're human is one of the weaker things you can be, and I wouldn't say he's exactly fine with all this. in a lot of my work I give him severe ptsd from murder and blood, because he was a teenager when all of it started. mello is just fabricating half of himself, he's still a traumatised teenager wondering how he's going to survive homelessness under all that leather