guys! I cannot wait to like, not be in school anymore. I just want to graduate and never look back. Instead of doing any of the work I’m supposed to be doing, I’ve been reading fanfics and painting and sleeping. I had the most horrible week ever last week and I’m trying to get back into the groove of things (not going well), but I have yet to open any of my college courses. Def failing three rn.
I hope everyone is like, doing okay though, and that y’all have someone to lean on for the time being. not having that someone to lean on really fucking sucks rn, but oh well. this is me ranting and nothing more.
y’all should send me questions though because I’m bored and I want to distract myself by doing something other than cooking and watching the Iron Man Trilogy.
hey babes<3 hru today? also who is your tumblr crush?
it's been a really rough day today, so not so good. I can truthfully say that I do not have a tumblr crushhhhh, but I used to on my old account about two years ago. I've got a wonderful boyfriend now though!
i just love the fact that i can make an account on tumblr and within two weeks have found a whole community of people who share my interests and are kind and funny and awesome in general bc let me tell you i really fucking needed this validation in my life i have literally only one offline friend who i feel like shares all of my interests the same way. so thank you to all my mutuals even though i dont have many because you guys do matter to me and im glad yall are here for all my weird shit<33
im so glad you found a community that accepts you and all ur interests!!! i love having online friends and people to talk to about the things that love and have interest in. im always down for convo if you want!!!
so you asked for peter parker prompts and ive been thinking about a sort of post nwh thing with andrew garfield peter and jamie foxx? like ngl i saw sparks in that scene on the statue of liberty lol
i’m dead ur so right. sparks were flying LMAOOOO. i’ve never written anything relating to Andrew Garfields spiderman before and i usually stick with Toms Spiderman. I’m just more well acquainted with his movies and the relations between all of the Avengers characters. idk if i could take myself serious writing about jamie foxx💀
so you asked for peter parker prompts and ive been thinking about a sort of post nwh thing with andrew garfield peter and jamie foxx? like ngl i saw sparks in that scene on the statue of liberty lol
i’m dead ur so right. sparks were flying LMAOOOO. i’ve never written anything relating to Andrew Garfields spiderman before and i usually stick with Toms Spiderman. I’m just more well acquainted with his movies and the relations between all of the Avengers characters. idk if i could take myself serious writing about jamie foxx💀
i absolutely loe fics where harry is like sexually abused by his dad/ has been rxped in the past and louis like helps him (sorry im turning on anon cuz i feel so weird saying that idk idk but there) if you could make a fic like that?? ive been loving designed in silence btw such a great start and i love school aus lol
okay SO,
i have no problem writing about things relating to sexual abuse and recovery because i feel like it’s a really important topic to bring light to and really can be helpful for some going through the same things. i would probably lean more toward something not relating to Harry’s family just because it’s harder for me to write those kinds of topics when I can’t relate to it. BUT i could do a part relationship type of thing!
i would love to make this One-Shot happen! Give me some time to come up with the story and work through it<3
I really wish I could tell my family that I’m Bi but I can’t and pride month always makes me so sad, cause I don’t have my family or friends to celebrate with. Idk I know it’s selfish, I should be happy and happy for the people that are able to be out and happy and supported. I just wish I had that. Instead I listen to my mom talking about how stupid pride parades are and how straight people don’t have one so LGTBQ+ shouldn’t either. I listen to her saying how she gets straight and how she can sorta get gay, but bisexual makes no sense because you should “choose one”, I listen to this all the time and I just wanna tell her that she’s talking about me. She already doesn’t enjoy having me as a daughter. I can’t imagine telling her anything about my sexuality.
You asked for prompts so.... one of my favorite tropes that I don't see often is Peter being afraid of planes. I mean, his parents died in one and then he crashed one. It's a valid fear. Don't get him wrong, heights are not the issue, and swinging is like flying, why would he ever need to fly in a plane? But that first mission or trip out of state that requires a plane? He may act like he's unaffected by the noise and turbulence but inside he's full on panicking.
Omg thank you so much for giving me something!!! I actually recently read a fic with this idea, but I wanna do my own little twist on it! It’s a really good and valid prompt though cause like, this boy has been through it over and over! I’ll get on it thank you:)
Although he was young, he knew how his parents had died, he heard it at night through light tears and small sobs coming from his Aunt and Uncle. Peter may have only been 6 at the time, but he wasn’t dumb, he was a big boy, he could handle the truth. So he rolled out of bed that night and went into the living room, confronting his Aunt and Uncle about how his parents really died. Up until that moment, they only talked about his parents being in a bad accident, and there being no way for them to survive or come back and pick Peter up from the week long sleepover at his Aunt and Uncle’s house. He knew that his parents weren’t coming back, so he stopped wishing every night that they would, but he just wanted the truth at the time. That’s all he had wanted.
Ben and May were shocked by how upfront he was with his questioning, so they didn’t sugarcoat it. What was the point? The boy would figure it out now or later, so it would only help the small boy gain the trust if they spoke up now and told the truth. The two young adults were desperate for Peter to confide in them, come to them when he couldn’t stop the tears and had nightmares at night. They wanted him to see and understand that this was a permanent thing, not temporary like the other times the boy had stayed with them. So they told Peter the truth about the accident, how the plane went down unexpectedly and there was nothing anyone could do to help the people on it. Peter hadn’t reacted, but then again, he hadn't’ reacted to pretty much anything in the past two months. The poor boy didn’t even cry at the funeral, he was only confused, asking why everyone was so sad when his parents were good people not bad. They were nice and kind and they always played with him, hugged him when he was sad, kept him company when they could. They were good people and had good lives, so why was everyone so sad?
From there on out, Peter avoided planes, everything from a lego set that included one, the ones on TV, ones that they saw and talked about in the classroom, and especially the ones in the air that flew over the city. Never once did he look up to see them flying, too scared that he would see one going down, just like it did with his parents. Peter Parker hated planes. He would always hate planes if he had any say in it, and he would never ever go on one if he could help it. Planes brought bad things, those bad things being death, and death made people sad. Peter didn’t want to make anyone sad, he hated when he would see Ben crying while looking at the photo of him and Peter’s dad. Even May cried sometimes, and she never cried, not even when they watched Lion King together. But, when she did, it made Peter cry and feel really bad because it was usually something related to him.
So, no planes.
Up until he was 15, it was easy to avoid planes. Ben and May needed to pay the bills and keep food on the table, which meant there was no time or money for them to go on a vacation. Any other kid Peter’s age would be mad about it, make a fuss and complain about how everyone (even Ned) was going somewhere over Spring Break, or during Summer, even Winter Break. Peter never saw the need to complain though. No vacation meant no plane. The only time he would be okay with going somewhere was if it was by car, but again, Ben and May don’t have the money for that.
Peter was fine with avoiding his fear, he was fine and he was a happy kid, usually. He rarely caused any problems, played fair and nice, helped with chores around the house, gave Ben and May hugs and kisses, let them fuss over his unruly curls, let them drag him to their work when they couldn’t get a babysitter. He never once made a big deal out of anything and he was always complimented, people talked about how well behaved he was, how much of a good boy he was. It was nice. Peter liked it. He liked being unproblematic, it meant that he wasn’t annoying, which he was always afraid of being.
Everything was good, it was great.
Then The Fight happened, he ran away into the city at 8pm on a Thursday night, not knowing that his Uncle was following him. The man was scared, scared that his little 14 year old boy was going to get hurt, that someone would hurt him. Peter was so small for his age, he was just a kid, someone that needed protecting no matter what the boy said. God, even his glasses were still too big for him, they always slipped down his nose a little and Ben would push them back up, bopping his nose after. The kid was too young and small to be out in the big city late at night, even more so if he was by himself. Ben had looked everywhere his mind could think of, the last stop being a small gas station not far from their apartment. Peter would always go there to get candy and drinks when he was with Ned for a movie night. It was a happy place, one of the Parker's happy spaces.
Ben never thought it would be where he would meet his end due to a gun.
He never thought his precious nephew would be holding him while he bled out, the young boy sobbing into his chest, not even minding the blood that was coating his hands, seeping into his jeans and sweatshirt.
Peter never thought he could cause such chaos. So much grief and pain. Peter never thought that he would kill his Uncle, be the one to blame for the death of his second father. The man that he loved more than anything in the world, the man that held him when he had nightmares and ran fingers through his hair in hopes of soothing him.
Peter never thought that he would be a killer.
The following months were bad. May started crying a lot, but only at night when she thought her nephew was asleep. She never wanted the boy to see her like that. Peter always knew though, he always knew.
Peter didn’t get out of bed for nearly a week after the shooting, after the interrogation, after the funeral. He fell, and he fell hard. Darkness consumed his every waking moment, dulling his life to almost nothing. He didn’t cope well. He hid everything until May saw two cuts on his wrists and made him start seeing a therapist. The cutting stopped but the blaming didn’t. Life was hard, school was even hard and that was usually the one thing that he would manage to do without failing. The only good thing Peter had done in the past few months was apply for a Stark Internship, something that would most likely not happen. Peter wasn’t smart enough for that, no matter what anyone said. He knew the truth and that was that he was nothing but mediocre compared to some of the kids that had applied as well. He was expecting to hear anything back, he knew that he wouldn’t so he didn’t keep his hopes up. Although it seemed that his hopes were always down nowadays. He would never say anything to May cause he was scared it would hurt her feelings, but Ben had always been the one he felt safest around. So as he laid in his bed for most days, he would listen to music that his Uncle loved, wear the man’s sweater, and light his favorite candle. He would lay there for hours, the only thing disrupting him being the fucking airplanes he could hear in the sky. They only made his heart drop further.
Nearly 5 months after Ben’s death, Peter walked into his apartment to see Tony Stark sitting on his couch, talking with his Aunt, who sadly offered the man walnut date loaf. Poor guy. To say that his heart dropped a little was an understatement. He forgot how to breathe for a moment, but he concealed it and let the man talk to him separately (even though he gets very uncomfortable around people that he doesn’t know very well) in his room.
Getting the internship saved Peter in a way. He found a way to be happy, he found something that made him want to live again. He would never say anything to May, but before he got the internship, he had been writing suicide notes left and right, not finding the need to be alive anymore. He didn’t want to be around his Aunt anymore, he couldn’t look at her without seeing Ben bleeding out in his arms, he knew that the man was dead because of him. He couldn’t stand to look at himself in the mirror, he knew that there was no way May could stand him. The internship saved him. He was so busy with it that he didn’t need to be at home a lot, he was always with Mr. Stark (or Tony as the man made him call him that, he didn’t want to be seen as someone professional or something) and the man sure as hell kept him busy. There was never a dull moment and Peter wouldn’t trade it in for the world. It was still shocking that he even got the internship, but he wasn’t going to say that Tony, the man thought he was a genius. He didn’t want to make a fool of himself, but he knew he would at some point.
Everything was fine, life was going a lot better than before, better than he thought it would ever be again. He was somewhat happy, there were no new cuts anywhere on his body, something that was hard to not do before he met Tony, but now it was easy.
The man didn’t know that much about him, only that he lived with his Aunt, was 15, and didn’t have anything to do beside work in the lab. Even Ned stopped hanging out with him as much. Tony clearly saw this as an opportunity to spend more time with the boy, and make him do more and more work.
Before Peter knew it, he had been working with Tony for about 11 months. It was normal to go over to the tower and not even go into the lab, but rather watch movies and make dinner, just hang out (sometimes with the other avengers which...What?!) and he even had a room there. It felt like he had something like Ben again, and he would do everything in his power not to lose it again, he wouldn’t mess up, he knew that he couldn’t cause if he did he wouldn’t survive. He needed to keep Mr. Stark. Make sure the man would be around as long as possible. He couldn’t lose another.
It was a Tuesday night, he and Tony were watching Star Wars (again) and eating way too much pizza. He wasn’t sure when he ended leaning heavily on the man, but before he knew it he was nearly asleep, only jerking back up when the man started talking.
“So… May and I were talking, and she’s letting me take you to Italy for a few weeks. Pepper and I were gonna go, but we figured you could come along.”
Peter didn’t really know what to say. How do you say that you can’t go on a vacation because you’re deathly afraid of planes? Afraid like a fucking baby. He couldn’t tell Tony about that, he couldn’t tell him about his parents or Ben (although Peter was pretty sure that Tony and May had talked about Ben when Peter had a panic attack because Tony needed to stop at the gas station that Ben had died in) it would be too much. So, he said the only thing that he could think of.
“I mean yeah that sounds fun, but wouldn’t it be weird if it was just you, Pepper, and me? I would feel like I’m intruding. I don’t want you spending too much on me either.”
Tony scoffed, and he would’ve said something about being a billionaire, but Peter’s heard it before so there was no point.
“Harley is going to come too...and we both know you want some...alone time with him.”
Peter blushed scarlet red, ducking his head and sighing. Harley was another whole new thing in Peter’s life. Only Tony (and obviously Harley) knew that Peter was gay. When he introduced Peter to Harley eight months ago, Pete kinda fell hard, and it was very obvious. He and Harley went out a few times, but then the boy went to MIT. They still talked all the time, and were practically boyfriends, but it was just hard not being able to see the older boy, not being able to be held by him. But the idea of seeing him made Italy sound a lot more appealing.
So he didn’t tell Tony. Why would he tell Tony something so embarrassing? Something literally pathetic? He couldn’t do that, he couldn’t take any chances of losing the man.
Nearly two weeks later Peter was sitting on Tony’s private Jet, just the two of them. Harley had to finish a test at MIT before he could go, and Pepper decided to wait for the older boy so he wouldn’t have to fly alone.
To say Peter was freaking out would be a little bit of an understatement. He might be having a panic attack but he honestly couldn’t be sure. Tony was trying to say something about upgrades on one of his suits, but everything the man was saying was blurring into the background. He couldn’t listen to anything even if he really tried, his whole body was on edge and he was waiting for the plane to fucking explode or something.
Tony clearly knew something was happening, he gave Peter a side glance once in awhile, but always went back to his laptop, working on something for the company. Peter had his own laptop he had gotten from the man sitting in his lap, he was supposed to be working on coding. Which is something that he actually really enjoyed.
Tony sighed and shut his laptop, doing the same to the boys, the younger not even noticing that the laptop was removed from his lap, his eyes trained forward, nearly unblinking.
“Pete?”
Nothing.
“Hey, Peter, buddy? You okay over there?”
The boy was only silent, not even hearing the man.
“Peter!”
Now that got a reaction, the boy yelping and nearly falling out of his seat, breathing becoming sporadic, face paling considerably. Tony scooted a little closer to the kid, wrapping an arm around the thin shoulders of the small boy. The man ran a hand through the unruly hair on top of the kid’s head.
“What’s going on with you kiddo? I thought you were excited for this, ya know? Seeing Italy, seeing Harley, and just getting a break that you very much deserve.”
Peter sniffled and shrugged, figuring that this couldn’t get any more embarrassing and telling the man really couldn’t hurt him now.
“Um… my parents, they, like my biological parents, not like May, or um...Ben. But um, they died ya know? And um I guess...well they died in a plane crash….so I’ve always avoided planes, I can’t even really...um look at them.”
Mr. Stark looked a little taken aback in the moment, but he didn’t look mad, so Peter took that as a plus, something good to go off of.
“Shit, kiddo...I didn’t, I’m so sorry bub....I had no clue about any of that. I’m sorry I never asked about them, I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Peter shook his head, smiling a little bit.
“You couldn’t have known, and I appreciate you not asking, I don’t like talking about it.”
Tony only nodded. They sat in silence for a little bit, the pilot waiting for the go from the older man.
“We don’t have to do this kid, we can go somewhere by driving, you don’t have to be on this plane, or fly over to Italy. It’s okay.”
Peter seriously thought about getting off, but he knew that he would have to face this at some point. He couldn’t live in fear forever. Plus, he had always wanted to go to Italy, really badly, and it helped that he would be seeing Harley. He couldn’t wait to see the older boy, for many reasons, and he wasn’t about to ruin anything for Pepper, Harley, or Tony. He would be fine, he would have Tony by him and he would be okay. He would be okay. He couldn’t live in fear forever.
So he sat there, shaking most of the time, but he let Tony hold him, run fingers through his hair. And when they landed, he never felt more happy with himself, actually happy with who he was and what he had done. The beach house was beautiful, the food was amazing, and being held by his favorite boy only a day after landing was the best feeling in the world.
Still, he wouldn’t be going on any plane unless it was needed, causing it was boring as shit.
You asked for prompts so.... one of my favorite tropes that I don't see often is Peter being afraid of planes. I mean, his parents died in one and then he crashed one. It's a valid fear. Don't get him wrong, heights are not the issue, and swinging is like flying, why would he ever need to fly in a plane? But that first mission or trip out of state that requires a plane? He may act like he's unaffected by the noise and turbulence but inside he's full on panicking.
Omg thank you so much for giving me something!!! I actually recently read a fic with this idea, but I wanna do my own little twist on it! It’s a really good and valid prompt though cause like, this boy has been through it over and over! I’ll get on it thank you:)
He never asked for it to keep happening. He didn’t mean for anything to get out out of hand. The thing is, it never really got out of hand before, it was just something that happened and he had to live with, it was natural. Peter Parker's life had always been one of struggles and pain, but he didn’t like mentioning it. Pity wasn’t his friend, his friend was the blade, or the drink, or the drug, but never pity. He was determined to show everyone that he could handle this, that he was able to take care of himself, not needing to call out for help or go running to his father figure that was probably sick of him by now. He could handle himself.
College was nice at first. MIT was everything that he had wished for, everything that he had always wanted to do with his life. Thanks to his hard work in high school, and maybe a little push from Mr. Stark, he was able to get in, without any worry about money or housing. Tony took care of both of those things, even though Peter had begged him not to do it, told him that he could handle himself. Mr. Stark had laughed and said that Peter’s guilt complex was far too big for his own good, which, yeah it was, but at least he didn’t let people take care of his personal problems that he should be handling. But, with a lot of push, and many conversations, maybe some yelling, Mr. Stark and Peter had worked it out. Pete was still anything but pleased by the idea of the older man helping him out, and he vowed that no one would ever know that he was the reason he was MIT and had an apartment a few blocks from campus. No one would ever know that truth, not as long as he could stop it from spilling out and over.
Peter was relatively happy his freshman year, he made some friends, passed his classes with flying colors, and talked with Tony almost every day, just rambling on about his lessons and what they would work on in the lab next. Life was easy when he wasn’t in New York. It was quieter, simpler. It’s not that he hated home, he had grown up there and it would always be apart of him, but that didn’t mean he needed to be there all the time, or vouch for it being his favorite place on earth. It was far from it. The only good thing that New York held was Tony and his family. Nothing more and nothing less. Peter had stopped talking to May a long time ago, the start of his Junior year. They never saw eye to eye and when Peter came out as gay, everything blew up, he moved out and never looked back. He learned to trust the Stark’s, he learned that his family wasn’t supposed to hurt him and was supposed to accept him at all costs.
About halfway through his freshmen year, Peter met Sam. The older boy was a Junior and that alone scared Peter a little bit when he met him, but they were in the same class and Sam was the only one that was nice to him. No one else really ever talked to Peter, but that was kind of his fault for not putting himself out there more or going to parties. Sam loved parties, in fact it was their first date. The taller boy said it was going to be a smaller gathering, just some close friends. It had eased Peter’s nerves a little bit, making it seem more doable than before. So he went. The party was anything but small. The awful smelling house was packed full of older students, making Peter the youngest and almost the smallest. He spent most of that night in the corner on a couch, looking at his phone every once in awhile and texting Tony, lying to the man and saying he was having a good time. It wasn’t all that bad, but Sam didn’t stay by his side like he said he would. The older boy wandered off, downing cups of beer and laughing loudly at offensive jokes, but Peter didn’t think anything of it. It was college, people partied and got drunk, it was normal, if anything Peter was the one sticking out like a sore thumb and causing problems, something that he didn’t want to do.
So he downed a beer. The taste making him gag a little, but he shook it off and went to stand with Sam, who gave him another cup, and another, and another, and a couple more. By the end of the night, Peter was gone. He could barely even stand, let alone walk back to his apartment, so he got into a cab with Sam, asking the older boy to take him home. He really wanted to sleep, dozing off a little in the car, leaning on the broad shoulder of his friend (boyfriend?), he didn’t even notice that they didn’t go back to his place, but Sam’s. They stumbled out of the car, making Peter trip and giggle a little bit, his head feeling extremely light, like he was on a swing, soaring through the air.
Sam dragged him up three flights of stairs and into his own apartment, letting the smaller boy plop down onto the bed and curl up into a ball, sighing at the softness of the sheets and mattress. It was nice, a warm buzz coursing through him, his problems and classes seeming like the smallest things. He was happy, and Sam was there with him, talking with him, laughing with him. The beer was weighing him down though, he could barely move, his body needing sleep. With that thought he scooted up towards the pillows, laying his head down and closing his eyes.
It happened really quickly after that, his mind blurry and his thoughts floating away from him. Things kept coming to him in pieces. One moment he was breathing deeply, almost asleep, and the next Sam was on top of him, shifting his smaller body so he could get the clothes off of him. Peter doesn’t remember saying no, but he thinks he said to stop. It’s hard to recall the night, but maybe it was for the best because he woke up sore, legs aching, head pounding, and he felt like he was going to be sick. His body felt gross, he felt gross, self-hatred filling every ounce of him as he looked over and saw a naked Sam next to him. The same feeling came to him when he looked in his own mirror at home and saw the bruises, the hickeys, he saw everything that he didn’t want to see in the first place. Even so, he never said anything, because he didn’t say no, and he can’t remember correctly if he said stop. Deep down he knows that he didn’t want it, he didn’t want Sam seeing and touching his body when he was coherent enough to allow it, remember it.
From there on out, they were in a relationship, another thing Peter never actually said yes to. Sam just assumed that because they slept together (rape rape rape...) that they were in a relationship. Peter was in deep without even realizing that he was. It was hopeless to try and get out of it. Sam got mad at him for the little things, and he couldn’t imagine what the boy would do if he broke up with him, or tried to. Peter went along with it, but it didn’t come without consequences. If Peter talked too much, slap, if Peter didn’t get a good grade, kick, if Peter didn’t have sex with Sam, pushed into the mattress and ignored, if Peter didn’t cook dinner, punch, if Peter cried, hands around his neck. If he did anything Sam didn’t like or didn’t want, he was hurt. He had to pay.
It’s hard for Peter to know how long it’s been going on, but it’s summer now, and he still hasn’t been able to go home to Tony (dad) because Sam said he couldn’t, said that Tony didn’t want him, that he was only a pain, a liability, a piece of work. And maybe Sam was right, because really, why would Tony want Peter when he had Morgan and sometimes Harley. Why would Peter be needed, if anything Mr. Stark would be happy if he didn’t come home. Everyone would be happier, and that’s all he wanted, for everyone to be happy. He needed to make them happy, he needed to be a good boy. Do as told and don’t talk.
He could do it.
It doesn’t matter if he had befriended the blade again, started scaring his thighs, wrists and ribs again. Even after he told Tony he would never do it again, and if he did, he would tell the man. He hadn’t cut since the end of senior year, something that he was proud of, that Tony and Pepper were proud of (”They don’t actually care though, no one cares about Peter Parker, why would they care about you, dumb ass.”) None of it mattered. He didn’t matter. So what if he sat on the shower floor and sobbed, watched the blood circle around the drain and drip down his finger tips. It didn’t matter than the water got too cold and there was banging on the bathroom door, screaming for him to open up before Sam got mad.
“I’ll kill you if you don’t hurry the fuck up Peter! Do you want that, do you wanna die faggot!? I can make it happen babe. Do you wanna die?!”
Okay so I’m really in the mood to write, but I have no brain power to come up with a story right now...so if y’all would be so kind as to send some in, that would be really great. I’m open to writing pretty much anything, as long as it has nothing to do with a rape kink. I’m open to writing about rape, the recovery and the angst, but not someone enjoying it. Please send something in....PLEASEEEEEEEE.
janainaart
dailybridgerton
izzy806
jbbartram-illu
stormborns
kaledo-art
blakekathryn
dededos
baratheonpilled
