Robot Road House

Randomness. Ridiculousness. Robots.

[neotaki]

Fanart of Wreg, the unholy Lord of want, yearning and chivalry by @juunipupu

[butchhamlet]

shakespeare's english kings ranked by how bad they should have been at the club, by someone who is not a historian and has never been clubbing

henry v: the thing is that hal was at the club and it didn’t change anything. hal was at the club and it didn’t save him. but it matters. it matters that he was at the club. and kingship simply isn’t proper hal husbandry. you can’t keep a killer whale in a zoo. did nobody see free willy. yes he’s the mirror of all christian kings and he has the incredible rookie win streak of lightning mcqueen in the first cars movie but look at him he’s a shell of a man he needs 100ccs of EDM right now

richard ii: i need you to understand that richard ii died at age 33. he became king at age 10 and he was deposed at 32-ish and he died at 33. this motherfucker should NOT have been doing ANY of that he 100% should have been at the club. are you kidding. in shakespeare it’s not like he was actually running anything anyway. and the historical r2 was wayyyy more into art than governance or war, so really everyone would be better off. man should’ve been doing uppers to olly alexander songs and sponsoring new up-and-coming DJs, maybe one of whom is working on a 24-track album themed around a bunch of clubgoers telling their life stories while they all try to navigate public transit

edward iv: all this guy ever really wanted to do was drink, eat, and fuck. i know he would be taking fat bong rips if he could. however he did die at age 40 which is tilting past the point where i think, “wow, you shouldn’t have been doing that shit.” still, he would have enjoyed having stand-up sex with someone in the bathroom

henry vi: i know what i just said, and i know henry vi died at 49, but let us be for real: he absolutely should not have been in the government. he should have been anywhere else. however we must also be for real in acknowledging that henry vi would not like the club and would not want to be there

henry iv: i don’t think henry iv would particularly like the club either, but as i understand it, he was a pretty sociable and likable dude before he got himself into all of that. nevertheless, he’s a step below h6 because he got himself into all of that, whereas h6 needs some kind of rescue intervention

richard iii: richard iii died at 32, which does incline me toward thinking he would benefit. but he said himself that he isn’t shaped for sportive tricks, so maybe being at the club watching everyone else dance and flirt would simply fuel his deep-seated resentment toward society. at least the club is 18+, so there are no killable or marriageable teens in the vicinity, and perhaps doing some lines behind the bar would have fixed him

king john: nobody liked king john and he didn’t have fun. i don’t think the club would have helped

henry viii: henry viii was basically already at the club for his entire tenure as king and there were casualties. people died because of the tudor court’s levels of At The Club. i firmly believe he would get thrown out for drunken sexual harassment

[doodleoo]

what you learn from hobbies:

consistent practice opens up whole worlds of skill that you couldn't imagine

making mistakes in the process of learning is not only natural, it is also essential

activities that you enjoy can give you more energy back than you spent on them

wow everything is so expensive

[doodleoo]

my hands hurt

[paintedstitches]

my back hurts

[knittingontheroad]

I thought I could count but apparently I can't.

[ladyoftheharbour]

that picture of the little boy holding a puppy and smiling with the writing on the bottom that says hi daddy this is my doggy chelsea isn't she cute i love you and the picture of the cat with the writing that says our michael... pet photos of all time

[ladyoftheharbour]

these ones

[spirkbitch]

They keep trying to make trek for modern sensibilities but they’re just making tos look excessively slutty

[spirkbitch]

Exhibit A

[spirkbitch]

I liked these tags but I had something to say about it

I already assumed that the dresses were a choice made by the female crew, mostly for my own sanity. They do show (very infrequently) women in tos wearing pants

And they show men wearing dresses in tng, but only ever in the background (unless you count the dress uniforms)

And obviously I like that these were included, but they were clearly a cop out decision.

“Yeah see men can wear dresses, women can wear pants. They just don’t choose to” reads as “of course I’m not sexist, women just like wearing tiny little dresses in the future”

And thinking about it from a late sixties perspective, many women did see more revealing clothes as an empowering choice to make. Men wanted women covered and modest, understated makeup, only exposed or done up for male enjoyment. Some women took that in the opposite direction and chose to wear more extravagant makeup, revealing clothing, and brighter colors. It was a progressive time, and some of the choices made in an attempt to highlight that in the show did not age well.

But at the same time, you can clearly see that some of these “progressive” points were only added in as a write off.

[anghraine]

And thinking about it from a late sixties perspective, many women did see more revealing clothes as an empowering choice to make. Men wanted women covered and modest, understated makeup, only exposed or done up for male enjoyment. Some women took that in the opposite direction and chose to wear more extravagant makeup, revealing clothing, and brighter colors.

I think it's worth emphasizing that this very genuinely is the main reason for the "sexist" miniskirts. IRL, women were often not choosing between sexy miniskirts and non-objectifying pants, but long skirts (respectable) and short skirts (rebellious). Deliberately wearing short skirts as rebellion against patriarchal control that mandated long skirts or maaaaybe loose slacks on a good day is still hardly unknown among girls/women leaving conservative communities in the USA, and was only more commonly coded that way at the time.

Sally Kellerman, the actress for Elizabeth Dehner, found the close fit of the supposedly more feminist pants uncomfortable and is often given something to hold in front of her because she was so intensely self-conscious about them. Grace Lee Whitney (Janice Rand) loathed the more "proper" initial look and worked with the (gay) costume designer, William Ware Theiss, to design a different, more daring and cool-looking aesthetic for women of the future that appealed to her personally. That was what resulted in the miniskirt uniform design. No doubt it served the objectifying tastes of various straight men involved, but literally zero of them were responsible for the design of Whitney's and Nichols's uniforms.

Not only did Nichelle Nichols not consider herself suffering from the miniskirt, she admitted later to sometimes deliberately lifting the skirt even higher at Uhura's station to show off more of her legs because she hadn't worked so hard on her body to not show them off. Meanwhile, Jill Ireland, the actress for Leila Kalomi, was nervous that she might have to wear the kinds of revealing costumes so many other TOS actresses did, and Theiss instead designed her the comfortable overalls she wears as Leila in "This Side of Paradise."

The kneejerk backlash against short skirts (in decidedly more reactionary eras of both Star Trek and US culture) led to both the large-scale disappearance of the skirts and the snide commentary on them throughout later iterations of Trek, with zero consideration of the fact that they were designed by a gay man to suit the preferences of the leading actresses at a time when they commonly represented rebellion. The Berman-era Star Trek productions tut-tutting at the old costumes while actually putting actresses in uncomfortable, form-fitting uniforms they disliked is ... uh, something else.

Even while the female Starfleet costumes shifted towards pants (and militarism) in the movies, btw, Nichelle Nichols insisted on getting to wear skirts as Uhura—because she liked them and she had little patience for 80s respectability.

[mint-swirl]

clown event still possible

[tmbgareok]

There's plenty of merch for tmbg fans, but where's the merch for tmbg haters?

.

[easterndaylighttime]

if I just had the presence of mind and the wherewithal and the chutzpah and the bandwidth and the executive function and the energy and the mental resources and the spoons and the right attitude and the capacity and the gumption and th

[abbiistabbii]

The Germans really cooked making "Hobbyless behaviour" an insult. It is both devastating, applicable to a wide range of people and behaviours, and doesn't resort to swearing.

Man ranting on the internet about the Superbowl halftime show or complaining that something is "woke"? Hobbyless Behaviour. Girls mocking another girl for not looking right? Hobbyless Behaviour. Mindless vandalism? Hobbyless Behaviour.

It is more powerful than "get a life" or the English "You're Sad" because it gets to the central point of the matter, and that is wonderful. Danke, Deutsch.

[darkcomedies]

evoking bertholt brecht’s “the way people cast a play!” quote as a spell against prescriptive, stereotypical, fatalistic typecasting

[darkcomedies]

idk what to tell you except go look at the fishwives

[hotcrossedfangs]

[shounenchild]

my favorite part of this whole thing tbh

[greenishness]

i'm thinking about charlotte brontë spending her last years editing and publishing her sisters' writings and about christopher tolkien dedicating his life to the protection and meticulous reconstruction his father's life's work and about johanna van gogh publishing the letters between vincent and theo that would propel vincent van gogh into fame because she knew how much her husband had loved his brother, and about how so often art isn't just a reflection of the artist's mind and skills but a testament to the fact that they were loved

[greenishness]

My sister just quoted this post at me over dinner bc it was discussed in her philosophy class & I can't even smugly inform her of its authorship. Due to the mindhunter yaoi state of my most recent blog history.

[milligramspoison]

yeah

[thebeetleb0y]

Watching TikTok try and rewrite fandom history by saying fandom culture was created by teenage girls makes me eye twitch to an extent I’ve never felt it twitch before. The middle aged women printing out Spirk erotica to share with each other in the 1900s did not die for this!!!! How dare you erase our important historic moments!!! You would be nowhere without the 30 year old women who dedicated their free time to making these spaces happen. Put some respect on their names!!!!

[libraryogre]

You're right, but did you have to term it "the 1900s"?

[perennial-lee]

Anti-revenge narrative this, anti-revenge narrative that, I personally think that Inigo Montoya had the right idea when he stabbed Count Rugen in the gut and said "I want my father back, you son of a bitch"

[galwednesday]

A lot of revenge arcs end with the hero saying "there's nothing you can do to bring my loved one back, so me seeking revenge is pointless." The Princess Bride's revenge arc ends with Inigo Montoya saying "there's nothing you can do to bring my loved one back, so there's nothing that can save you."

[weerd1]

A Brief Report on the Origin of Extra-Dimensional Amphibious Sapients

(Note: This report is classified Epsilon Sigma, Starfleet O-10 and above unless designated as having need to know by appropriate agencies)

Stardate: 61203.19

Agency: Starfleet Xenocosmozoa Department, Starbase Deep Space 13

Reporting Agent: Lt. Cmdr Darid Kai MD, Starbase Deep Space 13, SFXD Investigative Leadership

Report:

Summary: Beginning with a sighting on stardate 49420.9, various Starfleet officers and enlisted personnel have reported visitation by lifeforms which appear and disappear with no obvious sign of transport. These life forms appear as a trio and resemble Terran amphibians or Tellarite aquapods, with a nose to tail length of approximately 1.3 meters. They have appeared on starships traveling at warp, orbital starbases, and on planetary surfaces. Their origin would appear to be Human.

---

The first reported sighting of the Extra-Dimensional Amphibious Sapients (EDAS) occurred on the USS Garrett (NCC-53210) exploring galactic north of the established Federation border. Ensign T’Seril, a junior science officer, was meditating in her quarters when she was, “disturbed by the sound of wet slaps against my floor.” She reports she opened her eyes to see the EDAS trio arranged in front of her watching. She immediately called the bridge to report intruders, and instructed the ship’s computer to begin visual and sensor recordings in her room. The EDAS made what Ensign T’Seril described as “murmuring pops and grunts.” They did not otherwise move from their positions. As security entered her quarters, the creatures disappeared, leaving a wet, slime residue where they had been. (Note: This account did not make it to the Xenocosmozoa Department files until this agent found it in the Garrett’s logs on stardate 61198.5 while beginning to research this phenomenon. Recommend update to Starfleet information channels reminding officers of the existence of SFXD.)

Since that first appearance, the EDAS have appeared more than 12 times to various locations, and other accounts may still exist in Starfleet records. Two notable instances are included here:

On stardate 53429.66, in the Gamma Quadrant on the eve of the New Bajor colony’s admission to the Federation, the Bajoran Government representatives reported that the three EDAS appeared on a serving table at a reception for dignitaries. The EDAS within seconds of their appearance began to consume a large tray of jumja sticks until they were chased away from the table by a Bajoran militia colonel. The EDAS again disappeared not long after. This instance is notable for it taking place in the Gamma Quadrant, but again in the presence of Starfleet personnel. An officer present, Doctor (REDACTED BY REQUEST) collected samples of residual slime and saliva for later testing and discovered the presence of human DNA in the samples. (Note: Thank you, Dr. (REDACTED) for remembering to pass these results to the SFXD; I’m not sure why you wouldn’t want your name used; I’m not a Section 31 fan either.)

Most recently, on stardate 60230.5, this agency was contacted by Lt. Commanders Mariner and Boimler, the first officers (note: how does that work?) of the USS Cerritos. Lt. Cmdr. Mariner reached out to the SFXD after the EDAS appeared in the middle of a poetry reading on the Cerritos, snatched a bag of churros from the Captain, and according to Lt. Cmdr. Mariner, “Looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘Are you my mommy?’ I thought it was frickin’ weird, but then Boims said he recognized them.” After discussion with Lt. Cmdr. Boimler regarding the physical similarities with life forms “encountered” by the USS Voyager in the Delta Quadrant on stardate 49373, Lt. Cmdr. Mariner recommended contacting, “those nerds at SFXD.” (Note: I am not a nerd, I am a scientist.)

The suggestions from the Cerritos officers led to this agent searching databases and researching an incident aboard the USS Voyager following the test of a Warp 10 engine. The details are (REDACTED AT THE REQUEST OF THE INVOLVED OFFICERS) which resulted in the birth of the three ESADs. They would seem to have inherited the ability to transport across vast interstellar distances, due to the mutations caused by warp experiment. This agent can’t help but note that had the crew of the Voyager kept the ESADs on board, they might have been able to unlock their abilities and shave several years off their return to the Alpha Quadrant. 

But more importantly, Admiral (REDACTED): Your kids are looking for you.

End of Report, Starfleet Department of Xenocosmozoa, Agent Darid Kai.

(Note: Happy Threshold Day)

[clerkrard]

i think we need to start putting signs in front of photos of mcr like those pictures of cats that misbehave. for example:

[robotroadhouse]

Just for the sake of history, here's a transcript of this amazing moment. Thanks to this show transcript post from @omtaisart

[Gerard]: Okay. Oh, was talking about Cheeseburger in Paradise, oh right. So, I keep a list of really excellent murder music. And you know, it’s not like I would—I would play this music to murder people, I don’t ever plan on doing that, but, should, let’s say, you know, I write a film or there’s a TV show, like, there was this scene in, uh, the first episode of Umbrella Academy where Five kills all these people in the, in the, um, donut shop, and I was like, please use ‘Daydream Believer’ by The Monkees. I love them, please use—this is—this is perfect murder music, ‘Istanbul’ is not on my murder music list, but you know what is now? Cheeseburger In fucking Paradise. This is kinda on the list. I think. What do you say we play it? Let’s do it.

(Gee did name-drop TMBG specifically, I recall because I was so !!!!! when it happened)