Rokaya

Your work, merely, will lead to perfect laughter.

[rokaya77]

The Form is the idea of good... the cause of all that's right and beautiful

Plato

[rokaya77]

I want the only love I have known all my life: the heavens of my psyche, despite my never making anything out of it.

I want to sit in the dark by myself every night for the rest of my life. Just like this moment, this is it; that's all there is to life. But my heart still aches for more to come.

Fortunately for me, I know all about what will be mine: it's more freedom, more beauty, shine, peace & glory, and it's the best I can build for myself. Just the thought of it raises my hands in prayer, and without questioning, to be there, it requires that no one will be there once I walk out of this room, unlike my current situation.

[rokaya77]

There's nothing this heart craves more than to be a pious, but other desires get in the way. Those desires are very humanly irrational, and they could never compare to a life of a total commitment.

[rokaya77]

I don't care about pain, as long as I make it.

[rokaya77]

It's an August night, yet there's a blissful breeze; as if the Earth isn't dying.

[rokaya77]

The divine begs to let yourself be, let the love within flow, in and out, it's the only way a human can win in her life.

[rokaya77]

There's always something to write about

Writing is magical and placative for the only species known to consciously depict their lives, intending to ultimately unlock an innate potential or a desire that will never be acquired or satisfied. So, we write till the day we die, never running out of things to write about and report on because we learn and unlearn every day.

[rokaya77]

[...] I never cared about money, I should worry about distilling what's inside my heart only.

[rokaya77]

I have been trapped in Sisyphus body since the summer of 2021 and, consequently, completely detained from loose joy. My body had forgotten what relaxation and deep breathing were. Most of my days didn't amount to anything but suffering, which kept me on the fringes of all my survival emotions. I thought I was broken and helpless; it brought me immense shame. I'm surprised nobody could notice it; maybe they did, but surely not as bad as it was because it was taller and bigger than me, and I carried it everywhere.

[rokaya77]

Education is a bliss

The long hours spent sitting down and trying to figure out why some physical parameter is like that and why and how it varies according to certain circumstances won't amount to nothing. And passionately and obsessively pressing yourself to draw a conclusion that could finally qualify you to evolve a finer vision, for your brain to make new paths associating all what you have been aggregating won't amount to nothing. It won't amount to nothing because, with the gods as your witnesses, you never did it to get validated; you gave in to its mystery with humility and respect in order to ascertain truth, and that truth has meaning beyond anything tangible life can guarantee you, the kind that could never be taken away from you. You did it because it seemed right at the time, like a calling, despite your doubts and insecurities, and now you can feel its beauty with immense gratitude and a perfect smile.

[rokaya77]

Happiness depends upon ourselves

The guilt of spending less than 98% of the day alone continues to haunt her. Meeting with people or sharing a story with someone feels unethical, and she broods at the thought of losing her garden of solitude. She doesn't hate people, and more importantly, she isn't scared of getting hurt by them. She's invasively defensive and desperate for isolation because the greens of her garden are so beautiful that it would make everything outside her soul nothing but a commotion.

[rokaya77]

Don't let life to get in the way of you living your life.

[rokaya77]

Next time when it gets dreary, be depressed and cut; let it be ugly and messy, but never allow degenerate scenarios; you know it's not what you could ever want.

[shisasan]

𝙹𝚞𝚕𝚢 𝟸, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟸 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙳𝚒𝚊𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝙾𝚏 𝙵𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚣 𝙺𝚊𝚏𝚔𝚊, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟺-𝟷𝟿𝟸𝟹 [ᴛʀɪᴘ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴇɪᴍᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴊᴜɴɢʙᴏʀɴ ᴊᴜɴᴇ 𝟸𝟾-ᴊᴜʟʏ 𝟸𝟿, 𝟷𝟿𝟷𝟸]

[ID: July 2. Sad. END ID]

[rokaya77]

Do it for a lonely summer

Sitting alone in the dark, this moment is what I craved most during the two harsh semesters of being an engineering student. On my closet door back at campus, as motivation, I wrote, "Do it for a lonely summer." Lonely is for describing what my soul is composed of. Lonely is for solitude and peace because of the lovely movies and art I consume and some new technical skills I get to acquire. Lonely is also a bit sad and painful due to a lack of human interaction. Isolation results in me abusing myself with psychoanalysis to intensify shame in me or to move me forward. I meant to strive academically to have this summer, and it's a lonely one where my only burden is things like : what to watch next, how to exercise better, how to have a clear mind, and what actually matters…

[rokaya77]

Her uptightness can be seen in her inability to swim; she couldn't just float, and God forbid she lets herself be at the mercy of water; she can't predict the movement of waves. Waves are natural, and so is she; she's well aware of that fact, but she can't let go. She keeps telling herself that even ships don't sink, but she uncontrollably also believes she's different from that fact and from everyone else. She will indeed drown and die, only to embarrass herself and ruin everybody's day on the beach.

[rokaya77]

Solitude is what matters

It's my calling to escape people and be alone; It's such a unique purpose[...]. That itch inside is supposed to be nurtured, not taken as bothersome.