Some parenting ramblings
So I have a random theory. One reason all these manosphere weirdoes have such purchase is that many boys live in homes where the parenting responsibilities are a bit lopsided. It's the Fun Dad and Strict Mom dynamic. And I think changing these dynamics is key if you want to keep boys from falling down manosphere rabbit holes.
In the Strict Mom Fun Dad Houses, things play out like this.
Dad brings the fun and excitement. Mom's the one who has to do all the disciplining and rule-making, or strong-arm Dad into doing some of it.
When Dad calls a family meeting, it's because fun things are being planned. Trips to the amusement park, fishing trips, etc. When Mom calls the meeting. It means stricter rules are about to be laid down or that a bunch of people's favorite shows or foods are off limits because she read something weird on a mommy blog or some weirdo at the Ladies' Ministry Meeting gave her an idea and no one wants to be the one who doesn't follow the Preacher's Wife.
But even when dad is doing some of the hard stuff, the kids know why. They know Dad doesn't give a shit and is only acting because the couch is lumpy and he'd prefer to sleep in bed.
Many of these households operate under the rule "If mom's not happy, nobody will be happy." And more than a few moms with undiagnosed mental health disorders have used that cultural saying as an excuse to take their bullshit out on their kids.
And I grew up in a Strict Mom, Fun (or at least Relatively Lenient) Dad house. Granted, it took me an embarrassing amount of time to understand and work around the dynamic. My sister had to explain at least 50 times that dad was chill when I didn't do things that made him have to do more work.
There was often a vibe shift when Mom entered the room compared to when Dad entered the room. Things were still cool when Dad walked in. When Mom walked in, the vibes often went South.
And even in religious households where the preachers like to dedicate whole sermons to how dad should be the one doing the disciplining because gender roles yadda yadda yadda, it was basically the opposite.
If we were at church, it was Mom. If we were voluntold for a church function behind our backs, it was Mom. If we were at church suuuuuper early, it was mom volunteering for a role at church that required them to be at church 2-3 hours early. If we were at church on a Tuesday night for a revival meeting because an otherwise unemployable itinerant preacher was in town, again, mom. And this was a pretty consistent story in my peer group. The moms were the ones announcing the negative things and enforcing the rules strictly. Dad was fun.
Now imagine you live in a house as a boy. Every time your mom comes back from some outing with other moms, you learn that there's a new rule because mom doesn't want to be accused of being a bad mom by the other people in the mom group/ladies ministry. When you come home from school, ready for the weekend, you learn you're not getting a weekend because mom voluntold you for a function while you weren't home. Whenever a family meeting is called to announce something unpleasant, it's your mom dropping the hammer.
Dad's the one who pretends he didn't catch you watching movies they shouldn't or let's you have extra time on the Nintendo so he can do less work.
And then, 12-year-old you goes on the Internet and reads some dude telling you that all your problems are caused by women. It tracks with your life experience. And this sends you down a rabbit hole.
And you can say I'm being hyperbolic or whatever but a lot of boys go down these rabbit holes not because they have big thoughts about big things. They're mad about little things they can't control.
Now what can moms and dads do? Sure, banning manosphere wackos might seem like a good solution, but that's very temporary.
The trick is to equally divvy up the responsibilities in a way that hasn't been tried in our broader culture. Let Mom call some family meetings to announce something fun. Let dad actively do some of the punishing. And yes, they have to be actual punishments.
When implementing a rule, ask yourself: Am I making this rule because it's trendy or because it's necessary?
Examine how your kids react when you walk into a room compared to when Dad walks in. If all the fun suddenly stops and all the kids are suddenly tense and thinking their day is about to be ruined, examine that.
Keeping boys from falling for manosphere dipshits takes more than confiscating phones and monitoring what websites boys go to.