like it's dynamite

[mndvx]

masonthegooding 🦖🌱🦎🌿🐢🌱🦖

[romeodubois]

TEXT 🤔 LEMEO

Lemon: I didn’t auction off my mouth!!! And I wasn’t being desperate either! I was the one in control and choosing how I wanted my first kiss to go and considering I didn’t go through with it even though it was perfectly orchestrated to MY OWN specific wishes, it’s literally the exact opposite of desperation and 100% on brand for me. UNLIKE HAVING SEX IN A CLOSET WITH FRASER DURING MY BIRTHDAY PARTY!

Romeo: Okay.

[romeodubois]

Text 🙄 Dylmeo

Dylan: I just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

Romeo: I apologize on behalf of my gender, that any of us can objectify women to the point of seeing them as "things" they can just "dibs". I'm hoping it was just some drunken idiot who won't bother you. And besides, doesn't he know that dibs are purely fake?

[romeodubois]

TEXT 🍿 CROMEO

Clarissa: I always have time for my favorite people! I know I've been a bit busier since graduating, but the people I care about will always take priority in my life.

Clarissa: But yes, movies and margaritas with one of my closest friends does sound amazing. Let me know a day and a time, and I promise I'll be there.

Romeo: I know and appreciate that you're an expert at time management, but I just like to be accommodating of your schedule. It's only polite. And besides, apparently you're very busy with work mixers. Can I just comment about how incredibly beautiful you looked in that photograph? I haven't stopped thinking about it since you posted.

Romeo: I definitely will. Any movies you've been meaning to watch, or should we choose one at random?

[romeodubois]

text 💬 roxel

Axel: I feel like I am my most expressive in person! I have like great eyebrow game you know? I wouldn't really know what to get her clothes wise anyway... maybe I get her a necklace?

Axel: She always forgives me at some point so I just .... stick around until she does again

Romeo: It's true, you do keep them fairly groomed as well which helps. Necklaces are good. I like to get gifts personalized to their interests. Expensive yoga mats for the fitness girls, expensive briefcases for the professionals, you know.

Romeo: That's true. Maybe you should just kiss her. That feels like it'd do the trick quickly.

[romeodubois]

text 💬 roxel

Axel: she says i wasn't "expressive enough" when we texted. I don't know what that means! all my face expressions I emoji! maybe i can get her some presents.

Axel: exercise, that's a good idea. i'll go for a fun. and maybe stop by her house?

Romeo: I don't know what that means either, actually. If she wants expressiveness when you communicate, maybe she should Facetime you instead of texting. Presents are never a bad idea. Just make sure to know her sizes if you plan on buying clothes. That can go wrong quickly.

Romeo: Just make sure not to seem too desperate. Girls don't like men who don't have dignity.

[romeodubois]

text 💬 roxel

Axel: yeah, she dumped me again. i don't get it. we were doing so good this time

Axel: i can't drink alcohol, it's so unhealthy! i'm sad but i can't sacrifice my body

Romeo: Women. Can't live with them, can't say phrases about them anymore without being considered "sexist". I'm sure you did nothing wrong. You're a very devoted boyfriend. Maybe she just needs space. Or presents.

Romeo: A little wine never killed anybody. In fact, scientists say it improves health in the long term. But fine. Perhaps some good old fashioned fun like bowling?

[romeodubois]

text 💬 roxel

Axel: got any good ideas for a distraction? 😥

Romeo: Let me guess, lady troubles?

Romeo: I've never had to deal with those but alcohol is a decent distraction from everything.

[romeodubois]

Text 📲 Lomeo

Lola: If I knew they’d be off by now! I think!

Lola: Har Har very funny. I go to libraries all the time! That’s where they keep the mystery books that are out of print and the nerdy hotties!

Romeo: You know that Geniesearching "how to remove parental control on Crownflix" is an option, yes?

Romeo: I wouldn't know, I don't spend a lot of time in libraries myself but imagining you in one was quite difficult. Surely there are easier places to man-hunt.

[romeodubois]

TEXT 🍿 CROMEO

Romeo: Is my favorite interior designer free any time soon to accompany me to the movies? Apparently there's a theater that sells cocktails and while I'm usually more of a wine drinker, the idea of a margarita in a movie theater is admittedly appealing.

[romeodubois]

TEXT 🤔 LEMEO

Lemon: It's not about what matters more AROUND HERE, Romeo! I’m a failing playwright that threw a 1920s themed birthday bash with a suggested vibe of DEBAUCHERY and stood right in the middle of a game that I had no intention on actually participating in. Do you really think I don’t understand the powers of public perception? I KNOW what I’m doing. The problem I have is YOU falling for it. You know me, you’re my friend. You’re supposed to be one of the main people that know I’m not the kind of girl that would have sex in a CLOSET let alone in hearing distance of a party that everyone I know is at!

Romeo: I am your friend and I did think that I knew you, but once you auctioned off your mouth, I realized I didn't know you as well as I thought, and that's nobody's fault but your own frankly. You put that desperation out into the universe and whether or not you went through with it, doing that at all was something I literally never would've thought you capable of.

[romeodubois]

TEXT 🤔 LEMEO

Lemon: I did not essentially sell my mouth on craigslist!!! I didn’t even kiss anyone and i wasn’t for sale!! Party sex in a closet with my friend is NOT on par! I was in a private area at my party and it is not the same thing. If it was the same thing everyone would’ve known that I had been crying in there and that’s what the screaming was about NOT sexual noises! Other people having bad enough taste to care about what Clarissa does and doesn’t do sounds a lot like something that has nothing to do with me. I’ve had a publicist since I was twelve, if I need help letting certain things fly under the radar I already know who to call and that number is not my dear oh so sainted sister. I didn’t BEG the public to kiss me and it didn’t sully my reputation with anyone other than you apparently. Which is SUPER WEIRD considering that you’re one of two people that knows I didn’t even kiss a random!

Romeo: My time is too valuable to keep arguing the same points over and over, but know that my opinion on none of it has changed. And again, the fact that you didn't end up kissing anyone doesn't change how desperate the whole thing made you look. When will you realize that perception matters even more than reality around here?

[romeodubois]

TEXT 🤔 LEMEO

Lemon: You heard that from someone else and still believed it enough to text that you were disappointed in me! That's literally worse. It is not almost as uncouth. We were in private and I was upset. I can yell in private if I want to, people listening at the door isn't my concern after that. Clarissa went through a committed relationship without her sex life ever coming up because literally no one cares about Clarissa or that weirdo she dated, she's boring. There's nothing to talk about with her. It wasn't a sweepstakes. It was more like an open casting call where no one actually won because I didn't go through with it! I told YOU that!

Romeo: I only believed it because earlier this year, you essentially sold your mouth on Craigslist; party sex in a closet seemed up to par. Regardless of the door between you and the rest of the party, you were still at your party which means you were in public, and how you choose to conduct yourself in public says a lot. Just because you don't care about Clarissa doesn't mean other people don't. Plenty of us do. She just happens to be skilled at letting the right things fly under the radar and you're too stubborn to see that she could be a great asset to you. And I know, I remember that you told me that you sullied your reputation for no pay-off. It doesn't change the fact that you essentially begged the public for someone to kiss you. That's the part people remember.

[romeodubois]

TEXT 🤔 LEMEO

Lemon: Oh my god! I am NOT a screamer...well at least in that way. I was literally screaming! At Fraser! Who I got stuck in the closet with during Suck N Seven Minutes and who I would never ever have sex with! Yes, they really would. I'm much less likely to have sex with anyone than she is and here you are making these assumptions.

Romeo: Again, I'm not making assumptions. I heard it from someone who was standing much closer to the closet door than I was, but truthfully, screaming at somebody during a party is almost as uncouth. Unless he tried to hurt you, in which case you'd tell someone like Carter or me or Liam and we'd take care of him for you. Clarissa went through a committed relationship without her sex life ever becoming public knowledge one way or another, and you started a sweepstakes where your kisses were the prize, so I think I and many others would have to disagree with you there.

[romeodubois]

TEXT 🤔 LEMEO

Lemon: No wait I'll stop!!!! But huh??? I /didn't/ have sex at my party! Especially not in the closet! I barely even got my not even real first kiss that day, who in the world does all of THAT two seconds later!!!! Literally what are you even talking about???? And I don't need to ask Clarissa for help with anything, especially not IMAGE related tyvm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Romeo: I appreciate it, though the multiple exclamation marks do still feel a bit like needles to the eye. And that's not what I heard. Apparently you partook in Seven Minutes in Suck N Blow or whatever that gross game is called and whatever happened in the closet, you were loud; I must say I never took you for a screamer. I'm just saying that no one would ever accuse Clarissa of that, no matter what they heard.

[romeodubois]

TEXT 🤔 LEMEO

Lemon: I'LL STOP USING ALL CAPS WHEN YOU STOP ACCUSING ME OF DOING *THAT* IN A CLOSET!!! AND MODERATELY SUCCESSFUL??? WHAT!!!

Romeo: In that case, this conversation is over after this message, because you're honestly giving me a headache, but for the record, I'm not "accusing" you of anything. I was also at that party and people talk. I was waiting for you to bring it up to me first but since it was taking a while, I took it upon myself to message you about it to tell you that I'm disappointed in you. Perhaps you should ask Clarissa for advice before your next party rolls around; she'd be able to tell you exactly why what you did is so uncouth and how to maintain a better image going forward.

[romeodubois]

TEXT 🤔 LEMEO

Lemon: WHOOOOO IS THIS TEXT MEANT FOR! WHAT BIRTHDAY PARTY?

Romeo: This text is meant for the person I sent it to, aka the person who had a moderately successful 20's themed 20th birthday party where closets were used in ways closets were never meant to be used. And I'd appreciate it if you could stop the all-caps nonsense; it makes your texts read as very loud and it's very irritating.