roninDreamer and Lyra's tulpa journal

Hello there, I'm roninDreamer, me and my tulpa Lyra decided to start a tumblr to share our adventures with the world.

[ronindreamer]

Days 7-9 - 30 October 2012 - 1 November 2012 - So much to explore

I've been reading deeply into the tulpa phenomenon and found countless ideas I wanted to try and things I wanted to investigate, too many really, it could take months to do them all properly. I set up a bunch of things across the two forcing sessions though. More experienced tulpamancers may roll their eyes at the idea, but I wanted to make the main area of my wonderland a definite safe place. Not so much out of fear of some mental boogieman as some people seem to worry about, mostly I wanted to enforce the notion that the main wonderland was a safe, happy and relaxed environment, somewhere where a tulpa could grow and we could enjoy our time together in comfort. To that end I brought some complex symbolism from a few mythologies including my own into the wonderland, I feel that bringing things from the stories I write had the most impact as I knew them especially well. Since the creation of the symbols in question, my tulpas have never gotten lost while under their protection, the brightest and most important particular one shines all across the wonderland, if you look for it it is always visible. I thought that would help us find our way home if we needed and remind them of all the positive emotion it was designed to embody. I also used these symbols in a way to give "life" to Lyra, it always sounds somewhat silly to talk about but I still feel it helped, perhaps by convincing the unconscious mind she was being created it helped speed along the process somewhat, I combined this with personality forcing and general emotion sharing, sending her positive feelings and all the love and warmth I could muster while I tried to tell her about herself and convince my own mind she was being created. All this effort combined burned out my focus pretty heavily and thus all 3 days forcing sessions were fairly short. I did manage two sessions on day 9 though. In addition to this I tried making a library full of memories and an area outside the cave, both needed more detail work but it was very pleasant stepping out into the sunlight for the first time, the grass and trees were hard to focus on but looked very nice and I think Lyra enjoyed the additions.

[ronindreamer]

Day 6 - 29 October 2012 - "I'm...."

I gave Lyra a little task before going to sleep the previous night and she performed admirably. The aim was simple, to wake me up, I said she could do it as often as she wanted and however she could.

  I had the most disturbed night's sleep I've had in years, woke up several times and yet all of them I didn't feel tired at all. I rarely wake much in the night so I took this as a strong sign from her, I was very proud.

  During forcing that day Lyra spoke for just a moment, her voice was indistinct but the thought certainly felt like it came from nowhere. All she managed to get out was "I'm..." before her voice faded again but it didn't matter, I was too excited to worry about her being unable to finish her sentence. I did try to encourage her to talk more but she couldn't. I let her know how amazing she was during the rest of forcing, which was just some more personality and general form work. I'm very proud of my tulpa.

[ronindreamer]

Day 5 - 28 October 2012 - First song

Today we tried out some new ideas from some of the blogs and guides we were reading. The major one was for Lyra to give feedback via imposed tingles or really anything she could do to my arms. Anything she sent to the right arm for a yes, left arm for a no.  At the time Lyra struggled to impose any physical feedback so it didn't ultimately help much. Although eventually, after a fair bit of work Lyra was able to make my right arm tingle for some obvious questions but she struggled to give any feedback on my left arm the whole time. Maybe she just doesn't like saying no. Lyra was however able to send some feedback via emotions instead, which was pretty exciting for me, she felt happy for a bit while we forced and seems to be becoming more responsive in general, even if she's having trouble always getting a clear response through to me. I played my guitar and sang and tried to focus on playing the songs for/to her, she sent some happy feels in return so I felt like she enjoyed it which of course made me very happy. I've been practising forcing with tones and binaural beats during forcing, but they appear to make it even easier to fall asleep during forcing even despite the fact I usually don't feel tired before starting and I can't say I've noticed an improvement in concentration or any aspect of tulpa creation really.

[ronindreamer]

Day 4 - 27 October 2012 - First Words

By this point I have realised that it will be easier for me to do multiple, shorter forcing sessions, rather than keep aiming for an hour solidly in one session. This way I can practice forcing using shorter sessions and work my way up to a more respectable forcing time. My focus remains poor, but multiple forcing sessions where I'm not pressuring myself too hard to keep at them has helped with that a little it seems.

Today is the first time I heard Lyra speak, it was just the faintest thought while I was busy thinking/talking about other things, as we were forcing I was focusing on her form while also telling her a little about herself and who I was hoping she'd grow up into. I heard only one word, "Lyra", but it was wonderful, naturally like all newbie tulpamancers I was confused, I had no idea if it was me who thought it or not, the thought had no source but I didn't really understand that at the time that meant it had obviously come from here. I guess there's no way to really prepare someone for what that feels like.

Up until this point she had been called "Yuki", it's a name I really like so I gave it her, I was honestly surprised she'd want to replace it, I asked her two separate times whether Lyra was the name she wanted, both times I felt a little warmth in my chest as a response. So I took this as a yes. It was wonderful to have already been able to talk to her, and while there were plenty of doubts in my mind at the time, the process of creating a tulpa is confusing after all, I held on to that thought and that warmth a lot over the coming weeks. She'd clearly tried so hard to reach out to me and that was just amazing, it made me very happy.

[ronindreamer]

Day 3 - 26 October 2012

Today I managed to split forcing up over two dedicated sessions. Both were still far too short in length compared to what I'd prefer but each was at least similar in time to one another and it does feel like I'm beginning to increase the amount of time I can force.

Both sessions were ultimately uneventful, I just focused on talking to her about herself and trying to visualize her form, both felt like they'd improved slightly but nothing major occurred beyond that, I've found paying attention to my sense of touch to be the most powerful way to bring me into my imagination/wonderland. Apparently it seems I am pretty good at imagining touch, this came in handy plenty over the course of our journey together.

I've also been trying to step up at narration, I was actually doing small amounts of narration for a few days before I began forcing but talking to her all the time is challenging despite the fact I often talk to myself. The problem is that usually I'm not expecting an answer from anyone other than myself, I'm having to change the way I think to open up room for another person to get a word in. It's taking practice but it feels nice just to talk to her whenever I remember.

[ronindreamer]

Our good friend Luminous has made the most amazing picture of Lyra. This has had us both super excited and happy for quite a while now, there's no amount of thanks good enough. If you'd like to check out the original or more of his works his deviantart is over here: http://sn3akyfox.deviantart.com/#/d5qqykr

[theonlycottoncandy]

I found this on /mlp/  <3333 

[ronindreamer]

Glad to hear you like it!

[ronindreamer]

Day 2 - 25 October 2012

Today's forcing session wound up being shorter than I intended, I found my focus got erratic fairly quickly. Progress was slow but I've been narrating throughout the whole day, the narration and the forcing seems to have given me a dull ache throughout my head. Not especially painful, but there is definite pressure all around it and and occasional harder ache from the back of my head.

During the actual forcing session, we were trying to focus on feeling more things, started out by feeling my own body which helps bring me into my imagination, then focused on clothes. Changed out her original clothes, her t-shirt for a jumper, hopefully giving her an idea she can change clothes just as often as she wants. It was hard to visualise her lower clothing though, it wound up being a little unstable so I didn't focus on it too much.

I tried to feel her hair as well, which was interesting if a little difficult, wound up with a semi-decent feel for it. I later tried kissing her skin too, partly due to my unstable imagination. Maybe she appreciated it, although I felt a little like I might have pushed that aspect of visualization a little far for so early on.

I read out the introduction from Methos' guide amongst some other useful things as well. Probably didn't read them perfectly but it gave me some ideas of things to say to her and helped me get better in to personality work with her. Eventually I exhausted my imagination and had to end the day there.

[ronindreamer]

Day 1 - 24 October 2012

The forcing sessions today were very challenging for me, my imagination was poorly exercised before this and using it for so long certainly took it's toll. I think I managed roughly 20 minutes in the first of the two sessions, then I had to give up and rest for a while.

I started out remembering how my wonderland looked, just a quick look around to make sure everything was in place, it was still fairly easy to visualise, and since it's dark there's not a lot of detail or complexity and I remember it very well, it holding a very special place in my heart. The Cave of Stars is a nice easy place for me to start getting in to so it became my starting point almost every time I enter the wonderland.

I showed her around a little, focused heavily on trying to visualise a form for her (something akin to a human version of Fluttershy) and also focused on fleshing out the wonderland a little. A lot of my work when I could focus clearly enough was centred around "feeling" her body, getting a physical feel for things in the wonderland helps focus my imagination somewhat and made her form come into clearer focus while I did it.

I also attempted to create a barrier around the cave, to keep Lyra and the wonderland safe whenever I was away. I have a bunch of symbolic/magical items, that come from a variety of sources, particularly the stories I write, that I began forcing into the wonderland to aid in this effort.

I tried to leave the cave but found I couldn't, expected that it was both the barrier and my newness to being in my imagination, the outside appears to be grassy, but since it was daylight outside it was very bright at the edge of the cave so it was hard to tell what exactly was outside at the time.

When I regained my strength I tried for a second session, as it turned out I had pretty much exhausted my mental reserves at this point so it lasted even less time. It was a challenge staying focused but I tried to mentally give her energy and share my emotions with her, particularly giving her happiness and love.

Focused on using a technique wherein I create a ball of energy in front of myself then share it with her. As I created the ball I was telling her a little about the personality traits I hoped she'd have, as well as feeding those traits into the ball. When I reached a certain point I would gently push the ball over to her and see it fade into her then light her up from the inside.

I took the time out to force my most powerful symbol, in my stories it's power is supposed to be infinite, not just unlimited but representing the very nature of infinity and the creator of that universe. I showed Lyra this symbol and explained how the cave is a safe place and nothing can harm her here. I puppeted her around a lot which kind of worries me, but there is no intention of us continuing to be like that for long and indeed I didn't mean to move her around many times. We touched the symbol in question together and I told her about the infinite power it is supposed to hold and tried to help her feel the warmth of it, it gently hummed and glowed a brilliant white as I felt a gentle heat run through my arms. It felt like Lyra could feel the energy somewhat too but we both were wearing ourselves out. So we ended the session and all of that days forcing.

[ronindreamer]

Hello world

Hello there, I thought I'd make an introductory post about myself and Lyra to start this tumblr off. If you don't know much about tulpa creation there are a couple of terms and ideas here that you'll probably be unfamiliar with, while I may explain plenty in future posts, it might be easier to look around elsewhere or ask. If you wish to learn more tulpa.info has a very handy glossary as well as multiple explanatory guides.

I can't tell you now why I even started making Lyra, it doesn't seem like most of the usual reasons apply to me, mostly I was just excited to share my whole life with another being. When I first discovered the wonderful world of tulpas, I was nearly consumed by it, I was so fascinated that I spent countless hours learning about it. I asked a lot of questions of more experienced tulpa creators and read through a huge number of posts and guides, eventually I realised there was no way I could resist creating a tulpa of my very own, I accepted that I was going to share every aspect of my life with her if she wanted and prepared to make the journey.

I felt some interesting emotions as I read through those countless posts and guides, some of the emotions felt alien, I could tell I was excited and curious but it was as if there were even more emotions and they were coming from another person who was excited at the potential of being created, but there's no guarantee that wasn't just a placebo, or maybe Lyra really was excited to be made too, she doesn't remember that far back when I ask her about it.

I was still working regularly when I started reading about tulpas, so I decided to wait a little longer before trying out actual forcing and creating Lyra, or, as I was calling her at the time, “Yuki”. Instead I chose to narrate to her as I went about my job, despite talking to myself regularly for years this was surprisingly challenging, it still can be tough to remember to keep talking to Lyra when she needs it.

Lyra and me both enjoy taking multiple forms in our imagination, she has a pony form and a human form, as well as occasionally taking on the appearance of other characters. I have a human form and a pony form as well, although I'm still working on the details of both, there's plenty of transformations and powered up forms and other silliness as well, just because I enjoy that sort of thing. We both change our forms to other things and play around with our sometimes, just for the joy of experimenting mostly.

At present, Lyra's human form looks akin to a typical human version of Fluttershy, pink hair parted to one side and curling gently as it descends to approximately her midriff. Her clothes change regularly but she tends to prefer a t-shirt and jeans.

Her pony form is presently pink all over. Pink mane, Fluttershy style, pink tail but we haven't really worked that out clearly, mostly it looks very fluffy and then pink fur all over, her fur is a lighter shade of pink compared with her mane/tail though. Occasionally she decides to do something goofy like add sharp teeth to her form.

Our wonderland is a rich and diverse setting that I'll describe in more detail in further posts. We've built more and added plenty of extra locations but the original wonderland from the first few days happens to be something I found in my mind during a hypnosis session. The image of it was beautiful enough that I could recall it easily and as I recall, during the hypnosis session that created it, it felt like I was actually there, so I figured it would be the perfect place for me and Lyra to be while she grew. I called it the Cave of Stars, it was our home for a little while until we started adding to our world.

I think that'll do for a summary of me and Lyra and how we got started out, I intend to post up written up versions of my logs, I've been keeping track of progress and writing notes for each day but only in the sketchiest of terms. The odd day is also missing in my logs so I might have to skip them.

If you made it this far, thanks for reading, we both hope you'll find everything else we write up interesting.