Rory

[roryxan]

I WANT SKINNY FRIENDS

Im not being rude. I want someone I can go out with and eat NOTHING or just a drink. Walking 8-10k steps. I wanna go to a restaurant and share everything not eating a whole fucking pizza. Why do I attract people that love eating? EVERYTIME they are like “I wanna go eat this that” and I can’t refuse everytime especially if it’s a trip “I’ll bring you in this restaurant the food there is amazing” ok but if I don’t eat a lot they look at me weirdly and I basically pay for food I barely ate and I always have to find excuses

[ars0nsblog]

Me :>

[dainty-delicate-doll]

Us

[roryxan]

This might seem strange but I don’t have money to go to a psychologist to “diagnose” myself and I just really need advices if you had the same problems maybe you can help me..? Thank you <3

SCHOOL:

In middle school I was bullied, I locked myself up at home I stopped going out I looked on the Internet for ways to die without suffering and so on. In high school maybe I was bullied but much less. It often happened on the part of boys, especially in middle school. They made fun of me because I blushed all over my face, completely and every time someone, especially a boy in closed places, asked me something, I was dying of anxiety and blushed all over.

OTHER PROBLEMS

I have always envied the girls more beautiful than me. Sometimes I wanted to disappear, especially those who bullied me. They live the good life with friends with 1k+ followers I missed Instagram because I was afraid

EATING:

I started using chewing spitting method about 1 year ago because I’ve always hated my body now I should actually weigh myself

FRIENDSHIPS

I’ve always been alone I’ve always used the “mirror” method to make friends to make believe that we’ve known each other for a long time and we have a lot in common even if it’s often not like that.

AI

Since I met AI, all I do is spend days chatting with bots. Once before I knew this I used to daydream all the time now I do both that and chat with bots and sometimes I really like toxicity . I go out very little I’m 20 years old and it’s been like this for years.

EMOTIONS

I have absurd mood swings from that I’m happy to that in half a second I get very sad. When I fight in the family and it lasts for more than 1/2 minutes I go crazy. It takes me 5 minutes where I don’t understand and I don’t reason at all in fact I tried to take my life 1 time.

MEN

If any man compliments me I would feel like a happy child, regardless of age. In real life it’s different like if a guy were to ask me for my number I’m too afraid he’ll do it because he’s obliged (maybe he plays truth with his friends lol) and then I know he’ll cheat on me. I don’t want to be seen naked by someone. I’m afraid. I don’t trust.

In real life I don’t know what I would like. I love a bit of toxicity but I know it’s not what I want. I don’t know if I’ll be able to make the right choice because I want the gentleman but maybe a toxic guy risks influencing and manipulating me.

PS: im scared to death to have sex or to kiss. Im 20. Never hugged a guy. Barely talked to them (online especially) never kissed or more. Never been in a relationship.

Feel free to ask me any questions I’d like to find a bit of help if you can bc I’m kinda struggling. Thank you (this is not for attention but it’s not my job to make you believe it. PS sorry for my bad english!)

[roryxan]

I wanna see, hug, thank God and stay with him forever, now.

[roryxan]

The point is: what’s the point of continuing if you already know what will happen? I will finish university (maybe) even though I suck and fail many times. Then? Then I will have to work many hours a day to allow myself to eat something and drink, medicine and so on. I already know that I won’t find love because I’m afraid of loving someone very much. I don’t know what it means to be loved and I also add the problem I have in trusting people especially those of today (we know very well that having serious relationships is very difficult) I suffer a lot alone let alone if I had to suffer because of someone else. If I get to the end of the month, fine, let’s move on to the next one and let’s go. The money for personal pleasures (trips, whims) with the sh** I have left. I’m afraid to start a family because knowing me I don’t know if I would be a good mother. I prayed to live those scenes like in movies where parents kiss even at the table (and where their children often disgust ironically) my parents have never loved each other. Everyone is always on their own. Me my mom fat her sister. I only have one friend but we rarely go out. I have another one that I hate. I don’t have a social life but above all because they have very different tastes from mine. I daydream. A lot. I just imagine a fair Life that I won’t have. In short. I study, work, survive, if I can and if I get there I retire, I will probably have physical pain and then finally stop. What’s the point?

PS: sorry for my bad English.

[roryxan]

Imaging having someone that wants to ki** him/herself too with you

[sa-dnesss]

nobody talks about the fact that you can have all this crazy shit in your head, and want to open up and talk about your feelings but no matter what, you just can't make out the right words and properly put your thoughts and emotions into words

[youmatterlifeline]

[assimilation-failure]

watching the minecraft movie. already came. cant imagine how many ill be at once its over

[roryxan]

Best ways to end it without suffering?