A little Bit of Everything

My.Little.World.

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

My depression

Hi guys! This isn't something I really open up about a lot. I tend to let it get the better of me and shut myself alway, but I have depression! I first got diagnosed properly in October 2013 when I was struggling with life. Things like getting out of bed in the morning, not wanting to go to work and simply just not turning up, shutting myself off from my family, not eating properly. The list goes on. Although I was only diagnosed in 2013, I personally feel like it was an ongoing issue for most of my life. Starting back when I was around 7-8 when my little sister was born and my problems in school where really bad. My family noticed on a holiday to sunny Skegness that I wasn't really 'with them' - I was, just only in a physical way. Mentally I was away, lost, staring at the duck pond out side the caravan with my headphones in. My nanny asked me what I felt when I was staring, my answer - nothing. I didn't hear the music in my ears, I didn't even see what I was looking at. This worried my nanny and her and my mum said I was to go to the doctors. I put it off as long as possible until the October. The doctor prescribed me 10mg of citalopram once a day in the morning. Now that may not be a lot to some people and a lot of people may not think it makes a difference but to me, It really does! I've been silly, I've stopped taking my medication at times, for long periods, because I felt "better", "okay" like I didn't need it any more. But truth is, that was wrong. I only felt like that because of the medication, because I was in a good routine with it. To this day I still sit and stare at nothing, even with medication. Being in a working place freaks me out, makes me nervous, overwhelmed, agitated. Having good people in your life helps, people to talk to, just letting yourself have that day where you are angry at the world, get that cuddle or spend that day on your own, but never forget that there are people out there that can help you, that will listen and that will look after you no matter how much you push them away.

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Been a long time....

It has been a long time since I posted, sorry for that, things have been well let's say a little odd! Life has been up and down I've been ill gone back to work got ill again had 2 months off work went back and then couldn't cope with it, so ended up no longer working. Part of the reason for this is my depression. Depression is a bitch! It bites you in the ass when you least expect it and there is no escape from it! My main @butterbeanxx has been getting a lot of new followers lately and people liking my posts, so I am getting going to try and be a lot more active. Hopefully this will lead to having new people to talk to. Maybe we can all learn from each other's advice and coping methods and maybe people who are struggling can come and open up and feel like they have a place to feel safe and listened to Get following guys! Let's get support for depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions out there!

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Today.....

So today, I became friendless again! Nothing new to my life really. My friend went off to Texas, for two months. I've never bonded with a girl in the same way before not even my own sister! We shared some good times, and yeah we may not have known each other for even a year yet, but this girl is my best friend and Texas is really far! Today wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be to be honest, but I think not seeing her before she went made it a bit easier. I shed a tear and got on with my day, that's all I could do really. In a way it's nice that my flat is just mine and my boyfriends again don't get me wrong it been nice having her with us but yeah you can see too much of someone! I can't wait for her to get back, so we can get dressed up and go and dance and sing our hearts out, hopefully by then I will be 100% healthy again and hopefully will have had these god damn tonsils out! But for now I'm just me again! And as my nanny always says, it's only see you later, it's not goodbye until you're never going to see them again!

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

No time for

One thing I have learnt in the past 12-16 months is that, the only true friend's you will ever need to have in your life are your family and yourself! They never let you down in the ways that count, they are always there for you when you need them the most and they never ever lie to you! Well okay maybe they do sometimes, about little things like not having got you anything for your birthday or the tooth fairy, Father Christmas, that you look alright when they can see you feel like you just want to hide, but never about big things that could change the way you trust other people in the future! Friends are fake, no matter how long you have known them, no matter what you do for them, they always let you down, leave you when you need them the most or there's is always someone better to be with or something better to do, if it doesn't fit into their plans or the way they want to do things it's wrong and they go without you. They make promises they can't keep and at the end of the day they only care about what they can get out of the friendship. Never had a real, true friend, never needed one, I've got my mum and sister to make me laugh, my nanny to confide in. My dad to tell me rubbish jokes, my grandad to make me cups of tea when I'm unwell, my brother to give me a cuddle and to take the piss out of. My uncle for computing advice, my aunty to worry about me when I'm unwell and my cousin to watch grow into a lovely little lady! I have a boyfriend who does all of the above and more! Why would I need to add any more people to my life?

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Update!

Haven't posted anything in a while had a a lot going on, well I say a lot, I had a very bad case of tonsillitis and quinsy on top of that as Well! Had to spend some time in hospital and had to have three weeks off work! Over this time I wasn't allowed to do anything! Not even make myself a drink (I had no choice to do it though) but to be honest I wouldn't have been able to do anything anyway! Even waking up in the morning made me tired! On a good note I am, at some point, going to be having my tonsil taken out which is a relief to be honest! I am all better now, thank goodness and got to go back to work this week, so that walks nice, as I do enjoy my job and the people I work with are really nice too! I am going to be making some Christmas decorations (as its that time of year again!!) I am going to post these on here and few of the bits I have been buying and of course where I have bought them from, to be able to do so... I am glad that I'm not a carer this year at Christmas and I don't have to work over the whole time as it will be nice to be able to really get into the Christmas spirit, especially as my life has changed soon much since last year and all for the good

[yrbff]

How We Treat Mental Illness Vs. How We Treat Physical Illness

[teenagerposts]

[mycrowntooheavy-deactivated2016]

Drink water. Moisturize your skin. Listen to new music.

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Okay so I've been getting bad pains near where my ovaries are for the past few days. I wish my period would hurry up and just come already! Its been nearly 3 months since i had a proper one, its killing me right now!! I wish my body could just be normal for once! As of next week I am no longer eating junk food and I am going to start exercising before or after work! I worked out how much me and Ryan have spent on take away for the past 5 months and it works out the same as paying for both of us to go to the gym for six months!! Time for change!!

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Last week

Hi Guys!!

Last week was amazing!! I started my new job and OMG!! What a week!! Changing from being a carer to being a charity fundraiser has been honestly the best change I could of made! I have spoken to some weird and wonderful people, the people I work for are so supportive and kind and the best bit...I am actually good at the job! I have never done anything like it before and I have hit target every single day! My boss didn’t expect me ton hit target for the first month or so, so to actually hit target and be over target for the month is an amazing achievement! 

I haven’t been stressed or angry or wanted to just sit and cry, so it’s really helped me! I kind of wish I had done it soon to be honest! I’ve managed to start getting into a good routine with sleeping and eating so that’s really helped too!

I am currently sitting here at my desk at 8:45am drinking a coffee actually looking forward to going to work.

[teenagerposts]

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Once again it has been soooo long since I posted anything, and it’s really not good enough! I am changing job next week so life will be a little bit different for me. I am not just changing job but changing my career completely! 

I have recently started playing sims 2 again, so that's exciting for me and taking up a lot of my time as it is my all time favorite game ever!! So I might start posting what my sims have been upto....

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Busy Busy Busy

Hi guys! I know I always say this but I really need to start posting more often!! I am so so slack with it but I am always at work these days!! and when I’m not at work I’m catching up on house work, going shopping or sleeping!!

Nothing much has changed to be honest, I’m a lot more grumpy and tired all the time. I’m just generally fed up. A lot is changing at work and I don’t agree with it or like the changes that are happening. Don’t get me wrong I love my job, but I am seriously considering a career change!! Like an office or receptionist job or something. I need to consider my own health, mentally and physically, my relationships with my family members and my boy friend, also money factors too!! 

I have been experimenting with making different foods and I have also started to enjoy eating soup and having smoothies!! Me and Ryan bought a blender and the first thing I did was make carrot and coriander soup!! I made my first ever stir-fry and I made Ryan stuffed mushrooms for lunch one day at the weekend!! I have been enjoying cooking and trying to make new things for us to eat. Tonight I will once again be making a stir fry and I am also going to have a go at making my own red cabbage and red onion coleslaw!! 

I am definitely going to try and post more, and put some of my new projects I am doing on here, I may even be brave enough to put up some of my recipes and meal ideas!!

I am grateful to those of you who are following me (even thought I am very slack at posting)!! 

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Work

I love my job and I love where I work, but right now there is so much conflict between two different groups of people and I am stuck in the middle. I get on with everyone I work with, I like them all. Yeah they all have their flaws and there are little things about them that I think, really why? but I hate being stuck in the middle! It’s stressing me out so much that it has started making me question if I actually want to work there and if I am in the right job! 

This job was part of my fresh start and it has really helped me to focus and keep motivated, feeling less like I want to give up and more like I want to achieve something! But now because of all the conflict and bitching and splitting of staff, it has become difficult and is really getting me down. I’d love to just tell them all to grow up and sort it out, but then I know I would be the one who was hated and everyone would be against me and then I would definitely have to leave! I just don’t know what to do!!

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Being a Grown up

Today I am going to talk about what it feels like, for me, to be a grown up. This is personal to me and not everyone will/can relate to this so all opinions are mine and I would be grateful if you respected them :)

For me, being a grown up has been hard, and it still is. It’s had high points, low points and some that have been somewhere in between. I find being a grow up hard sometimes, and I have moments where I just want to give up everything and never leave the house again. Being a grown up means going to work, paying bills, making big life choices, and for me this has been difficult. I am now exactly brilliant at making choices as it is, and that’s just for simple things, like what to have for tea or where to go on a day out. So having to make big life choices, like if I should stay in a certain job or who I need to cut out of my life, is so so hard for me. For me being a grown up hasn’t been easy in the past few years, I’ve let people walk all over me and treat me like something they found on the bottom of their shoe, but I am slowly learning to stick up for myself and figure out when people are being nice or just taking advantage. 

If I could go back in time, knowing what I know now, then I would! I’d go right back to being in school and I would make more of an effort with people and actually going to school, because now, my life, as a grown up might not be so hard!

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Thank you

Thank you to everyone who has followed me and liked my posts!! Today I am working my ass off in the humid heat that we seem to have gained in england!! This week is all about healthy eating and doing a teatox!! I started my teatox yesterday I bought the 7 day teatox from burnfatea. They taste nicer than I thought to be honest, the morning one is quite minty and the evening one has a liquorice after taste to it. Hopefully these will help to cleanse my body. Along with this is have been eating lots of fruit and salad! I do however need to learn to control my urge to eat cake at work! If you guys have any tips or advice feel free to let me know it will be much appreciated!!

[rosiesalittlebitofeverything]

Weekly Update

Hi guys, me again! just thought I would give you a weekly update as once again it’s been a while since my last post...I really need to keep on top of this! Thanks to everyone who has liked my posts and re-posted them x 

So not much has been happening really, I had my birthday, I went out with some people from work to celebrate, and let me tell you, it was an awesome night! Lots of drinks consumed, lots of laughs, jokes and dancing happened! I’ve been working hard and trying to go to the gym. I don’t have much time to go but I think that’s mainly because I don’t make time! 

I was in a bad, low mood for about a week. I hate everyone and everything. I was tired all the time and just wanted to be on my own. Luckily that has passed now and I am feeling a lot more positive about things. I’ve also started taking my tablets properly again so I think that’s helping a lot! That mood did not help my healthy eating at all, as all I wanted to do was comfort eat. You know the stuff ice cream, cake, sweets, chocolate, crisps! I even tried going to the gym to focus my bad energy on something but even that didn’t help! Luckily, as I said, I am now feeling a lot happier and positive!

I know I keep saying this, but I am going to start posting more often and I may even post some ideas I have had for healthy meals and snacks. 

Anyway I need to start preparing my evening meal now so I will love you and leave you and will have another post for you tomorrow!