Weekly Update: Birth Week Drama
Note: This is abridged as I don’t have time to cover every single thing that got published this week. It’s also not in strict chronological order. I’m mostly focused on the drama.
Harry and Meghan effectively announce that the baby was born on their IG. This was how most people found out about the birth--through a Hallmark-card-style IG post.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxH36irhwcO/
It turned out that BP had issued an “operational update” about an hour before, saying she was in labor. It was later determined that the “update” was sent eight hours after the baby was born.
https://twitter.com/RE_DailyMail/status/1125391311576629249
An official announcement was made at some point. It listed the Spencer relatives inadvertently highlighting how Meghan had only one family member to inform.
https://twitter.com/RE_DailyMail/status/1125395334983749632
Harry then gave a short interview at the Windsor stables, saying basically nothing.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6997857/Body-language-expert-Judi-James-says-Prince-Harry-shows-body-happiness-proud-joyful.html
After a couple of hours an easel went up at BP with the birth information (or, rather, lack thereof). No medical staff or hospital was listed. Why they even bothered to put this up is beyond me.
https://twitter.com/RoyalReporter/status/1125443477389631489
The DM got some birth details that were not confirmed.They involved an American hospital, a tunnel, and a lot of blind paps.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6999067/Harry-Meghans-Scotland-Yard-security-team-took-private-hospital-birth.html
The Cambridges put on their happy faces.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxKjV02l92a/
But the royal reporters did not follow suit. They bitched that the announcement was horribly mismanaged.
https://twitter.com/RoyalReporter/status/1125443477389631489
Richard Palmer was the first but lots of people bitched. LOTS. Even super-sugar Tom Sykes was bitching, or channeling the bitching from his reporter friends.
https://www.itv.com/news/2019-05-08/did-harry-and-meghan-chose-the-us-network-of-their-tv-star-friend-for-the-photocall/
https://www.thedailybeast.com/meghan-markle-is-in-labor-and-a-new-royal-baby-is-on-the-way-1
https://www.thedailybeast.com/royal-baby-how-prince-harry-and-meghan-markle-royally-screwed-over-the-british-press-over-archie-harrison
It was such a mess that a senior BBC reporter just kind of threw up his hands and gave up on air.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6999231/BBC-royal-correspondent-worries-viewers-stumbling-appearance-discussing-Baby-Sussex.html
Another BBC person (this time radio) was fired over a racist tweet.
https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-48212693
Then the Harkles messed up the website too. More bitching ensued.
https://twitter.com/RoyalDickie/status/1126178530939817984
Two days later they finally did the Windsor Castle photocall. This was a controlled media event with only one reporter and one camera present.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7004967/First-pictures-Baby-Sussex-Meghan-Harry-bring-son-meet-Queen.html
But then it turned out that they sneaked in a CBS camera too.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7004905/How-did-Meghans-close-friend-Gayle-King-camera-royal-baby-reveal-minute.html
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7005119/Baby-Sussex-enjoys-private-welcome-public-life.html
The interview lasted a whole three minutes. They were originally going to do it on the “engagement pic” steps (as many anons guessed), but it was raining, so they did it inside.
https://www.harpersbazaar.com/celebrity/latest/a27404679/meghan-markle-royal-baby-photos-behind-scenes/
Harry managed to convince everyone that the baby was two weeks old during the interview. Good job, Harry!
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7005947/Harry-Meghans-baby-Fans-wild-theories-Prince-Harry-slipped-speech.html
Meghan merched a Jen Meyer necklace. She didn’t choose the merching life, guys. The merching life chose her.
https://www.popsugar.com/fashion/Meghan-Markle-Necklace-Turquoise-Stones-Jennifer-Meyer-46131074
Then they released pics with Doria and the Queen and revealed the baby’s name...on Instagram, of course. Gotta get those followers.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxNPb_9B0fn/
A cascade of Riverdale and comic book jokes ensued.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-7007883/Riverdale-proudly-responds-Prince-Harry-Meghan-Markle-naming-son-Archie.html
https://people.com/royals/riverdale-fans-react-royal-baby-name-archie/
Meghan’s friends popped in to reveal that Meghan named her baby after her cat.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7012979/Meghan-Harry-named-son-Archie-pet-CAT.html
Sara Latham demonstrated that she may me a technology ignoramus, but she still knows how to use the advanced Google search functions. She did a pre-2019 search for “Prince Harry” and “Archie” and found an Army guy they could blame the name on. Good job, Sara!
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7019829/Harry-Meghan-named-son-Archie-commanding-officer-saved-princes-army-career.html
Harry left for The Netherlands, leaving his newborn behind, as one does.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxPsSy6BNnh/
But he wore a “daddy” jumper, so it was okay!
https://people.com/royals/prince-harry-daddy-jacket-netherlands-trip/
And he made time to give his ghosted friend Skippy a call. I guess he just realized he had no godparents lined up.
https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1125827/meghan-markle-royal-baby-archie-prince-harry-tom-inskip
Sam Markle piped up and bitched abut her dad being left out of the birth.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/meghan-markles-sister-desperate-plea-15260048
https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/meghan-markles-half-brother-speaks-out
But Thomas Markle was relatively dignified about it.
https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/royal-baby-sussex-prince-harry-meghan-markle-father-thomas-markle
His ex-wife, however, was a completely different story.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/meghan-markles-dad-must-never-15026800
The DM tallied up the cost of the pregnancy at 1M pounds.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7009435/Meghans-1M-baby-expensive-nine-months.html
Then there was drama over the lack of birth details because the brits wanted to know stuff about the baby they’d just paid a million pound plus for.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2019/05/06/baby-sussexs-home-birth-shows-harry-meghan-determined-ultimate/
More drama the fact that the birth certificate would not be revealed with people wondering why the heck not, since it’s a public document.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/royal-family/2019/05/11/harry-meghan-will-not-release-archies-birth-certificate-ensure/
And even more drama about the fact that the baby had no title at birth.
https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1126318/Archie-harrison-meghan-markle-royal-baby-name-not-earl
Sources explained that it’s because they are so “private” and the want to shield the baby from the public eye...at least until Charles becomes king when he may or may not get the title, no one knows.
https://pagesix.com/2019/05/11/prince-harry-meghan-markle-want-to-shield-archie-from-public-eye/
The Harkles’ deep love of privacy, of course, explains why the baby was on instagram only a day later.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxXS3l4pz2j/
People instantly noticed some similarities as the picture and post resembled famous images released by notably “private” people.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BxYBE_AHNya/
The pic was the fourth Diana reference associated with the birth as the Spencer were listed in the birth announcement, Harry talked about Di in the Netherlands, and Di’s sister was one of the first family members to see the baby.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/9034585/prince-harry-diana-archie-meghan-invictus/
https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1126633/meghan-markle-baby-princess-diana-royal-baby-archie-harrison-kate-middleton
The Sun asked Sara Latham for an explanation as to why the birth announcement was so chaotic and Sara gave a master class on Clintonian gaslighting. It wasn’t that they lied to the press. It’s that the press misunderstood was the word “announce” meant. The Sara Latham definition of “announce” does not appear to actually involve the communication of time-sensitive facts in a timely manner.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/tvandshowbiz/9048182/royal-baby-meghan-markle-harry-contradictions/
The “shambolic” birth announcement traumatized the British press so much that they actually noticed that Meghan used her mental health charities post to promote her friend’s expensive “wellness” classes.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7018893/Meghans-Instagram-plug-friends-3-600-retreat-mental-health-campaign.html
And that’s not all! The shock was so big that they finally noticed that Will and Kate have been more popular than the Harkles for a whole TWO YEARS and Meghan is dismally unpopular. It’s like one of those Bugs Bunny cartoons where the anvil to the head heals the character’s amnesia.
https://www.express.co.uk/news/royal/1126156/royal-family-kate-meghan-popularity-poll-royal-baby
The press tantrum was so bad that palace “insiders” spoke to Harry biographer Angela Levin and reassured everyone that they would “control” Meghan and “the palace always wins.” They also said that they had not been told of either the $500k baby shower of the birth of the baby, so those claims sound a bit hollow to me. They must be using the Sara Latham definition of “wins” which seems to involve actually losing.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7018689/Prince-Harrys-biographer-Angela-Levin-asks-Buckingham-Palace-control-superstar-Sussexes.html
Anywho, to underscore how “controlled” the Harkles are, the palace announced that they are getting rooms in BP, presumably paid by those British taxpayers who don’t have the right to any birth information or official certificate or anything that actually indicates that this new royal dependent of theirs has a legitimate claim to taxpayer largesse.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7018965/Duke-Duchess-Sussex-set-given-suite-rooms-Buckingham-Palace-London-base.html
“Controlled” Harry got to join the Queen at the Windsor Horse Trials. I guess they are using the Sara Latham definition of “controlled” which does not seem to involve being subject to actual consequences.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7017727/The-Queen-wraps-warm-fourth-day-Royal-Windsor-Horse-Show.html
This may seem like a lot of outside-the-home work for a newly-minted dad, but don’t worry. “Sources” told The Times that Harry is sharing the parenting duties “absolutely equally.” I guess tele-parenting is a new thing. Oh, and their love for “privacy” means a new tree-planting program at Frogmore, presumably paid by the UK taxpayers that don't get any birth info or certificates. The Sara Latham definition of “privacy” seems to be “leaking random shit and spending taxpayer money while not telling the people who fund your life any genuinely relevant information.”
https://twitter.com/RoyaNikkhah/status/1127463286570721280
Said taxpayers will be happy to hear that this new royal baby is considered “American.” I am not sure why Sara Latham gave this article to the Times. It seems downright suicidal to me, but whatevs.
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/edition/news-review/archie-a-very-american-royal-baby-zzwj6d5kj
“Absolutely equally” parenting superstar Meghan also leaked a super-long maternity leave, although she will still make time for the big family events that involved lots of press coverage and pricey couture both events and couture presumably subsidized by the UK taxpayers who don’t get any birth info or certificates.
https://www.eonline.com/news/1041034/here-s-when-royal-admirers-can-expect-meghan-markle-to-return-from-maternity-leave
The “absolutely equally” parenting will continue into next week when Harry will travel to Rome to play some polo with security costs covered by the UK taxpayers who don’t get any birth info or...you know the drill. I guess they are using the Sara Latham definition of “absolutely equally” which does not seem to imply a 50-50 split.
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7024333/New-father-Prince-Harry-travel-Rome-week-play-annual-Sentebale-Polo-Cup.html
That’s as much as I can do right now. I hope this helps, anon. Have a great night!!!
