I battled again with my thoughts this week. My disdain, my disappointment, my disbelief of what’s happening across the world with coronavirus and this HATE. This racism, this rebellion. It’s a lot. It’s too much, at times. I find myself rambling in to thought as opposed to typing grammatically correct, fully-formed thoughts.
I keep typing and erasing. Venting and pulling back. Not knowing what else to throw in to this tumultuous climate, not even for traction sake, but just wondering what other noise I want to put out in the world?
Another desperate voice that breaks under the pressure of hostility. Another seedling of thought prematurely ripped from the dirt to become smooth concrete, wiped and sealed away, hardened and cold.
As I battle, I don’t know if I have ANY answers right now. I only feel the hurt. I only feel… honestly and uncomfortably, hate, in a way. Anger. Disbelief. The way the world has been moving feels unfamiliar to my nature.
How could people blatantly proclaim and demand personal freedoms with disregard for anyone other than themselves? Where do they draw that line? How do they SEE?
How can we turn a blind eye when what we have KNOWN has always been around is now being filmed and blasted all over the internet, in such an OBVIOUS way there is NO denying?!
What it does leave behind, is you gasping, yelling at the screen, tearing up, hesitating but needing to watch again because there’s just. no. way.
Racism isn’t “supposed” to be like that anymore. It should have never been, but we have come too far for these injustices, made too many strides.
Or have we, besides advances in technology that are able to capture evidence of these crimes?
Honestly, what makes it worse for me? These protests that scream white supremacy.
We all want to “get back to normal.” I agree that our nation’s economy is suffering. I agree that EVERY worker is essential to our economy to keep it moving and flowing.
However, marching with guns and demanding rights written in to our constitution, which is by the way a document written when people OWNED people as property, is tone deaf!!! White privilege and privilege OVERALL demands the fruits of their labors, but does not hesitate to think of the people it will crush along the way. Even amongst rising cases, there are still localized protests!
We can all agree that the economy is awful right now. It’s a frightening time. Whether other choices could or should have been made, we are here now and we have to play with the cards we’ve been dealt.
A lockdown was chosen, as opposed to just letting us all loose with a virus we did not fully understand, not to pussyfoot or mess up the economy but with the intention to PROTECT minorities, elderly, immunocompromised, children, people that would suffer! So many minorities would have, are, will suffer ALWAYS and as HUMANS it should be in our NATURE to balance. We can’t just tip the scale in fortune’s favor and hope we won’t be touched, or be lucky enough to have the means to take care of ourselves financially or medically if we fall ill. Those less fortunate do not have those options, could spread amongst themselves, won’t be able to make means, etc!
We are not some weird dystopian young adult novel or Black Mirror where we just shove the poor/compromised/unwanted away.
Or are we?!?! Turning back restrictions may not hurt you. Running to the beaches might feel nice on your skin and hey, congrats on being able to even be around one.
To be young and live out your life! Or to be old enough that you’d rather get sick than be cut off from your choices!
These principles aren’t inherently bad, but given the situation we are in, it’s just too small picture!! It’s selfish. What those choices can hurt, are the people that are not you. The people that are working tirelessly. The ones that wish they could stay at home but can’t afford to do so.
You can say that’s everyone, because obviously with no source of income, you can only last so long. I feel that, everyone is feeling that in different ways.
This is fucking hard. And it’s harder for others. And it’s easier for others.
But we MUST start respecting those around us!!! The violations are selfish. They’re hateful. And hate and selfishness breed each other.
It’s not wearing a mask because you don’t feel like you need to, even though even in a SMALL percentage it could help slow the spread.
It’s publicly and openly defying orders because it’s for YOU and not for anyone you might affect.
It’s waving your weapons around unnecessarily and sparking more discord. I remain baffled at the screaming white protestors with guns clawing at police while they try not to break the line, when you know damn well if it was any other person of color it would not have been so “peaceful.”
It’s being able to leave your knee on someone’s throat while they beg for air.
I don’t know what else to say. I feel like a broken record. The world doesn’t revolve around just you or your opinions. Other people were put on to this earth to co-inhabit peacefully. Not one is better than the other. The earth is trying to heal, trying to teach us something, To slow down. To see with eyes unclouded by hate. We shouldn’t be trading blooms with blood.
Next time you claim give me liberty or give me death, know that sentence is not just for you.
Try to see past yourself.
As always, stay safe as can be and my heart is with you all in this hard time. xx
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