New Girl Season One Scentence Starters
"So, you know in horror movies when the girl's like, 'Oh, my God. There's something in the basement. Let me just run down there in my underwear and see what's going on, in the dark.' And you're like, 'What is your problem? Call the police.' And she's like, 'Okay,' but it's too late, because she's already getting murdered. Well, uh, my story's kind of like that."
"Hey, are you gonna murder me 'cause you're a stranger I met on the Internet?"
"Okay, look, I'm meeting a girl for drinks tonight, and I'm probably going to bring her back here for sex."
"And frankly, right now I feel taken advantage of, and I just got out of a long relationship and I don't know what I'm doing emotionally or-let's be honest-sexually. I'll just... just get out of here."
"Are you trying to rob me?"
"That is the ugliest dress I have ever seen!"
"I'm really gonna need you to step it up tonight, okay? When I see you, I wanna be thinking, 'Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house'?"
"We just started dating, so we're still in that honeymoon phase. I barely sleep. So much doing it."
"He's so soft. Like a towel."
“I could pretend to be more like you, and live on a sparkly rainbow and drive a unicorn around and just sing all the time.“
“What's your stripper name?”
“Okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave, where no one's gonna find them. Ever.”
“Pink wine makes me slutty.”
“We're reverse Mormons - one guy just isn't enough for her.”
“I'm doing sexy things with the pillow.”
“Did you just make up a theme song for yourself?”
“I was going for like a hot farmer's daughter kind of thing, like, oh, I'm gonna go milk my cows.”
“He flew in late last night, we took him straight to the bar, took a bunch of shots, got drunk, screamed I love America.Now he's happily passed out.”
“No! I can't call Spencer I haven't talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho! Actually, that's not fair. She might be a really nice ho.”
“Fancy name. 'Rochelle', like a mermaid.”
“So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.”
“We don't want to be mean, we just don't want you to be yourself...in any way.”
“So what I need you to do is this. I need you to put vodka in a water bottle, ok? Then rendezvous with me in the restroom.”
“Sum up the last two years? The country's broke. Betty White came back.”
“Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone's broken my feeling stick. I have a travel size.”
“____ is delicate. Like a flower.Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself”
“I'm not like you! I don't just jump in the potato sack, with the first potato that I meet with diabetes!”
“Your mother's gonna slam on your mother.”
“Yea, I mean he seemed like a really nice...European DJ with a face tattoo.”
“_____’s really vulnerable right now. When she's drunk, she has no boundaries. She's really grabby, really physical, she's really loose with her body. So I just wanna apologize in advance for anything she might do.”
“You tell anyone we held hands, I have 2 people in my phone who will kill you.”
“Okay no matter how many emails you send, that's not real.”
“Here's another tip, don't ask a guy out on a first date, on the least sexy holiday in America.”
“The most sexy holidays are the 4th of July, Independence day obviously. Women's history month, and Christmas.”
“ I wanna let you know up front that I have some control issues in the kitchen. So if I'm gonna do this, I'm cooking the whole meal. I don't want you touching anything. And I don't want to hear ‘____, _____, you're using too much tarragon!’.”
“You get all mean and you make that little turtle face!”
“I sometimes touch the frayed part of the power cord just to feel something.”
“All I'm hearing is I can't use my bathroom because you're poor.”
“Eye of the Tiger ended the cold war.”
“I want friends who still lie to me because they don't want to hurt my feelings. I sadly kind of mean that.”
“So head's up, _____'s coming tonight. And I just wanted to tell you that I'm gonna tap him like a maple tree. I'm gonna search him for some syrups.....I'm gonna be having sex with him.”
“Are you like a Bond villain? You just told me your whole plan.”
“Yeah, I don't like getting a haircut, it's too intimate. What does that have to do with sex?”
“Because I choked him. I lightly choked him.”
“You better watch it, man, because I will take you down. I had figure skating lessons until I was 13, and then my mom sobered up and realized I was a boy. Let's do this!”
“I hope you appreciate that I have kept eye contact with you this whole time and made no reference of the fact that you are basically naked.....”
“Remember when Christmas used to be fun, and all I had to do was worrying about my drunk uncle asking me out again?”
“Is it because he's a d-bag? _____ says he's a d-bag.”
“I can't believe _____ got me roller-blades for Christmas. I feel so freeee!”
“My initial thought was to get him a gift certificate for piping hot sex. But I don't want him to think I'm using him for his body.”
“No it's great I love it! It's funny, and quirky and so sweet. It's like you. And that's why I love it. I love it! Thank you. I love it...I love you.”
“Coincidentally, I'm wearing my lap dance pants!”
“Last month, he went to a party called ‘Bros Before Hos on the Moon’. What does that even mean!?”
“Damn it! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!”
“Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!”
“I'm about to go pay this fine, and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch!“
“I don't like you and I don't want to be your friend, so could you leave please, because I'm about to start crying, and you are the last person I want to cry in front of.”
“I want to cry too. Where am I supposed to cry? You can't monopolize the bathroom crying space.”
“What if I ate my own hair and pooped out a wig?”
“Any time a man wants to show a woman how to do something from behind it's just because he wants an excuse to get real close and breathe on her neck. Watch any sports movie.”
“I know you probably think cupcakes are totally lame. I know I do.”
“I have to go out tonight, 'cause I'm feeling pretty twirly.”
“If someone catches us, then I'm going to say that you're drugging me, and it's my word against yours.”
“I wish there was a word that meant complete satisfaction and complete self loathing.”
"I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.”
“Come on _____! I can't be the first woman who's ashamed to be with you.”
“I want to tell people about us because I think you are the dopest, flyest, smartest, ballsiest woman that I've sexually enjoyed in really long time.”
“I'm the guy who just can't jump into something if I don't know what's gonna happen. I've just never been that guy. I'm the guy that if I don't know what's gonna happen, I don't do something. Ever. I don't care how badly I want to do it. Like, if everyone went down to the beach and jumped into the water, I'm the guy guarding the wallets.”
“Are you using your friends medical crisis to feel my boobs with your face?”
“Are you sure you're okay? You're walking like a Disney witch. Let me drive you to your doctor.”
"You're like aging ballerina, child chess prodigy, old magician crazy.”
“Get rid of it. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.”
"I'm gonna have to run all the way home, and I have my slipperiest loafers on!”
"I'll raise the money myself! I'll get a ragtag group of kids together. An orphan, a lost soul, a Jewish kid with a keyboard, a little slut who can dance, and one fatso!"
“You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!”
"It smells like leather and Teddy Roosevelt and wistfulness.”
“I want to kill you...because I respect you.... I think I understanding hunting!”
“When I was your age I had a skinny ponytail and I think I was living off of selling my own blood.”
“I don't...I don't know. I found this in the lost found at the gym. I'm not really sure how sexy a ‘sexretary' is supposed to be.”
“Guess what you guys? My shoes are filled with blood!”
“You've all thought about me while self-completing!?”
“I need you to teach me to be a douchebag.”
“Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called ‘the slippery germ brick’?”
“Actually, I don't trust what ‘cool’ means to all of you, so how about just ‘be normal’?”
“You're listening to the radio and writing with a pen? What decade are we in?”
“I got really nervous, and I tried to flirt information out of you.”
“I wanna rub my face on his face!”
"Put on some pants or at least some really high socks."
“You like me? You like my *personality*?”
“Sandwiches and sex!? I want that!”
“I'm sorry I made you feel like Monica Lewinsky!”
"Old people freak me out. With their hands and their legs. They're like the people version of pleated pants.”
“First of all, you're never gonna be old, humans are going to be immortal by 2026.”
“What's wrong? You're stress-eating meat.”
“How's the new apartment? Does it smell like new paint and compromise?”
