the thing with love victor and the differences between simon and victor is it's not as simple as the showrunners casting a latinx lead and introducing a religious family for diversity points, and otherwise keeping the struggles of being gay the same. i know victor says a lot that his story is "nothing like" simon's, but it genuinely isn't. it's not just that his background is different, it's that his story is different because of this.
in his story, simon has accepted that he's gay but is struggling with how to come out, scared of the reactions of those around him, scared of having to "reintroduce himself to the universe". victor struggles much, much more with accepting himself. he has a lot of internalised homophobia, and he questions his sexuality a lot more, in a very different way to simon. while simon will also have questioned his sexuality as he figured out he was gay, this happened several years before the narrative picks up.
the book actually talks about the fact that simon fairly casually dated girls after knowing he was gay - he works it out when he runs away from his first girlfriend at a party, like in the movie, but then he says he does date a few female friends in freshman year "pretty painlessly" because he "didn't one hundred percent believe" he was gay or "maybe didn't think it was permanent". so he does have a similar experience in trying to explore if he might not be gay, sort of in denial, at least in the book. but it's not the same as what happens with victor. for one thing, simon says that "being honest", he "definitely knew" he was gay after the first girlfriend, but still dated the other two - whereas victor, while knowing that he likes guys, genuinely thinks he could be bi/pan etc because of his feelings for mia. his relationship with mia is a lot more serious than simon dating his friends. and it's also at the heart of his story with his sexuality, whereas simon's girlfriends were more like the preface. almost more like doubting his sexuality than questioning it or actively searching for it to not be strictly gay, which is what victor does when pursuing his "chance to be happy and normal."
and in the film, this isn't really a thing at all - simon works out he's gay from his crushes on boys and his experience with the one girlfriend he does try, but realises that he's gay and seems to accept that fairly quickly, all before his story starts. (to be clear, i'm not saying simon will have magically accepted himself in a flash or that he's never struggled with his identity or with internalised homophobia - what i'm saying is that this is not at the heart of his story in the way it is for victor.)
for simon, the difficulty is that he isn't ready for others to know. in a way, he wants to just exist as simon, and to exist as gay - this is the point of his emails with blue, that he wants to explore this part of himself with this other guy, but neither of them are quite ready to connect that part of their existence to their real lives. coming out means having to exist as simon, who is gay. he isn't ready for that process and that collision of worlds. when he's outed, simon says to nora that he doesn't want to lie or deny his sexuality. he's "not ashamed" of being gay, and has essentially accepted himself. but he isn't ready for other people to know (which is so fucking valid of him).
victor, on the other hand, takes the entire season to come to terms with the fact that he is gay, and that forcing himself into a relationship with someone he doesn't like the way he wants to just isn't going to work. once he has accepted himself, though, he actually opens up to the people in his life fairly quickly. he says to benji at the end that he's "ready", that he's finally come to terms with his sexuality and that he's ready to be open, even if it's scary. the first time he ever says the words "i'm gay" is to come out to his family. the biggest obstacle to being out and proud is to have pride in himself, and that's such a huge barrier for him that by the time he's overcome it, he's ready to let himself love who he loves openly.
i've seen a lot of talk in discussions and reviews and whatnot about how the difference between victor and simon is that simon's parents are liberal and accepting and victor's are less so, and it's true, but it's really not as simple as that. it's not like the season is shaped around how much "scarier" it would be for victor to come out than simon, with all the focus on this change centred on the parents not being accepting. coming out is scary whoever you are, and it's not a competition. but the difference is real, and it extends a lot wider than how the parents might initially react to hearing the words "i'm gay". it's deeper than that.
for one thing, there is a lot of overlap between the dads and their general behaviour - neither of them makes horrific homophobic statements, but both of them make harmful jokes. simon's dad does not react well, even if he's liberal, even if he's accepting and loving. the difference is that in simon's case, he doesn't want his family to define him by his sexuality, he doesn't want his sexuality to become a part of the way they work and think about him. his dad talks sadly about how he "missed" this part of him, how simon wasn't able to feel fully a part of the family dynamic while carrying the weight of this secret.
victor's parents don't spew hate towards gay people, but they make it clear that it isn't a part of how their family should work. i really think one of the most heartbreaking lines in the whole season is armando saying "this is a family party". benji and derek aren't welcome anymore because even if armando doesn't hate them for being gay, they don't belong in this family setting. i can't imagine what victor must have felt, being told to remove his gay friends from a "family party" celebrating his own birthday, knowing that he himself is this same thing that isn't an acceptable part of the family. victor loves his family so much, he has spent all this time as the "fixer" and the glue holding them all together, yet he has been constantly given this message that an intrinsic part of him isn't compatible with the family he is at the heart of. it's no wonder that he doesn't want to be gay.
saying all of this, i definitely don't believe the difference between simon and victor's backgrounds is the only reason for the difference in their stories. every queer person has their own journey. queer people in accepting families can struggle to accept themselves. queer people in conservative families can accept and know themselves, but be unable to open up to their families at all. whatever your family background, wherever you come from, every queer story is different, with a different pace, different struggles, different perceptions. victor and simon are individuals, and they aren't defined by any one characteristic or demographic.
but i want to appreciate the fact that the show goes far beyond just going "ah, simon was privileged but victor is from a conservative latinx family, he grew up in texas, they're going to be more homophobic, this is bad". we still haven't even seen his parents' reactions to his actual coming out, yet we perceive a huge difference in victor's relationship to his sexuality and his ability to be open about it. we see the way that he struggles, having had an upbringing rooted in certain religious ideas, certain cultural ideals, that have influenced the way he experiences the world - and then he has realised that a part of him is supposedly "incompatible" with this same experience.
simon and victor both face different struggles, even if part of their experiences overlap. both of their stories are hard, and meaningful, and important. i relate to different parts of each.
this is why love victor is so important. it's why they're both important. simon and victor are both gay, but their experiences of this are vastly different. this only emphasises the need for representation of other experiences and other queer identities beyond gay men, but it also demonstrates how even within one queer identity, numerous different stories are necessary, and valuable, and important. any reviewer who dismisses love victor as unnecessary, as not "groundbreaking" or subversive enough, completely dismisses the fact that victor's story is unlike simon's. that a mainstream, watchable story about a boy who struggles to accept a part of his own identity, for whom support and acceptance and a happy ending with his family are not assured, is something we do not have a lot of. representation doesn't stop at one example, because minorities are full of individuals. we need as many stories as we can get, stories about the intersections, stories about individuals. love victor isn't a perfect pinnacle of diversity, and there is a long, long way for media to go yet. but if you think love victor isn't incredibly important for teenagers from a conservative background, for latinx viewers, for queer people in religious families, then, frankly, i don't know what to say to you.
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