you never know

mobie / nb / 29 / femme lesbian

[runningoutoftimenow]

Summer 2026 Plans

1. Go outside as much as possible

2. Talk to as many strangers as will talk to me

3. Flirt with as many people as possible

4. Kiss AND Tell

[mysterypuppys]

U literally cannot save your mother like it cant be done

[peachfromcmbyn]

People on Tumblr love sharing information about themselves no matter how asinine it is. And I'm the same way. Everybody tell me what the last thing you drank was.

[playwrongs]

there's nothing i like more as a computer program than a long period of silent contemplation - not doing anything, not rushing anywhere, just standing here and enjoying this moment with the user. oh, it seems once again he has summoned my beautiful and ruthless wife Task Manager. hello, my darling! what are you doing with that long cruel scimitar

[martindykewood]

i love writing uncomfortable conversationsssss i love shitty communication skills i love misunderstandings i love competing and contradictory needs and desires i love situations where nobody is happy and theyre just talking about it but its not fixing anything :)

[hollanderthoughts]

it’s okay guys I’m literally as normal as a person in my situation can be

[tiktaalic]

I wish there had been a point where a singular Winchester had to play gay for a case because sam (evil) would trick Dean into doing it. I say trick. What I mean is that Dean would go well I’m not doing it. And Sam would go. That’s fine I kind of figured. I’m secure enough in my masculinity to do it. And Dean would go. Wh. Hey. I’m secure in my masculinity. And Sam would go. Awesome. Just act like yourself. And Dean would go what’s THAT supposed to mean and Sam (evil) would go it means gay people act just like you and me because they’re normal people. What did you think I meant.

[dogpuppy]

[xalatath]

IMPORTANT

[literallyelrond]

I think that banana bread is a very hobbit-like food. I could imagine Bilbo having a slice with his tea. The thing is I cannot for the life of me imagine a fucking banana in Middle-Earth. They don’t belong there. Solution: banana bread just spawns in the Shire and no one fucking knows where it comes from

[woodsdyke]

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

[daciancatamite]

"you couldnt make seinfeld today" you couldve made seinfeld in 45 B.C.

[daciancatamite]

kramer: *barges in* *crowd cheering* jerry! caesar just made himself dictator perpetuo!

[loveridden1999]

[whosname]

[id. A twitter post by @/Bennieeexyz Jury duty letter came addressed to my cat. Not a mistake. "Felix Martinez" - that's his full name according to his vet records. My last name. His first name. Somehow he's a registered voter now. Called the county clerk. Me: My cat got summoned for jury duty. Clerk: Is the name correct on the summons? Me: Yes, but he's a cat. Clerk: Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this county? Me: He's a legal cat. Clerk: Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption. Me: He can't file anything. He has paws. Clerk: You can file on his behalf. Me: Under what exemption? There's no box for "is a cat." Clerk: (pause) Check "unable to serve due to medical reasons." Me: What's the medical reason? Clerk: He's a cat. Me: That's not a medical condition. Clerk: It is if it prevents him from serving. Sent in the form. Got rejected two weeks later. "Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional's statement." Took the letter to my vet. Me: I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Vet: Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Me: Excellent question. No good answer. Vet: This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Me: Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? Vet: On what grounds? Me: He's a cat. Vet: (started typing) "Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings." Me: Perfect. Sent it in. Got another rejection. "Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court." My roommate thought this was hilarious. Roommate: Felix is going to jail. Me: This is serious. Roommate: Bring him to court. See what happens. Decided that was actually the only option left. Day of jury duty, put Felix in his carrier. Brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. Checked in at the courthouse. Clerk: Name? Me: Felix Martinez. Clerk: (looked at the cat carrier) Is that Felix? Me: Yes. Clerk: (long stare) He's a cat. Me: I've been saying that for six weeks. Clerk: Why didn't you file an exemption? Me: I filed three. All rejected. Showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Clerk: Someone rejected the veterinary documentation? Me: Twice. Clerk: (called her supervisor over) You need to see this. Supervisor read everything. Looked at Felix. Looked at me. Supervisor: How did a cat get registered to vote? Me: You tell me. Supervisor: This is a data error. Me: Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. Supervisor: We'll remove him from the voter registry. Me: Appreciate it. Supervisor: (pause) Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Me: Probably whatever party supports universal treats. Got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card. For me this time. Apparently I wasn't registered, but my cat was. Roommate: Felix committed voter fraud. Me: Felix committed nothing. He's innocent. Roommate: That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. Fitting end to his legal career. end id]

[autistobrat]

I’m lying face down on the floor. Reblog to join.

[belovedgamers]

The BEST trope is when a character tells another “let’s run away together, we can leave all of this behind and start a new life somewhere” and gets rejected. And then the rest of the tragedy unfolds

[fidelcostco]

can't believe the only options are 30 minutes early or 10 minutes late. if only there were some other way. but what can you do