This is super long and merely just me needing to get my thoughts out. Fair warning. First let me begin by saying that yes I completely see the irony in posting the following on a social media site. Oh well. I just want to get it down right now, and considering I'm at work and without my journal then it'll have to do. I've been having this feeling swimming around my head for quite some time now, and while I have tried time and time again to remedy it, I am still here turning the issue over and over again in my mind. It's time to put it to rest and take action. Most days I'm battling two sides of myself. There is the overachieving, perfectionist who loves to plan and succeed and has trouble losing or not being amazing at something. Then there is the girl who would be perfectly content living out her life curled up on the couch with her dog, some good movies or TV shows, maybe a computer game or two, some books, and lots and lots of deliciously bad for me food. I wish I could say that I usually find a happy balance, but that would be a horrendous lie. I am either one extreme or the other. I spend two days off cleaning and reorganizing my entire house while working out twice a day and counting macros and paying bills and beasting out life. Then I spend three days off barely moving out of bed, ignoring all household chores, and eating all the fast food in the world. It's ridiculous. I so yearn to be a well-rounded individual. I want to be well-read. I want to be creative. I want to be fit. I want to be successful. I want to be healthy. I do wonder if the perfectionist side of me is merely what I think society wants out of me, and it's my attempt to fit in and be what the world wants people to be. I mean, what really is so bad about being fat and unhealthy and lazy if you're happy? That's sad I just said that. But that may just be my overthinking brain. The actual point to this tirade of a post is a list. I will make a list of goals (how original) to better myself and to work towards the person I do want to be. I want to be able to have a clean house and workout and eat well and be productive sometimes and also lounge around in my underwear and a tshirt watching an entire TV series in two days. I can be both. I can and will find a happy medium. To do so, here goes my list. 1. I will at all times that I am alone and going somewhere I will carry my journal and a book with me. I often find myself with spare time that I end up filling with Facebook or Tumblr or games. What a waste. 2. Every week I will make a list of 10 goals for the week. From laundry to paying bills to running to anything really, it'll be good for me to have it laid out this way, so I can plan my week accordingly and know when laziness can happen. Plus it'll be satisfying to cross things off my list as the week goes on. When I don't accomplish all 10 on my list by the end of the week then I'll have a consequence for which I can't think of now. 3. I will multi-task more. So many hours are spent watching my long list of favorite TV shows, which I won't give up, and many times I end up playing on my phone too instead of using the time to perhaps fold clothes or work on the blog I have with my mom that has fallen off to the side or stretching. Anything really. 4. I will meditate and stretch and be still EVERY SINGLE DAY. I had started doing this a month or two ago, mainly mornings after work, and I absolutely loved it. It was relaxing and rejuvenating. The only reason I stopped I think was when my husband would be home I wouldn't think about it, and then eventually I stopped altogether. 5. I will take my vitamins daily. This is a bit more concrete than the others, but it's super important (especially if as we are ttc) that I get the nutrients needed for a healthy life. This will also help with my energy levels. Ok there they are, five simple goals that I want to start working on tomorrow (or today? Working nights is confusing) to become a better me. Here's to never settling for who you are in this moment.
