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18+ muns only | vtm rp blog | don't follow me for someone else's reddit comment

[steampunkforever]

Once I finish killing this guy the cycle of violence will be over, trust me guys

[duckbunny]

you are fifteen thousand generations removed from stone tools

[duckbunny]

to be clear you are fifteen thousand generations removed from the invention of stone tools. not from the end of stone tools. modern humans are still using stone tools.

[pseudomasochist]

Flawless tags, @baddywronglegs

[fractoluminescence]

I thought you meant we were descendents -of- stone tools

[duckbunny]

your father was a handaxe and your mother smelt of microliths

[onlytiktoks]

[aniseandspearmint]

Asdfghjkl her perfectly straight face and even tone throughout should win an AWARD

[jenn1fersbody]

[fluentisonus]

they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws

[infectiouspiss]

you're mommy's good little printer aren't you? you'll print whatever mommy tells you to because otherwise mommy gets sad and leaves you for one of those free use library printer sluts

[infectiouspiss]

mommy needs you to print this document now and if you don't mommy is going to turn you off at the wall

[infectiouspiss]

listen to mommy okay? if you don't be a good little printer and fucking print my document and i know you want to okay mommy can see it in your print queue if you don't. print. my fucking document. mommy's going to get the hammer

[cpericardium]

[morbidology]

A hawk with an arrow pierced through its body.

[unteriors]

Country Villa Road, Ramona, California.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

How to fix worn steps so that you can trip on metal rather than stone, or a combination, thereof.

[xalatath]

Everybody in the club Yield to my will

[vinceaddams]

It's nice that loud noises don't stick to clothes like smells do. That would be really bad if they did.

[fuckyeahkitschy2]

Woolworths

[tlirsgender]

When you get more objective about the way nature is & away from weird anthropomorphic carnivore slander it is a little funny when the baby sea turtles hatch and every other animal in like a ten mile radius goes "oh fuck yum one million mini sliders"

[tlirsgender]

[ID: a screenshot of the original post's tags that read, "#real turtleheads know this is a play on sliders (turtle emoji) which are a type of terrestrial turtle. but it's also tiny hamburgers #which seems apt. #this has been another episode of Joke Explainer" /end ID]

Keeping these actually. Necessary footnote for this post

[tlirsgender]

Watching a jaguar casually walk up to an adult sea turtle headed back to the water after laying her eggs and eat it like why am I in my sea turtle violence era and why are they like this. Adult sea turtles aren't especially easy to eat in the water they'll swim around with shark bites taken out of them like they're just chillin. And then on land they just kinda

[tlirsgender]

Jaguar watching a sea turtle on the beach: oh fuck yum 100 pound slider

[tlirsgender]

Also today I learned that since the jaguar scares off other smaller predators it's actually good for the sea turtle population if there are jaguars there. Cause less babies get eaten by Everything Else. I'm gonna be honest I didn't even consider that a jaguar could be on the beach

[tlirsgender]

Every other animal in like a ten mile radius: I'm gonna be honest I didn't even consider that a jaguar could be on the beach

[petterwass]

Mommy gets eaten so the kids don't

[grlstlker]

just let me bite you a little

[crafty-butch]

meeting Kinsey scale

[hometoursandotherstuff]