WAS IT FOR THIS?

zeus smirks , high and mighty and cutting, and asks: what would you give ? and atlas, arms trembling and shoulders shaking, thinks: what haven't i given already ? ANAKIN SKYWALKER. THE CHOSEN ONE. VARAN ZANDRI. KNIGHT OF REN.

[sassyarcherboy]

for science 

[padawanlost]

[warstraincd-blog]

“ please, don’t trust me. ” ( from anakin to ahsoka )

“I don’t,” Ahsoka admitted. Too much has happened to let herself trust him. It was too much to process. It was one thing when Anakin was a force ghost– it was another when they were in the flesh. “But I still love you.” And that was the hardest part, that she still loved him– Anakin– after everything. If he was here as Vader, she would not. But Anakin was here and she missed times gone by too much. She had mourned the loss of Anakin when the Sith Lord took his place, despite knowing they were the same person.

[bastilashans-archive-deactivate]

“yes.”

— lords of the sith by paul s. kemp 

insp 

[saberbled-blog]

this is my dumb son :~) his name is varan zandri, he’s a knight of stupid

here’s a lil abt him but first a tl;dr

tl; dr !! he is a good momma’s boy at heart, his mom’s final wish as she laid dying was for luke to take care of him but varan was a coward and joined the order out of fear ((acts like he fears/cares abt nothing tho)) ,, he loves his home planet (mandalore) and uh…. well you guys will see how he develops in time and what he has planned  but he’s out for revenge on everyone :~)

varan is from mandalore (all other planets go home) which … if u dont know abt it, has been war torn since the beginning of time, it’s a combat and warrior driven planet so it’s a tuff place to live  

((but fck… y’all gotta brush up on ur mandalore knowledge if u havent bc it’s such !!! a badass planet, tatoowho ?? could never)))) there’s like no info in new canon abt mandalore post rebels so i’m making shit up for y’all

since it’s a warrior culture and his mom was a force user ,, she was a pretty good soldier with a slight upper hand in combat, his dad died when he was super young tho leaving just his mama

she got word of luke recruiting kids for training so called for him to come visit them ,,, just to see what he was like and see if she wanted varan to come with(((bc mandalorians dont trust jedi, they actually despise them mostly and there’s nly ever been one mandalorian jedi in history)))

but uhhh a Big Fight happened after luke arrived and luke being luke helped out and uhhh  varan’s mom died in luke’s arms and her final wish was for luke to protect varan nd train him to be a good jedi like him :~)

destruction of luke’s jedi temple: varan uhh… was the last lil boy alive p much, he was out being a wildo and exploring past bedtime and then came back to find a burning temple and ben fucking shit up

he chose to join ben only because he was afraid of death (having seen it his whole life) :) so he didn’t kill anyone….. he has now obvi bc its the only way to prove his “””alliance””” to the bitch order

he was an assassin for the order for a while, prior to arriving on naboo….. unlike others though he knows that what he did is terrible and he isn’t worthy of forgiveness and that he’s a sack of shit , even if he joined out of fear and doesn’t believe in anything the order stands for and only took the position to prove that he was loyal to these hoes . he does !! take responsibility for what he’s done though

he’s mainly a strategist for the order now, my boy a lil smartie (inherited from his dad)

not the best force user but kicks ass @ hand to hand combat

he knows some mando’a (native mandalorian language) but sadly isn’t very fluent since he didnt have much contact w his people once he joined luke/became a knight of ren

he’s lost  so much of his culture and it fucking makes him sad to no end, so now that things are somewhat calm he spends his time reading up/learning about mandalore’s history. if u know abt mandalore he will pay u to talk to him abt it

the tattoo matt has in most of the gifs i’m going to use?? don’t ignore it !! just pretend it’s this symbol:  ((( basically u can immediately tell this boy is from mandalore bc he has this fcking symbol plastered across his neck like a dweeb ))

loves and lusts after power and is ready to get revenge on everyone

he ofc puts on a lil show and acts tuff/like nothing bothers him and seems like he’s made a fcking stone,,, i chose matt for a reason, he just… looks like a fighter and looks like he’s a tuffy naturally lets be real but on the inside !!! this is not the case !!!!!!!!!!! he’s broken nd sad nd torn apart by the actions he’s had to take  ,,, but he’s a master at hiding it ,,,, he’s a wild one tho so b careful

[saberbled-blog]

KODDI . 

@saberbled .

The Lethan was hard to miss, sat against the wall of the ship hallway with legs that extended all the way to the other side, the heels of his feet flat against the parallel wall. Everyone who had passed occasionally had stepped over him without a comment, perhaps they looked but no one stayed as long as this one did.

Koddi’s periwinkle eyes flicked up to stare at them after he realized they weren’t just going to step over his legs and move on.

“Sixty credits to look, a hundred and fifty five for a private show” He intoned, part of him wondering if the stranger would know what he meant.

varan, while skilled in more territories than he says aloud, doesn’t know too much about anything not having to do with the order and the subsequent combat that comes with it. still, having spent a few years as an assassin means that he’s learned to take on roles he’d never have the chance to otherwise, for the sake of targeting those he was ordered to. so, the twi’lek’s message is very clear to him. varan only shrugs, eyebrows furrowed in the slightest. “ i’m fine, bud. ” he’s not too sure if it was a joke or not, but his tone would have been just as flat, even if it was.  varan’s a guy for quips; they’re fun. “ didn’t know i had to pay to use my eyes around here. how much to stare down the hallway ? ” he counters.

[saberbled-blog]

VERYA .

anything related to the first order looks exceptionally sterile after naboo.

it’s not something to complain about, really, but she didn’t realize until after the ship punched through the atmosphere. still, it at least feels something a little closer to normal. there are still vague aches and pains, something scratching in the back of her throat that irks her every time she breathes or speaks. even with the life-threatening effects mostly negated by the cure. but the war is back on, just like that.

there shouldn’t be time for peace like this, brewing tea that she took from naboo, but she finds it where she can. it gives her space to understand the turning of her mind and push away the haze of the illness.

her hands are steady around the cup of tea, expression distant.

to be back in the confines of such a bleak atmosphere has dimmed his spirits. on naboo, he at least had a chance of distancing himself from the order, but now he’s returned to the life he sentenced himself to all those years ago. ( he was only a boy, and yet, that choice has masked his existence since he chose life over courage. )  back to business, varan has said to others, tone as empty as usual. he’s busied himself with work in retaliation for his imbecilic emotions that have always consumed him so mercilessly, even more now than before after luke skywalker paid him a visit. still, regardless of how much strategy the first order is in need of, there’s always down time. varan makes his way towards verya, surveying her for signs of recovery after the illness that overtook them on naboo. “ missing our vacation ? ” he asks finally, in need of a distraction.

[saberbled-blog]

SHOCADI .

Anakin, Shocadi thought, why was that name so familiar? Perhaps once she was well, she would remember. She focused on his question for now. Shocadi and her brother had tried to escape many times. But it wasn’t until recently they were truly freed. “How long have we been here?” Shocadi asked. It was hard to keep track of time these days. “On this planet. Or… when all of this happened with the Force. Shortly before that, we joined the Resistance.” Twenty-two years of being enslaved. And the first time being away from Koddia. Shocadi hated this. “I don’t know how he’s faring. I worry about him.” Had Shocadi been well and not so delirious with fever, she would not be so open. Despite her calm tone, there was an underlying note of anxiety. 

he never had someone to care for him, aside from his mother. anakin loves her, and not a day goes by in which he doesn’t remember her touch, which was hardened and rough due to the labor she was forced to endure. anakin is still thinking of her when the girl places their escape on a solid point in this aberrant timeline that has unraveled so hastily. “ i can’t imagine what you were put through. i’m sorry. ” he can imagine it. a young boy with golden hair thrived off of stories passed down from servant to servant, but they never told of the hardships of slaves. the tales he heard were beautiful and light. instead, anakin learned of the depths of what people like him had to go through by seeing it, experiencing it, and hearing of it by listening to his mother’s hushed whispers. when she mentions her brother again, he nods sympathetically, knowing fully well that he’d find her brother before dawn. “ i’m sure he wouldn’t want you to worry. ”

[saberbled-blog]

ROSE .

“It wasn’t your fault,” Rose insisted. It was the fool’s who left quarantine and infected her. She remembered the slightly panicked message she sent to Anakin, explaining to him who had done this and what they had done to her. And that she was going to be sick. That was what scared her the most– being ill enough to not be able to help. “What happened to them?” she asked. “The person who got out.” 

to him, it’ll always be his fault. he’s the atlas of this story, baring the weight of what he’s done and what he couldn’t do. “ you don’t have to worry about them anymore, ” he responds, knowing fully well that his words are vague and very easy to interpret in various ways. anakin has found a friend in rose, but he believes he could frighten her if she knew of the true depths his anger can reach, especially in times of distress. he decides not to elaborate further. “ how are you feeling ? ”

[saberbled-blog]

AHSOKA .

Anakin. The last time Ahsoka had come face to face with the man, he had adorned a mask and sentenced her to death. ( of course, it did not happen that way. ) Realistically, Ahsoka knew that this could not be avoided. That she would see him again. The Torgruta had seen him, and Obi-Wan, as force ghosts throughout the remainder of her life. But this was different. This was more real. She could touch him, feel him. Those many years of seeing his ghost had lessened her anger towards him. Would she ever forgive him for what he did? No. Would she ever hold that same trust she had in him as a child? Likely never. Ahsoka lingered near the wall, taking in his form. Stars, it was like no time had passed. Anakin looked just as she remembered– before he fell. That tugged at her heart, longing for that reunion. But she had to be cautious. Ahsoka did not know how he identified now that he lived– Anakin or Vader? Ahsoka felt at her side, reassuring herself that her lightsaber was within reach should he attack. “Anakin…” @saberbled

he’s come to her before. for anakin to stay away from the girl he’d protected for years would be to rip his instincts out and lacerate his every intuition. ( he could never be so wise in actions. ) while it would have been a smart thing to not visit her from beyond a life she understood, at the time, all he wanted to do was see her. he appeared to her only a few times, just enough to leave her with sage words and disappear before he could confuse her even more. of course, neither of them knew that this second chance would come true so abruptly. since the beginning of this existence, he’s wondered where she was. why he, the bearer of the devil’s doings, was breathing among his loved ones, but ahsoka wasn’t. sometimes, while the sky wept beneath a blanket of darkness, he wondered if she was out there somewhere, staying far away from him with a determined sense of purpose. anakin wouldn’t blame her. ( the last thing he’d always wonder on said nights would be how differently his life could have gone, if she had stayed by his side. life doesn’t have an answer to that, but he likes to imagine it. it’s both a peaceful and torturous pastime. ) “ ahsoka, ”  he manages, lips remaining parted seconds after he’s spoken her name. “ you’re . . . you’re here. ”

[saberbled-blog]

LEIA .

feeling a pair of eyes on the back of her neck, leia turns. she’s fallen to the back of the pack, determinded to make sure that no one is left behind as they begin boarding the falcon to iego to get the cure they all so desperately need. she moves gracefully as she looks over her shoulder, though there is nothing but clumsiness when her gaze lands on the face of the man watching her. he addresses her by her name, which makes her lips tug down in a frown. no one in the resistance addresses her by her first name––it’s always “general” or “princess” in the case of some of the older rebels, with an occasional “senator” thrown in every once in awhile. “what––?” she murmurs, eyebrows knitting in confusion as she tries to place––at the moment of realization, her eyes widen, and the mask she keeps in place almost slips. “you’re him,” she says, taking a wavering step forward. “you’re––vader.” luke had told her of her parentage, showing her old holos of padme and anakin, but she hadn’t thought that she’d ever see him. vader’s long gone, but if the force had brought her back. she takes a step back, eyes wide, jutting her chin out. she will not be afraid. she will not let him see that she’s so desperately afraid. “what do you want?” she spits out, holding an arm up to keep him away from her. “get away from me.”

vader versus anakin— where does one begin and the other end ? the two live in unison, a war for dominance leaving him in constant grief because they are the same. vader was never a demon who took over his body, rendering him incapable of stopping the actions of a monster clad in wrongdoings. he was never an alternate personality that won over anakin for decades. while it’s true that the sith attempted to strangle the jedi still quietly nestled within his mind, they were never two separate entities. vader is anakin, and anakin is vader. leia is right by addressing him by his previous name, even if he wants so desperately to say that he’s no longer anything like darth vader, but he knows better than to go against her words. ( they are both empty homes for anger, and while leia is everything anakin could never be, they are still very much alike, in a twisted, terrible way. ) “ i’m not going to hurt you, ” he replies, voice treading shaky territories.  where does he begin ? how many times has he hurt her, over and over, even when he was a mere ghost of ash ? her son looks up to vader. to him. anakin doomed her to a life of horror since her birth, and yet, he loves her. adores her, even. it’s a complicated situation, to say the least, because while she spits words at him as though she wishes to never see him again ( rightfully so ) all he can think of is how much she looks like his mother. “ i won’t hurt you anymore, leia. ”

[saberbled-blog]

LUKE . 

for @saberbled​​ !!

     ❛  father !  ❜  he calls out, rounding the corner from the cockpit. their escape from naboo aboard the falcon had followed with some sense of relief, a freedom almost forgotten since obligating himself to the will of the force from the moment of his awakening. the mystery of the situation, however, remained, and luke wondered with an ambiguous amount of curiosity, the direct purpose behind the situation  —  why was it since the battle of crait, had the leading bodies of the war been transformed into puppets of what some may deem a mastermind’s plans ? despite his overwhelming doubt, he shakes it off for the moment and rushes to the other’s side, a hand coming out to touch his father’s forearm, as if he required the touch to ground himself ( and in a sense he did, somewhat desperately with how … lonely he’d felt since the outbreak first struck ) before he gives himself the chance to breathe.  ❛  you’re not leaving, right ? after all this is over … will you stay ?  ❜  his words are laced with a hesitance and vulnerability he hadn’t expected.

OH, LUKE. his father is a beaming failure, and will continue to be so until the stars they look up to so dearly collapse within themselves, and life becomes legend. there are few times in which he went against this prophecy; his final act was one of heroism, perhaps, but after so many sins of wretched origins, does it even matter ? it does to luke, anakin knows that after hearing his hopeful question. he knows his son well, he likes to believe. so, he’d been expecting this conversation since they departed from naboo. anakin isn’t very good at making choices, but this one he’s sure of. while luke believes having his father may lighten the ailment of war’s creeds, anakin believes he is nothing but a cause for despair. in luke, in leia, in the entire resistance. how can he even STAND upon a ship with people like them ? he’s unworthy. he will always be unworthy. perhaps, if he shoots down the boy’s request, luke will see that too. but anakin can’t. he loves his son with such a splendid, immaculate nature. ( he is his clarity and guiding light. ) both love and regret pour equally through his gaze and tone. “ i don’t belong here, luke. ”

[saberbled-blog]

REY .

@saberbled

it was safe to say that she didn’t know most of the people on the ship. other than han, luke, and leia, every other face had been deemed a stranger and yet, the amount of power and history that was radiating off of everyone almost seemed a little overwhelming. 

one man in particular sparked her curiosity. standing across the room from him as she pretended to listen to whatever plan the others were making, she eyed him with furrowed eyebrows. rey felt like she should have known who the man was. he didn’t give her an uneasy feeling per se, it just felt odd that she didn’t know his name. 

and with that, rey casually pushed herself off from her seat, shooting the others a tight lipped smile that whispered “i’ll be back” before making her way towards the stranger. she approached him with a serene expression, hoping not to startle him or anything. she truly just wanted to introduce herself was all. 

“hi,” she greeted, offering her hand. “i’m rey.”

dappled in shadows, his own soul is just barely getting used to being on the opposite side of reality, but he’s still very much aware of everything. of course, he know who she is; who doesn’t ? beyond the veil, her name was spoken of often, described as triumphant and fierce and light. she’s ALREADY taken her place beneath the titles which decree greatness, even if she doesn’t know it just yet. the flow of the rivers of the FORCE’S MIGHT have settled themselves within both of their systems. still, they are opposites in every sense of the word. put simply, one has just done right. the other ?? the other stands before her, silently. at first, he doesn’t know whether or not he should give her his name; he doesn’t want to, but it’ll come out. it always does, and then it tugs at every conversation he has with anyone. the judgement and fear in their eyes is quite distinct. whether or not she’ll do the same remains to be discovered.  “ i know, ” he nods, adjusting his robes. he extends his right hand ( still very much robotic, sliver and steel on full display ), watching her briefly. “ anakin. ”

[saberbled-blog]

@valianted !!

they are two halves of a single warrior. fates intertwined, shaking at the thought of them being separated for too long. what is he without obi-wan ? ( the answer is simple enough: V A D E R . ) when one ceased to exist, so did the other. but, simultaneously, it seems as though they can’t live with one another. the anguish that befell obi-wan because he chose to taken on a padawan with a waning sense of good in him, ticking and ticking and ticking until it shriveled into something far more vacant than the space between them now, is something anakin will always carry with him. obi-wan lost anakin. even now, when a facsimile of the brother obi-wan once cared for so delicately strays from approaching him too closely, obi-wan has lost him. — — —  and anakin has lost obi-wan. to stand before a man he would have abraded every single teaching instilled in him just to see him smile, and know that the relationship they once had will never return to them is the CRUELEST PUNISHMENT of all. because, at the same time, anakin is angry. he can’t help it; he and rage are fastened to one another by chaos itself, and it laughs in his face every time he tries to move. he doesn’t blame obi-wan, not anymore, and not entirely. but such a fire that refused to be quelled for years on end cannot be put out by a simple wave of his hand. a sharp inhale, followed the refusal to meet his master’s gaze. “ i . . . i should go. i’m sorry to disturb you, ” he says, as though speaking to a stranger he accidentally came across within the falcon’s hallway. ( to be strangers would be a kinder fate for both of them. perhaps then his heart wouldn’t be threatening to collapse beneath the pressure of love lost. a love thrown away by his own hand. a brother turned enemy. is that still true ? he’s holding his breath in anticipation. )

[saberbled-blog]

@warstraincd !!

“Shocadi’atar,” Shocadi uses her full name instead of her shortened one. “This is the first time we’ve ever been separated,” she murmured. Being sick made her a little more open to speaking then usual. “Even in slavery we were never apart. I don’t like being without him.” But Shocadi especially didn’t want Koddi to feel alone.

“ anakin, ” he introduces, nodding. “ i’ll speak to him. ” he lives in thoughts of his past. regardless of where he is, or what he’s doing, there’s always a propensity to recall days in which happiness was elusive, with hunger and pain taking its place. he was young, but fate doesn’t discriminate between innocent minds and those with rotten perceptions. needless to say, his gaze softens just slightly, but he’s not one to speak of his past as easily. “ when did you . . . escape ? ” he asks, knowing that them being freed willingly is an unlikely scenario. 

[saberbled-blog]

ROSE .

While Rose was well again, she was still a bit tired. During the quarantine, her body had given out on her. She had been transported onto a Resistance ship while she was out. Rose had already awoken with Iris next to her, but now she had to find the rest of her friends. One of them was a new friend– someone who she spent a lot of time with during the virus (while she wasn’t infected). “Anakin,” she said, leaning up against a wall for support. It was easy to get winded after being sick for awhile. @saberbled​

“ rose, ” he answers, followed by a subdued wince at the sight of the state she’s in after being affected by the virus. while anakin is nowhere near as fatigued as rose must be, his fixation on finding a remedy was everything he cared about on naboo. now that things have adjusted ( and, most importantly,  he’s rectified the actions of the person who caused this ) anakin faces her with more comfort than he would have before, but there’s still an inkling of weariness imprinted into his voice, his stance, and his eyes. “ i’m sorry that i let this happen. ”

[saberbled-blog]

LEIA .

@saberbled & @valianted

there was an ache in her bones that leia still wasn’t used to, a neverending tiredness that reminded her of the early days after the empire was destroyed that was only exemplified by the illness that they still hadn’t gotten a cure for. there was blood in the back of her throat that she kept stubbornly swallowing down as if that would make it go away, and as she walked (more like stumbled) toward the ship taking them to iego, the place where the cure supposedly was, she did her best to keep her head up high.

she had to stay strong for the other rebels, the ones who were dying (not like her, not like her, she would be fine) and the ones who had already lost people. the resistance had already lost a couple people to the virus, and she knew it would only damage the organization further she died alongside them––which is why she couldn’t. even if the disease threatened to take her under, she would go down fighting. leia organa was nothing if not a fighter.

he only has a split-second moment in which he’s able to beguile in her beauty, her semblance, and the might that she handles so gracefully before that page is forcefully torn and a new one takes its place. this one resembles that of cracked, sunken parchment, rivaled only by death. anakin can see how much the sickness has affected her; it does so in the same way that it did with her mother. once the antidote is found, anakin plans to part ways with the resistance. while he promised himself that he’d stay as far away from his loved ones as possible, something draws him towards leia. just this once, he tells himself. just once, he’d like to face her with a clear gaze rather than one washed in yellow, once hidden behind a tinted mask. of course, he knows she hates him. to believe otherwise would to be to succumb to the filth known as hope, the very same thing that motivated his every decision during a desperate time. it’s quite a parallel; he’s desperate to see her, to hear her voice addressing him as he is now, even if it’s to say she wants nothing to do with him. in the end, he spent every waking hour searching for a cure for her. and he’d do it a million times over.  he approaches her slowly, standing a few feet away from her.  “ leia. ”