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@sacredpoolsoftears
All of Ilya Rozanovs problems solved in the long game by singing Bet on It
Ok so a few times a year sevta demands a girls night with Ilya.
āKak my privykli, Ilyushka, pozhaluystaā she will beg and really itās just a show, Ilya trying to act like he canāt go (saying heās too old, itās too hard, he has to be at home with his husband ! Sveta hes a KEPT man now) because Ilya does love going out with his Sveta, his bright gorgeous girl, there for him for so much, for all of it.
And Shane, well Shane actually loves it, encourages it, knows that Ilya finds joy in being out, around others, in being a light in a busy room, dancing, being another body under lights and swelling music. He doesnāt covet it like he used to, when he was younger and lonely and looking for someone to fill something to deep and empty.
But Shane can see the light in his eyes after, when heās a little hungover sat with Sveta at the bench in their kitchen eating greasy breakfast rolls and orange juice and talking over each other to tell Shane stories of their night- slipping in and out of Russian (and Shane sees something young in him, like that, in a hoodie with wet curls from an shower, brushing shoulders with Sveta who is in one of Ilyaās tshirt, hair up out of her bare face, giggling and poking fun at Ilya, tutting and wiping egg off his cheek and calling him āso messy. Rude little boy!ā And Ilya pouting and slapping at her hands. It breaks open something in Shaneās chest, to see his boy happy! Radiant in it and safe, with his family (his Sveta) it restores a part of him that knows Ilya lives for so long with so much misery pressing down down down on him).
However, itās not just the hungover days- the house full with Ilya and Sveta and their loud happy chatters and usually quiet cosy mid afternoon naps, or the evening when Sveta will demand time with shane and shoo ilya away- cook with shane as they chat about hockey and their lives and their ilya- that are his favourite. Itās not even the quiet evenings after Ilya and Sveta have left in a hurry to their uber and Shane can take a long bath and watch whatever Ilya has deemed ātoo boringā to watch with him that week. Heāll eat a dinner Ilya would call āblandā and be in bed before 10pm, his weighted blanket on, and his ocean noises on full blast.
No Shaneās most favourite part of Ilya having his girls nights is when his husband gets home. Shane doesnāt stay up, not when he knows Ilya wonāt be able to help but wake him. Because when Ilya comes home from being out now, he comes home hungry for him. Starving. Ilya comes home like a puppy whose owner has been away for months and is now finally home. Shane is kind of obsessed with it.
His needy condition is a mix of many things, but mainly Between being tipsy (or very drunk, itās a scale) or maybe high, as well as being around people who āarenāt Shaneā all night (a direct Ilya quote) and remembering how it used to be, before Shane- Ilya had whispered this confession into the quiet dark of their bedroom, after the second āgirls nightā ever- he had crawled on the soft carpet until he was knelt beside Shaneās side of the bed, jacket stripped off and in the hamper because heās a good ! Husband thank you and dirty clothes go in the hamper. Especially club clothes.
Heād reached with cold hands to tug the covers down, and leant in to press his face toward the warm of Shaneās soft warm belly under the covers. Shane had woken up to Ilyaās cold nose at his bellybutton, startled with a small flinch and then his hand had found Ilyaās thick curls. āIlya?ā Heād slurred out soft and low and he could feel Ilya muttering against his stomach, kissing and nuzzling at the soft skin.
āYou ok?ā Heād asked and Ilya had nodded hard and fast and Shane had smiled but then heād felt a shiver roll through Ilya, a muffled choked tiny sound and heād pulled at Ilya, dragged his face up to him as quickly as his tired body could. āWhats wrong? Why arenāt you in bed?ā Shane had whispered, trying to wake up- trying to understand.
āOutside clothesā Ilya had answered solemnly. Like quoting a law. āOkay. You ok? You have fun?ā Shane asked voice scratchy, swallowing hard as he tried to orientate. He had finally got his tired eyes half squinting open and Ilyaās face had been right in front of him, heavy brow and serious wet eyes and Shaneās heart had tugged as if caught on a fishhook, reeling to chase after what had made his husband look so sad.
āHey, hey, what happened? Are you? Is everyone ok? Is Sveta alright?ā Shaneās questions has tumbled tumbled out as he touched his fingertips gently over Ilyaās cheeks, ache in his chest at his baby looking so horribly sad and mixed up.
āShanyaā Ilya had said seriously, and Shane shifted his hand to rub his thumb between Ilyaās eyebrows. āYes baby?ā Heād whispered low, other hand rubbing at the back of Ilyaās neck. He had looked like a little kid in trouble, knelt by the bed with wide sad eyes. āYou areā he swallows hard, blinks and sniffles āmy Shaneā he exhaled and Shane answered soft āyesā automatic- Ilya nods āTy ā moya dushaā he rumbles. āSoul soul soulā Ilya had repeated. āMineā he had said and pressed his lips to Shaneās forehead.
āMy boy, moy malen'kiy fonarik, sent from Mama for my heartā Ilyaās voice had been so thick with emotion. It had made Shaneās stomach turn even if heād only caught half the Russian words.
āYours Ilya, always. Since I was a teenager since I first saw you hm?ā Shane had reassured him, pulled Ilyaās face into his neck and stroked his hand over the back of his soft hair, over and over through his thick curls. āYesā Ilya had muttered into Shaneās neck. āSince then. Forever for us. Alwaysā his words thick and stumbly, more heavily accented than usual.
āOkay, okay babyā Shane had whispered, kept Ilya tucked close, his mouth against Shaneās pulse. After a moment Ilya had pulled back, put his mouth to Shaneās chin and whispered so that his mouth moved against the skin.
āI was so, lonely for very long yes? You filled those empty spots. I know, now I do not have these holes now in my heart. But tonight reminded me of when I did. I was very lonely without you. My Shane. My husbandā Shane was sure his heart was going to push right out of his chest in his ache to comfort his Ilya. God. His sweetheart.
āNot anymore. Not anymoreā Shane had replied and thought to himself I was so lonely too. So lonely in so many ways without you. He doesnāt say that, tells Ilya he loves him instead, in English in Russian, over and over and over. Finally Ilya had seemed to settle, something in his face soothing out. Shane had kept kissing at his face anyway. Shane had gotten then into the shower after then back to bed, curled around Ilya his chest to his boys back and breathed with him, hand rubbing over his heart until heād gone back to sleep.
Ilya had been so shy in the morning, avoidant and quiet, embarrassed. It had been smoothed away in soft kisses eased into soft conversation Ilya with his back to Shane until the most uncomfortable parts had been peeled back. After theyād talked, whisky had been banned from girls night (and ever, Shane hadnāt seen Ilya that lost in a long time). But since the Whisky Incidentā¢ļø and Ilya realising how much he could drink on his meds before his happy buzz tilted the wrong way. Now, now Ilya was always a happy, buzzy or sleepy little puppy coming home to Shane, pawing at him, ready for attention. Shane loved it.
Even when Ilya woke him up from his sleep he couldnāt find it in him to be mad when Ilya would beam when Shaneās eyes met his, big toothy smile, his quiet sweet little āHelloooo Shanyaā as he flopped himself onto Shane like a big dog that thought it could still be a lap puppy. He always showers first, because the rule is no outside clothes on the bed- strictly. And so he crawls over Shane smelling like soap and a beer still a bit and a bit damp and so overjoyed to be home. To be in their bed.
And anyway ! So, itās one of these girls nights, and Shane is sound asleep when Ilya and Svetlana get home, heās sound asleep on his stomach, Anya curled at the end of the bed. He stays asleep, up until Ilya closes the bathroom just a bit too hard and Shane wakes between one breath and the next, nuzzles his face into the pillow and listens to Ilya shower, the rush of the water and Ilya brushing his teeth, the sound of the ensuite door clicking back open, of Ilyaās soft, clumsy footsteps towards the bed.
Shane had missed him that night, sometimes the peaceful nights were nice but theyād both had a busy week and between social calendars and brand deals and charity work and a visit to Shaneās parents they hadnāt had much time just them that week. It feels silly now, all these years on when they get so much time together compared to the decade plus apart time they faced. Now they live and play and exist together but Shane still misses him. Sometimes he misses him just when he goes to the next room, itās kinda embarrassing. But he knows Ilya misses him the same. He thinks itās maybe just the horrible amount of love they are in. So Shane rolls over, shrugs away the covers to hold one arm out and mumbles a sleepy ācāmereā.
Shane smiles into his pillow when he hears the happy sound Ilya lets out. āZaychik!ā Ilya calls in delight, and then heās crawling up on the bed, into the open covers and pressing his whole body to Shaneās. He presses his face into his neck and is kissing kissing kissing all over the warm skin, his hands up and down his sides, over his lower back and ass and hips. Finding the shape of him again like it had been days not hours.
āI did not mean to wake you I am very sorryā Ilya whispered voice slurry sweet and he pushes his nose against Shaneās ear, kisses at his earlobe.
āI tried to be very quiet. Promiseā he whispers and Shane wraps his arms around Ilya, pulls him in tight to him, squeezes him.
āYou need your beauty sleep I knowā Ilya mumbles and bites at Shaneās jaw, chin, apple of his cheek.
āAnd yet you snack on meā Shane grumbles and it doesnāt deter Ilya, biting away on Shane.
āBut māstarving. My husband says McDonaldās is bad for me so I do not getā Ilya says and drags his teeth over Shaneās Adamās apple, makes him shiver.
āI was trying to be quietā Ilya says then and kisses Shaneās nose. āFor realā he says with a big eyed blink and then drags his nose over and against Shaneās in a few nuzzles.
āI knowā Shane says then and shifts a little, so he can be on his back and Ilya can lay up over to of him, elbows on either side of Shaneās head, a nice weight on top of him.
āSāok, missed youā Shane exhales as Ilya rubs his cheek over Shaneās, before turning his face to find his mouth. They kiss soft and small, drags of their lips until Ilya licks into his mouth to taste him.
āMissed you more. Horribly. Trapped at the bar when my beautiful wife is at home. Waiting for my returnā Ilya whispers between their kisses and Shane snorts into his mouth, tugs at his curls.
āYou have fun though?ā Shane asks, checks, because he wants to know, whatās to know how their hours apart were, what made Ilya happy, what made him laugh, if he was good.
Ilya nods, āyes, good music, good dancing, good sevtaā Ilya shrugs and shoves his face into Shaneās throat, collapses his whole weight down on Shane.
āBut whole time I am thinking of my wife with her freckles and her pretty eyelashes and strong fucking legs and her in her panties in our bed, and how she is more beautiful than anyone in this barā Ilya whines and Shane laughs, shoulders shaking and wraps his legs around Ilyaās hips.
āPanties huh?ā Shane asks and Ilya nods, shoves his fingers under the waistband of Shaneās black boxers. āYessss my favourite pairā Ilya confirms and Shane rolls his eyes, rubs his cheek over Ilyaās soft curls. There is a tired silence.
āSleep?ā Ilya asks then with a big heavy sigh and Shane nods, kisses Ilyaās forehead. āSleepā Shane confirms, wraps his arms around his big heavy husband, flopped on his chest. The one that Ilya comes home to, everytime, the one he thinks of when he climbs into his uber to leave. His home.
āWaitā Ilya says suddenly, as if remembering something important and pulls back, holds Shaneās face in one hand and takes a minute to look at him, tipsy heavy blinks. His hand slides up and gently combs Shaneās hair back out of his face, the soft strands that fall to either side of his forehead. His thumb rubs over his temple and his eyes make maps all over his face.
āAh. Just as I thought. You are. So crazy beautifulā he sighs.
āJust needed to make sure nothinā changed while I was goneā Ilya smirks and leans in for one last kiss.
āIdiotā Shane mutters, and then sucks on Ilyaās bottom lip.
āLove youā Shane breaths and Ilya echos it back.
They fall asleep like that, Ilyaās fingers down Shaneās boxers smushed on top of his husband, where he can feel his heart beat steady under his.
It kind of irritates me that people dog on Shane for suggesting Ilya leave Boston for Ottawa when Ilya is the one who said he didnāt want to re-sign with Boston and that he wanted to play for a Canadian team. Saying Shane came up with the idea and that the idea removes any sacrifice he could potentially have to make completely ignores the fact that Ilya is the one who brought up leaving his cup winning team in the first place. Shane chose Ottawa because it makes the most sense in terms of being a Canadian team (which is what Ilya was already thinking of), ādesperately needs a star centreā, and is the closest Canadian team thatās also in reasonable proximity to Montreal. Moving to a team in the west isnāt going to help anything because theyāll still be extremely far away. Toronto is even further from Montreal than Boston is.
Shane also wasnāt nearing the end of his contract with the Metros yet. Ilya was heading into free agency. Shane canāt move teams whereas Ilya can literally go wherever he wants if thereās enough cap space.
Shane made a suggestion that sounded like the only good option at the time and it ended up facing complications, because at the end of the day their situation still fucking sucks. They still barely see each other and the suffocation of the closet and the toll of hiding their relationship, combined with Ilyaās team having a bad season, begins to take its toll on Ilyaās mental health. The entire point is they thought theyād be able to do the hiding thing until they retired and their journey throughout the story is realizing it isnāt sustainable and itās causing them both to suffer.
Ilya suggested leaving Boston and moving to a Canadian team. Ilya was willing to leave everything behind for Shane and didnāt have the foresight to understand the problems that might cause him. I donāt think Shane was under the illusion that Ilya moving to Ottawa was the perfect solution, but the point is there was no perfect solution and that was really the only one that made sense at the time. The idea that Shane selfishly suggested Ottawa so as to avoid not disrupting his own life just isnāt accurate when the entire concept of Ilya leaving Boston was Ilyaās idea in the first place.
I understand a lot of people donāt like the moving to Ottawa plot and I think thatās valid, but thatās not what this post is about. My point is that itās unfair to call Shane selfish and stupid for his Ottawa plan when he genuinely was trying to make something work. I really donāt like trying to make Shane more of the bad guy in this situation when, at the end of the day, itās their situation that sucks.
Two male hockey players in a homophobic league who spend most of the year travelling nearly every day of the week and training the rest of it, who only get summers off, trying to make a relationship work. Thatās the real torture nexus. Ilyaās team playing like shit just makes it worse.
x.com/LESM4ND/status/2050064200852967734
maybe sheās being sarcastic but this thread isnāt going to help with people assuming she hates Shane
i have no more benefit of the doubt to give her she is being willfully ignorant. like she clearly thinks itās all some big joke. to her they are just her silly stupid hockey porn books starring ilya rozanov and thereās just nothing else to be said and no work that needs doing. she thinks she exists in a vacuum where she is protected by the convention of her genre and the fact nobody used to pay attention to her. as a fellow white woman who writes m/m porn i am entitled to issue as many damn lashings as i please. and as iāve said before and iāll say again: she actually has no idea what she has in shane and she continues to show that she has no interest in further developing him in a way that serves his character. stating plainly for the record that she only gave him an eating problem so that he had another reason to ignore ilya is kukoo bananas. and this is consistent behavior she genuinely dgaf. and we all sit here wondering aloud why people resent and dislike shane. and well the answer is because itās coming from the top down. sheās got hundreds of people loling in a discord server about how shane is too stupid to live and ilya shouldāve been with a woman instead. he is intentionally written so that the reader will develop a bias against him. and no i am not being too mean and no i am not misogynistic for saying this. whenever she speaks about shane sheās quite often flat out racist and ableist and kind of homophobic. and she will not change. she doesnāt think she has to. this is not an issue to her. and people keep free passing her by saying yāall itās just hockey smut! well itās not. this shit does not exist in a vacuum. it just won a fucking Peabody. they are asking real life NHL players about this. there is a real life biracial asian (half japanese) captain on montrealās hockey team right now at this very moment and heās currently facing the most unimaginably foul racism you could possibly conceive of in every single comment section on his teamās social media. she chose to add some elements of realism, so now sheās gotta deal with the fact people expect a little bit more thoroughness and sensitivity. itās actually frustrating and itās bad behavior. i donāt care. āitās not that deepā well unfortunately it is because it has arrived at a certain crucial cultural moment and it has permeated mainstream society. so yeah this shit matters. it has real life connotations. just mind boggling. like even her agent was weirded the fuck out⦠weāve gotta get serious.
x.com/LESM4ND/status/2050064200852967734
maybe sheās being sarcastic but this thread isnāt going to help with people assuming she hates Shane
i have no more benefit of the doubt to give her she is being willfully ignorant. like she clearly thinks itās all some big joke. to her they are just her silly stupid hockey porn books starring ilya rozanov and thereās just nothing else to be said and no work that needs doing. she thinks she exists in a vacuum where she is protected by the convention of her genre and the fact nobody used to pay attention to her. as a fellow white woman who writes m/m porn i am entitled to issue as many damn lashings as i please. and as iāve said before and iāll say again: she actually has no idea what she has in shane and she continues to show that she has no interest in further developing him in a way that serves his character. stating plainly for the record that she only gave him an eating problem so that he had another reason to ignore ilya is kukoo bananas. and this is consistent behavior she genuinely dgaf. and we all sit here wondering aloud why people resent and dislike shane. and well the answer is because itās coming from the top down. sheās got hundreds of people loling in a discord server about how shane is too stupid to live and ilya shouldāve been with a woman instead. he is intentionally written so that the reader will develop a bias against him. and no i am not being too mean and no i am not misogynistic for saying this. whenever she speaks about shane sheās quite often flat out racist and ableist and kind of homophobic. and she will not change. she doesnāt think she has to. this is not an issue to her. and people keep free passing her by saying yāall itās just hockey smut! well itās not. this shit does not exist in a vacuum. it just won a fucking Peabody. they are asking real life NHL players about this. there is a real life biracial asian (half japanese) captain on montrealās hockey team right now at this very moment and heās currently facing the most unimaginably foul racism you could possibly conceive of in every single comment section on his teamās social media. she chose to add some elements of realism, so now sheās gotta deal with the fact people expect a little bit more thoroughness and sensitivity. itās actually frustrating and itās bad behavior. i donāt care. āitās not that deepā well unfortunately it is because it has arrived at a certain crucial cultural moment and it has permeated mainstream society. so yeah this shit matters. it has real life connotations. just mind boggling. like even her agent was weirded the fuck out⦠weāve gotta get serious.
i find it interesting how rr said she did this or that because she needed to create a conflict in tlg and how shane sometimes is too self-centered and selfish to focus on what's really important. because when i think of tlgāand i went in reading wondering/expecting shane to be an ass in some way because that's what iād seen people sayāthats not primarily what i see or how i take it or how it read for me.
granted, i don't remember every little detail and i didn't really enjoy the book but honestly, it felt like she had written a ~realistic~ or rather believable conflict that grew between two people who don't (know how to) communicate with each other in a way that helps them understand each other's perspective. and none of what happened happened because either of them was being malicious or because they were actively, purposely trying to hurt each other.
and imo shane wasn't not focusing on the important things. like. that phrasing is absolutely wild to me. he saw and understood that something was up with ilya and he voiced his concerns, he suggested ilya get the help he needs. and at the time that was all he could do because ilya wasn't talking to him about what bothered him. and as someone who's struggling with depression myself, i fully understand why ilya was so reluctant to talk about it. even from his pov i understand why he kept it to himself. but why does ilya get so much compassion for what he's going through, from rr, from fans, and shane doesn't? it's right there in the book that he's right to be scared about going public. it just seems like a double standard and that's what i find incredibly unfair.
neither of them are perfect and their whole deal isn't helped by the fact that even though they've been in a relationship for a while, they don't actually get to spend a lot of time together! they don't have a routine, they don't have a rhythm the way you would if you were sharing time and space with someone constantly. they're not on the same page because over the course of time, their needs and priorities changed but they didn't communicate it to the other and obviously they operate on different base levels, of course that creates conflict.
but it's not because shane has an eating disorder/performance diet that rr gave him to create conflict. it's not solely because shane is selfish or focused on the wrong thing. and imo she didn't even write it like that, again, that's not how it read to me. it's that a lot of people apparently read it like that and she intended it that way and reinforces this take with her comments, and that's what leads me to believe that she doesn't/didn't understand what she really wrote or what the conflict really is.
please letās remember that criticising rachel reid doesnāt automatically make you misogynistic. just because sheās a woman doesnāt mean sheās immune to criticism. and weāre criticising her for how she constantly belittles, dismisses and outright hates her autistic character of colour.
rachel saying that she regrets suggesting that shane may be autistic while currently partnering with an autism charity where you can bid on a 30 minute call with her is worthy of calling out. rachel saying that ilya should have gone for svetlana in the show and that there will be ilya/svetlana fics when the book and show wouldnāt nearly be anywhere near as successful without shane since weāre all here only because of how much we love shane and ilya is worthy of calling out. rachel saying that his diet - which is not ridiculous, let me be clear here - is another thing shane focuses on too much instead of actually important things like his very sad boyfriend is worthy of calling out. shane clearly has an eating disorder which is constantly belittled and dismissed by everyone around him but his issues are never taken seriously and properly addressed because he is a side character in his own book, a mere plot device to tell ilyaās story. rachel saying that she wanted shane to tell jj and then following up with shane is stupid as if she isnāt the author and could have easily written the scene differently is worthy of calling out. rachel saying that shaneās reaction to ilyaās texts in tlg would be huh weird, followed by her calling shane an idiot is worthy of calling out because anyone who understands shaneās character would know that this is most definitely not how he would react; he would know somethingās up and be concerned because heās been clocking ilyaās depression all of tlg. rachel saying that tlg was all about the ways shane had been selfish and essentially putting the entire blame for the conflicts in tlg on him when ilya had also been selfish is worthy of calling out (and this isnāt to pit them against each other but merely to acknowledge that they both are flawed and fuck up and thatās okay - i love them both dearly). rachel doubling down on shane not having trauma when heās a neurodivergent closeted gay man of colour playing a sport thatās known for its racism and homophobia, but because he didnāt have an abusive family, he couldnāt possibly carry trauma is worthy of calling out. rachel refusing to understand her own character because she clearly canāt be bothered and only cares about ilya is worthy of calling out.
yes, shane isnāt perfect but her treatment of and outright hatred for her own character is completely unjustified. again, the story doesnāt work without shane. we all wouldnāt be here without shane. heās such a beloved character, and i simply cannot fathom creating such a complex, nuanced character seemingly by accident, only to completely misunderstand him and complain about his actions that you wrote.
I will continue calling rachel reid out for shit like this until she takes accountability and shows an ounce of willingness to learn from the criticism we offer. and these are all valid criticisms that have nothing to do with her being a woman. but if that still makes me a misogynist in your eyes, cool. I donāt give a fuck. I love Shane, and he deserves so much better.
miss knife did you see the latest rachel reid interview where she talked about the long game because i am worried about #ourshane:
"I remember telling my agent early on, when I was writing The Long Game, I was like, 'So, Shane's a little bit selfish in this book, or he's a little bit self-centered, a little bit unaware. And my agent was like, 'No, he's not.' I was like, 'No, no. It's not that he is [selfish], it's just that he does it without meaning to be.'"
"He needs things spelled out for him, and Ilya is not spelling them out.
And it was a lot of miscommunication. I wasn't too surprised that people didn't like Shane's behavior in the book, but it was kind of necessary for the story. He had to have an arc where he figures out what he's doing wrong and fixes it. But I did it out of love."
yeah i did and i have no comment. i also saw the discord screenshots. and im gonna have to say: donāt ask me anymore questions about this woman alright i simply cannot sanction her fucking buffoonery. like why is she in her discord talking about heās stupid heās an idiot heās ridiculous. like damn ok. does she know that nobodyās forcing her to be here? iāve been saying for months her writing is clearly biased and that was only based on words that have quite literally come out of her own mouth but somehow they will still be saying youāre taking her in bad faith if you critique her too harshly for the way she handles shane. well now what? screenshots for ref btw
& itās whatever i donāt care. this isnāt going to end this womanās career. it just makes me sad. and yeah she invented him or whatever. she gave him everything heās got or whatever. i just wish she was like even sort of a little bit kinder about him. anyway. i have bigger problems. #canesin4
https:// x. com/lesm4nd/status/2050064200852967734?s=46 something else to scream about, thank god for Hudson and Jacob thatās all Iāll say
oh that woman is so comfortable going to hell
she must be pissed as fuck that Shane is so loved because itās abundantly clear that she hates him
In light of these Rachel Discord leaks, Iām now thinking about how they can possibly make Shaneās eating issues feel realistic within the canon of the show.
As an active weightlifter and certified personal trainer, I can tell you right fucking now that the Ilya from The Long Game does not match the Ilya from the show in terms of his diet and attitude toward Shaneās. Connor Storrie is a physique-centric bodybuilder. The type of body he has (and as a result his Ilya) definitely benefits from good genetics, but itās also from very hard work in the gym and a very precise diet. Connor Storrie isnāt eating McDonaldās breakfast before the gym. This is the guy who when talking about the spaghetti scene said he doesnāt eat a lot of carbs. That body of his is the result of a very controlled diet and exercise regimen.
Performance diets are not stupid, as Ms. Reid so astutely remarked. Anyone who is active and performs athletically knows that the food you eat absolutely fucking impacts your performance. If you eat a McDonaldās breakfast before practice instead of something nutritious and balanced, it is absolutely going to impact your energy, especially as you age, which is Shaneās concern as someone who loves his job and wants a long career, but I guess heās selfish and evil for that.
How are you gonna have an Ilya that looks like that mocking Shane for being strict about his diet? How would Ilya as an athlete not understand the concept of a fucking performance diet? Ilya knows how seriously Shane takes his career and being the best. It just feels cruel. And I donāt wanna hear that Ilya is depressed and thatās why heās acting like that, because it is framed as justified, not a symptom of his depression. Ilya knows how seriously Shane takes his career and how much he loves it, but Shane is portrayed as naive, stupid and not having his priorities straight simply because he wants a long career. He gets accused of not understanding the negative sides of hockey despite being gay, half Asian in a white league, and neurodivergent. His experience as those things are not used to give texture to his motivations. His race is such an afterthought itās mentioned maybe twice in both books.
The problem with TLG is that Ilya is written as justified for every single thing he does and Shane is not afforded the same empathy. As a result, Shane gets little to no empathy from his own boyfriend. Ilya shows very little concern over what Shaneās eating habits and obsession with control and the impact that is having on his well-being. Iād be okay with this if it was framed by the narrative as Ilya also not being a great boyfriend, but itās not. The theme of the book should be that they both have a lot of shit going on and both are not particularly great at being in a relationship and thatās how they grow. The issue is there is a stark difference in how their problems are handled by the author, because Rachel only has empathy for Ilya.
The only way I can see the eating disorder storyline working in the show is if we get some payoff over Rachelās comment about how Shane has to work so much harder than Ilya to be the best at hockey, which would include his diet. Maybe Shane resents Ilya that he can eat whatever he wants and still have a perfect physique and performance, meanwhile if Shane eats like shit he feels it and his performance worsens. This would make things feel a lot more even and less
What season 2 needs to do is actually empathize with Shane and portray him as a three dimensional character who exists and has agency and ambition outside of being a perfect boyfriend to Ilya.
one more thing sorry you can filter the āanti Rachel Reidā tag below if you donāt want to see it but im still mad
the concept of being stressed by getting the huge undertaking of a charity and hockey school off the ground and take it seriously being selfish
the concept of dealing with what is clearly a developing eating disorder being selfish
the concept of the stress and fear of always having to worry about being outed and possibly losing your career and everything youāve worked (double hard btw bc youāre a poc) so hard for being selfish
if you think any of this is selfish get help honestly
and donāt get me wrong i donāt think being selfish is necessarily a bad thing and Shane can be selfish sometimes just like how we all can and should actually be thinking more of ourselves sometimes when itās important to
I just have a problem with the narrative of ābeing selfish and not paying attention to his sad boyfriendā when he had some real shit going on too that is also super trivialized in tlg book btw (re: Ilya making jokes all the time abt Shaneās eating issues and his coming out being off the page)
i have such real and serious beef with neurodivergent people's trust in their loved ones promise to communicate their needs the same way we are expected to being CONSTANTLY misrepresented as us being selfish & not paying attention to others when we don't 'notice' someone is struggling while they actively do everything they can to hide it from us (USING the limitations of our literal social disability against us for their own comfort) so we don't 'worry' because we have 'enough of our own stuff to deal with'. how is you not even giving me the chance to support you then translated into selfishness on my end? when you chose to hide something from me and knew exactly how to do it and circumvent all my check-ins & tools i learned to use in order to accommodate my neurotypical loved ones weaponizing their understanding of social skills when they quite honestly should be trying to accommodate me as i'm the one with the social limitation. why am i constantly expected to outsmart my own disability in order to 'notice' things you as the person WITHOUT THE SAME INCURABLE PROBLEM have a responsibility to communicate or at least not hide from me? what is with constantly asking us to do the impossible and even when we TRY to function against a literal difference in brain chemistry it's still not enough to prove we care
Iāve been neglecting their romance. Here, have these drawings I made.
Aurora Wilson-Barnes with her fathers, Sam and Bucky.
To finish my @sambuckylibrary SamBucky Summer Bingo On the Road Card - Square Fill: Family Feels.
ok so. Bucky's enhanced sense of smell right. what if at the end of a day, especially a day where Sam has had events to go to that had people hugging him, kissing him on the cheek in greeting, shaking his hand, clapping his shoulders, maybe even dancing with him if it's some kind of gala, bucky can smell everyone all over him. and while he loves how loved sam is, he also feels jealousy and possessiveness creep across his skin. and the desire to get sam in the shower and get the smell of everyone else off him, then make it so that he smells exclusively like bucky......he cannot resist it. so he does just that. gets his mouth on every inch of sam, rubs him all over, fucks him real good. makes sure that even people without enhanced senses would know. then after, sam wears buckys clothes to sleep, because he likes smelling like bucky tooš
Heās never known an ache like this. Feels it deep within his bones. His chest pulls tight; his breath is hard to come by. He feels heavy. But also light. Like this longing makes him weightless. Boneless. Like he might float away at any given moment. Yet heās tethered to Sam. Heās indelibly linked to the other man.
Is this love?
It has to be love because nothing else could be as strong as what Bucky is feeling when he is close to Sam. When their fingers brush against one another. When they stand too close; oh so close. When the heat that radiates from his friend feels as if it might cause him to burst into flames. Scorched and seared by the other manās proximity.
It has to be love.
When all of his waking thoughts are consumed by Sam. When all he knows is Sam. The graceful smile that he wears. The furrow of his brow when he is deep in concentration. The outline of his form; his broad shoulders ā his cocksure gait. The calm that envelops Bucky when Sam is near. When Sam tells him he is good and worthy. When Sam whispers reassurances in his ear. When Sam is firm with him. Calls him out. Reminds him of accountability and the importance of what they do. When it all makes sense because Bucky finds meaning and purpose after all is said and done. When it hits home for him because loving someone and being loved is all that matters. When realization washes over him because of how close he holds Sam. And how Sam is endeared to him.
This feeling.
This ache.
It has to be love because he knows without any doubt, that he loves Sam. He loves Sam with every beat of his heart. With every part of his soul.