The secret ingredient is nothing

Ships sambucky pretty intensely

[hotelstares]

[avantgarden-er]

All of Ilya Rozanovs problems solved in the long game by singing Bet on It

[bugslibraryy]

Ok so a few times a year sevta demands a girls night with Ilya.

“Kak my privykli, Ilyushka, pozhaluysta” she will beg and really it’s just a show, Ilya trying to act like he can’t go (saying he’s too old, it’s too hard, he has to be at home with his husband ! Sveta hes a KEPT man now) because Ilya does love going out with his Sveta, his bright gorgeous girl, there for him for so much, for all of it.

And Shane, well Shane actually loves it, encourages it, knows that Ilya finds joy in being out, around others, in being a light in a busy room, dancing, being another body under lights and swelling music. He doesn’t covet it like he used to, when he was younger and lonely and looking for someone to fill something to deep and empty.

But Shane can see the light in his eyes after, when he’s a little hungover sat with Sveta at the bench in their kitchen eating greasy breakfast rolls and orange juice and talking over each other to tell Shane stories of their night- slipping in and out of Russian (and Shane sees something young in him, like that, in a hoodie with wet curls from an shower, brushing shoulders with Sveta who is in one of Ilya’s tshirt, hair up out of her bare face, giggling and poking fun at Ilya, tutting and wiping egg off his cheek and calling him ‘so messy. Rude little boy!’ And Ilya pouting and slapping at her hands. It breaks open something in Shane’s chest, to see his boy happy! Radiant in it and safe, with his family (his Sveta) it restores a part of him that knows Ilya lives for so long with so much misery pressing down down down on him).

However, it’s not just the hungover days- the house full with Ilya and Sveta and their loud happy chatters and usually quiet cosy mid afternoon naps, or the evening when Sveta will demand time with shane and shoo ilya away- cook with shane as they chat about hockey and their lives and their ilya- that are his favourite. It’s not even the quiet evenings after Ilya and Sveta have left in a hurry to their uber and Shane can take a long bath and watch whatever Ilya has deemed “too boring” to watch with him that week. He’ll eat a dinner Ilya would call ‘bland’ and be in bed before 10pm, his weighted blanket on, and his ocean noises on full blast.

No Shane’s most favourite part of Ilya having his girls nights is when his husband gets home. Shane doesn’t stay up, not when he knows Ilya won’t be able to help but wake him. Because when Ilya comes home from being out now, he comes home hungry for him. Starving. Ilya comes home like a puppy whose owner has been away for months and is now finally home. Shane is kind of obsessed with it.

His needy condition is a mix of many things, but mainly Between being tipsy (or very drunk, it’s a scale) or maybe high, as well as being around people who “aren’t Shane” all night (a direct Ilya quote) and remembering how it used to be, before Shane- Ilya had whispered this confession into the quiet dark of their bedroom, after the second ‘girls night’ ever- he had crawled on the soft carpet until he was knelt beside Shane’s side of the bed, jacket stripped off and in the hamper because he’s a good ! Husband thank you and dirty clothes go in the hamper. Especially club clothes.

He’d reached with cold hands to tug the covers down, and leant in to press his face toward the warm of Shane’s soft warm belly under the covers. Shane had woken up to Ilya’s cold nose at his bellybutton, startled with a small flinch and then his hand had found Ilya’s thick curls. “Ilya?” He’d slurred out soft and low and he could feel Ilya muttering against his stomach, kissing and nuzzling at the soft skin.

“You ok?” He’d asked and Ilya had nodded hard and fast and Shane had smiled but then he’d felt a shiver roll through Ilya, a muffled choked tiny sound and he’d pulled at Ilya, dragged his face up to him as quickly as his tired body could. “Whats wrong? Why aren’t you in bed?” Shane had whispered, trying to wake up- trying to understand.

“Outside clothes” Ilya had answered solemnly. Like quoting a law. “Okay. You ok? You have fun?” Shane asked voice scratchy, swallowing hard as he tried to orientate. He had finally got his tired eyes half squinting open and Ilya’s face had been right in front of him, heavy brow and serious wet eyes and Shane’s heart had tugged as if caught on a fishhook, reeling to chase after what had made his husband look so sad.

“Hey, hey, what happened? Are you? Is everyone ok? Is Sveta alright?” Shane’s questions has tumbled tumbled out as he touched his fingertips gently over Ilya’s cheeks, ache in his chest at his baby looking so horribly sad and mixed up.

“Shanya” Ilya had said seriously, and Shane shifted his hand to rub his thumb between Ilya’s eyebrows. “Yes baby?” He’d whispered low, other hand rubbing at the back of Ilya’s neck. He had looked like a little kid in trouble, knelt by the bed with wide sad eyes. “You are” he swallows hard, blinks and sniffles “my Shane” he exhaled and Shane answered soft “yes” automatic- Ilya nods “Ty — moya dusha” he rumbles. “Soul soul soul” Ilya had repeated. “Mine” he had said and pressed his lips to Shane’s forehead.

“My boy, moy malen'kiy fonarik, sent from Mama for my heart” Ilya’s voice had been so thick with emotion. It had made Shane’s stomach turn even if he’d only caught half the Russian words.

“Yours Ilya, always. Since I was a teenager since I first saw you hm?” Shane had reassured him, pulled Ilya’s face into his neck and stroked his hand over the back of his soft hair, over and over through his thick curls. “Yes” Ilya had muttered into Shane’s neck. “Since then. Forever for us. Always” his words thick and stumbly, more heavily accented than usual.

“Okay, okay baby” Shane had whispered, kept Ilya tucked close, his mouth against Shane’s pulse. After a moment Ilya had pulled back, put his mouth to Shane’s chin and whispered so that his mouth moved against the skin.

“I was so, lonely for very long yes? You filled those empty spots. I know, now I do not have these holes now in my heart. But tonight reminded me of when I did. I was very lonely without you. My Shane. My husband” Shane was sure his heart was going to push right out of his chest in his ache to comfort his Ilya. God. His sweetheart.

“Not anymore. Not anymore” Shane had replied and thought to himself I was so lonely too. So lonely in so many ways without you. He doesn’t say that, tells Ilya he loves him instead, in English in Russian, over and over and over. Finally Ilya had seemed to settle, something in his face soothing out. Shane had kept kissing at his face anyway. Shane had gotten then into the shower after then back to bed, curled around Ilya his chest to his boys back and breathed with him, hand rubbing over his heart until he’d gone back to sleep.

Ilya had been so shy in the morning, avoidant and quiet, embarrassed. It had been smoothed away in soft kisses eased into soft conversation Ilya with his back to Shane until the most uncomfortable parts had been peeled back. After they’d talked, whisky had been banned from girls night (and ever, Shane hadn’t seen Ilya that lost in a long time). But since the Whisky Incident™️ and Ilya realising how much he could drink on his meds before his happy buzz tilted the wrong way. Now, now Ilya was always a happy, buzzy or sleepy little puppy coming home to Shane, pawing at him, ready for attention. Shane loved it.

Even when Ilya woke him up from his sleep he couldn’t find it in him to be mad when Ilya would beam when Shane’s eyes met his, big toothy smile, his quiet sweet little “Helloooo Shanya” as he flopped himself onto Shane like a big dog that thought it could still be a lap puppy. He always showers first, because the rule is no outside clothes on the bed- strictly. And so he crawls over Shane smelling like soap and a beer still a bit and a bit damp and so overjoyed to be home. To be in their bed.

And anyway ! So, it’s one of these girls nights, and Shane is sound asleep when Ilya and Svetlana get home, he’s sound asleep on his stomach, Anya curled at the end of the bed. He stays asleep, up until Ilya closes the bathroom just a bit too hard and Shane wakes between one breath and the next, nuzzles his face into the pillow and listens to Ilya shower, the rush of the water and Ilya brushing his teeth, the sound of the ensuite door clicking back open, of Ilya’s soft, clumsy footsteps towards the bed.

Shane had missed him that night, sometimes the peaceful nights were nice but they’d both had a busy week and between social calendars and brand deals and charity work and a visit to Shane’s parents they hadn’t had much time just them that week. It feels silly now, all these years on when they get so much time together compared to the decade plus apart time they faced. Now they live and play and exist together but Shane still misses him. Sometimes he misses him just when he goes to the next room, it’s kinda embarrassing. But he knows Ilya misses him the same. He thinks it’s maybe just the horrible amount of love they are in. So Shane rolls over, shrugs away the covers to hold one arm out and mumbles a sleepy “c’mere”.

Shane smiles into his pillow when he hears the happy sound Ilya lets out. “Zaychik!” Ilya calls in delight, and then he’s crawling up on the bed, into the open covers and pressing his whole body to Shane’s. He presses his face into his neck and is kissing kissing kissing all over the warm skin, his hands up and down his sides, over his lower back and ass and hips. Finding the shape of him again like it had been days not hours.

“I did not mean to wake you I am very sorry” Ilya whispered voice slurry sweet and he pushes his nose against Shane’s ear, kisses at his earlobe.

“I tried to be very quiet. Promise” he whispers and Shane wraps his arms around Ilya, pulls him in tight to him, squeezes him.

“You need your beauty sleep I know” Ilya mumbles and bites at Shane’s jaw, chin, apple of his cheek.

“And yet you snack on me” Shane grumbles and it doesn’t deter Ilya, biting away on Shane.

“But m’starving. My husband says McDonald’s is bad for me so I do not get” Ilya says and drags his teeth over Shane’s Adam’s apple, makes him shiver.

“I was trying to be quiet” Ilya says then and kisses Shane’s nose. “For real” he says with a big eyed blink and then drags his nose over and against Shane’s in a few nuzzles.

“I know” Shane says then and shifts a little, so he can be on his back and Ilya can lay up over to of him, elbows on either side of Shane’s head, a nice weight on top of him.

“S’ok, missed you” Shane exhales as Ilya rubs his cheek over Shane’s, before turning his face to find his mouth. They kiss soft and small, drags of their lips until Ilya licks into his mouth to taste him.

“Missed you more. Horribly. Trapped at the bar when my beautiful wife is at home. Waiting for my return” Ilya whispers between their kisses and Shane snorts into his mouth, tugs at his curls.

“You have fun though?” Shane asks, checks, because he wants to know, what’s to know how their hours apart were, what made Ilya happy, what made him laugh, if he was good.

Ilya nods, “yes, good music, good dancing, good sevta” Ilya shrugs and shoves his face into Shane’s throat, collapses his whole weight down on Shane.

“But whole time I am thinking of my wife with her freckles and her pretty eyelashes and strong fucking legs and her in her panties in our bed, and how she is more beautiful than anyone in this bar” Ilya whines and Shane laughs, shoulders shaking and wraps his legs around Ilya’s hips.

“Panties huh?” Shane asks and Ilya nods, shoves his fingers under the waistband of Shane’s black boxers. “Yessss my favourite pair” Ilya confirms and Shane rolls his eyes, rubs his cheek over Ilya’s soft curls. There is a tired silence.

“Sleep?” Ilya asks then with a big heavy sigh and Shane nods, kisses Ilya’s forehead. “Sleep” Shane confirms, wraps his arms around his big heavy husband, flopped on his chest. The one that Ilya comes home to, everytime, the one he thinks of when he climbs into his uber to leave. His home.

“Wait” Ilya says suddenly, as if remembering something important and pulls back, holds Shane’s face in one hand and takes a minute to look at him, tipsy heavy blinks. His hand slides up and gently combs Shane’s hair back out of his face, the soft strands that fall to either side of his forehead. His thumb rubs over his temple and his eyes make maps all over his face.

“Ah. Just as I thought. You are. So crazy beautiful” he sighs.

“Just needed to make sure nothin’ changed while I was gone” Ilya smirks and leans in for one last kiss.

“Idiot” Shane mutters, and then sucks on Ilya’s bottom lip.

“Love you” Shane breaths and Ilya echos it back.

They fall asleep like that, Ilya’s fingers down Shane’s boxers smushed on top of his husband, where he can feel his heart beat steady under his.

[intergalacticmca]

It kind of irritates me that people dog on Shane for suggesting Ilya leave Boston for Ottawa when Ilya is the one who said he didn’t want to re-sign with Boston and that he wanted to play for a Canadian team. Saying Shane came up with the idea and that the idea removes any sacrifice he could potentially have to make completely ignores the fact that Ilya is the one who brought up leaving his cup winning team in the first place. Shane chose Ottawa because it makes the most sense in terms of being a Canadian team (which is what Ilya was already thinking of), “desperately needs a star centre”, and is the closest Canadian team that’s also in reasonable proximity to Montreal. Moving to a team in the west isn’t going to help anything because they’ll still be extremely far away. Toronto is even further from Montreal than Boston is.

Shane also wasn’t nearing the end of his contract with the Metros yet. Ilya was heading into free agency. Shane can’t move teams whereas Ilya can literally go wherever he wants if there’s enough cap space.

Shane made a suggestion that sounded like the only good option at the time and it ended up facing complications, because at the end of the day their situation still fucking sucks. They still barely see each other and the suffocation of the closet and the toll of hiding their relationship, combined with Ilya’s team having a bad season, begins to take its toll on Ilya’s mental health. The entire point is they thought they’d be able to do the hiding thing until they retired and their journey throughout the story is realizing it isn’t sustainable and it’s causing them both to suffer.

Ilya suggested leaving Boston and moving to a Canadian team. Ilya was willing to leave everything behind for Shane and didn’t have the foresight to understand the problems that might cause him. I don’t think Shane was under the illusion that Ilya moving to Ottawa was the perfect solution, but the point is there was no perfect solution and that was really the only one that made sense at the time. The idea that Shane selfishly suggested Ottawa so as to avoid not disrupting his own life just isn’t accurate when the entire concept of Ilya leaving Boston was Ilya’s idea in the first place.

I understand a lot of people don’t like the moving to Ottawa plot and I think that’s valid, but that’s not what this post is about. My point is that it’s unfair to call Shane selfish and stupid for his Ottawa plan when he genuinely was trying to make something work. I really don’t like trying to make Shane more of the bad guy in this situation when, at the end of the day, it’s their situation that sucks.

Two male hockey players in a homophobic league who spend most of the year travelling nearly every day of the week and training the rest of it, who only get summers off, trying to make a relationship work. That’s the real torture nexus. Ilya’s team playing like shit just makes it worse.

[ahotknife]

x.com/LESM4ND/status/2050064200852967734

maybe she’s being sarcastic but this thread isn’t going to help with people assuming she hates Shane

i have no more benefit of the doubt to give her she is being willfully ignorant. like she clearly thinks it’s all some big joke. to her they are just her silly stupid hockey porn books starring ilya rozanov and there’s just nothing else to be said and no work that needs doing. she thinks she exists in a vacuum where she is protected by the convention of her genre and the fact nobody used to pay attention to her. as a fellow white woman who writes m/m porn i am entitled to issue as many damn lashings as i please. and as i’ve said before and i’ll say again: she actually has no idea what she has in shane and she continues to show that she has no interest in further developing him in a way that serves his character. stating plainly for the record that she only gave him an eating problem so that he had another reason to ignore ilya is kukoo bananas. and this is consistent behavior she genuinely dgaf. and we all sit here wondering aloud why people resent and dislike shane. and well the answer is because it’s coming from the top down. she’s got hundreds of people loling in a discord server about how shane is too stupid to live and ilya should’ve been with a woman instead. he is intentionally written so that the reader will develop a bias against him. and no i am not being too mean and no i am not misogynistic for saying this. whenever she speaks about shane she’s quite often flat out racist and ableist and kind of homophobic. and she will not change. she doesn’t think she has to. this is not an issue to her. and people keep free passing her by saying y’all it’s just hockey smut! well it’s not. this shit does not exist in a vacuum. it just won a fucking Peabody. they are asking real life NHL players about this. there is a real life biracial asian (half japanese) captain on montreal’s hockey team right now at this very moment and he’s currently facing the most unimaginably foul racism you could possibly conceive of in every single comment section on his team’s social media. she chose to add some elements of realism, so now she’s gotta deal with the fact people expect a little bit more thoroughness and sensitivity. it’s actually frustrating and it’s bad behavior. i don’t care. “it’s not that deep” well unfortunately it is because it has arrived at a certain crucial cultural moment and it has permeated mainstream society. so yeah this shit matters. it has real life connotations. just mind boggling. like even her agent was weirded the fuck out… we’ve gotta get serious.

[ahotknife]

x.com/LESM4ND/status/2050064200852967734

maybe she’s being sarcastic but this thread isn’t going to help with people assuming she hates Shane

i have no more benefit of the doubt to give her she is being willfully ignorant. like she clearly thinks it’s all some big joke. to her they are just her silly stupid hockey porn books starring ilya rozanov and there’s just nothing else to be said and no work that needs doing. she thinks she exists in a vacuum where she is protected by the convention of her genre and the fact nobody used to pay attention to her. as a fellow white woman who writes m/m porn i am entitled to issue as many damn lashings as i please. and as i’ve said before and i’ll say again: she actually has no idea what she has in shane and she continues to show that she has no interest in further developing him in a way that serves his character. stating plainly for the record that she only gave him an eating problem so that he had another reason to ignore ilya is kukoo bananas. and this is consistent behavior she genuinely dgaf. and we all sit here wondering aloud why people resent and dislike shane. and well the answer is because it’s coming from the top down. she’s got hundreds of people loling in a discord server about how shane is too stupid to live and ilya should’ve been with a woman instead. he is intentionally written so that the reader will develop a bias against him. and no i am not being too mean and no i am not misogynistic for saying this. whenever she speaks about shane she’s quite often flat out racist and ableist and kind of homophobic. and she will not change. she doesn’t think she has to. this is not an issue to her. and people keep free passing her by saying y’all it’s just hockey smut! well it’s not. this shit does not exist in a vacuum. it just won a fucking Peabody. they are asking real life NHL players about this. there is a real life biracial asian (half japanese) captain on montreal’s hockey team right now at this very moment and he’s currently facing the most unimaginably foul racism you could possibly conceive of in every single comment section on his team’s social media. she chose to add some elements of realism, so now she’s gotta deal with the fact people expect a little bit more thoroughness and sensitivity. it’s actually frustrating and it’s bad behavior. i don’t care. “it’s not that deep” well unfortunately it is because it has arrived at a certain crucial cultural moment and it has permeated mainstream society. so yeah this shit matters. it has real life connotations. just mind boggling. like even her agent was weirded the fuck out… we’ve gotta get serious.

[shanehollandered]

i find it interesting how rr said she did this or that because she needed to create a conflict in tlg and how shane sometimes is too self-centered and selfish to focus on what's really important. because when i think of tlg—and i went in reading wondering/expecting shane to be an ass in some way because that's what i’d seen people say—thats not primarily what i see or how i take it or how it read for me.

granted, i don't remember every little detail and i didn't really enjoy the book but honestly, it felt like she had written a ~realistic~ or rather believable conflict that grew between two people who don't (know how to) communicate with each other in a way that helps them understand each other's perspective. and none of what happened happened because either of them was being malicious or because they were actively, purposely trying to hurt each other.

and imo shane wasn't not focusing on the important things. like. that phrasing is absolutely wild to me. he saw and understood that something was up with ilya and he voiced his concerns, he suggested ilya get the help he needs. and at the time that was all he could do because ilya wasn't talking to him about what bothered him. and as someone who's struggling with depression myself, i fully understand why ilya was so reluctant to talk about it. even from his pov i understand why he kept it to himself. but why does ilya get so much compassion for what he's going through, from rr, from fans, and shane doesn't? it's right there in the book that he's right to be scared about going public. it just seems like a double standard and that's what i find incredibly unfair.

neither of them are perfect and their whole deal isn't helped by the fact that even though they've been in a relationship for a while, they don't actually get to spend a lot of time together! they don't have a routine, they don't have a rhythm the way you would if you were sharing time and space with someone constantly. they're not on the same page because over the course of time, their needs and priorities changed but they didn't communicate it to the other and obviously they operate on different base levels, of course that creates conflict.

but it's not because shane has an eating disorder/performance diet that rr gave him to create conflict. it's not solely because shane is selfish or focused on the wrong thing. and imo she didn't even write it like that, again, that's not how it read to me. it's that a lot of people apparently read it like that and she intended it that way and reinforces this take with her comments, and that's what leads me to believe that she doesn't/didn't understand what she really wrote or what the conflict really is.

[softshane]

please let‘s remember that criticising rachel reid doesn’t automatically make you misogynistic. just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she’s immune to criticism. and we’re criticising her for how she constantly belittles, dismisses and outright hates her autistic character of colour.

rachel saying that she regrets suggesting that shane may be autistic while currently partnering with an autism charity where you can bid on a 30 minute call with her is worthy of calling out. rachel saying that ilya should have gone for svetlana in the show and that there will be ilya/svetlana fics when the book and show wouldn’t nearly be anywhere near as successful without shane since we’re all here only because of how much we love shane and ilya is worthy of calling out. rachel saying that his diet - which is not ridiculous, let me be clear here - is another thing shane focuses on too much instead of actually important things like his very sad boyfriend is worthy of calling out. shane clearly has an eating disorder which is constantly belittled and dismissed by everyone around him but his issues are never taken seriously and properly addressed because he is a side character in his own book, a mere plot device to tell ilya‘s story. rachel saying that she wanted shane to tell jj and then following up with shane is stupid as if she isn’t the author and could have easily written the scene differently is worthy of calling out. rachel saying that shane‘s reaction to ilya‘s texts in tlg would be huh weird, followed by her calling shane an idiot is worthy of calling out because anyone who understands shane‘s character would know that this is most definitely not how he would react; he would know something‘s up and be concerned because he‘s been clocking ilya‘s depression all of tlg. rachel saying that tlg was all about the ways shane had been selfish and essentially putting the entire blame for the conflicts in tlg on him when ilya had also been selfish is worthy of calling out (and this isn’t to pit them against each other but merely to acknowledge that they both are flawed and fuck up and that’s okay - i love them both dearly). rachel doubling down on shane not having trauma when he’s a neurodivergent closeted gay man of colour playing a sport that’s known for its racism and homophobia, but because he didn’t have an abusive family, he couldn’t possibly carry trauma is worthy of calling out. rachel refusing to understand her own character because she clearly can’t be bothered and only cares about ilya is worthy of calling out.

yes, shane isn’t perfect but her treatment of and outright hatred for her own character is completely unjustified. again, the story doesn’t work without shane. we all wouldn’t be here without shane. he’s such a beloved character, and i simply cannot fathom creating such a complex, nuanced character seemingly by accident, only to completely misunderstand him and complain about his actions that you wrote.

I will continue calling rachel reid out for shit like this until she takes accountability and shows an ounce of willingness to learn from the criticism we offer. and these are all valid criticisms that have nothing to do with her being a woman. but if that still makes me a misogynist in your eyes, cool. I don’t give a fuck. I love Shane, and he deserves so much better.

[ahotknife]

miss knife did you see the latest rachel reid interview where she talked about the long game because i am worried about #ourshane:

"I remember telling my agent early on, when I was writing The Long Game, I was like, 'So, Shane's a little bit selfish in this book, or he's a little bit self-centered, a little bit unaware. And my agent was like, 'No, he's not.' I was like, 'No, no. It's not that he is [selfish], it's just that he does it without meaning to be.'"

"He needs things spelled out for him, and Ilya is not spelling them out.

And it was a lot of miscommunication. I wasn't too surprised that people didn't like Shane's behavior in the book, but it was kind of necessary for the story. He had to have an arc where he figures out what he's doing wrong and fixes it. But I did it out of love."

yeah i did and i have no comment. i also saw the discord screenshots. and im gonna have to say: don’t ask me anymore questions about this woman alright i simply cannot sanction her fucking buffoonery. like why is she in her discord talking about he’s stupid he’s an idiot he’s ridiculous. like damn ok. does she know that nobody’s forcing her to be here? i’ve been saying for months her writing is clearly biased and that was only based on words that have quite literally come out of her own mouth but somehow they will still be saying you’re taking her in bad faith if you critique her too harshly for the way she handles shane. well now what? screenshots for ref btw

& it’s whatever i don’t care. this isn’t going to end this woman’s career. it just makes me sad. and yeah she invented him or whatever. she gave him everything he’s got or whatever. i just wish she was like even sort of a little bit kinder about him. anyway. i have bigger problems. #canesin4

[hudkarma]

https:// x. com/lesm4nd/status/2050064200852967734?s=46 something else to scream about, thank god for Hudson and Jacob that’s all I’ll say

oh that woman is so comfortable going to hell

she must be pissed as fuck that Shane is so loved because it’s abundantly clear that she hates him

[urie]

[intergalacticmca]

In light of these Rachel Discord leaks, I’m now thinking about how they can possibly make Shane’s eating issues feel realistic within the canon of the show.

As an active weightlifter and certified personal trainer, I can tell you right fucking now that the Ilya from The Long Game does not match the Ilya from the show in terms of his diet and attitude toward Shane’s. Connor Storrie is a physique-centric bodybuilder. The type of body he has (and as a result his Ilya) definitely benefits from good genetics, but it’s also from very hard work in the gym and a very precise diet. Connor Storrie isn’t eating McDonald’s breakfast before the gym. This is the guy who when talking about the spaghetti scene said he doesn’t eat a lot of carbs. That body of his is the result of a very controlled diet and exercise regimen.

Performance diets are not stupid, as Ms. Reid so astutely remarked. Anyone who is active and performs athletically knows that the food you eat absolutely fucking impacts your performance. If you eat a McDonald’s breakfast before practice instead of something nutritious and balanced, it is absolutely going to impact your energy, especially as you age, which is Shane’s concern as someone who loves his job and wants a long career, but I guess he’s selfish and evil for that.

How are you gonna have an Ilya that looks like that mocking Shane for being strict about his diet? How would Ilya as an athlete not understand the concept of a fucking performance diet? Ilya knows how seriously Shane takes his career and being the best. It just feels cruel. And I don’t wanna hear that Ilya is depressed and that’s why he’s acting like that, because it is framed as justified, not a symptom of his depression. Ilya knows how seriously Shane takes his career and how much he loves it, but Shane is portrayed as naive, stupid and not having his priorities straight simply because he wants a long career. He gets accused of not understanding the negative sides of hockey despite being gay, half Asian in a white league, and neurodivergent. His experience as those things are not used to give texture to his motivations. His race is such an afterthought it’s mentioned maybe twice in both books.

The problem with TLG is that Ilya is written as justified for every single thing he does and Shane is not afforded the same empathy. As a result, Shane gets little to no empathy from his own boyfriend. Ilya shows very little concern over what Shane’s eating habits and obsession with control and the impact that is having on his well-being. I’d be okay with this if it was framed by the narrative as Ilya also not being a great boyfriend, but it’s not. The theme of the book should be that they both have a lot of shit going on and both are not particularly great at being in a relationship and that’s how they grow. The issue is there is a stark difference in how their problems are handled by the author, because Rachel only has empathy for Ilya.

The only way I can see the eating disorder storyline working in the show is if we get some payoff over Rachel’s comment about how Shane has to work so much harder than Ilya to be the best at hockey, which would include his diet. Maybe Shane resents Ilya that he can eat whatever he wants and still have a perfect physique and performance, meanwhile if Shane eats like shit he feels it and his performance worsens. This would make things feel a lot more even and less

What season 2 needs to do is actually empathize with Shane and portray him as a three dimensional character who exists and has agency and ambition outside of being a perfect boyfriend to Ilya.

[liminalmess]

one more thing sorry you can filter the “anti Rachel Reid” tag below if you don’t want to see it but im still mad

the concept of being stressed by getting the huge undertaking of a charity and hockey school off the ground and take it seriously being selfish

the concept of dealing with what is clearly a developing eating disorder being selfish

the concept of the stress and fear of always having to worry about being outed and possibly losing your career and everything you’ve worked (double hard btw bc you’re a poc) so hard for being selfish

if you think any of this is selfish get help honestly

[liminalmess]

and don’t get me wrong i don’t think being selfish is necessarily a bad thing and Shane can be selfish sometimes just like how we all can and should actually be thinking more of ourselves sometimes when it’s important to

I just have a problem with the narrative of “being selfish and not paying attention to his sad boyfriend” when he had some real shit going on too that is also super trivialized in tlg book btw (re: Ilya making jokes all the time abt Shane’s eating issues and his coming out being off the page)

[aphantasias]

i have such real and serious beef with neurodivergent people's trust in their loved ones promise to communicate their needs the same way we are expected to being CONSTANTLY misrepresented as us being selfish & not paying attention to others when we don't 'notice' someone is struggling while they actively do everything they can to hide it from us (USING the limitations of our literal social disability against us for their own comfort) so we don't 'worry' because we have 'enough of our own stuff to deal with'. how is you not even giving me the chance to support you then translated into selfishness on my end? when you chose to hide something from me and knew exactly how to do it and circumvent all my check-ins & tools i learned to use in order to accommodate my neurotypical loved ones weaponizing their understanding of social skills when they quite honestly should be trying to accommodate me as i'm the one with the social limitation. why am i constantly expected to outsmart my own disability in order to 'notice' things you as the person WITHOUT THE SAME INCURABLE PROBLEM have a responsibility to communicate or at least not hide from me? what is with constantly asking us to do the impossible and even when we TRY to function against a literal difference in brain chemistry it's still not enough to prove we care

[siancore]

I’ve been neglecting their romance. Here, have these drawings I made.

[siancore]

Aurora Wilson-Barnes with her fathers, Sam and Bucky.

To finish my @sambuckylibrary SamBucky Summer Bingo On the Road Card - Square Fill: Family Feels.

[christian-reed]

ok so. Bucky's enhanced sense of smell right. what if at the end of a day, especially a day where Sam has had events to go to that had people hugging him, kissing him on the cheek in greeting, shaking his hand, clapping his shoulders, maybe even dancing with him if it's some kind of gala, bucky can smell everyone all over him. and while he loves how loved sam is, he also feels jealousy and possessiveness creep across his skin. and the desire to get sam in the shower and get the smell of everyone else off him, then make it so that he smells exclusively like bucky......he cannot resist it. so he does just that. gets his mouth on every inch of sam, rubs him all over, fucks him real good. makes sure that even people without enhanced senses would know. then after, sam wears buckys clothes to sleep, because he likes smelling like bucky too💖

[siancore]

He’s never known an ache like this. Feels it deep within his bones. His chest pulls tight; his breath is hard to come by. He feels heavy. But also light. Like this longing makes him weightless. Boneless. Like he might float away at any given moment. Yet he’s tethered to Sam. He’s indelibly linked to the other man.

Is this love?

It has to be love because nothing else could be as strong as what Bucky is feeling when he is close to Sam. When their fingers brush against one another. When they stand too close; oh so close. When the heat that radiates from his friend feels as if it might cause him to burst into flames. Scorched and seared by the other man’s proximity.

It has to be love.

When all of his waking thoughts are consumed by Sam. When all he knows is Sam. The graceful smile that he wears. The furrow of his brow when he is deep in concentration. The outline of his form; his broad shoulders — his cocksure gait. The calm that envelops Bucky when Sam is near. When Sam tells him he is good and worthy. When Sam whispers reassurances in his ear. When Sam is firm with him. Calls him out. Reminds him of accountability and the importance of what they do. When it all makes sense because Bucky finds meaning and purpose after all is said and done. When it hits home for him because loving someone and being loved is all that matters. When realization washes over him because of how close he holds Sam. And how Sam is endeared to him.

This feeling.

This ache.

It has to be love because he knows without any doubt, that he loves Sam. He loves Sam with every beat of his heart. With every part of his soul.