Horizon-BLUES @sadness-engineer - Tumblr Blog

ABOUT ME

I am Horizon-BLUES. You can call me Joyce. 23 yrs old, living in Hong Kong. Suffer with major depressive disorder (depression) more than 10 years, but I am still alive.

Original art on Instagram.

Well most of the time I focus on painting original art and I will post them on Instagram. And tumblr is a place for "juicy" fanart! XD Just kidding I only draw some SFW fanart and tumblr stopped it lately. :-(

Unfortunately I am new to be one of the tumblr guy. Please please understand if I make something wrong 🙏.

🤝 Weekend refreshing doodle!

I discovered that I really don't know how to write Russian alphabet. It looks like a child's handwriting. 🤣

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod nikto #cod mw #fanart #cod fanart #call of duty nikto #nikto

Thank you for your music Ozzy!

🫂

#ozzy osbourne #heavy metal #rock music #Spotify #rip ozzy

I was recently diagnosed with dissociative disorder (I have OSDD). Or can I describe, as a patient, what Nikto might be experiencing? But dissociative disorders are the most difficult of the mental illnesses to fully define, so I can only offer a preliminary overview. 🫡

The disorder is characterized by severe stress, so sufferers experience amnesia about painful events. They sometimes forget parts of the event entirely. Then the patient has a clear split personality, or cannot judge his own identity for a while. For example, he may be very gentle, but there are some pessimistic or hot-blooded personalities behind him. Most of these personalities have at least 3 or more. After split personality, if the condition is stable, there will be a host to maintain daily life, and sometimes the host can sense the existence of other personalities. However, in the case of an unstabilized situation, the host may not be sure of the existence of the personality and will be very confused. It all depends on the patient's condition.

Memory gaps are common in dissociative disorders, such as sudden purchases of disliked items and sudden changes in behavior and values. For example, Nikto may be very indifferent, but when he switches his personality, he suddenly becomes like an innocent child or very cheerful.

I hope this inspires you to imagine Nikto's behavior. (⁠灬⁠º⁠‿⁠º⁠灬⁠)⁠♡ I also hope this gives everyone an understanding of what mental illness is like and it’s not as scary as the movies make it out to be!

💕💕

#call of duty #cod nikto #call of duty modern warfare #dissociative identity disorder #cod mw

I am back. During this time, I experienced severe mental illness. So I took a long break. Hopefully I can gradually get back to normal and start painting more again.

I have suffered from multiple illnesses for many years, including depression, anxiety, social anxiety, OCD, and PTSD. Always surprised I'm not dead yet. Doctor and psychologist have recently suggested that I may have a severe case of dissociation, and that I must stop working for treatment.

I am supportive and sympathetic to other patients suffering from mental illness. I hope everyone can live happily.

unhingedpolycule

Syd took this pic of them, all tangled up in the common room shortly after a mission. (Sending it to Krueger with three puking emojis, as a good friend does.) a printed version is now pinned to Krueger’s headboard, but shhhh… he doesn’t have feelings. Noooo.

This was a violet/green thing at the start… you got lucky that I wanted to try out skin tones :)

I am busy in my daily life so I don't have much time to draw fan art. Now I am focusing on poster design because I want to improve my Photoshop graphic design skill. May I share them with you. 🤔🤔

In my free time, I tried to make a poster for my favorite band "The dillinger escape plan" . It's only a practice so I can say I searched photos for reference. Not for business use.

🌝 Maybe I love weird colors scheme. Sometimes I did many experiments on graphic design. Since I graduated, I must self-teach some techniques for Adobe Illustrator and Photoshop.

I am not abandoning this account and the Instagram one 😂✨✨

#graphic design #graphic art #poster #illustration #art practice

valiants

(hyping myself up) Dearest Valiants… I have one knee on the ground rn to ask… if you feel like so… 🥺 You drew Nikto once and I absolutely fell in love with said drawing (with his best skin as well). So I come here to gingerly ask if you'd ever feel like drawing him again 🥺 or Krueger, with his base or his Reaper skin - if they inspire you. Only if you want, I'd love to see any of these two guys with your signature beautiful shapes and textures! ♥♥

Ah, Cerosin my love... 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 thank you for the revenge ask I’d ofc do anything for you, let alone the honor of drawing your blorbos...

I went through your tags for them again, in hopes to get them even remotely right - and then fell in love AGAIN

sadness-engineer

💥💥💥🥰🥰

I love Faith: the Unholy Trinity so much. But that game will scare the shit out of me. I can't play it well. 😭😭

［When Nikto had a panic attack, he hit Krueger. ］

Dissociative disorder is a special kind of mental illness. I don't think Nikto has serious multiple identities. Because this symptom can seriously affect judgment. Although it is not ruled out that he has this symptom, I think it will at least not affect his work. （Not just military jobs, this may also affect simple jobs.）

As someone with severe depression, I have some experience with dissociative symptoms.

One situation is that you don't feel much pain (in a physical way). So, some patients will find a sense of existence through $elf Hãrm. (Well I don't think it's good.)

Another experience is a blur of reality. We feel like we no longer have control over our body. The soul and the body have no connection. Life has become like a zombie.

Based on Nikto's background, I agree that he should have more severe PTSD. And these uneasy feelings can easily lead to patients being irritable.

I guess Nikto will only show his real emotions to Krueger. A war crime weird guy can calm a suffering soul 😭👌This may be a phenomenon of "two negatives make a positive".

#call of duty modern warfare #call of duty #cod krueger #cod nikto #fanart #illustration #cod fanart #kruegernikto

I had Twitter account back in 2014, and I loved Twitter so much. However, Twitter is dead and has become X now. This makes me not want to use Twitter/X again. Maybe you will find me on bluesky. I feel like a homeless cyber refugees. :-[

Happy Chinese New Year!!