Ordinary Mystic

Life & Musings

[sahbri]

No longer feel acceptable to turn to anyone…

They’re busy, they have other things going on, they connect with you less or feel strained, i am broken.

Those I have tried to are just not “there”.

No …

[sahbri]

Have you ever asked yourself,

“What have I done to deserve this?”

It’s futile. Even if you received an answer, at best you can serve a cautionary tale, it does not help the situation. At worst, it creates simmering resentment.

Mostly, you never really get an answer. What you go through cares little of your past or how you got there. It’s not what matters anymore.

What matters is what you will do.

How you will keep going.

Your response.

Be resilient. Take breaks when needed. Then get back to yourself when you can.

Keep pushing for the POSSIBILITY of something better, something more. Look for the inevitability of change.

[sahbri]

healthcare is a human right.

[sahbri]

I feel so guilty as a mom

Thinking, “she deserves so much more than I can give her”

Then I think, “she deserves everything I can give her” and more.

I give my child unconditional love, support her growth, and am a safe place for her.

She shows me she loves me and feels safe with me in so many different little ways; I just have to notice.

She is happy and growing and deserves a mom that loves her as much as I do (which impossibly grows everyday).

Forget the guilt, I am thankful for all the good I can contribute to this wonderful lil being.

I will continue to be whatever it is I can be for you, my Bells. & you be whatever you can be too 💗

[sahbri]

So I’m not a baker, but I had an idea for a baby shower… #bake #brownies #marshmallows #food #babyshower #babyshowerideas https://www.instagram.com/p/CnfCzryOn4i/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[sahbri]

I am proud of this, which I finished creating last night. It is often difficult to complete something like this on the timeline I worked with because of my migraines. They hold me back on doing what I love. This time, however, I was able to push through and meet my goals. I am excited to share this with you❣️ #graphicdesign #graphics #artist #artwork #creative #create #passion #migraine #migraneur #chronicillness #chronicpain #migrainewarrior #mymigrainelife https://www.instagram.com/p/CloUWXoOrex/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[sahbri]

woocommerce-200515-1406026.cloudwaysapps.com #mymigrainestory #migrainesufferer #migraine #headachedisorder #headachedisease #chronicpain #chronicillness #chronicmigraine #chronicfatigue #migraineawareness #migrainewarrior #migraineur https://www.instagram.com/p/CleNrlRuS94/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[sahbri]

Migraines beyond the pain and physical effects for me: - Insecurity - Anti-Social - Indecisiveness - Reclusivity - Depressive - Insufficient - Inefficient - Corrosive #migrainesufferer #migraine #headachedisorder #headachedisease #chronicpain #chronicillness #chronicmigraine #chronicfatigue #migraineawareness #migrainewarrior #migraineur https://www.instagram.com/p/ClaXErSOs3z/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[sahbri]

“I never knew that everything was falling through

That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue

To turn and run when all I needed was the truth

But that's how it's got to be…

Everyone knows I'm in

Over my head, over my head”

Over My Head - The Fray

[sahbri]

🎼And suddenly I become a part of your past

I’m becoming the part that don’t last

…it’s effortless 🎵

[sahbri]

I’ve lost a lot of myself to migraines

- I dread making plans because a migraine can hit causing me to miss them

- only rarely can I blast music and jam out — which when I can do it, makes me really happy

- my production levels plummet due to pain, limb numbness, imbalance, etc. I can’t do half the things I need to do, let alone things I want to do

- I feel trapped in my own body, unable to have it do what I want it to

I miss my fun-loving, outgoing, ready to dance and have adventures, book-reading, art-creating, dependable self.

*These neurological issues definitely put me in over my head — sometimes feeling with a hammer through it (my head)

I am grateful for the people keeping me in their lives although for many years now I have not lived up to the person I want to be..

[sahbri]

“I never knew that everything was falling through

That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue

To turn and run when all I needed was the truth

But that's how it's got to be…

Everyone knows I'm in

Over my head, over my head”

Over My Head - The Fray

[sahbri]

🎼And suddenly I become a part of your past

I’m becoming the part that don’t last

…it’s effortless 🎵

[sahbri]

“I never knew that everything was falling through

That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue

To turn and run when all I needed was the truth

But that's how it's got to be…

Everyone knows I'm in

Over my head, over my head”

Over My Head - The Fray

[sahbri]

I attended a beautiful, black-tie wedding the other day. It was wonderful and I am so grateful to have been in attendance 💝

The photos posted are wedding night and day after. Not a comparison for hangover, but for the two sides of me that I deal with constantly.

I had to take medicine in order to make it through the night. Even on medicine, I dealt with the issues of my neurological disorder.

At times, my tongue would numb, my arms would weaken, my legs would tingle, and pain would seep into my temples. Dancing - which I love - became difficult due to the neurological effects in my limbs. Luckily my amazing husband was there, holding me up when I needed it and helping me dance, as he knew how happy it makes me. The medicine made the issues tolerable and gave me some time to feel a bit normal.

The next day, my migraine remained and intensified to where I did not even want to deal with my messy hair and had to keep pressing different spots on my head/face to relieve pressure.

This is an ongoing battle, and even talking about it is difficult for me, but I try to explain what I go through so that I, myself, can understand it better. I also want to raise awareness and remind people to be kind to others - you can never really know what someone else is dealing with.

& in the long run, I hope/pray/wish/will-into-existence that my daughter never has to deal with this. But if she does, I definitely and defiantly want there to be more understanding and less stigma.

Lastly, I want to share things that helped:

My husband - of course. TLC is real. Eating when I know I need to eat, instead of trying to hold off for whatever reason. Keeping hydrated. Take breaks as needed - from people, areas, any stimulus. Doing what I can when I can - like getting my makeup off with a spurt of energy before going to bed.. This one will sound funny, but - breathe…just take a moment where ever you are and during whatever you’re doing to focus on breathing. Focus on you.

[sahbri]

So this is me tonight: raw & unfiltered. Obviously in bed.. This is a migraine that is making my face numb and tingly, my tongue feel like it could fall out of my mouth, my body feel weak and heavy. I’m holding my eye to relieve some of the pressure there. There’s pain in my head and neck. My thoughts feel jumbled at times. I’ve taken medicine, tried caffeine, rest, massage, etc. I had to wear sunglasses in the rain today, and walking felt heavy-footed and off balance. If you want to know more about migraines, message me & I’ll share from my experience. I hope being more open and vocal will raise awareness and spark more research, but at the end of the day I want to do this for me. I want this to be an outlet, and hope speaking about it helps Me become more aware and leads to relief in some way. #migraineawareness #migraine #headaches #chronicpain #neurology #migrainesufferer #migrainuer #neurologicaldisorder https://www.instagram.com/p/CiY0g7YOIFr/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[sahbri]

I have no energy or will for anything, even simple tasks.

[sahbri]

The Little Rewards you get from being a parent are Actually Pretty Big when you're a parent ❣️

When they finally lift their head and turn it 🌞

Their first crawling movements 🤯

When they stand up 😮

The first few steps they take 👣

OMG, they're walking 🦵

The surprise of the first giggle ☺️

All the laughter that follows 😆

Those first few words 🗣️

When their eyes light up with recognition or amazement 😶

Hugs & Kisses (even the slobbery ones) 🫂💋

I can not explain the amazing, absolutely rewarding feeling I get from having my 1 year old Isabella giving me a hug 🥰

[sahbri]

Mom-along Cribs.

Why are there not cribs designed to safely sleep baby while allowing mom to climb in and cuddle?

So the other night my 11 month old daughter started tossing, turning, hitting the mattress, and grunting.

Sometimes she even sounds upset in her sleep.

I just want to cuddle her! I want to help her relax, and sleep soundly...

Now I get it - as I laid I listened to her figure it out. She tossed, turned, hit, and grunted off and on for a few minutes.

Then she went back to sleeping soundly.

How could she figure it out & grow up to sleep independently with me cuddling her as soon as she stirs?

Of course this can be applied to dad's as well; this is written in my perspective.

[sahbri]

Living in Pockets.

Do you ever feel like you live in Pockets, or spurts of time?

There are periods of time where I can function and be productive and the rest of the time seems to be about maintaining the necessities of life (work, school, maybe family stuff, etc). Plus whatever last-minute or unplanned things pop up.

I never know how long these pockets of productivity or spurts of socialization will last when they occur.

I do not know what brings them on or sends them away.

I do know when they come, I try to squeeze as much life into them as I can.

When these pockets and spurts are not happening, during the doldrums, it is as though I am wading through existence.

I can still see people, do things, be just productive enough to get by during the doldrums. I can even appear happy, but I am not present.

Is this relatable or explainable?