@sailorsxturn - Tumblr Blog

still living with my parents as an adult is just like. i'm grateful to not have to pay for groceries. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to have a roof over my head and not have to pay rent. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful to not have to worry about sending out endless job applications that all lead to nowhere. i have to get out of here. i'm grateful i'm grateful i'm so fucking grateful. i have to get out of here

pigswithwings

its not the year of the horse yet what r u all on

pigswithwings

its the ass of the snake we r in the tail end of a snake year right now. year of the horse is in february dont get all gregorian on me now

pigswithwings

ok now is a good time to be horseful

tuxankhamun

sorry kids daddy lost all his money betting on rhinoceros beetle fights again there won't be a christmas this year

bester-jester

good news babies, momma just cleared some chump of everything. Two christmases this year. God i love beetles fighting

the-muppet-joker

Greetings, Homosapians

I'm the author of the former Muppet Joker blog and character. You may know me from my silly fictional scenarios and pretend muppet fixation.

"Pretend."

Oh, how the mighty fall.

It started as a bit, but unfortunately the personality traits and, ahem, interests of my Muppet Joker character began to infiltrate and eventually take over my life. My wife was sickened by my Muppet Lust and left me, taking our son. I was fired from my job because I kept Joker Laughing at the customers.

I am trying to fight the monster I have created within me and I am losing the battle. But at least I am in speaking terms with my beautiful wife again.

No longer am I posting "in character," but as my true self with the raw, messy account of my life. Yes, some aspects are exaggerated, like my job at the Dangerous Chemical Factory (...it doesn't JUST sell dangerous chemicals. It also sells deadly sharks).

There will not be a comedically elaborate DNI. That was childish and not representive of who I am. Instead, I will eventually be attaching a flow-chart to more clearly illustrate who is and is not allowed to look at my posts. Please read the whole thing before interacting.

Yes, it was a Bit. But it's not a Bit anymore. You think I would lie to the internet? Twice?

Anyways. Enjoy the madness. And... Heh.

Run while you can.

the-muppet-joker

Any advice over how to not go crazy over something you deeply care about. Like so so deeply

With so much love, I do fear I am the wrong person to ask how to like something the normal amount

pseudophan

everyone's so confused by phil being way more unhinged than dan now and i just know dan is there like 😐 because he very much has been trying to tell us this for at least the past ten years

mrandmrlesterhowell

I mean if you'd have seen his early videos you would know!

pseudophan

i feel like i just did ten lines of coke back to back

pseudophan

anyone else think the world looks particularly beautiful today

omegaversereloaded

INTERVIEW NOW

omegaversereloaded

loumandaniel

if i was famous and people were getting cancelled for rpf-ing me, i would actually get online and post that they weren’t being freaky enough about me

dans-striped-sweater

finelytaylored

that giant beaming fucking smile 😭

hard4phan

BAN AI. Let Phil Lester be the one to spread misinformation

movisual

wdapteo

[Images ID: the first part if a club penguin meme, where the penguin is saying "nine one one what's your emergency," followed by two frames of Dan and Phil's first TikTok where they're doing a couples' trend, then the last part where the penguin says "that's illegal people can't do that." End ID]

blossomedsloth

No but seriously imagine it:

You’re seeing fall out boy on a concert. Everyone is having a great time. Fall out boy seem a little excited. “We have a surprise for you guys.” Partick says. All of a sudden P!ATD come out and start singing “this is gospel.” When Brendon gets to the chorus, someone else starts singing… “When I was a young boy my father took me into the city to see a marching band.” Lights flash everywhere, and you see FOB singing “this is gospel” along with P!ATD, while MCR is singing “Black parade”. Everyone in the crowd is going wild and crying. Then if things couldn’t get any better, Dan and Phil walk onto stage and kiss, holding the gay flag.