Salty, alternative, unreal

formerly salternateunreality before Tumblr drama, still Salty about that...teehee...Puns, FF7, stuff I like, animal gifs

[salternateunreality2]

Hi this is Actually Salty

I used to be salternateunreality, but shenanigans, woe, misery, and now I am salternateunreality2.

Call me Salty (they/them). I mostly post about FF7, but also miscellaneous fandoms, causes, and animals when the mood strikes.

I started this blog to support my AO3 ramblings, which can be found here:

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

If you're looking for a particular post that I wrote and you can't find it because t*wblr search is a hot mess, you're in luck because most of them get saved here. If they're not there, they might be standalone fics or lost to the ether. Good luck.

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[the-cinnaminion]

Why live in reality when the stories in your head are so much cooler? Delulu Cloud says if you believe it, think it, it will come trueeeee.

Delulu Sephiroth, on the other hand, says summoning a meteor to destroy a planet is a perfectly reasonable way to cope with your feelings.

[loomer-luma]

imagining sephiroth picking up zack's speech patterns after genesis and angeal disappear. sephiroth at the lowest point of his life saying shit like "booyah" and "oh yeah" because the only other first is 18 and stupid

[sunsofcarcosa]

my dealer: got some straight gas. this strain is called "honorable knight" youll be zonked out of your gourd

me: yeah whatever. i dont feel shit

5 minutes later: only in death does duty end

my buddy pacing: i am the sword and the hand that wields it

[altocat]

I know i posted him already but here you can have him

HE'S GLORIOUS OML

[slightlyplant]

i just love thinking about roche in the context of a genuine modern workplace. like shinra has safety regulations and safety compliance officers and they must be so tired of his antics. somebody's filing incident reports 5 times a week, and roche is barely getting paid when you deduct all the collateral damage. he has never shown up to any of the correctional meetings and he's not about to start

[salternateunreality2]

Genesis is a DM in another life

He would build the most complex lore and be so done with everyone but so dedicated to The Story that he would never allow anyone else to DM.

He would be a vengeful god. If his players split the party, he would rain hellfire of all flavors on them.

He has challenged specific people with specific monsters with the express purpose of banishing them. None shall be spared if his wrath is kindled.

His players (have mercy, I actually don't know much about d&d):

* Orc tank named Blood Girth: Aerith

* Ordinary paladin named Gabriel: Angeal

* Rogue named Billiam Whitherspoon Frankfurter who makes astonishingly bad stealth rolls: Zack

* Thief goblin who makes incredibly good stealth and deception rolls, so most NPCs assume she's an elf maiden or a breeze, named Jeremiah-Anne: Tifa

* Tiny elf maiden healer who loves her friends, named Cherry: Sephiroth

* Bard who doesn't know how to play a bard, and only picked the role because he wanted to carry a guitar, but who keeps rolling nat 20s on charisma, named Nathan: Cloud

* Glass cannon who intentionally built a character who would die immediately so he can go make cookies or play with his kid, named Whatever: Barret

* Same thing, but mysteriously never dies: Marlene playing for her dad

* Fairy princess warlock whose patron is a sexy demon prince, named Griselda Moonlight Rothbartson Hammel the Third: Vincent

* Dwarf barbarian who always chooses to attack, named Hruth: Cid

----------

Genesis: Cloud, you do something.

Cloud: Uh, I guess I attack?

Aerith: Cloud, no, you gotta persuade this guy, you're the bard! And remember to mention something sexy!

Cloud: Ok, gimme the key or I'll break your... nipples?

Genesis: SIGH. Roll for persuasion and charisma...oh goddess...with your multiplier...*calculates* The gatekeeper immediately makes a new key for each of you, opens the doors, strips, begs for a kiss from Nathan...Cloud, will you kiss him?

Cloud: ew, no, he smells.

Genesis: WHY ARE YOU- never mind. The gatekeeper falls at your feet then leads you in, proclaiming to all that the chosen one has arrived. He bribes two other gatekeepers along the way. You're now in the inner walls. SIGH.

Vincent: I long for my master.

Genesis: THAT'S NOT AN ACTION.

Zack: I try to sneak into the vault!

Genesis: Roll.

Zack: YESSSSS, SNAKE EYES!!!

Tifa: Lovingly, that's a bad thing.

Genesis: The gatekeeper comes to his senses and punts all of you back outside the city.

Sephiroth, raising his hand: Is anyone injured? I can help!

[theknightsstars]

Lunchtime, Zack's Treat

The boys grab some lunch, just like Zack promised! :)

[say0ranarts]

in memory🌼

[prismaticpichu]

how is it that Sephiroth both radiates the aura of a dingo about to tear into the plump meat of a steak sandwich while also looking as if he’d cut said sandwich into eighths with a fork and knife???

Truly a fascinating fella.

[rikitiki-infinity]

y'know there's no winning for Cloud even if he manages to kill sephiroth for good because the moment *he* dies sephiroth is going to sprint across the lifestream and tackle him. Cloud can either be affectionatly (?) bullied for eternity now or affectionatly bullied for eternity later..

[pikaole]

Me and mom learned new English word.

[pikaole]

Wow…This is probably the most famous my posts on my Tumblr lol. 

This is what I drew after this situation 👇

[shadowpendragon]

nice tits

[aceduooooooooooooooooooooooooo]

Vincent: uh Luci why are you shaking like that?

Lucrecia: Vincent! Vincent listen to me. I'm running an experiment Vincent Listen!

Vincent: -okay?!

Lucrecia: Listen to my findings Vincent. I found if you fill a big gulp cup with 5 hour energy and chug the whole thing. You ascend!

Vincent: ascend?

Lucrecia: ASCEND VINCENT ASCEND! I AM ON ANOTHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE! MY HEART IS EITHER BEATING SO FAST I CAN'T FEEL IT OR IT HAS STOPPED ENTIRELY! I HAVEN'T SLEPT FOR 72 HOURS!

Vincent: Lucrecia-

Lucrecia: I CANT FEEL MY FACE, VINCENT! FEEL MY FACE, I CAN'T!

Vincent: okay Luci let's get you to bed.

[captorations]

love when characters have to have a domestication arc before you can even consider giving them a redemption arc

[fuckyeahsnackables]

[aceduooooooooooooooooooooooooo]

Sephiroth: Professor do you want to know a secret?

Hojo: ugh no Sephiroth. I do not want to know a secret. Now leave me be I am busy.

Sephiroth: Hmph alright then suit yourself.

Hojo: Thank you....uh Sephiroth do you smell smoke?

Sephiroth: The secret is that the lab is on fire :)

[bluering8]

listen to me, this is so so important: you've gotta get used to really giving it your 60% as a default. like don't half-ass it necessarily but try not to go over 70% or so of an ass. you'll feel better and live a happier more fulfilled life, and on the rare occasions where you do need to lock the fuck in you'll be able to pull off bullshit that the sad miserable wretches giving it their 100% can never dream off, because they're busy draining themselves dry and you have energy reserves to spare.

[smokingchagga]

This is actually what I was adviced to do at the work rehabilitation program I went to. Hasn't left my mind since. 10/10 solid advice

[the-cinnaminion]

Short-haired Besties! 🐬🎀