Hap the What is Fuckening

I'm Hap. This is my blog where I reblog things. Please look at my blog where I draw things!

[scarybrained]

[WITNESS LOG: THE OTHER MOTHER, 200x]

"Well, no kid like that is born out of anything good. I know children get abused as early as infancy- hell, look at our- well- um... ......it's just another thing to just go out and talk about it. "

pictured above: a zine created for Backwoods Press' future shop launch. (tw for general csa references, but nothing is explicit.)

[lezuzu]

uhhh, yeah. post your WORST uncles RIIIIGHT here. 👇

[pokkin]

I once had an Uncle named Forsooth who had a wicked scythe he would strike into the land and black ichor would pour forth I once had an uncle named Listerine who would stay still for years at a time so we'd bury him then he'd sue us I currently have an Uncle named Tyrant Lord, more terrible than the rest, who ate all of my uncles except for Yub Gubby, who is destined to one day free his brothers

[hajohinta]

[viehfutter]

Finally. Normal porn is back on this website.

[time-traveling-fetus]

As much debate as there is about tone tags, 90% of the issues would be solved by just typing the word. Like instead of typing /gen or /hj you can just write (genuine) or (handjob) and you'll be doing pretty much the exact same thing.

[time-traveling-fetus]

Of course I personally think it's less awkward to use some rudimentary language skills to form actual sentences and phrases. They don't even have to be complicated. Like "Genuine question, why are you doing that?" Or "I'm being serious. Stop that." Or "I'm going to jerk you off now."

[fortunechaos]

I whole wholeheartedly agree with you on this matter OP. I do feel like it's often forgotten in this discourse that tonetags originated on Twitter where they had to get around a constrictive character count for tweets. I think how we got here makes a lot more sense when you consider the process otherwise of trying to fit an entire handjob in 280 characters.

[momento-more]

@elodieunderglass - This made me think of you.

[elodieunderglass]

Thank you so much for this

[slackeremeritus]

[Image description: a newspaper article titled "I Work Very Hard, And I Would Like To Try Cake", byline By A Horse with a small circular portrait of a dapple grey horse's face on a green background. Article reads as follows; italics from article indicated with forward slash.]

Hello. I am a horse. I work very hard at my job of being a horse. When humans say move the heavy thing, I move the heavy thing. When humans sit on top of me and pull on my head, I carry them where they want to go. The main food the humans give me is hay and oats. But I am thinking it would be nice to have a different food.

I am thinking I would like to try cake.

Yes, yes. Cake. I know all about it. When humans eat cake, it is in glad times. It is the food for a celebration, such as when a woman becomes 47. I have seen cake on the Fourth of July. When humans have a cake, they stand around it and clap hands and smile and say happy birthday at each other. Sometimes there are beautiful markings on a cake, such as balloons or a pink shape.

Sometimes the top of a cake is on fire and a boy must blow on the fire with mouth wind. This is the scariest cake. I do not want this kind. But I will eat any other cake. Any cake that is not the fire cake that tries to kill the boy.

Please understand: I do not get money for doing work. I do not get to go inside the house. All day I am either doing my horse job or standing in my pen or eating food off the floor. I always do these things. But I have never once gotten cake and I would like it very much.

I have noticed that human children get to eat cake. But I am bigger than the children. I am more helpful to the farm. Children do not move the heavy things like me or let anyone ride on them. And yet they get cake. Maybe the humans will realize this. Maybe they will say, "You know who deserves cake? That horse. That horse whose back we are always on."

Every day I dream about what it will be like if I get to eat cake. Here is what will happen. First, I will walk to the cake and puff my nose at it like /hrrrfff/ to make sure it is not a snake. Then I will trot in a circle to show that I am a horse and I am large. After that, I will nuzzle the cake to know it with my face. Then I will lick the colorful top part and touch it with my lips. Finally, I will bite the cake and have the taste of its inner softness. I will chew and say /prrt prrt/ because I am happy, and everybody will clap hands and smile and say happy birthday at each other.

I cannot think of a more glad time. So, please, give me cake.

Of the eight tastes I know about, I think cake probably tastes most like medicine and mud. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it. There is a fly standing on my eyeball but I don't even care because all I can think about is cake and wanting it badly. I already weigh 2,000 pounds from eating hay and oats. I do not w ant more of that noww. There is only one thing I want. You know what it is.

So you see, it is clear that you must give me cake. I am a nice horse. I do not fuss. I do not bite the human woman's face, even though her hair smells nice. I do not ask to go live free in the woods like the deer. I do my duties. I must try cake. Please.

/Hnnnnnnn. Heeeee-huh-heeee!/ Just give me the cake.

Please. I am begging you. I am showing you my teeth and stomping my hooves so you know that I want the cake. /Prrrrrft! Prrrrrft!/ I must have it, do you see? I am standing on my back legs and screaming due to needing the cake. Please, humans. Please. Please! I am a good horse. /Hmmrrrr, nrrrrffff!/ Put a cake on a table right now. I wish with all my heart that you will do this for me. So you must give it to me. Because I am the good horse. I am a good horse and I deserve cake.

[End article description.]

[Additional images: excerpt from the article selected by user elodieunderglass, one paragraph split across two columns.]

Sometimes the top of a cake is on fire and a boy must blow on the fire with mouth wind. This is the scariest cake. I do not want this kind. But I will eat any other cake. Any cake that is not the fire cake that tries to kill the boy.

[End image description.]

[elodieunderglass]

Oh, that’s really nice of you!

For those interested in the source, it’s from the print edition of the onion (you can see the little onion on it) and the author is apparently Ben Collins; https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social

For those interested in the style, it’s kindred of a noble lineage - from “I am the Horrible Goose that Lives In the Town” by Daniel Lavery, From the Point of View of a Cat by Karel Čapek, through to the classic - Archy and Mehitabel.

[bluering8]

so the Height Thing is like. okay on the one hand all three of my brothers are six feet tall and that means that's In My Head as the height i'm Meant to be, that's the body i'm Meant to have. i mean i don't think i've got a complex about my height really (guy who has a complex about his height voice) like i don't want to be Tall necessarily i just want to be over five and a half feet. but on the other hand it's really really hot to think about shoving around/pinning down a person substantially larger than i am (and "larger than i am" is a low low bar, which. hmmm. like the One Benefit i get from this). You Understand.

[drchucktingle]

a selection of space tinglers in honor of artemis ii

[wizard-council-bureaucrat]

the king has abruptly fired 60% of his wizard staff, so he’s about to be abruptly surprised at who floated 100% of his formerly floating sky castle

[hyper-lynx]

I heard they're planning to maintain their levitation rites with autonomous constructs from now on, saying wizards are going to be totally obsolete within the season... so, ah, I'd invest in falling island insurance.

[scilas]

Preserving not-prev-but-someone-elses funny tags in this chain as well because I love both these additions actually,

[xenosaurus]

this may be my age showing but I am a passionate supporter of wires. earbuds? put a leash on those things. wireless keyboard? no, it needs to hold hands with the computer. the ps5 controller I forgot to charge has the staying power of a wealthy nonagenarian with a much younger wife and 14 life insurance policies, but the controller plugged into my pc? that baby will outlive my bloodline. my ethernet cable is like a son to me.

[panic-volkushka]

Clients’ names and personal information have been omitted to retain their privacy.

You can read the sequel here: LINK

You can buy a digital copy of this and the sequel here: LINK

You can buy a printable copy of this and the sequel here: LINK

75% of the profits from sales are donated to the Northwest Community Bail Fund and the Transgender Education Network of Texas. The remaining 25% covers the various fees of selling online.

My Etsy: LINK / My Ko-Fi: LINK

11/14/22 UPDATE: I’ve taken both “Naruto: The Last King, The Last Priest” and “Therapist R. J. Hill” off my etsy store. Both comics can be read, in their entirety, on this tumblr.

[panic-volkushka]

It is officially ten years since I posted this to tumblr.

I was going through some notebooks and found the first doodle on a page of notes for my “family systems therapy” class that lead to the creation of this comic

I have a lot of big things I’m working on, as well as a new job I’m adjusting to. I hope to share new art soon.

[thestoryhollow]

My first Discworld book was the Wee Free Men. I loved it, and read it over and over again. But since that was the only one my local library had, for the longest time I thought it was a standalone. Imagine my delight when, years later, I discovered the rest of this fantastic series.

The City Watch books in particular struck a note with me, and they’ve quickly become some of my all time favorites. So of course I had to draw this to celebrate.

[somafalls]

they got trans bitches on here named shit like Die

[couchnapping]

sie haben trans bitches hier, die haben so beschissene Namen wie The

[poketcg-art]

Clobbopus -- Shimaris Yukichi

[unfamiliarsculptures]

It’s that time again! I have some new sculptures ready for a shop update! Here’s a preview of a velociraptor sculpture that’ll be available Friday, April 17th!

[stars-inthe-sky]

A 50-year Trekkie bestows Star Trek history upon the next generation: How fandom and fanfiction sparked the galaxy’s most controversial romance

Beam me up, Grandma

A wonderful piece about fandom history, friendships, and legacies.

[legobiwan]

Dee called AO3 a “candy store,” and said the fan art she has seen, in particular, has been overwhelming. “I cannot get over the art,” she said. “We would have jumped at this. I would’ve given my right tit for all this art when I was in my twenties. Because you couldn’t reproduce it, you couldn’t send it out, but [now] there’s this fabulous art coming out every single day.”

[skyywalkerfen]

Yes. Yes. Yes.  This is how it happened.  Excellent article.

[spockslash]

Thanks to the author for permission to share this here, and for being just a really nice human being, and big thanks to the artist who did my mom’s portrait, above. -Zachary

[wintergrey]

Link as of April 2026

[raingardening]

i think there is a phenomenon where sometimes a trans person will go “hmm. i am treated as a man when it is convenient for others, and a woman when it is convenient for others, and often as a freakish third thing excluded from the advantages of both. surely, because of the gender binary, the Other Type of trans person experiences the opposite: they reap the benefits of maleness and femaleness at once.” like babes no they can do it twice

[the-punforgiven]

god I wish I had a pair of menacing black gauntlets with really sharp fingertip claws I bet it feels good as fuck to have your hands resting palm-down on a surface and then scratch some deep fucking gashes into it as you clench your hand a little closer to a fist when your evil minion delivers some bad news to you

[the-punforgiven]

ohhh fuck yeah, you understand