C'est la vie

Cupcakes, Marijuana, Kittens, Montreal, Compassion. (be kind, for everyone that you meet is fighting their own battle.) Trust your instincts. Content is king. Boobies.

[samanthakupcaake]

Only you

Only you can change your mindset, put in the work that needs to be done and love every inch of you.

Growing up I had the worst mindset. I was privileged enough to have everything I ever needed but it was never enough. I was an entitled little girl who thought she knew everything about life (boy, was I wrong btw).  I hated being me, I hated being alone with my thoughts and I hated the image I had of the world and everyone in it. I filled my nights with booze and drugs so my days would be spent trying to survive rather than actually live.  I gave people access to special parts of me without so much of a second thought, all because I craved the attention and the feeling of fullness.

Now that I have grown, started the work that needs to be done and got sober; my mind finally feels clear enough to see through all the bullshit I was feeding myself on a silver platter.

I work hard, everyday. Whether it be at work for a paycheck so I can pay my bills and barely get by. Or at the gym trying to stay healthy and rid my myself of any negativity. Or at home when I’ve had a bad mental health day and I have to now sit with myself, let myself feel everything that I once used to tuck away into the dark corners of my soul. 

I now know this is a lifelong journey, there is no final destination when it comes to loving yourself and living an honest life.

YOU HAVE TO DO THE WORK; & than you’ll see it was all worth it in the end.

[samanthakupcaake]

Recovery.

It’s been a really long time since I’ve had the energy to even put my thoughts together, let alone try to form a sentence that makes sense. I’ve been in and out of sobriety since I was to young to even remember. My memories, dreams and thoughts all started to mix together in a foggy daze of something I liked to call reality. I fell deeply in love with my false sense of security. I thought it was my safe space, the perfect excuse not to be present. I was addicted to my own self destruction. It made me to selfish to see the havoc I created or care about the people whose lives I shattered.

 Until one day I told the truth. I opened up like I never thought I could. I spilled my guts while wearing my heart on my sleeve and in that moment, I knew everything was going to be okay. I lost all fear, regret, guilt and anxieties. I realized you don’t recovery from addiction by not using, you recovery by creating a new life where it is easier not to use. Living with addictions is a life long battle between trying to let light into your darkest thoughts. We fight for our lives everyday in ways most people will never understand. 

It won’t be easy, It will probably be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to face; but it will be worth it. You are going to want to give up. Don’t. Don’t be ashamed, it takes a special person to stand up to the devil and win.

[samanthakupcaake]

Sometimes you just gotta masturbate. 

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[samanthakupcaake]

To my best friend, that’s more than a friend. You are my brother, my therapist, my bartender, my dog walker, my teacher, my doctor but best of all; you are the one person who has never left my side. I want to thank you for being you.

I also want to apologize for not always being there when you need me, that is and will probably always be one of the biggest regrets of my life. Not spending ever second with you. 

Remember always our good times and how when we do finally get together its like we have been side by side forever.  Remember the hours we spend laughing till our stomachs ached about absolutely nothing. The hours we spend dancing like no one was watching. Remember every hug, kiss, cheer and memory. 

Because I will never forget.

[samanthakupcaake]

Rape is one of the most terrible crimes on earth and it happens every few minutes. The problem with groups who deal with rape is that they try to educate woman on how to defend themselves. What really needs to be done is teaching men not to rape. Go to the source and start there.

Kurt Cobain. Where have all the humans gone?

[samanthakupcaake]

I can only speak for myself but I think jlaws a babe.

Not because she has a fabulous rack (which she does), but because she is probably the only celeb that I wish would be my best friend (no effence Neville).

She is someone I could see myself having a drink or two with, without realizing all the superficial aspects.

[samanthakupcaake]

Like anybody can tell you, I am not a very nice man. I don't know the word. I have always admired the villain, the outlaw, the son of a bitch. I don't like the clean-shaven boy with the necktie and the good job. I like desperate men, men with broken teeth and broken minds and broken ways. They interest me. They are full of surprises and explosions. I also like vile women, drunk cursing bitches with loose stockings and sloppy mascara faces. I'm more interested in perverts than saints. I can relax with bums because I am a bum. I don't like laws, morals, religions, rules. I don't like to be shaped by society.”

Charles Bukowski, South of No North”

[samanthakupcaake]

your inner light shines when you are at peace with yourself and the world around you.  let go of the struggle and feel the beauty inside you. allow all to just be and just be you.

at the end of the day, I am at peace because my intentions are good and my heart is pure.

[samanthakupcaake]

When people insult you, don’t take offence. Don’t take it personally but do listen to their words. They are telling you how they see the world and they are telling you the exact negative qualities that they possess. “The law of Mirror’s"  states that one  can only see what’s in them, regardless if it is what is actually present in reality or not. Release the need to defend or try to explain to them that you’re not whatever nasty-insult-they’ve-thrown-at-you, but evaluate instead all of these insults and realize that is who they are. Then, determine if a person with those qualities is one who you’d like in your life or not.

(Best advice I have ever received)

[samanthakupcaake]

Let's get real

10 things about yourself: I would hurt humans before animals. I love pickles and peanut butter. I always follow my heart. I have verbal diahrea. My mom is my best friend. I make but do not eat, fabulous cupcakes. I can drink more then the average male. I love debates. I love call of duty. I would rather have cats than children. 9 things you want to say to 9 different people: Maa: I could not imagine a world that you no longer exist. You are my solid ground when the world spins. You are my favorite person in the whole world, I love you.

Uncle: I miss you more and more everyday. There’s so many words left unsaid. The world would be much more interesting with you in it. I love you.

Dad: We don’t ever see eye to eye but sometimes that’s just life. I still couldn’t ask for a better father. I love you.

Nev: Thank you for never ever giving up on me and showing me what true unconditional love really feels like. I love you.

Jew: You are my sun through the rain and my light in the dark. There is no lam without a Jew. I love you

Matt: You completely destroyed me. You abused my heart but I have never experienced a love like yours.

Sister: I got your back and that’s all that matters. I love you.

Rambo: You will always be my baby. You were so special, never have I felt a love and connection so strong. I could never experience that again but its okay because the time I spent with you was the best moments of my life. I love you so much.

Haters: I love you all. 8 ways to win my heart:

Bring me bundles of kittens. Make me feel beautiful. Chocolate, enough said. Kiss my neck slowly. Grow weed. Make me laugh. Be patient. Be a kitten. 7 things that cross your mind often: Rambo Money Food Drugs Alcohol Education & How shit the government is. 6 things you’d wish you would have never done: Let my heart get stomped on. Hurt the ones I love the most. Act like sex was a game. Not taking high school seriously. Not letting people help me. Not loving\respecting myself more. 5 people who mean a lot: Maa Neville Sister Jew dad 4 turn offs: Bad smells People who can’t take jokes Ugly personalities Awkwardness 3 turn ons:  Biting Choking Talking dirty 2 smiley’s that describe your life: ;D because no matter what I can always laugh about negative things that occur in life. :( because every time I get happy, it all gets ruined. 1 confession: When I see old people struggling I cry like a little baby.

[samanthakupcaake]

I never needed you to fix me. I needed you to love me while I fixed myself.

Never

Let anyone determine your self worth.

Speak without listening.

Give up before you are ready.

Forget to breathe.

Settle for less.

Dim your sparkle.

Complicate when you can simplify.

Make promises you can not keep.

I am the captain of my soul.

[samanthakupcaake]

Exactly.

Love didn’t hurt you. Someone who didn’t know how to love you, hurt you. Don’t confuse the two.

My only goal in life is to be happy. Genuinely, intensively and consistently happy. Regardless of what that looks like to others.

Let people do what they need to do to make them happy. Mind your business and do what you need to do to make you happy.

[samanthakupcaake]

We all must step back and take a look at our own lives. Worry about our own issues and baggage. We must focus on only the most important things in life. You can’t judge someone on the order of their priorities. You might not agree or understand but that’s whats great, you don’t need to. We must focus on the things that we can’t live without. The things fear makes us run from but in the end we were never really running at all. We must follow our hearts even when it leads us into destruction because our hearts never lie. Our hearts are unique, each with its own manual and set of rules. We can’t judge people based on what they do to be happy. We can’t judge ourselves for the decisions we make for in that moment, that’s what you needed to be happy. We are all searching for that person, place or thing that will kill us in the end. But that’s what love and life is about, finding what you would love to die for.

samanthakupcaake

[samanthakupcaake]

Something you regret ? Letting my heart guide me and my mind paralyze me.

Definition of love? Unconditional. The strongest force on this planet.

What you think about most? Being better than I was the day before.

What you’re good at.. Giving advice, taking care of cats, making cupcakes, hula hooping, killing zombies, writing.

What you’re bad at.. Using knives, not swearing in front of kids, self discipline, standing up drunk, realizing how loud I am being.

[samanthakupcaake]