Hello, I'm Doctor Samuel Hayden.

VEGA. Boil this guy's dick off. | not affiliated with bethedsa, personal blog for shits and giggles

[doomguy-offical]

slayer its pride month you know what that means

do you want me to kill like gay demons or something?

[samuel-hayden]

no the straight ones. and maybe give me a little kissy kiss?

[aperture-hr-official]

{ How many unethical science companies are even on the site at this point? 4? 7? }

{ I’m only counting four m’self but it seems like some of the others have influence here.. }

{ @black-mesa-hr-official being here is natural, seeing as Aperture is, but @ask-alterra-corp and @uac-pacific-official is a bit strange.. }

{ Hopefully nobody else shows up. there’s enough bickering going on between us and black mesa, and introducing more rival company duos would only make things worse.. }

[uac-pacific-official]

Thankfully, the only other entity that could rival UAC would be the ARC, which we work with regularly to keep the BFG-10K active and the global defence system functional, and to co-operate with as orders from our mutual leader, @samuel-hayden .

Defending earth against demons must require a cooperative approach. We are not associated with the demonic corruption the Mars branch experienced, and we are glad to report that the hell priest responsible has been executed and no longer has control over our sister facilities.

[samuel-hayden]

the demons are real and i make them do little dances for my amusement

[crocketpopper45]

im so tired and im still in pain!!! sammy, oh wherever you are....i feel your pain .....

[samuel-hayden]

let's be bed-bound and in chronic pain together

[uac-pacific-official]

Samuel Hayden, sir, there is a body you can use. Our sister facility at UAC Atlanta would be glad to welcome you home.

[samuel-hayden]

you cant make me do anything. i cant even make me do anything. bring me a pastrami sandwich.

[crocketpopper45]

im so tired and im still in pain!!! sammy, oh wherever you are....i feel your pain .....

[samuel-hayden]

let's be bed-bound and in chronic pain together

[samuel-hayden]

happy pride month. im actually gay so give me your money

[samuel-hayden]

The Slayer is secretly a power bottom. Thank him for working so hard and call him a Good Boy.

im not calling him a "good boy" he broke my shit. more than twice. i don't care if he takes it up the ass

[samuel-hayden]

I shouldn't be asking this considering the data breach is supposed to stay a secret... but why are there scriptures on your private devices written purely in Maykr language?

@mecharauder-official

oh thats just my ancient maykr erotica. it's mostly about doomguy

[samuel-hayden]

Dr hayden what is your doctorate based in

fucking bitches frat boy style

[samuel-hayden]

what if the world was made out of super gore nest

[samuel-hayden]

I have ultimately decided, I am going to kill one guy in particular.

[samuel-hayden]

@redsargentgeneralsolly

You.

[samuel-hayden]

I have ultimately decided, I am going to kill one guy in particular.

[samuel-hayden]

oo im so sleepy

[samuel-hayden]

what the fuck does a man have to do to get some cotton candy faygo around here.

[imp-9482838]

Well whats a DEMON gotta do to get some HRT around here?! I went SIX FUCKING SUMMORS AND 3 ARCHVILES!! yet it seems that NOBODY, not one single WRETCHED SOUL down here can find me some FUCKING ESTROGEN!! I just want some SELF IMAGE AFFIRMING CARE!! IS THAT TO MUCH TO ASK!? What good is a Davoth damned science lab if nowhere in the ENTIRE UAC FACILITY is there a lick of that sweet sweet GENDER JUICE?!??

[samuel-hayden]

i'm sorry i took it all. yeah i just needed all the gender. it's all my fault, so sorry imp 9482838.

[samuel-hayden]

Slowly and subtlety aims BFG 10000 at texas

can you avoid the waffle house please

[samuel-hayden]

Don't shoot I'm with the science team

@hl1-scientist-offical

my psionic warriors. go forth and seal this booboo-bear within the earth.

[samuel-hayden]

i do the finding out before i fuck around, actually. im just that good at everything i do.

[samuel-hayden]

poll:

Who do I harass into a toxic situationship next?

Quake Ranger

Medic TF2

VEGA

Wheatley PORTAL

G-Man

Voting ended onApr 2

[samuel-hayden]

how the fuck did you people manage to tie me into a polycule between medic, wheatley, and gman. what is wrong with you all

[rattmann-offical]

well done Tumblr >:]

[wh3atley-personality-core]

"WAIT- WHO ARE YOU???"

[samuel-hayden]

good evening, i am doctor samuel hayden of the union aerospace corporation.

we're both blue fucking robots. you're a nerd. im a cooler nerd. we have chemistry.

i would like to beat you into a sparking pulp. gayly.