I DONT want the world to see me cuz I donât think that theyâd understand when everythingâs made to be broken I just want you to know who I am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh look, itâs a twin fic on the horizon! I started this for @katuschka because I believe she is entertained by watching me struggle to write these two. Kidding, mostly
Pairings: Josh Kiszka x reader, Jake Kiskza X reader
Warnings and tags: 18+ only, adult content including: drinking, some flirting, some angst, just a little bit of kissing, honestly this part is very tame, scene setting
Word count: 5.3k
Josh
Finally it was Friday. The week had flown by in a blur. At the end of it your only hope was that you would retain at least half of the information that had been thrown at you from every direction.
Thankfully Fridays at the studio seemed to be much slower than the rest of the week. Most of your coworkers had already cleaned their work spaces, packed up, and left for the day after lunch.
It was just you, a handful of others, and your boss left still tinkering around, nothing but the sounds of distant typing and a sewing machine going in the other room.
There wasnât much left for you to do, but you didnât feel right leaving early during your first week, so you took out a sketch pad from your work tote and got to looking busy. Really you were just doodling, but the design you were working on (just for fun mind you) had enveloped your entire attention until the door to the studio flew open and in walked your boss with a very interesting man.
âJust this way, I have those catalogs for you to look through over hereâ. Your boss directed the man through the room, walking directly down the middle between the rows of work spaces.
Most of your coworkers didnât even bother looking up at the intrusion. There were only a couple of hours left in the day and they needed to get their projects done otherwise they would have to take them home.
You on the other hand hadnât been given too many things to do, your boss still testing the waters with your skills. That was no worry to you. Soon enough with hard work you would win them over.
Getting the job felt like a miracle to begin with. It was your first real design job since graduating. Of course you had worked little gigs here and there, mostly costume designs and maintenance for the local theaters, but this one was legit. Full time salary with bonus commissions, paid time off, benefits packages and all. The boutique was small, but they had been quickly gaining recognition in the city ever since some musician up for an award had worn one of the top designer's dresses to the CMAs.
A photo of the artist wearing the dress was included in a collage with the girl whoâd made it, right here in this studio, and it hung above her workstation like sheâd been up for an award herself. You dreamed of that kind of recognition, and getting your foot in the door of the industry felt like a large leap in the right direction.
âIâm so glad you called. We primarily work in womenâs fashion, but weâve been trying to branch out to attract more high profile clients. Like yourselfâ you heard your boss talking in her nasally, high pitched âcustomer serviceâ voice as she sped past your desk.
Suddenly realizing that youâd been staring, you quickly ducked your head down and continued on your design. Whoever he was, it was none of your business. Or so you thought.
âWow, that is amazingâ a smooth, almost angelic like voice spoke right above you, and you glanced up again to see he had stopped to admire your drawing.
âThank youâ you mumbled, trying not to be shy. Though now that you were looking directly at him you were immediately taken by his beauty.
His waist sat about even with the desk, so he couldnât be too tall, and his hips were narrow but also rounded and curvy. Shoulders, well they were just the right width to compliment his physique, slender but toned in all the right places. What interesting measurements you thought to yourself, but pushed that notion aside knowing you wouldnât be given your own client to work on so soon.
âItâs a jumpsuit, right?â He asked, still observing your sketchbook with interest.
Out of the corner of your eye you could see your bossâs mouth opening to object, but you answered before she could interrupt. âYes, I was just playing around with silhouettes. Jumpsuits are fun to draw because thereâs not many rules to themâ.
The man smiled, and his teeth nearly sparkled like a diamond bracelet, each stone perfectly carved and set in place.
âNo rules, I like thatâ he replied, motioning with his hand to ask if he could take a better look. You backed away and allowed him to pick up your book so he could examine the design closer. Before you could stop him he was flipping through the pages, the smile never leaving his face as he glanced over each sketch, finished or not.
Now mortified you sat in silence, looking over at your boss to ask for forgiveness even though you hadnât really done anything wrong. Eventually he set the book back down, turned to a page containing a drawing of another jumpsuit youâd recently created. âCan you make me this one?â
âOh, Iâm not really the one to askâ your eyes kept drifting to your boss, who was growing more and more frustrated by the second, but as soon as he looked in her direction her demeanor flipped and she was back to being all smiles.
âWe can do whatever youâd like!â She stepped back in, trying to take over from here. âWe have plenty of skilled designers, they can collaborate on something that Iâm sure will fit your image and styleâ.
His brows furrowed with confusion and he looked back over to you. âIs this not your design?â
âYes⌠it isâ. What were you supposed to do in this situation? Lie to him?
âThen I want her to do itâ he told your boss, his resolve clear and unwavering.
âOf courseâ she answered, her tone bleeding annoyance, but she wasnât about to try and convince him otherwise. Again, whoever he was she was more concerned with keeping him on as a client rather than explaining the situation. That being that you were new and hardly had any experience.
Experience or not, youâd worked hard to make it here and you werenât going to let an opportunity like this go to waste.
âGreat!â He looked even more excited than you were and you realized that it was going to be hard to not get swept up in his charm.
Heâs just a business transaction, no need to freak out. This is your job, you reminded yourself as you stood to accept his handshake. This is your chance! You introduced yourself, smiling as he complimented your name.
âNice to meet you, Iâm Josh Kiszka. Singer of Greta Van Fleet. Where do we start?â
That was nearly six months ago, and what a whirlwind they had been. From the beginning design meetings with each of your bosses and Josh, to fitting after fitting, scraping designs half way through and pulling off more than one miracle, you had shown up and showed out with each custom handmade piece. If making costumes for a world tour wasnât nearly enough excitement for you, the glory and sense of accomplishment felt when you had attended their first show was more than enough to solidify in your mind that you had indeed chosen the right career for yourself.
Watching your very own designs come to life on stage in front of thousands of people was like a dream come true. Social media exploded as soon as they stepped out into the spotlight, everyone wanting to know who had made their fabulous, sparkly, and beautifully crafted outfits.
The boutique couldnât be more happy with the exposure and they had worked well with you, getting anything you needed and allocating all the extra studio room necessary to pull off such a large workload.
Even with all the recognition, you stayed humble. Make clothes that were inspired, and inspiring in return. Thatâs all you ever wanted to do, and Josh had been the perfect muse. From the first time you saw him, standing there in the studio in a completed piece after so much planning and preparation, your heart sank into the bottom of your chest.
He was perfect. In every which way you were learning, as more time spent with him passed on.
âRich darling! I want to look rich!â Josh mused as he spun in his cape in front of the full length mirror.
âSettle down! Youâre going to poke yourself with a needleâ you giggled, grabbing at the hem so it wouldnât get dirty on the floor.
âWhat do you think? The gold? Or the silver?â He asked for your opinion, which he did quite often, making you feel valued for your taste. That felt like a lot coming from him, the self-proclaimed diva.
âWhy not both?â You shrugged like it didnât matter (which it really didnât, the cape had hints of both in the embellishments. Youâd thought about that in the design after realizing his inclinations towards jewelry). Really though you were just trying to avert your gaze from his bare chest.
Usually the client was a little timid during their first fittings, feeling either bashful or uncomfortable with changing in front of others or being accidentally touched while the designer was placing pins. Josh however, he had no shame prancing around the studio in just his underwear.
One evening, when you had to stay late to finish up a piece for the next meeting, the girls had gathered in the studio giggling to each other. You glanced over a shoulder, seeing a photo on one of their phones showing each of the band members turned around with their pants pulled down, asses on display right on the side of a road.
âHe really does have a nice one doesnât he?â One of the girls commented. âLook at those cute little cheeksâ.
âLittle?â Another one chimed in jokingly.
âThat man has more cake than Maria Antoinette!â
When the girls noticed you looking they quickly broke apart, moving back to their own desks to continue working. It wasnât like they singled you out, in fact despite getting a high profile client so quickly everyone treated you very well. With all of the long hours you all often pulled, it was much easier to pretend to be one big happy family that occasionally bickered rather than constantly being at each other's throats.
It all felt like a distant memory now that it was done. Tour had started and unless any of the jumpsuits needed mending along the road, your history with Josh Kiszka was over. Or so it began.
Vacation, you didnât have much of it but you were determined to make the best of your time off after the hell of a year youâd had at the boutique. It was just after the holidays, and about four months since you had last seen the ever enigmatic Josh.
Not that youâd been counting.
With a book in hand and a large glass of crimson wine in the other you were half tempted to ignore the call as your cell buzzed next to you on the couch. Tempted enough, and a little too tipsy to really focus on your book now, you glanced down and gasped at the caller ID.
It was weird to see his name on the screen. His manager gave you their contact initially, but Josh insisted on cutting out the middle man and wrote his down on a piece of scratch muslin soon after you began working together. Even with that information stored in your phone you wouldnât dare contact him without a professional reason.
âHello?â You answered after sliding the call button to answer and placing it on speaker. There wasnât anyone in your apartment but you and your cat, whatever he had to say Oliver could hear as well.
âHeyâ his voice sounded soft, maybe even a little hoarse, and you found yourself worrying if he was taking care of himself while on the road. He has a whole team looking after him, not to mention his bandmates, the rational voice in your head told you to mind your own business.
When he didnât say anything after his greeting you started to worry that something was the matter. âIs there a problem with the suits?â You questioned thinking there could be no other reason for him to call you at such an odd hour.
âOh, no nothing like that. Iâve been taking great care of them I promiseâ he chuckled, and even over the phone the sound made you crack a smile. âItâs just⌠weâre having a break right now and I donât know, I guess Iâm a little antsyâ.
You took another sip of your wine to calm your nerves. âAre you telling me that youâre bored?â
âMaybeâ.
âWell, donât you have plenty of people to call? Why me?â That could have been taken as you fishing around, but Josh knew you didnât mean it that way. You just simply wanted to know. âI do, but itâs been a while since Iâve heard from you. We used to talk a lot beforeâ.
His voice kept trailing off, like he was unsure of himself even after initiating the call.
âYes, we didâ you agreed, though from your perspective he was very friendly and talkative to everyone. You would be a fool to think the time he gave you was anything special. And yet you took another drink of wine and got comfortable against the cushions.
Over an hour later and you couldnât resist the yawns as they came more and more often.
âI wonât keep you much longerâ Josh sounded like he was growing tired as well. âIâm sorry I havenât called sooner, life just sort of distorts during tour. One minute youâre doing a show in one state and then the next youâre across country and months have passedâ.
âThatâs alright, I never expected anything from youâ. As soon as that slipped out you knew that it wasnât the way you wanted to assure him that going months without contact was ok. After talking you had to admit to yourself that you did miss him.
âThen is it alright if I call you again?â
You bit your lip suddenly feeling like you were treading on dangerous grounds, but how could you simply decline. âAnything you need. Iâm hereâ.
âIâve got great newsâ Josh was beaming as soon as you answered. âI got invited to fashion week, and I want you to design my outfit!â
âMe?â As flattering as it was, there had to be other options for him to explore first.
âYes you!â He laughed your hesitance off. âIâve already got so many ideas but I need your input. Can we meet up?â
âOh, umm,â you glanced around at your apartment and the piles of messes youâve made everywhere during your attempt to do a little spring cleaning. âIâm actually on vacation right now, but Iâm sure they wonât mind if we come inâ.
âIn that case, just come to my place?â
âAre you sure? We can go get coffee or something?â You tried offering other options, just out of politeness.
âNonsense, Iâve got my own. Iâll text you the addressâ.
After the fastest shower and blow dry youâve ever done you found yourself standing outside Joshâs house wondering what exactly had come over you. Knocking at the door you felt uneasy. His home was exactly what you would expect from him. Classy with just enough pizazz to suit Joshâs personality.
You could see him running to the door from the windows. They were so large and wide that nearly the entire front of the house was on full display, but it was set far enough away from the street and in a quiet neighborhood so there was no worry about privacy.
âCome in, itâs so good to see you. Thanks for coming over!â He greeted you like any well-made host would, asking to take your coat and if youâd like anything to drink.
Seeing him you were glad that you didnât overdo it when getting dressed. At the studio you made an effort to look cute as you were oftentimes running errands and making new acquaintances. For this meeting you decided to be a little more casual, showing up in just some well fitting jeans and a light sweater to combat the early spring chill.
Josh was dressed, well like Josh, a pair of khakis rolled at the ankles and a simple white t-shirt. Even at home he didnât skip out on the accessories though, a silver necklace hung from around his neck and a cuff sparkled along his ear.
âHave a seat, Iâll be right backâ he motioned towards the couch then bound off to the kitchen, his bare feet padding against the shiny hardwood floors.
The entire place felt luxurious, cast in a warm golden glow from the abundance of lamps and recess lighting. You took a seat on the couch and couldâve sworn it was the softest, most comfortable thing youâd ever encountered. Taking it all in you wondered what it must be like to really live here instead of your modest crowded apartment. And then you caught yourself, that little voice reminding you to stop being ridiculous.
Just as Josh was returning you were pulling out your sketch book along with a few sample fabrics you knew he liked hoping it would at least give you a rough idea of what he was wanting for this event.
âFor youâ he extended his hand, offering a glass of sparkling white wine.
âOh I really shouldnâtâ you smiled sheepishly, but Josh insisted so you agreed to just one glass.
âIt really is good to see youâ he took a seat next to you on the couch, his fingers playing with the scraps of silk and satin between you. âI feel like I havenât seen a familiar face in so longâ.
âFamiliar?â You hardly knew each other, but that didnât stop you from feeling like you could trust him. You were alone with him at his house after all. âDonât you see your brothers all the time?â
Josh set his own wine glass down on the coffee table before you and leaned back against the couch with a sigh. It was the same melancholic sound as heâd had on the phone only a few nights ago. âYouâre right, maybe Iâm just being dramaticâ.
It didnât feel like your place to comfort him, even if he was just an arms length away. He closed his eyes and his head dropped against the cushions. You took the opportunity to observe him, even if you had seen him up close and personal countless of times at the studio, here he was in his natural habitat. His defenses were diminished, or not even that. It was like he wasnât performing for anyone for once, and he looked kind of sad.
As quickly as the mood had shifted he snapped back forward and grabbed his glass, taking a large sip and turning back toward you. âOk, letâs talk. I want to be the hottest bitch there. Work your magicâ.
Two more glasses of wine later and your conversation had turned into something more like the phone calls youâd had recently rather than a meeting. Not that you minded. It had been nice to hear his voice again, and it was even better to watch his animations in person as he told stories about his childhood. You were getting to see the Josh before the fame, and your heart ached for not knowing him sooner.
As for you, he listened intently as you backtracked the parts of your life that stood to be told. Not only did he look truly interested but he asked questions, showed remorse when you overshared about your last boyfriend who turned out to be a lame dirtbag of a man, and encouraged you to continue on your path. He couldâve been a motivational speaker in another life the way he made you blush after each compliment to your skills.
âWell, I shouldnât keep you all nightâ. After all the talking you were sure that you had sobered up enough to make it home safely. Usually only three glasses wouldnât make you feel anything but a little tipsy, but tonight you felt like you were walking on clouds.
âOh is it that late already?â He glanced over at his phone and suddenly shot up like he had been reminded of something important. âShit I almost forgot, Jake said that he would be coming by tonight to give me some forms to signâ.
That was your queue and you began to gather your things, stuffing them back in your bag.
âWaitâ he reached forward, his hand grasping yours to slow you down. It worked, you stopped and met his gaze, your breath catching at the sight. âCan you come visit again? Iâd love to cook you dinnerâ.
âDinner?â You laughed softly thinking he must be joking, but he looked all too serious. âYeah, dinner sounds greatâ.
âLovelyâ he flashed his toothy smile again, his hand still holding yours. âWeâre on the road again next week, until then Iâd really enjoy your companyâ.
âJosh-â you could feel him getting closer, the scent youâd grown familiar with when being near him now overwhelmed you.
His eyes fell on your lips, there was no mistaking where he meant to take this. âIâd like to kiss you now? Is that ok?â
You nodded and then his lips were on yours and you felt frozen. Before you could register kissing him back a pair of headlights accompanied by the sound of a car pulling up to the house startled you and he pulled away.
âIâll call you then?â
On your way out you crossed paths with his brother. Jake as you remembered even after just a few times of meeting him. He looked surprised to see you coming out of Joshâs house, especially at this hour, but he nodded and allowed you to pass.
A few weeks went by and Josh was back on the road. You had spent some more time at his house, having dinner, talking, even had a game night with his younger brother and their drummer (Jake was invited but didnât show). Most nights ended in drinks, wine usually, which always got you in a good mood.
The flirting continued, on both of your parts, but Josh never made another move on you like he had during that first visit. Countless of times you found yourself staring a little too long at him as you got more and more comfortable in each other's presence. And then just like that he was gone again.
He stayed in touch this time, usually texting back and forth in the evenings when he was getting ready for a show. It seemed to be when he had the most energy, and it was actually helping you work harder as well, knowing you wanted to be free to talk to him instead of constantly taking work home.
By the third week you were starting to feel cooped up at home, so with your newfound free time you decided to go out with a couple of the girls from the studio. They planned on going to a club that was near your apartment so you decided to take an uber instead of worrying about how many drinks you could have. By the time you made it everyone was already taking shots and before long you were joining them for the second round.
âOh hold on, I have to take thisâ you excused yourself when your phone started to buzz in your purse. You took it out and right on time Joshâs contact lit up your screen. The girl next to you caught the ID and gave you a huge know-it-all smile.
âShhhh!â You put your finger to your lip and urged her to keep your secret as you stood and tried not to stumble your way to the back patio.
âHello?â His voice sounded worried and confused when you finally answered on the last ring. The music was quieter out there but he could still hear it on his end, along with the muffled chatter of all the smokers sitting around enjoying the amiable weather compared to the muggy indoors.
âHey, what's up. How was the show?â You tried to sound natural, but the combination of mixed drinks youâd been nursing all night was starting to slam into you like a dizzying wave of adrenaline. Paired with the cool open air you were feeling more than empowered.
âIt was as good as always, except Jake fell on one of the speakers, had a little hissy-fit but I think heâs alrightâ.
You closed your eyes as you listened, his voice having become a sort of comfort for you. Along with a few thousand others you were sure.
âI love listening to stories about your showsâ you began confessing. âWish I could be there and see it happening instead of hearing about it afterwardsâ.
âWeâre playing in LA soon, you could comeâ.
âLA!â You beamed, that would certainly be an exciting adventure for you, but you couldnât see how you could get the time off so soon. âIâd love to, really but-â
âBut what?â He stopped you before you could go any further. âBut work? Do you have any pieces youâre behind on?â
âWell noâŚâ
âCan you finish up anything you need to between now and next weekend?â
You nibbled your lip as you thought about it for a moment. Honestly since finishing everything for their tour the boutique hadnât had you on any other large projects. You were mostly just assisting the other girls on their projects - what you should have been doing from the get go. âYeah, I bet I canâ.
âGreat!â You could tell the excitement was already getting to him. âIâll have our tour manager email your boss. Donât worry about the flights or the room. Weâre staying at a hotel that nightâ.
Your heart started to race and the sweat from when you were inside was now drying against your skin with a chill. It was probably a good thing you were pretty drunk as otherwise you would not be accepting this so easily. âSo I guess Iâm going to LA?â
âI canât wait to see youâ.
It was the sincerity in his voice that scared you.
âYeah, me tooâ.
Even with all the anxiety you spent around getting the time off approved, accepting the flights, and actually showing up to the airport, you stepped out onto sunset boulevard with a smile on your face. A car had been arranged to meet and take you to the venue and from there a lanyard was thrown around your neck. There were so many people lined up everywhere that it felt like trying to fight your way through a zoo to find where to go. Eventually someone with a radio hanging from the same lanyard on their neck, holding a cellphone in both hands, and a very flustered look on their face, found you and ushered you towards your seat.
You watched the show with awe. The first time youâd attended you had been too caught up with scrutinizing the way your chosen fabrics floated across the stage, how each bead and crystal that had been painstakingly sewn into place sparkled under the lights. Now you were more enamored with the actual people wearing the clothes.
âThey should be back any minute nowâ the very kind stage tech who had been tasked with bringing you backstage said as he offered you a bottle of water. âIâve got to get back out there, but you can wait in hereâ.
âThanksâ you took the water and found a place to wait. It was quiet in the room, but you could still hear the sound of the audience cheering and music from the arena seeping through the concrete walls.
After the noise died down and you felt like youâd been waiting for just a little too long you decided to take matters into your own hands. You entered the hallway, watching as people crossed back and forth paying you no mind as you peeked around corners and tried to stay out of the way.
âSon of a bitchâ.
There was a pause in your wandering as you heard a familiar voice. Thinking it was Josh you followed, finding a small dressing room with the door cracked open. You pushed on the door and soon realized that you should have never left the other room.
Inside was not Josh, but his brother Jake. Heâd removed his jacket and was cursing at himself as he examined the inner lining.
He almost didnât notice you enter until he turned around and nearly knocked you over. Out of reflex you threw your hands up and they collided with his chest, still sticky with sweat from the exertion of his playing. âIâm sorryâ you tried to apologize for intruding but Jake didnât seem to mind. Itâs not like you were a stranger to him anyway.
âHey, long time no seeâ. He looked surprised to see you here. Maybe Josh hadnât said anything about the invite.
You averted your eyes, trying to give him some privacy if he was in the middle of changing. Then you saw the large tear in his jacket. âCan I see it?â
He followed your gaze to where he was holding the jacket at his side, same line of sight as his hips, and raised his brows. âIâm assuming you mean this?â
Jake held his jacket up, letting you get a good look at the damage. âMy pack got caught on the stitching or something. Surely someone on the team has some sewing skillsâ.
âIf you find a needle and some strong thread I donât mind. I sent a bunch of spare materials with Joshâs order. Hopefully theyâre around here somewhereâ.
Jake asked you to wait there while he found the necessary items and returned with another bottle of water as payment.
âThanks for doing thisâ. He stood, allowing you to sit on the single loveseat so you could lay the jacket out on your lap.
âI donât mind. This is an easy fixâ you slid the end of the thread between your lips and thread it through the needle, whipping out a backstitch and mending the tear. âYou guys played incredibly tonightâ.
âWe do most nightsâ he replied with a cocky grin.
Glancing up from your lap you noticed that he wasnât really watching you work, but he was staring directly at you. âSo I hearâ.
Whether he was privy to the phone calls you and Josh often shared at this hour or not, Jake didnât seem phased in the slightest by your remark.
âThere, good as newâ you stood and held the jacket out thinking heâd take it with another thanks and youâd be on your way.
Jake reached for your hand, his calloused fingers brushing across your knuckles tenderly. Surprised, you released your grip and the garment fell to the ground between where you stood. You bent down to pick it up but Jakeâs hand found you again, tucking underneath your chin and leading you to look up at him.
There were no words spoken as you slowly stood back up, your eyes never leaving Jakeâs and his never leaving yours. He took a step forward, slowly, cautiously as if giving you the opportunity to push him back away. You couldnât though, not when you felt his other hand circle around you and hold the small of your back. Not when you felt his breath on your cheek as he pulled you closer. And certainly not when his lips pressed against yours.
