December 2013- April 2014

[sunnybutte]

This was the last thing I saw before I died

[megachilid-deactivated20200405]

our neighbors don’t speak to us

[capnophiliac]

are they alive

[megachilid-deactivated20200405]

nah

[saphicspacesociety]

Is this Calvin and Hobbes?

[hello2246164345-deact]

Ok so when i went to this church retreat thing this guy was telling us a story about his friend who was sitting on a plane next to Eminem the rapper but she had no clue that it was him ok. So he like looked at her and was like ” you arent going to ask for an autograph or anything??” and she was like “what?” He was all like “im eminem!” and literally she had the most confused look her face bc she had no idea  who he was and her response was, “and I’m skittles?”

[brigwife-deactivated20240426]

wait you mean you don’t use the word ‘fortnight’ in america???

[latitudeoctopus]

Wait what? Then what do they use?

[brigwife-deactivated20240426]

they don’t have a word

[cathagbheag]

what do you mean they don’t have a word what kind of uncivilised people are they??

[w-y-r-d-deactivated20140914]

the fuck is a fortnight

[scrapethegreyskyclean-blog]

It’s a word for ‘two weeks’

[theshadyslut]

We say “two weeks”

[star-spangled-jackass]

*thousands of cups of tea smash to the ground in shock*

[busket]

“This is why you can’t trust women! They’re so good at makeup and wear it to fool guys into thinking they’re hot!”

shit. girls he’s on to us *washes off makeup to reveal lizard face and climbs up a wall* we will return with a new disguise. soon the power of earthly men will fall

[starbeastrave]

Girls are really lizard people?

[redmiel-deactivated20201115]

[olimar]

not sure why people don’t automatically say “shapeshifting” when asked what they want their superpower to be. you could become anyone you want. even fictional characters. anyone. cosplay would always be spot-on. dysphoria wouldn’t exist. perfection

[asd123123sadzkmxkclekrmds]

rob a bank and disguise yourself as a stray pen lying on a shelf when the cops come

[saphicspacesociety]

two kinds of people

[teandcrackers-deactivated202112]

When I grow up I want to be Ming-Na Wen.

[housetohalf]

She’s the voice of Mulan, as if she wasn’t amazing enough.

[palindrome-mystery]

She broke it with her fingers. Not a fist, her fingers.

[crimby]

she’s 50, by the way

[nuggetsrus]

A quick run-down should you ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.

1. Don’t have sex.

Seriously

Abstinence is key.

2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.

I don’t care how good he says his weed is

he is cuckoo bananas

and he wants you dead.

3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.

There are six words you should YouTube, should you get the chance

“Kevin Bacon in Friday the 13th”

4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.

If the killer can’t see you or hear you WHY WOULD YOU MOVE?

Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.

5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause you never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.

Someone will always be barefoot

Or in heels

Or just plain clumsy

And will sprain their ankles

And die.

6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.

Don’t walk around looking for people

House of Wax, anyone?

7. Don’t be a hero.

Unless you’re name is Harry Fucking Potter, you will die.

Hell, maybe even then.

I mean.

8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.

The killer is there.

Also your dog is dead.

9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.

The last thing you need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.

10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.

Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck

11. Don’t go into the basement.

They are creepy enough without you dying in one.

12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN.

At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.

13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.

It is obviously your wisest choice.

SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.

14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism. 

Move very very far away

Because there’s blood on your walls.

Blood.

Your

Walls

Are 

Bleeding.

15. Don’t act like a detective.

Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack you in a closet.

If you live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?

But if you die, it is like the opposite of awesome.

16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.

If more than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, you know not to go there.

Issue. Solved.

17. Don’t get drunk. Or come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.

Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.

18. If you see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick on you to scare you.

It is the killer.

ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that you in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.

Killers are very sensitive about their disguises.

19. Don’t take a shower.

ONLY APPLIES IF:

It’s past midnight at the campground you and your sorority sisters are staying at or

The lock to the door doesn’t work and you hear creepy piano music

AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:

20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.

Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he

[inspiderseyes]

I love this.

[moniquill]

Look, if I ever find myself in what appears to be a horror movie situation, I’m going to don a black tanktop with maximum cleavage, acquire some very badass weapon (a supersoaker full of gasoline and a lighter will do nicely, if I can’t find a chainsaw or something quickly. Machete is also a go. As long as it’s big and ostentatious and preferably loud, explodey, or on fire) and start making horrible one-liner quips before and after everything I do. I will try my level best to drive recklessly in cool looking cars and make shit explode. If I can find a small child who is conveniently mute to carry on my shoulders and protect in a vicious mamabear fashion, all the better.

Because the easiest way to survive a horror movie is to switch genres.

[jadelyn]

Moniquill has just won the internet, everyone go home.

[kawaiisquad]

Man what would happen if we took every criminal and threw them on a continent and just let them have at it for like 50 years? What would they even say when we came back?

[kawaiirubbish]

probably “g’day mate!”

[piratetrasharchive-deactivated2]

it’s funny because that’s the actual history of australia

[memefucker2k16-deactivated20170]

Everyone gives us shit for being founded by criminals, yet our quality of life and crime rates are better than both England and the USA’s.

[creepyabandonedplaces-blog]

[coleytangerina-deactivated20230]

Some graffiti found in Pompeii’s ruins: 

Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!

Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates.

I screwed the barmaid.

Apollinaris, the doctor of the emperor Titus, defecated well here.

I screwed a lot of girls here.

Sollemnes, you screw well!

Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog.

Nice to see nothing has changed.

[lemonworrld]

There is a website with all of the graffiti

[psynergy]

I’M CRYING THIS IS THE BEST THING EV  ER  I’M CH  OK I NG heLP

[pendragonslayer]

“VI.16.15 (atrium of the House of Pinarius); 6842: If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girl friend” Just thought this should be out there

[mumblingsage]

I’m dying because there’s all this MUCH MANLY HAD MUCH SEX graffiti on the walls, and then the fucking GLADIATORS are bragging about their BREAD-MAKING SKILLS.

Or maybe I’m misinterpreting but if so, my interpretation is hilarious so I’m sticking with it. 

[inkfromtheoctopus-deactivated20]

The Adventures of Prince Achmen. 1926. German. The oldest surviving animated film in history.

[inja-y-ddraig]

Nonono, you don’t understand how AWESOME this movie is

because it’s not done by a big production firm, or someone with a name as big as Walt Disney, no

the writer and “mind” behind this film was a WOMAN

yes, my dear tumblr peeps, the very first trick animator in the world was a young German woman who had an idea, and enough friends and time to make a feature-length animated film. And it took her three years

because the way this movie (and some shorter works she actually did before Die Abenteuer des Prinzen Achmed) are done is really, really complex. You see those leaves, and the hair of the figures? Yes.

That’s hand-cut paper.

Lotte Reiniger - that’s her name, my friends - always loved the art beind the Chinese shadow puppetry, and after she heard a lecture by Paul Wegener (famous vor the early movies Der Golem and Der Student von Prag) about the possibilites of animated movies, she wanted to combine these two things.

And guys, how she combined it…

Most of the puppets and scenerey she made all by herself. Her friends set up a special table that was lighted from underneath, and in the later movies she would even change the colours of the background mid-scene to change the atmosphere. Above it was a camera, shooting photos of the scenes that she moved milimetre for milimetre for those 16 pictures per second she needed for her movie.

Which makes Die Abenteuer von Prinz Achmed not only the first animated feature-length movie, but also the first stop-motion movie.

[dontexxpect]

In 1992 a shipping container filled with rubber ducks was lost at sea. Over 28,000 rubber duckies fell overboard on their way from Japan to the United States. Imagine thousands of rubber ducks floating on the ocean. Many of them have since washed up on the shores of Hawaii, Alaska, South America, Australia and the Pacific Northwest. Others have been found frozen in Arctic ice and made their way to Newfoundland and Scotland. How wonderful to find a rubber duck on shore one day! Perhaps what is more interesting and the key point of this story is it is believed there are over 2,000 of them are caught up in the currents of the North Pacific Gyre. The Gyre is a vortex of water that stretches between Japan and southeast Alaska. It is a vast churning area of water that holds anything that comes into it in a whirlpool for years if not forever. Now imagine thousands of rubber ducks churning around and around in a whirlpool of water for over 20 years.

[gifcraft]

[sistermaryfake]

no fuck you

[cherie-galore]

when science and alcohol meet <3

[killeravocado]

This bartender gets all of the tips… ever…

[poppunkvampire-deactivated20171]

HOW DOES THIS WORK

[lunar-landscapes]

Science side of tumblr please tell us how the hell this is possible

[poketrainer]

The colored liquids have different densities!  The Red is the most dense so it’s at the bottom, and so forth with the colors.

[dontjudgemeimscared-blog]

There is also alternativeley a product called gelling gum, which even in same density drinks will gel the surface of the drink making the layers seperate.

This was employed by Heston Blumenthal for his Victorian feast, by using a special bottle where you drink from the bottom as well as the gelling agent he could have you drink a glass with five seperate flavors amd make you taste them in order.

This allowed him to present to his guests a  drink that tasted like Toffee, Hot Butter Toast, Custard, Cherry Tart AND Turkey within a single class while having the drink retain a singular shade of pink. Just like the Drink Me Potion of Alice and Wonderland.

This is called Molecular gastronomy and its crazy shit. 

[sungja-e]

modern day willy wonka

[fuckingrecipes]

SCIENCE

[historicwomen]

Anne Bonny 1702- 1782

Anne Bonny is one of the most notorious pirates in recorded history. She was born in Ireland but moved to America when her father was disgraced. She was tough and a rebel even before her days on the high sea. Legend says she stabbed one of her father’s maids, beat a man who attempted to rape her and put him in the hospital and publicly stripped her fencing instructor with her sword.

At sixteen Anne fell in love with a poor man named James Bonny and insisted on marrying him despite her father’s objections. She did and her father disowned her. She moved with James to New Providence where her husband worked capturing pirates. Anne thought this was exceptionally boring and left him for a pirate named Calico Jack. 

Anne was an excellent pirate. She did not hide her gender from her crew mates, but when attacking ships she dressed like a man and kicked ass like a woman. While on the high seas, Anne developed a friendship with fellow woman pirate, Mary Read. Some accounts report the two were lovers. 

One night, when Calico Jack’s crew was wasted, some privateers captured his ship. The crew was so drunk, none fought back but Bonny and Read. All the pirates were brought to trial and sentenced to execution. Bonny avoided this fate by revealing she was pregnant. Even after giving birth, her execution was delayed and eventually her paper trail ends. She was probably saved by her father who had influence over the courts, but there is no recorded evidence of her fate. 

[snoozyblue]

How Domino’s Pizza Tracker Saved A Life

This is a story of why dating bipolar girls is not a good idea and how the Domino’s Pizza tracker saved my life

I have always been on the fence when it comes to Pizza Hut Vs. Dominos. I don’t eat enough pizza from either to really have a concrete answer of which one makes a better pie. I can tell you one solid truth… As my last relationship ended and the lies, scandals and deceptions came out, after all was said and done, my psycho ex girlfriend did teach me one VERY important thing:

ALWAYS choose Domino’s over pizza hut.

I had been having trouble with my now EX-girlfriend for quite awhile, I won’t go into details, but let’s just say she went crazy. I thought, simple: I’ll just break it off.

Wrong.

One Friday night, around 8:00pm, after a long week of work and incessant phone calls/psychotic voicemails from the unbalanced EX, I decided I was going to stay in, which one any weekend night is abnormal for me. Usually on weekend nights that I am in, I usually am cool with a movie, a 6 pack and a pizza. I had been ordering from Pizza Hut the last few times, but after a constant bombardment with Domino’s “WE’VE CHANGED OUR SHIT, I SWEAR WE’RE AWESOME NOW” ad campaign, I decided to give it a shot.

Around 8pm, I went online to order my pizza. I built a modest 2 topping medium pizza, and placed my order. You have to love how far we have come in the delivery pizza world.

Immediately afterwards, I was introduced to the piece of a software that would save my neck.

The Pizza Tracker.

Pizza tracker? Fuck yeah, the pizza tracker. If you don’t know what the pizza tracker is, then get your ass online right now and order a pizza from Domino’s. It’s the equivalent of a loading bar on a web browser, except at the end of the loading you get a delicious pizza.

This is where the night got interesting.

I am on my couch, one eye on “Parks and Rec” the other on the pizza tracker displayed on my lap top that joined me on the couch.

We had just entered stage 2: Prep.

KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!

For a split second I thought, “woh that was fast,” I put my order in 10 minutes ago and pizza tracker says it’s still in stage 2.

By the end of my thought, the door swung open.

Guess who.

Yep, it was my psychotic EX. Knife in hand, she starts threatening to do some pretty awful things. I try to stand up, she freaks. I stay on the couch and attempt to calm her down. She goes into a hysterical rant about us getting back together, ya right, and I glance at the pizza tracker.

Stage 3. Bake (Juan is putting your order in the oven)

She goes on while all I can think is GO JUAN GO!!!! GET THAT SHIT IN THE OVEN!

I try to calm her down, I stand up and she freaks out and tells me “SIT THE FUCK DOWN!!”

She continues on her violet outburst and I tell her we can work things out hoping to get her to calm down. It’s no use.

I decide I need to try and get to my phone. I inconspicuously try to look for my cell phone. Dammit! I left it my room. I am screwed. I am dead. The pizza man will get blamed for this! Oh, the poor pizza boy will be wrongfully blamed and get life in prison for what this unstable bitch is going to do to me.

STAGE 4! BOX!

FUCK YEAH! They are boxing up my pizza. Get your ass over here!

She continues on for another 5 minutes. Trying to make eye contact, glancing at the pizza tracker every second she looks away.

Stage 5! DELIVERY: Alejandro is delivering your pizza.

GOD SPEED ALEJENDRO!!! MY LIFE AND YOUR FREEDOM RELY ON THIS!

Knowing that the Alejandro is on the way, I try and just keep her talking, but the more she talks the more enraged she gets. I try to interupt, but that just makes things worse.

It’s been 10 minutes, Alejandro should be here any time.

She continues, she is yelling at the top of her lungs about the things we could have been. I am still banking that Alejandro will be here any second and save the day.

10 more minutes go by. Alejandro GET YOUR ASS IN GEAR!

SHE IS OFFICIALLY FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. She puts the knife up to her wrist and then takes it away. I am panicking. Where the fuck is Alejandro! Pizza tracker tells me we’re still in stage 5. FUCK YOU PIZZA TRACKER , YOU’VE BEEN IN STAGE 5 FOR 25 MINUTES!!!! I will never order from Domino’s again!!! After this thought I immediately think to myself, I will be dead, so I will probably never order another pizza again.

Right then, the cops come in. At gunpoint they calm her down and obtain the knife. Alejandro had shown up to the door wide open and saw psycho with the knife and went back to his ’98 Honda Accord and called the cops. Domino’s pizza literally saved my life. They should change the name from the pizza tracker to the savior tracker.

Alejandro is the true definition of a hero. In a way, Alejandro is the 5th ninja turtle. He showed up, accessed the situation, didn’t panic, and saved my ass from the bad guys. Oh yeah, and he brought a fucking excellent pizza too.

[vaginalbleeding]

THIS IS THE MOST AWESOME THING I HAVE EVER READ POWER TO THE PIZZA

[svgarmilk]

HOLY COW GUYYYS

Just saw a post about this and checked my followers to see if it’s true. Blogs with this icon image and random letters and numbers are following blogs. If you hover over the image they look like normal blogs but they might be viruses. THIS IS NO JOKE OR SOME CHAIN LETTER OR W/E.

Just warning you. It’s a creepy image anyway. Don’t click that.

Okayz more news:

These blogs will apparently lead you to fake FBI warning sites. They will lock your browser and you cannot leave the tab. They will say you have been viewing child pornography and will be fined.

They also may delete your firewall.

Goodness this is like a real life Creepy Pasta…

Sorry if I don’t follow back similar blogs until this virus is over and done with. I’m sticking to those I’m following now.  My apologies.

[achieve-hardcorendian-deactivat]

//GUYS! WHATEVER YOU DO DON’T JUST UNFOLLOW IT! BLOCK IT! BLOCK IT!! I GOT TWO OF THESE.

JUST FUCKING BLOCK IT!! 

[thecursedavenger-archive]

I put this on another post but I want to spread the solution so here:

- something similar once happened on my computer but it shut down the entire system as soon as it reached my desktop.

If this happens, here’s what you do:

Restart your desktop

Press and hold F8 until you reach a bunch of options. Do this before you see the Windows logo

Choose the “safe mode” option. The virus tends not to reach that far

Once in safe mode, search in program and files “system restore”

You will then have the option to change your computer back to a previous date.

Upon starting up again in the normal fashion (i.e. not safe mode) your computer should be back to normal.

System restore isn’t like a virus remover - it simply acts as if no changes were made to the computer since the date you have selected.

This seriously works (on my windows 8 desktop at least but it should work for other windows systems, albeit with a slight difference in buttons and searches maybe)

Before I got this police scam thing, I didn’t have virus protection for a couple of years. This fixed every problem I had. The only reason I have virus protection now, despite this fixing the scam virus, is because I got a little freaked out.

[nyofrance-moved]

OKAY SO ALMOST 2 MONTHS AGO OUR ENGLISH TEACHER FORCED US TO ENTER A POETRY CONTEST AND I WAS ABOUT TO ENTER A POEM WHEN IT TRIED TO FORCE ME TO GIVE IT A TITLE SO IN A FIT OF RAGE I WROTE A NEW POEM COMPLAINING ABOUT THE TITLE REQUIREMENT

AND TODAY I WENT TO CHECK MY EMAIL AND I??????

YOU ARE LITERALLY PUBLISHING AN INSULT TO YOUR OWN RULES BUT OKAY I GUESS IF GETTING TALKED DOWN TO TURNS YOU ON SOMEHOW AND I GET PUBLISHED I’VE GOT NO COMPLAINTS HERE?