{{ defender.

“I'm so good at beginnings, but in the end I always seem to destroy everything, including myself.” ― Kiera Van Gelder

[maxcxllins-blog]

“i’ve been waiting years to say something like that, so i’m totally claiming it as my own,” max replied as her hand slipped around sarah’s in a firm grip as she was helped to her feet. “come to think of it, i don’t think i’ve ever finished a game of monopoly. i have played it drunk before, but it ended when we robbed the bank.” max let the other’s hand go and fixed her own shirt out of habit. “the last board game i played must’ve been snakes and ladders, and we shall never speak of that game. ever.”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

         “what do you have against snakes and ladders?” sarah asked, more joking around than actually curious. she walked up the stairs toward the bedroom where she'd seen the board games in the closet. the house was ratty, and falling apart at the seams, but it was warm enough for her to feel safe in here. “hey, max, can i ask you something?” she started once they were inside the room, turning around to face her. “i got cornered by monsters the other day. i barely managed to fight them off. i think i need a little help. toughen me up, y'know what i mean?”

[aurorapennyworth]

“Road trip!” Rory declared as she hopped into the car once the door was opened, closing the door behind her with a little more vigor than necessary. “Never been, works for me. Onward!”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

         “you've never been on a road trip before?” sarah asked, turning around to look at the other woman with a small laugh. it was nice to joke around, it reminded her that the world around her wasn't exactly all bad. “sure you trust the five foot one girl to be driving?”

[spencerflynn]

“That car doesn’t even move.” She stated the obvious, knowing that the other probably knew it as well. Instead of entering the car, she walked around and motioned the other to pop open the front so she could look at it. “Maybe we could fix it and use it for something.. is there even gas in the tank?”  If it couldn’t move then the car was pretty much useless. Zombie survival 101, don’t go into a car that doesn’t work - or so that was what she told herself. Spencer could imagine the dead breaking the windows easily so there wasn’t any defending advantages for them. 

[sarahjchnson-blog]

         sarah opened the hood of the car then hopped out, closing the door behind her. clearly the other woman wasn't in the mood for sarah's terrible jokes. “find anything?” she asked as she walked to the back end of the car, popping open the trunk so she could sort through the junk back there. nothing useful, mostly just crap, but she always found useless crap to be interesting. she pulled herself up to sit in the trunk as she sorted through things. “no gas, i don't think.”

[jaydenwalkerrp-deactivated20160]

“Well there’s some whiskey that I’ve never heard of. I’m not technically a bartender, so mixed drinks probably won’t be on the menu.” Jayden smiled over to the stranger. “I’m Jayden.”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

       “who said anything about mixed drinks?” sarah was half-joking; she'd never been much of a drinker, but when the world changed, so did she. “sarah. you come hang around the bar often?”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

my gifs are ellen are lacking af so i’m gonna use icons from now on

[joshxwilliams]

           “Guess it shows, huh?”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

      “it’s okay, neither am i. we can’t all be fighters.”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

              the car sarah sat in was ratty and old, but there was no dead bodies in it – which meant that it was a suitable place to relax. the seat still moved back, so sarah did just that as she settled in. she watched as a familiar face spotted her in the car and moved over to open the passenger's side. “wanna go for a ride?” she joked, knowing full well they weren't going anywhere. “i'm thinking disneyworld.”

[scthdawson]

“I’ve ran out of hair gel. What part of that did you not understand? There’s no fucking hair gel left!” Almost two years had passed since the world went to shit and a lot had happened, yet this was what Seth was most concerned about. Go figure. “Don’t look at me like that!”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

     “you’ve got some real priorities.”

[jaydenwalkerrp-deactivated20160]

Jayden browsed the bottles on the bar’s wall. It had started raining outside, so she took shelter in an empty bar. As she browsed through the bottles, she heard the door open and close. “Hiding from the rain or the dead?”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

       “little bit of both,” sarah answered honestly as she stepped foot inside, shutting the door behind her. pulling up a bar stool, she settled down with a sigh. “anything good?”

[maxcxllins-blog]

“i hope i’m never covered in a thousand scars,” max retorted. “sounds so painful and i’ve kinda had my fill of that lately.” she had missed sarah’s point completely, but she wasn’t all that bothered by this fact. she then watched as the brunette move, nodding once to portray a ‘yes’ in answer to the question. She then couldn’t help herself… “Closet… not been in one of those for years.”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

         sarah's slight chuckle turned into a soft laugh when she heard max's joke. “yeah, me neither. you totally stole my joke, by the way,” she commented as she moved to stand, offering a hand to help the other woman up as well. “i can't remember the last time i played a board game. i think it was monopoly with my younger sister and she totally kicked my ass.” rambling on could be a good distraction, she figured.

[maxcxllins-blog]

max’s eyes fell upon the other’s hand as her own was guided away from her face. she couldn’t help it, she was agitated and frustrated - which was only a small portion of her emotional state at best - so touching her cut and scratching at it had become a sort of habit. "won’t make a difference anyway,“ she shrugged. "its going to scar and i’ll be left with an ugly mark for the rest of my life.” in other words, it was going to be a constant reminder of her stupidity brought on by her break-up. “— what board games are there?” max wasn’t the best at board games, her talent laying with physical games rather than ones that involve the use of thought. still, it was the only option that she really had in that moment in time. “— thanks, sarah.”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

            “oh, please,” sarah commented with a shake of her head. “you could be covered in a thousand scars and you'd still be beautiful.” she wasn't trying to flirt, she was just stating the truth – she never found scars to be ugly, she saw them as marks of a fight you'd won. scars meant you were victorious. “no problem, by the way. i think there are board games in the closet, you want me to go look?” she asked, tilting her head as she shifted her position to get ready to stand up.

[maxcxllins-blog]

“sorry,” max sighed. “don’t mean to be a downer, just… sucks, you know?” she reached up and scratched the healing cut just below her right eye. “sometimes surviving sucks.” for once, just once, max had found herself wanting more. now she was left with nothing and an absence that ached as a result of selfish yet heartbreaking decision made by someone else. “i’ve been trying to distract myself for hours, i don’t think anything is working.”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

             sarah couldn't help it when her instincts took over and she reached out to take max's hand to guide it away from her cut. “don't scratch it, it won't heal as fast.” she let go quickly, feeling her cheeks redden a little bit. she was quite possibly the worst person at comforting someone; how do you convince someone that surviving doesn't suck when you don't believe it yourself? “well, i'm not sure how much help i can offer, but i can try to distract you. maybe we can find a board game or something.”

[maxcxllins-blog]

“okay,” max’s thumb rested between her teeth as her body shifted to get comfortable. “yeah, it is. kinda fucking sucks,” she replied, sighing softly as she did so. for a place that offered safety and shelter from the get-go it could do very little to shield its inhabitants from the effects of inner and interpersonal wars. they were helpless in that aspect. “i don’t know where you are on the scale, but i think i’m beyond broken at this stage.”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

         sarah pulled her knees up, glancing at the other woman. she had the urge to give her a reassuring touch but knew better than to just lay a hand on her without consent. “c'mon, don't say that. you'll be okay. we're all a little broken but we're survivors, yeah? that's how we got here in the first place.” sarah may not be much of a fighter but she sure as hell was a survivor, and she'd seen the same drive when she'd first met max. “just gotta hang in there. you want a distraction or something?”

[asteropus-deactivated20190801]

[maxcxllins-blog]

max hesitated for a second before entering the room, she then crossed the floor and sat down beside the brunette. “thanks,” she mumbled in reply before crossing her legs. “i think its probably best for both of us if i don’t. i’d rather not have another panic attack, the last time was bad enough. — i noticed you were quiet today, something wrong?”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

                 “okay.” sarah wasn't about to push or anything, and she really didn't want to push the other woman into another panic attack. maybe what she needed was a distraction, not to talk about it. “yeah, i'm good. just been a long few days. it's easy to get lonely in this place.” maybe it was just her, maybe it was actually difficult to get lonely here but she was just.. not good at this. “guess we’re all a little damaged now, huh?

[maxcxllins-blog]

“i’m… not not okay, if that counts.” max fidgeted with her hands as she stood in the doorway, somewhat unsure of why she was there in the first place. brooklyn had been gone a day and all max could do was feel guilty. someone had left sanctuary because of her, and there was nothing that would make that okay. "mind if i join you or are you busy…?“ 

[sarahjchnson-blog]

           sarah scooted over. “i'm never busy. have a seat.” she could recognize the look on max's face and she offered a small smile; it was clear max was going through something and she hoped that she could ease the pain a little bit. “you wanna talk about it? i'm not a bad listener. sort of comes with the whole quiet thing.”

[sarahjchnson-blog]

@maxcxllins​.

           as per usual, sarah was sitting by herself in the quiet. she'd gotten used to being alone and find that she didn't mind it, but it oftentimes still felt a little lonely. she missed having company around her, no matter what the context – missed having a companion, someone to talk to. it kind of saddened her how difficult it was to find someone like that in this kind of world; most people didn't like to be around someone as quiet as sarah, someone as reserved and horrible at self-defense as she was. when she heard someone walked into the room she was quick to look up, relieved to see who it was. “hey, max. you okay?”