my favourite au fic concept is the one where the league of assassins is just a fucked up crime based wing of Damian and Jason’s family. like yes, is Ra’s a horrible person with no morals? yes. but would it be funny if he was just a real fucked up murder grandfather that two of the batkids have access to that really freak out the rest of a bats on the regular basis? very much so.
the family dynamics i want to see in the loa:
-Ra’s is still Ra’s, but Talia is the one child he actually wants in his life, and thus he is forced to also deal with Damian, whom he begrudgingly indulges. then Jason shows up, who Ra’s fucking hates. no offence to the kid, but he already has one irritating boy he isn’t allowed to want dead, so the idea of having another one, this time one old enough to be less effected by the loa strict behavioural training and thus way more annoying, isn’t exactly a concept he’s thrilled by. he glares at his personal guard like they’re a camera from The Office every time Jason bursts into the room.
-Jason knows full well how much he gets on Ra’s nerves. this delights Jason. he spends most of his time at the league training, going on missions, or hanging out with Damian, but whenever he’s free he’ll regularly kick open the doors to Ra’s ridiculously fancy loa meeting room to interrupt whatever the fuck everybody’s scheming about purely because no matter how much the old sods working with Ra’s want him dead for it, Ra’s is obligated to protect him as his ‘adopted heir’. one time Ra’s had to plan the assassination of a minor rival and the entire meeting occurred while Jason sat on the table just to the left and in front of him playing subway surfers loudly. they all just had to raise their voices to speak over the music.
-Damian adores Jason, both as a tutor and a brother. Talia is happy about this because she trusts Jason to put Damian’s needs and safety before anything else, while Ra’s is devastated about their bond. this is because the longer Damian spends with Jason, the more Jason teaches him his ways of being an antagonistic little shit. by the time Jason goes to Gotham to become a crime lord he has to worry about Damian sneaking into his chambers in the middle of the night to ask for help because ‘i accidentally set fire to the horse stables and i don’t want mom to know it was me’.
-Talia watches in bemusement as Jason and Damian force Ra’s to begrudgingly become more of a person via repeated desensitisation to childish antics. they’ve even gotten the man a fucking ipad. Jason spam-video calls him at least once a month and doesn’t stop until he picks up. they don’t even have anything to talk about, Jason just finds it hysterical to watch him struggle to figure out how to operate it. the one thing about it that she doesn’t like is that Ra’s has gotten so used to having grandchildren that she’s stopped having as much control over their interactions. she came back from a mission to find Damian and Ra’s missing once, and it turned out they’d gotten a private jet to go to an aquarium.
“the brat wouldn’t stop talking about it. he threatened to cry and never stop, Talia. i swear, Jason Todd has turned him into a manipulative menace.”
“father, you bought him a stuffed dolphin.”
“correction, i killed the cashier and took it. technically, i was working.”
-Damian goes to Gotham to join the batfamily and he isn’t even phased by how weird the group of vigilantes is. his wing of the family is far weirder, anyway. him and Jason don’t mean to keep their little loa fam a secret, but between the whole ‘Damian is Bruce’s secret bio son’ and ‘Jason’s still alive and also the Red Hood of Crime Alley’ situations, it’s not like the loa is ever relevant. it’s the bats own fault for immediately assuming there would be no love or warmth in the league of assassins. they only start to wonder what Jason and Damian’s time in the league was actually like when Damian’s phone goes off while they’re all in the cave one day.
“Who’s that?” Dick glanced over from where he was stretching, Damian pulling his phone out and rolling his eyes at whatever contact he saw.
“Nothing important, I presume.” He mumbled, bringing the phone up to be level with his face before accepting what apparently was a video call. The others began to look over from their various tasks curiously, having never known Damian to bother with video calls before and thus becoming slightly curious. “Do you require anything?” He asked the caller, raising an eyebrow. “I am busy.”
“Get your mother’s special project to answer his phone.” Ra’s voice responded, strained from barely contained anger. Instantly the entire cave snapped to attention, shock and horror freezing them in place. Bruce jolted forward, mouth dropping open as he failed to find words. Damian ignored these reactions completely, instead allowing amusement to rise to the surface of his face as his eyes flicked to the side, where the only person in the cave not currently having heart palpitations, Jason, was casually cleaning one of his guns.
“He wants you to answer your phone,” Damian dutifully repeated, and Jason snorted, gracefully leaping to his feet and strolling towards him.
“S’ on silent,” He made it to Damian’s side, elbow resting on his shoulder as he looked down at the device. “Whaddaya need, oldie?”
“I have assassins stationed in Gotham who have gone silent, I need you to check-“ Jason bent over to bury his head in Damian’s hair, snickering loudly.
“Ra’s- Ra’s stop- you have to angle the camera down. Tilt the iPad towards you, all we can see is your forehead,” He laughed, Damian biting his lip desperately.
“For goodness sake- this blasted thing-,” Ra’s grumbled.
“Other way, grandfather.” Damian said after a second. “Now we can just see the ceiling.”
“Why didn’t you just voice call?” Jason said, voice high-pitched from laughter.
“I DID voice call, I don’t know why it-“
“Well you obviously clicked the wrong button then,” Jason explained patiently.
“Just give the iPad to mother and let her do it,” Damian tried.
“This is POINTLESS.” Ra’s snapped, as both boys shook with mirth. “Just turn on your phone and answer your damn messages, Jason!”
“Alright, will do,” Jason promised with a sun-like grin. He waved at the camera cheekily. “I’ll call you next time I travel outside Gotham; we can meet up somewhere for a coffee!”
“I have no time for your useless ‘chats’ Jason.”
“Don’t be mean, grandfather.” Damian said innocently. “Mother would not be impressed to know you were showing prejudice towards Ahki simply because he is adopted.”
“He’s ruined you.” Ra’s mourned. “You used to sit politely at my feet and talk about the different species of lizards. I was actually interested in those talks.”
“I will call you next week,” Damian ended the call, slipping his phone back into his pocket and allowing a small smirk to appear as he looked up at Jason.
“I love that man,” Said crime lord declared wistfully, placing a hand over his heart. “Such a baffling specimen of a human. Murderous of heart, autistic in nature; everything you need of a grandfather.”
“You’re going to be the thing that finally kills him one day, you know,” Damian pointed out wryly. When they finally turned back to the rest of the cave, they noticed the stock still frozen cast members of their non-assassin organisation family. Dick’s mouth was hanging open. Bruce looked enraged. Tim had one hand grasping the arm of a slightly offended looking Alfred.
“…What?” Damian asked, clueless.
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