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Ilya: I'm so fucking horny

Shane: Hi, So Fucking Horny, I'm-

Ilya: Get out of my bed.

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Ilya: I found this song that reminds me of you ❤️

The song:

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Any other autistics grow up with a distain for sports (especially football) because of the seemigly neurotypical double standards?

"Lower your voice. You're being too loud." So are all the grown men over at the bar shouting at the TV.

"Don't talk about your special interest for too long. It's annoying." Okay, but grandpa and uncle can spend a whole afternoon talking about football trades and plays.

"Losing a game happens. You don't make a big deal about it." I can't be frustrated about Uno, but grown men shout and break things over a game they weren't even playing.

"You're too old to play dress up." Grown men out shopping in team color face paint and jerseys of their favorite player.

"You watch whatever is on the TV at someone else's house. You don't change the channel." Uncle immediately changes the channel to sports as soon as he comes over (even if there's not a big game on).

"It's just a show/movie." Okay, but a beloved character that I resonated with died. Crying over a sports game is totally acceptable though.

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When a fellow autistic is infodumping about your special interest

When a fellow autistic is infodumping about something that doesn't interest you

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Batman: You're not my real mom.

Alfred: No, Master Wade. Your mother is deceased. Now tidy up your room.

Batman: 🥺 Okay...

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"The soldiers must stand erect"

"The balls must bounce much higher if they're to please his royal sire"

"The teddy bears be furry

If they're to gay his royal curry"

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Naethan Apollo before every song

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Boomers: *raise us on stereotypes as humor*

Us: ACAB

Boomers:

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Taylor Swift writing songs about feeling excluded and misunderstood while radiating "You're only here because my mom made me invite the whole class" energy is peak irony.

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Sometimes I think that I don't have the autism problem of taking things literally. Then I remember when I was reading the Twilight series in high school and I spent hours trying to imagine why Civil WarJasper would be making a vampire army out of newborn babies. Like they couldn't even hold their little heads up. They don't know where their hands are. Do they grow tiny vampire teeth? And then I realized "newborn" meant just transformed.

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Neurotypicals: Find a way to cope with your autism.

Autistic: *uses stim toys, headphones, adaptive clothing, or any accommodations*

Neurotypicals: No! You must retrain the raw meat in your skull bone!

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Having autism feels like jumping into a video game without a tutorial level. And then you ask your friend who's good at the game "How many times have you played this?" And they're like,"This is the first time???" while unlocking an easter egg hidden wall.

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Harold, they were LOATHING

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[Before a show]

Clémente: *smooch*

Cole: W-what was that for?

Clémente: You looked like you needed some courage.