every time I use “they” to refer to a single gender-unknown person on Tumblr, another piece of my grammar-filled heart shatters, and the pieces scatter at the bottom of hell
dense motherfucker, the pronoun “they” is an english equivalent for the third person indefinite singular and has been for literally centuries. it remains morphologically and syntactically plural therefore you don’t need to shit your little pantaloons at compromising your surely rock solid grammar rules.
i guarantee every fuckin time you’ve ever had to refer to a person of an unknown gender you’ve used “they” subconsciously. (“The post clerk gave me a message for you.” “Oh, what did they say?”) but you only have a problem with it when people specify it as a pronoun for themselves because you’re a shitlord i fuckin guess.
It's not a woman thing, though. It's just a her thing!
The first thing I need to make clear is that I love and support women. I am eager to see more women rise to positions of power. Hashtag pink wave! Hashtag pink hat!
But I have to say, I’m a little frustrated that we keep putting forward this specific woman who really grinds my gears. Not because she’s a woman. I would know if that were why. It is not that. It’s just — ugh, her, you know? She just doesn’t excite me, and I feel that she is too compromised. That’s not a woman thing, though. It’s just a her thing. I would have that issue with anyone who had her baggage, that same difficult-to-pin-down sense that something about her was fundamentally tainted.
But it is just this one woman in particular. And can I say how glad I am that we are at a point when we are able to judge women on their merits, as people, and find them inexplicably, inevitably wanting, as people? But definitely all women do not do this. There are plenty of women who do not make my teeth go on edge in the way this one lady does. My mother, for instance. My daughter, for another instance. And others I could name! Oprah, in her current capacity, though I hope she stays in her lane.
In general, I am excited to vote for a woman, maybe even in 2020, though I do, I have to say, worry that maybe other Americans are not so ready, and we wouldn’t want to make that mistake in a year with such high stakes. Not me — I was born ready! I was given birth to by a woman. So it’s clear where I stand.
That is why I am so frustrated with the specific women who keep being put forward. Like, Nancy Pelosi? I want women to lead everything! I want them to stare down charging bulls on Wall Street, and I can’t imagine anyone other than a lady being Wonder Woman, but — this is the House we’re talking about, and… ugh, Nancy Pelosi.
You see what I’m saying here. I am flabbergasted and upset that each and every one of the women being talked about as front-runners are the specific women who have already alienated me. I am as frustrated by this terrible coincidence as you are, believe me! Believe, women!
What I want is not impossible! I want someone who is not tainted by polarizing choices in the past, but who also has experience, who is knowledgeable but doesn’t sound like she is lecturing, someone vibrant but not green, someone dignified but not dowdy, passionate but not a yeller, precise but not mechanical, someone lacking in off-putting ambition but capable of asking for what she wants, not accompanied but not alone, in a day but not in a month or a year, when the moon is neither waxing nor waning, carrying a sieve full of water and a hen’s tooth. Easy!
That’s why I’m so worried about our current slate of choices. A woman, sure, but — Kamala Harris? Elizabeth Warren? Kirsten Gillibrand? There are specific problems with each of them, entirely personal to each of them, all insurmountable. We need someone fresh. Someone without baggage. Joe Biden, maybe. But female! If you see.
I can’t wait to vote for a woman in 2020. A nameless, shapeless, faceless woman I know nothing about who will surely be perfect.
“I am flabbergasted and upset that each and every one of the women being talked about as front-runners are the specific women who have already alienated me.“
The 2019 ACA (Affordable Care Act) enrollment period has been shortened from 90 days to 45 days (November 1-December 15, 2018) and the advertising budget to promote open enrollment has been slashed in an effort to sabotage the program. You’re probably not seeing a lot of advertising (read: zero) about the enrollment window online or on TV.
i could write essays about andy samberg’s influence on incomprehensible millennial humor but the gist of it is that every snl/the lonely island bit he’s ever done (specifically the mm watcha say sketch but i could point to others) laid the groundwork for all the nonsense jokes we make today and we should be thanking him
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