Genre: Romance, War, Drama
Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence, Near Death Experience, Discussions of Death, Military Combat, Bill Guarnere being one inconvenience away from a heart attack, Reader repeatedly shortening his lifespan, Joe Toye being forced to witness all of it and Several unspoken feelings.
Taglist: @emmyeed @sassychicsings
The operation shouldn't go this way. It happened so fast nobody could even point out when it actually happened. Just a second ago, the luck is on your side. Now, it's on Germans. The next thing everyone know is that they were pinned down while the Germans fired one after another until they're sure none were left alive of you.
Unfortunately, you found yourself somehow— SOMEHOW stuck were you are. Trapped in the small space where it saves you from the flying bullets, alone. You have checked inside of the building with Toye and found nothing yet you came out a bit longer of the building which leads you to this situation. The position seemed smart but now it was everything but smart. Especially because the Germans quickly advances, too fast to your liking.
“DON'T MOVE!“ The familiar voice came into your ear as you peeked over the wall, across the road that's where Bill and Toye is. Bill looked furious while Toye looked tired of all this crap, which he is. But one thing they're on is that they're worried as hell for you.
Another bullet hit the wall you hid behind and you ducked immediately. “Working on it!“
You took another glance at them then the only route back. The obvious was the open ground and so does the fact that there was no protection nor cover. Just bullets. Lots of them.
Bill took a realization when he followed your gaze. “NO! He shouted which to take you back into reality.
“What?“ Left quietly on your mouth.
“I know that look. You need no words.“ He replied loudly. “Do nothing stupid, woman.“
Toye then picked up on what is going on and shaked his head. “If you're thinking of running there, dont!“
You looked at him then Bill who threw his hand and turned to Toye, “See? She's thinkin' about it!“
“She could wait until they reload.“ Toye glanced back where the bullets were comming from.
“There's only one option!“ You shouted at them back before flinching from another bullet that hits your cover.
Bill's eyes didn't left you, not for one bit because he knows you're halfway on making up your mind on taking the risk. Your gaze found his, glaring at you for thinking of the option. Not blinking, he's achoring himself to you as his jaw were too tense to stay relaxed at the moment. His mouth opened, mouthing, “No,” with a shakeof his head.
Instead of another bullet, an explosion landed nearby and dust showered down around you. The walls shook and both of the men's face changed because the situation is different now. It became impossible. Another one landed, closer, and stone shattered towards your direction.
Toye looked over their cover and the man swore the situation couldn't get any worse that he have thought. “Jesus Christ. Bill there's tank— There's a fucking tank!“
“We can't do no shit!“ Toye exclaimed.
Guarnere who saw it too felt like his foot where nailed into the ground. Now, he was known as 'Wild Bill' but the man was still a man and quickly felt a gut wretching fear for you. His grip on his riffle tightened and when the tank slowly turned to your direction, his gaze was quick to go there too.
You didn't know the tank is now on your direction and bullets somehow stopped going towards your cover. You thought they are reloading or what but there was the chance. A few seconds that's what you know. Tiny pauses, barely enough but maybe enough for you to survive.
A shaky exhale left you as you shifted your weight on your back foot before closing your eyes. This means you dismissed the reluctance and Bill cursing at you for what you're about to do. Your breath catches in your chest, hand sealed into your riffle as you opened your eyelids which is now hyper-focused onwards.
You took your chance not knowing what to come; wether you die at the first step or die at your spot. The two have bigger chance to happen but the thread of hope that iit isn't your time is stronger than the two combined. This ain't your time. No. Not yet.
Neither the man knows what to say anymore except to hope for you to cross the road, alive.
You sprinted, heart hammering in your chest, adrenaline rush pushing you to continue. Bullets snapped in the air, one passed close enough for you to hear it cutting through the air, then another. Your lungs burns, legs screamed, muscles pulsing but you didn't stop. No.
Then the world exploded. The wall you just hid behind are now cut into pieces, vanished in a deafening blast from the explosion. The shockwave slammed into your back. For a second you thought it was your time. A horrible second where your memories almost flash before your eyes. Before Bill whose veins are now visible in neck, eyebrows carved into the deepest frown known to man. Words were stuck in his throat while Toye's hands were motioning for you to keep moving. It all slowed down when the shockwave of the explosion landed on your back.
Both of them ducked when the explosion landed. You on the other and hit the solid ground, hard. Rolling into their side not near but close enough where they can grab you in your unifom. Bill was the first to recover and took a quick grab of you back to their cover. Then, there's Toye who shouted your name.
The ringing in your ears was overwhelming. Everything is in haze and body still driven from adrenaline rush. You blinked while felt Bill's hand tapping against your cheek, checking if you're conscious or about to pass out. “Hey— hey stay with me now. No passing out on us.“
“We should leave. Bill—Bill!“ Toye's word came nothing on Bill whose entirely focus was on you waiting for a reaction.
“Yeah. On it.“ Bill quickly put your arm over his shoulder and another wrapped around you for support. Toye then took your riffle as the three of you left the cover.
After a few seconds, you blinked recovering from the explosion and adrenaline. Your legs feels weak, muscles all screaming in pain which indicates you're alive. Still alive. A laugh escaped your lips, then another until you can't stop. Your heart was beating so hard it hurts. Theadrenaline was unreal.
Bill turned to you, still carrying you, furious. “I said don't do anything stupid! You gone deaf or somethin'?!“ Yet you only laughed harder.
Toye, beside him, “Are you hit asked?“ Asked immediately yet he's the on to check you to answe himself.
“No.“ You replied while trying to keep up with Bill's pace.
“I think so.“ Then a chuckle left you which didn't help Bill's frustration.
“What the hell was that?“
"I made it.“ You answered him bluntly but between laughs.
You squint your eyes and the laughing stopped to make a point. “It kinda is.“
Every man in sight is already running back to where the trucks are, all retreating. Officers shouting at privates, replacements who had their first taste of battle and men who are wounded but crwaling back to retreat. The operation failed and Germans had seen you guys coming.
“Couldn't you wait another second?“ Toye asked.
“The walls… it exploded,” You started trying to gather your thoughts. “Didn't have another second.“
Even if Bill wants to scold you for it. That was the truth of the situation. A moment, a second you're away from the explosion. He lets out a breath and hand tightened around you. “This ain't funny.“ He gruffly said.
“It was… a little.“ Another chuckle left you.
“It wasn't.“ Added by Joe who gave you a look and calmer tone.
“You ain't sorry.“ Claimed by Bill.
“You'd do it again.“ You tried to reason, mouth opened then paused and it slowly closed it. “Jesus Christ.“
Closer into the trucks, Lipton can be heard shouting at everyone to move. You gave Bill a squeeze maybe telling him to save it for another time because somehow your mind started blur, adrenaline rush leaving your body. He quickly got it and then tried to find Doc even when you're not wounded. A man cannot be reasoned when he refused to admit his unmentionable fear.
By the time dinner came, Bill started and been going on for it. Nobody knows how long has it been. Forty minutes? An hour? At some point it doesn't felt like he's scolding you. It felt like a sermon. Some of the other called him out as Father Bill which 'caused them a cursed in return from the man.
You sat in a ground, tin cup in your hands with some men surrounding the small fire. Malarkey is busy making 'dinner' and Buck was of course there to be the critique of the so called dinner.
Bill was standing like disappointed parent in front of you. “You know what your problem is?“
You sighed. “Told me that six times.“
“I'll tell you seven.“ He retorted which caused others to laugh and he pointed at them. “This ain't funny.“
“It kinda is.“ Luz said but Bill ignored him.
Then Bill turned at you, “You kept testing your luck.“
You groaned. “I made it. Stop making a fuss like an angry hen.“
“You kept saying that the whole afternoon!“ You called him out which he huffed at.
“'Cause you kept missin' the point!“
Malarkey whose busy with the food spare a glance here and there. Buck who wanted to see how this turned out sat there watching like it's a scene in a film. Toye looked tired, he is earlier in the afternoon but he is more tired now. The man heard whatever Bill is spitting since the operation ended more than the others.
Bill pointed directly at you, “One of these days, your luck's gonna run out.“
You took a scond to reply before looking up at him and shrugged. “Then, it'll run out.“
The entire group went silent. Malarkey who is tasting the one he's making turned to you, even Buck is now thinking to intervene, as a comrade and of course one of the officers. Toye quietly took his part from the can.
Bill stared at you and you stared back. He closes his eyes and took a deep breath before opening the again. “See what I'm dealing with?“ He motioned at you.
“She got a point,” Luz offered.
Bill now turned to him, “No, she don't!“
“No!“ You bit back a smile which didn't go unnoticed. “Stop smilin'.“
Toye finally looked up from his food. “She's smiling.“
You gave the man a nod, “Thank you.“
Bill stared between you two before threw his hands in the air, “Unbelievable.“ You laughed which apparently the wrong thing to do. He rubbed his face and started to walk away.
“Where 'ya going?“ You shouted.
“Smoke.“ He shortly replied and vanished into somewhere in the edge of the place muttering under his breath.
A sudden silence filled the group. No one went after him or stopped him. Everyone knew he needed it. He's been going on with you for an hour now. It's obvious he's worried and want you to learn a thing or two. Everyone just knew he's not angry at you. He's angry at the situation and what could have happened.
That's where you felt something off and slowly turned to others. “…Did I do something wrong?“ You asked.
Malarkey leaned to pour something into your can. “I don't know. Well, You laughed at him while he's scolding you for an hour.“ He shrugged, “Did she do something wrong?“ He asked others and the hint of sarcasm didn't go unnoticed yet you still turned to other. Toye specifically.
“Don't look at me. I'm eating.“ The man only said and continued eating.
Luz laughed at where he sat, “Looks like even father Bill get tired huh?“ A few men laughed.
“He yelled at me for an hour.“ You started and others confirmed with 'uhuh' then you looked around and no one is taking your side. None. Only they were focused on what you refused to acknowledge.
Bucky finally spoke, “The man is worried about you.“
You paused mid spoon and turned to the officer and frowned, “Worried?“
Bucky looked genuinely confused. “How do you not see that?“
“He yells at everybody.“ That's a fact everyone knows.
Bucky shaked his head, “Not like that.“
That made you pause. Across the fire, Luz nodded. “Yeah.“ Malarkey nodded too. “Not like that.“
Finally, you looked at Toye. He clicked his tongue and using his soon, he pointed where Bill went. “Go talk to him.“
You breathed out not wanting to because, “He will just yell more.“
Toye then turned to you with a look of 'take this seriously'. “Because he's worried.“
Buck then leaned forward slightly, tone becoming softer. “Maybe he thinks of you like one of his sisters.“ You blinked and Buck only tilted his head now thaty he thinks of it. That sound reasonable. “Back home, I mean.“ He added with a shrugged.
“That would explain why he gets so worked up."
You considered it. Staring at your food like it's gonna side you. A breath left your lips, the frown slowly leaving yur eyebrows.
“Go talk to him.“ Toye repeated.
You pursed your lips and scratch your ear. Finally, you stood up and put aside your food beside Toye. “Fine.“ The moment you disappeared another silence settled 'round the fire. Lasting only three seconds.
Then Toye turned to Buck, “She ain't no sister, sir.“ Luz snorted and Malarkey laughed knowing there are some trurth in it.
Buck looked up. “What?“ Then turned between the two. “What're you talkin' about?“
Toye stared into the fire. “He'd fight everybody for her.“
“I think Bill fights everybody.“ Buck replied to Toye.
“Exactly.“ He pointed at Buck with his spoon, mouth filled with food. “That's why the man got bloody face after she rejected him.“
“Who?“ Buck frowned, confused.
“Back in the pub, a Britz hits on the reader, couldn't take no and somehow he went home with bloody face— more likely his nose.“ Malarkey explained pointing at his own, “Bill taking no shit when it comes to her. Too careless to his liking.“
Toye immediately spoke. “You see the way he looks at guys around her?“
Luz continued to chew trying to remember how Bill look at the guys trying to hit on you back in England. “I did see it. Man have a jaw of a box and couldn't relax the whole night.“
“Me too.“ Malarkey added.
“He fights everyone but for her? He'll fight everybody.“ Toye asserted turning to buck.
The officer leaned bacck. “Huh.“
“She can be anything to Bill,” Toye paused, “But she ain't his sister.“ Then he motioned vaguely, “I swea it on malarkey's food.
“The hell was that supposed to mean?“ Malarkey looked offended and now frowned at the man.
Toye took another bite. “It means I'm serious.“
“My food ain't that bad.“
“It's terrible.“ Toye claimed.
“Go complain to the white house then.“ Don countered which broke everybody. Everyone laughed and Toye shaked his head with a hint of smile.
Somehow they continued with their 'dinner' while your walk towards bill felt like forever. Dinner wouldn't finish without the main course, wouldn't it?
You felt like the silence of the night are eating you alive. Fingers toying with each other as your every step takes where Bill is. Buck's reason been bugging you for a while now. Sister, you remind him of his sisters. Of course you do. He treat you like one since Toccoa but you sometimes thought the back and forth between you two could mean more than what Buck sees it as.
Now, you're walking towards the man, ready to apologize for not seeing how he cope, with how he almost see you die in front of him and he's in the position where couldn't do a thing. You remembered how he moved back in D-day, where he received the news Henry died and Bill was all pent up.
You think you're close with Bill but not close enough to make him act that way again. Jesus you're just another casualty in this war if you actually died back there. Comforting the man wasn't easy when he hide it, deep somewhere within him until it turn into anger and use it for this war. Remembering how he acted around you, you realize Bill's only has one functioning emotion; anger. The very same emotion he uses to fight the Germans. But really, you don't want to have any misunderstanding 'cause the man who had your back since you all jumped.
It was much more quieter now. Not silent. Just quieter. The noise of men eating, talking and cleaning weapons. The distant laughs and crackle of fire surrounded by men.
A few more steps, there, you found him. Bill was leaning against a tree, away from everyone else, staring into the darkness. Your feet almost runed around feeling a sudden nervoness from just standing a few feet from him. You're not scared of him. No. You never were. You faced Germans but facing Bill like this strangely scares you. He's angry. You know he is. At you(?) from earlier, Germans and this fucking war. You wanted to apologize — that's why you're here. But you can't apologize for something you couldn't control, right?
You shuffled your feet against the dirt and swallowing the lump in your throat. “Hey.“
Bill glanced over, “Hey.“ Ain't that a great start? Jesus. You don't know how to start. You felt like you did something so big and bad, maybe you did. That's why you're here, right?
You rubbed the back of you head. “I, uh…” Nothing. Nothing came out of your mouth. You suddenly realized why people hated apologizing. Before war, you can do it right after arguments but now it has different weight. Making up after misunderstanding could mean so much. No one knew the person you currently hate could be dead in the next few hours without even making up.
Finally, a sigh left your lips and stood straight. Ready for what about is to come. “Sorry.“
Bill looked away. “For what?“
“For stressin' you.“ That earned a laugh. Not a happy one. You know him too well for that. It's one when they're already annoyed.
“You ran across the road covered in machine-gun fire.“
You winced because he said that for almost a dozen times now. “When you say it like that…”
“How else was I supposed to say it?“ He cuts you off.
You rested your hands behind your back and shrugged. “I don't know.“
Bill took the last hit of the smoke before tossing it somewhere. Then he looked at you. Actually looked at you. “You ran out there like gettin' shot wasn't an option.“
Your hands now held each other tightly behind your back. “Or I could've stayed and explode nto chunks.“
He immediately groaned and turned away. “Jesus Christ.“
You gulped and breathed out before pointing at the direction where the operation happened. “I stay there?“ You clapped your hands. “Gone.“
Bill dragged a hand down his face because he hates it. Not you. He hates the truth of your words. The truth that if you stayed it's something that could have happened. A second, a moment, before you took a step towards the road where the bullets could get you if the explosion didn't. You were walking in a tightrope, a thread of chance to survive. You made a choice, to take the risk and here you were. Alive and breathing as he is.
What is he even frustrated at? Maybe it was the choice you have to make that were also clear for him back there. Maybe he's not frustrated. Maybe he was scared—scared of the position he was in. That if your luck didn't pull you out of the situation. He'll be there to witness you explode into chucks or get shot and he will have to drag your lifeless body or leave it. The fact that it would've replayed to him every night when he lays in bed if he ever survive this war.
“So, either way,” you continued quietly hands slowly dropping, “I could've gotten killed.“
You tried to find his eye who seems avoiding you now. “Truth is, I just got lucky.“ You let out a humourless laugh, more of bitter. “Barely.“ The words hung in the air. Neither of you speaking. Then you shifted closer, testing the waters,trying to catch his gaze, again. “Maybe I'm testing my luck.“
Bill immediately snorted. “Maybe?“
“Okay, definitely I did.“ That somehow got the smallest hint of smile from him. Just for a second. So, you continued. “Everybody's testing their luck.“ He didn't answer. You looked back where the rest of the company is. Towards those who survived and would test their luck once again in a few hours. “We're all here, aren't we?“
He looked down not answering. “Just being here is already testing our luck.“ For the first time, he didn't argue because there wasn't anything to argue with. Not everything both of you have seen. And so does the men in the distance.
Your voice softened, “I'm sorry anyway.“
That got his attention. “For what?“
“You said that once.“ He pointed out.
You shrugged. “And I'll say it twice.“ He lets out a humorous scoff that you used the same words he said ealirer. “War's already trying to kill us. Doesn't want to make your day worse.“ You smiled weakly.
It was dark but not dark enough for him to not see your smile. For a moment he just stared at you ythen he shooked his head like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. “Just don't do it again.“ He spoke.
He pointed vaguely at the battlefield. “That thing you did.“
That's when you feel the tension slowly vanish. The smile now tugged your lips. “I'll try.“
“I know.“ You nodded as you rests your hands behind your back once again.
“No, you don't.“ Bill pointed directly at you. “I'll kill ya if ya die.“
The threat hung in the air. You stared at him, seeing that serious face that meant every word that just left his lips. Then immediately burst out laughing. One hand covering your mouth, still laughing, “What kind of logic was that?“
“I'm serious as hell.“ He claimed once again which just made you laugh harder.
“You can't kill me if I'm already dead.“
“I'll figure something out.“ You snort at him and Bill only rolled his eyes. But finally— finally some tensison already left him. Watching you laugh like this and still smile at him and apologizing for something he knows you can't control.
The man sighed and looked away. “Look.“ His voice was rouch, more honest than before. “I got your back.“ The laughter faded. Bill flickered to the dirt. “I always got your back.“
Something in your chest tightened because you know it. Then his eyes turned to meet you as if it want you to believe every word he said if you happen not to know it. “You know that, right?“
Apparently, you know it. You already know it ever since you met him. You nodded. “Yes, Bill. I know it.“
His jaw shifted. The words he's about to say was completely making him uncomfortable. “But I can't do that if you ain't there anymore.“
Breath stuck on your throat as you saw it in his eyes. The concern he hid beneath the anger he showed. The frustration that only existed because he had been scared. And the lecture suddenly made a lot of sense now.
Your smile softened, wanting to return what he's giving you. “Then don't do it either.“
“I didn't run through machine gun fire.“
“You do stupid things.“ You said to him.
He scoffed, “Not that stupid.“ You gave him a look and Bill immediately looked away. “Fair.“
You folded your arms then using one hand to point at him then to you, “You got my back.“
Your finger then moved to him, “I got yours.“
Bill looked over once again, the stubborn expression of his face slowly easing. “So, stop trying to get yourself killed.“ He said.
A beat, then another. At last, Bill held out his hand. “Deal.“
You looked down at it. The took it. “Deal.“
The handshake lasted only a second but the squeeze you gave to each other felt important than the higher ups gave to congratulate. A promise. Not just to survive but to comeback to each other. For each other.
Bill gave your hand another squeeze before letting it go. “We should go back. People might start talking.“ You snickered and waited until he's walking beside you. You thought it would be just a quiet walk about until you felt him take your hand and shove it into his pocket along with his.
You turned to him ready to ask but he just gave a smirk, “You're cold. Can't let sickness get you either.“ He said which made you smile stupidly before deciding not to speak another word.
Maybe it's your stubbornness that kept Bill at his sanity or his protectiveness to your sanity. From another perspective it's too much for one to handle but either of you knows how much you both balance each other. Maybe it was one a kind of luck to find two pieces of puzzle with different design but still perfect together.
