Things To Say and Not Say To Someone Who Is Depressed.
So you have a friend or someone close to you who suffers from Depression, or any mental illness for that matter. You want to be there for them but you don’t know what to say. Here are some things that you can say and things you really should not say. (Don’t forget to hit the heart and re-blog so everyone can see.)
Say: You are not alone in this.Â
Don’t say: There is always someone worse off than you are.Â
Many times I personally have been told by friends “Well it could be worse, there is someone out there that has it harder than you”. It does not help one bit, if anything it makes the person suffering angry and more upset. It is a crap line that people who really don’t want to hear about your problems say, people that really don’t care.Â
Say:Â You are important to me.
Don’t Say: No one ever said that life was fair.Â
REALLY? You think we don’t know that life is not fair. You know how hard it is you even wake up sometimes and live life on a bad day. We know life isn’t fair we don’t need to be reminded of it by the ones we value most. We need to know that we matter that our FIGHT to continue will be WORTH the “unfair” life that we all have.Â
Don’t Say: Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
First off we are not feeling sorry for ourselves, saying such a statement will cause the depressed person to shut themselves off to you. Â We are feeling scared, alone, confused all of these can be brought on by many things, stress, family problems, marriage problems and more. Sometimes a hug is all it takes to feel someones warmth, positive aura and caring vibes. Keep in mind that the sense of touch is one of the most powerful of all senses.Â
Say: You are not going crazy.
Don’t Say: So you’re depressed. Aren’t you always?
Are you always an ass? Seriously anyone who has the nerve to say such a thing can be labeled as an ass. We can not always control our moods, thoughts, and emotions. Sometimes they get the better of us and we feel like we are going nuts. Being assured that we are not going nuts is all we need, someone to just tell us it is OK, don’t forget that hug.
Say:Â We are not on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.
Don’t Say: Try not to be so depressed.
Hope. It is one of the biggest things people with depression lose sight of during their rough patches. Having someone there to encourage the good is always helpful although sometimes we come off as stubborn, keep trying, the positive will sink in. Also, telling someone to “try not to be so depressed” is like telling an old person not to be so old. Depression isn’t always something that can be turned off.Â
Say: When all this is over, I’ll still be here and so will you.
Don’t Say: It’s your own fault.
All my life I was told that it was always my fault. Coming from an abusive home I learned as a child that everything was always my fault. As an adult now there are some things that I will blame myself for even if it was not my fault at all. There’s nothing that anyone can really say to change how we feel, we have to over come things ourselves. However after we survive it and your still there, that means everything.Â
7. I’ll Do My Best To Understand.
Say: I can’t really understand what you are feeling, but I can offer my compassion.
Don’t Say: Believe me, I know how you feel. I was depressed once for several days.
Claiming you know how we feel is probably one of the worst lies ever. No one, and I really mean no one knows how someone else feels unless you pull a “Parent Trap” and live that persons life. All you really have to do is be there for that person, show them love, and compassion. Depression can feed and fester on depression.Â
8. You Won’t Drive Me Away.
Say: I’m not going to leave you or abandon you.
Don’t Say: I think your depression is a way of punishing us.
You think you’re being punished? Try living that other persons life, always feeling worthless, unloved, and alone among other feelings. Every time depression hits it is like a punishment. You know what we fear most, we fear being abandoned. Telling us you wont leave is great but we are in the day and age where sometimes those words are lies so not only do you have say those words but you have to prove them to be true. Be there, don’t abandon them.Â
Say:Â I love you. (Say this only if you mean it.)
Don’t Say: Haven’t you grown tired of all this “me, me, me” stuff yet?
If you care about the person then you need to tell them, don’t wait till it is too late. If you say “I love you” you better mean it because those words are very strong words. People who are depressed are already sensitive to everything around them and those words will hit their heart strings hard. Don’t send mixed signals it will make them worse if you don’t mean it.Â
10. We’ll get through this together.
Say: I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain. I am not going to leave you. I am going to take care of myself, so you don’t need to worry that your pain might hurt me.
Don’t Say: Have you tried chamomile tea?
Most people think that those suffering from depression only think about themselves. I can tell you right now that that statement is as far from the truth as Pluto is from the Sun. Those who suffer always think about how they might effect those close to them, hence why they shut down and bottle things in. Reassuring them that you will not be hurt is great, also when you say this bring them some tea and rub their shoulder or play with their hair, everyone loves that. Tea alone can not make their depression go away.Â
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