Love is a Painful Experience
From a young age I often dreamt of being in love, from what I read in books to what I saw in movies or television to what people from eras gone would describe their marriages and that marriage meant something, a promise of unconditional love and loyalty, but reality never plays out like that. For most of my adult life I have been in and out of relationships almost all of them turned out disappointing, I know I value both personality and looks, but unfortunately we seem to live in an age where having preferences, especially physical ones, somehow makes you shallow, a bigot or someone undeserving of love, which is ridiculous to say the least, clearly those people who say that have never been in a relationship or they have low standards. But also what is different is how people treat relationships these days, where everything is apparently negotiable, optional and nothing is concrete or even fair, you are told to compromise, only to realise you're the one doing all of the compromising whilst your significant other has failed to pull their weight, you're criticised for having opinions or viewpoints that are different from your partner and to avoid conflict you choose silence, they display a disinterest or disregard of your interests, but expect you to be invested in their interests, everything small thing you say or do is criticised, but the moment you do the same, they retaliate with hostility. I have dated people who I found physically attractive but expect me to stay if they decide to change what I found attractive in them, but heaven forbid if I did the same, for me attraction is non negotiable, if you take away what I found physically attractive, I'm out, that bit of love disappears. Almost all of the better suitors live abroad, whilst I'm left with all of the losers and abusers nearby, no one should have to settle for less than what they desire and envision, we need to stop demonising wanting the best for ourselves and to be happy. I have been in this love game for so long and with so little success, it pisses me off when I see couples who seem so perfectly matched, they have what they seemingly want, whilst I have always had to accept 2nd best or less just to have a relationship, it's unfair, I deserve better than this, I thought I'd be married by now and even raising a family, preferably biological children, since I never wanted to raise somebody else's children, people might say I'm difficult because I have standards I refuse to lower, but maybe I'm one of those people who realises what they want and refuses to forsake those for anyone who is clearly unworthy of me.
