Schizophrenia: Insight and Advice

This is a blog where I share my experiences with schizophrenia, providing insight and advice to people who may be experiencing it themselves, wish to learn more about it, and where we can all work together to eliminate the stigma surrounding mental health.

[schizotiger]

You Are Resilient

I’ve been sitting at my computer for the last two hours, grinding out item drops on the MMO video game “World of Warcraft”. My headphone battery is recharging so instead of watching videos or listening to music as usual, I’ve just had the game music playing from my speakers and no other distractions around me. While I was physically playing the game, I was mentally and emotionally reflecting. It was odd, but I was doing it almost compulsively. It was like my brain finally felt like since I wasn’t giving it new or just extra stuff to listen to or think about, it was time to reflect on stuff that’s already happened. To process, understand, and accept. I thought about decisions I’ve made in my life- how they impacted myself and other people. How other peoples’ decisions impacted me. I thought about the people I’ve met throughout my life, and what they taught me. The joys I’ve experienced, and pain I’ve carried. And one thing, one word kept coming back to me: Resilience. I believe that at the core of every human being is resilience. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary definition of resilience is “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change”. But I think that that’s underselling it. Resilience is working a shitty job that barely pays the bills but being able to watch your favorite YouTube videos once or twice a week. Resilience is after suffering a heartbreaking loss crying your eyes out and remembering what your loved one did for you, gave to you, taught you, and carrying that with you for the rest of your life- refusing to let the flame of their memory extinguish. Resilience is even after living through traumatic events, you found yourself on Tumblr, maybe on your computer, or laptop, or phone. You’re still here, reading the words of a stranger, and (hopefully!) finding some comfort in knowing that there’s someone out there who believes that your ability to make it through this isn’t a bug- it’s a feature. Your ability to get through this is built in at your core. The size of that core doesn’t matter- you don’t need to be doing nuclear fusion level resilience to be human. Even if your resilience is eroded, weathered, and ground into barely dust, *you still have resilience*. It is there, within you, at your core, and you just need to tap into it, hold it close, and not let go. I can’t possibly know everything (or really, anything) about the people who read this blog or this post. But if there’s one thing I can say for sure, it’s that You. Are. Resilient. Do not let anyone, including yourself, deny you that resilience. Find it, and tuck it away in a safe place, in your body or mind or soul. And foster it. Don’t let go. And you’ll be able to make it through anything -as long as you hold onto it, no matter the size, shape, or strength of it. I know I’m just another random person on the internet. But I hope these words brought you some comfort, peace, or warmth. Most of all, I hope they brought you closer to *your* resilience- maybe you just opened your eyes to it for the first time, maybe you know about it and have already been tending to it.

Whatever the case may be- I’m proud of you. And I hope you find your resilience, and hold it close and never let go. You are worth it. You were built for this. You can do this. I believe in you. <3

[schizotiger]

Thank You All For Building This Space Together

From the bottom of my heart, sincerely, thank you all so much.

I made this blog back in 2016 after I had a dream one night. I woke up from that dream and realized that we as a society need to talk about schizophrenia. Because so many people with schizophrenia feel alone and isolated because of living in a society that finds it easier to label us as “crazy” than to try to offer us even one single hand to help.

My friends, through this blog and through all my life experiences ever since I had that dream, I can tell you with full confidence that you are not alone in what you are going through. These sensations and thoughts that grip us and confuse us and terrify us- these things are so scary, and it can be hard to find someone to confide in who you think might understand. We often feel like living with these things by ourselves is a better option than talking about what we are going through openly. And it's ok that you're scared to talk about what is happening. And just because you're reading this blog, doesn't mean you suddenly need to tell the world everything about everything- I'm just so honored and happy that you found this blog and decided to stay a while, and I hope you find as much comfort reading things here as I have found in writing them.

Anyone who finds meaning and safety within this space is welcome here. My own lived experiences are with schizophrenia, hence why I use a lot of schizophrenia-centric language; however, if these words evoke something within you, not just those in my own posts but in the notes and reblogs of others who have traveled through here, then this blog is just as much for you as it is for all of us. You are all equally valid and cared for here. I welcome all of you, from all walks of life, on all stages of any of your journeys, to walk through this metaphorical door, sit back and relax on your favorite metaphorical couch, and we can talk and support each other here in this little corner of online space. Thank you. Thank you to everyone. I started this blog as just one person who just wanted to talk, but you are all the ones who made this blog bigger than I ever thought it could be. I know mental health can be absolute hell, and I know it’s so hard to talk about, especially when we feel so alone.

You, my friends, are not alone. Please stop by this blog and stay a while if you need a bit of comfort. In a world that can be so, so scary, I hope this space can offer you safety. Thank you. -Tiger (PS: Please stay tuned for future blog posts, and my thoughts on how I might continue or even expand this blog!)

[schizotiger]

I’m Back!

Hello everyone! It’s been far too long since I’ve made a blog post here, and I apologize for that. I hope today finds you all well.

In the time I’ve been gone, I’ve worked as a peer support specialist at two jobs, unfortunately lost both due to my mental health, had a puppy for a brief period of time, and done a lot of preparation to marry the love of my life in October. 

That’s the funny thing about life. You never know where it’s going to take you. Always make sure you’re strapped in for the ride and be prepared for road blocks and wrong turns. They’re inevitable, after all, and we can’t control when they pop up, but we can always control our own reactions to these events.

I plan on picking up blog posting again. I have a lot of things I want to write about. As always, my inbox is open if anyone needs advice, insight, or has questions. I’ll do my best to be prompt and always provide honest, thoughtful answers.

Thank you to everyone who has followed and supported this blog endeavor. I deeply appreciate all of you, and whether you’re a longtime reader or this is your first time stopping by, I want you to know that this is a safe space and you are not alone in your struggles. If you ever need someone to talk to, count me in.

[schizotiger]

So I have visual hallucinations but only at night. I see faces very clearly and they’re usually triggered by objects that look somewhat face shaped but then a very clear face emerges from them. They also happen when I close my eyes but they are still there when I open them as long as it’s dark. Is this actually a hallucination or just a sleep thing? Is this a symptom of schizophrenia? I do experience delusions and have had tactile hallucinations twice if that helps.

The faces could be caused by a variety of things; I can only speak from personal experiences since I’m not a doctor. It could be related to psychosis, it could be related to sleep (perhaps a lack of sleep? falling asleep?), it could be your eyes adjusting to the dark or your brain trying to make sense of things (I believe the term is pareidolia), etc. I’d definitely recommend seeing a psychiatrist if you aren’t already, as you mention you also experience delusions and two instances of tactile hallucinations along with the faces. A psychiatrist will be able to give a lot more insight as to what causes you to see the faces based on their knowledge of your own history and they can also track the progression of your delusions and the faces to see if schizophrenia is an accurate diagnosis (typically a schizophrenia diagnosis takes months of multiple presenting symptoms to be concluded). A psychiatrist can also prescribe medication to help keep these experiences under control. I’m sorry I couldn’t provide a concrete answer, but I hope this is helpful for you! Feel free to message me again if you need any clarification, direction, or just want someone to talk to.

[schizotiger]

after things started getting worse for me mentally, i just had so much more trouble in school than i used to because i couldn't process the stuff we were learning so i wanted to ask, is this common for people with schizophrenia or am i just stupid? thank you

Not stupid at all. I’m not a psychologist so I don’t know the brain-y details, but from experience I know schizophrenia can really make processing things difficult, for different reasons. From my own experiences, schizophrenia likes to sometimes throw in extra words while thinking or change the train of thought completely, thus making processing incoming information a lot harder. There’s also thought-blocking, which pretty much means your brain turns off thinking completely or makes thinking or even doing something physically incredibly difficult, and again making processing information a lot harder. On a side note, look up “synaptic pruning in schizophrenia” if you want a more physiological approach. My psychiatrist explained it to me years ago when I was diagnosed. I don’t remember all the details of it but I think it might play a role here (again though, I’m not a doctor). On a side side note, it might be helpful to look into your school’s disability program. They might offer ways to help you with this, such as giving you a recorder pen, giving you a copy of the teacher’s notes, etc. Most schools are pretty generous with this. I don’t remember the whole process to get these classroom aids but if you go to a school counselor or the disability department (depending on if you’re in high school or college) they may be able to get the ball rolling to help you out.

[schizotiger]

The Road to Recovery 8/6/19

There’s a reason the “road to recovery” is called a “road”. It’s a journey- a long, continuous journey. There will be bumps in the road, and sometimes you’ll fall down, but you have to get up and keep going. The first few steps you take on this road will be the hardest, because it is so unfamiliar and new. The further you travel, the stronger you get, the more endurance you build, and the more wisdom you gather. 

The first steps on this road are the hardest. They are terrifying, like stepping into a bed of sharp rocks. With no way of knowing what’s ahead, it takes a lot of courage to take those first steps. But once you do, commit to it. Because while there may be dangerous parts ahead, there may also be a paradise. You just don’t know it yet.

Sometimes we break down on this road. We might need a tune-up.This is what going to the psych hospital is for. There’s no shame in going to the psych hospital- use your time in the hospital to your advantage! Then set out on your journey once more, refreshed and revitalized.

It’s ok to pause your recovery if it means taking care of yourself and your soul. You don’t have to push forward all the time. Recovery doesn’t have to be a constant, vigorous effort. Recovery is just as effective when you sit down to relax and let yourself simply be.

The road to recovery is not always hazardous. Enjoy life on the smooth parts of this road. Take your time to look back and see both what you have learned and what you have overcome. Give yourself a pat on the back and a hug for your hard work and resilience.

When the road becomes rocky after the easy stretch, it’s ok to have anxiety. We may be inclined to think that once the road becomes smooth, it is permanently this way. Well, that may be true for some people, but not always. I personally recently had a huge resurgence of symptoms and am back on the rocky part of the road. But unlike the beginning of my recovery, I now have a backpack full of tools and support on every side of me to help me get through it.

That’s part of what recovery is, after all. It’s not necessarily being symptom free forever, or always being in a good place. Even the smoothest of roads can get dirty, fall apart, or develop potholes. When we encounter these things, we use the stamina we’ve built up on the previous routes in our journey to overcome them.

I’m proud of all of you, no matter what part of your recovery you’re on. If you are getting ready to take your first steps towards recovery, I encourage you to keep an open mind and trust in your own strength. If you’re in the rocky part of recovery, take extra time to love yourself, empower yourself, and keep going. If you’re on the smooth part, I wish you much happiness and hope that you are enjoying the brilliance of life. And if you’re experiencing the turmoil after having a smooth stretch of recovery, I want you to know that things will get better; learn from the past and use it to guide you through these hard times as you work towards a hope-filled future.

[schizotiger]

Can I message you to ask for advice?

Always! I might not respond immediately but I do respond when I can. Feel free to send a private or anonymous message; if you prefer the message to remain private, I am more than happy to oblige.

[schizotiger]

Is this blog still active?

Yes it is! I am sorry for not posting new content for a while- I’ve been busy with many real life things. I do check the blog daily, though!

[schizotiger]

Heya! Is this blog still active?

Hi there! My blog is still active, I check it daily. :) I have not written new content in a while but I’m definitely still here.

[schizotiger]

i called 911 yesterday bcus of a psychotic episode where i thought i was losing my limbs and they kept me for observation and ran a bunch of tests because i didnt become lucid for over 24 hrs! thats a rlly expensive delusion! they took an mri bcus i told them i was blacking out constantly (not true) and bcus of how confused i was! i live alone with my cat and i dont rlly have ppl at all except my sister whos in another state. is there anything i can do to ground myself before i call 911 ?

Hey there! One thing I recommend is called the “three 3′s”. It’s a grounding technique where you describe three things you can hear, three things you can see, and three things you can touch (if you can’t do three, it’s ok!) The point is to focus on what you -know- is real instead of what may or may not be real. Your cat could actually be really good for this! Describe how your cat looks, listen to the cat purr and meow, feel the soft fur, etc. If you start questioning if your thoughts are delusional or not, focus on your cat (or something else real).I also recently discovered how helpful puzzle games are for psychosis. There’s a game called Color Zen you can get on your phone or Nintendo Switch and maybe other consoles that’s super awesome. It gets your brain thinking logically.As always, deep breathing is always good too. Square breathing is my personal favorite- breathe in for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four, repeat. I hope this all helps! You got this!!

[schizotiger]

Psychosis PSA

(This is a post that’s going to veer away from my usual format of blog posts, but it is a collection of things I think need to be said about psychosis and thought disorders)

If you have a thought disorder and/or psychotic symptoms:

You’re not crazy.

Having psychotic symptoms is nothing to be ashamed of.

Your symptoms are not your fault.

I know it’s hard. Hard to deal with symptoms that creep into every aspect of our lives; that leave us unable to distinguish what’s real or not and leave us unable to think thoughts that make sense.

These symptoms are severe and relentless.

The suffering is real- it’s ok to hurt; this is incredibly difficult stuff to deal with.

I am proud of you for fighting your symptoms. Because at the end of the day, you are you, you are not your symptoms.

I am proud of you for being here. I know how bad it gets. I know how much it hurts. I know how much we lose.

But I also know how much we can gain. We gain insight into how the world works unlike anything people who don’t share our experiences can imagine. That insight gives us strength, and that strength we can share, and sharing it will unite us to fight the stigma.

If you do not have a thought disorder and have never experienced psychosis:

Psychotic people are not crazy.

If someone is having psychotic symptoms, support them, don’t shame them.

Their symptoms are not their fault.

Psychotic symptoms are incredibly difficult to deal with. They change the very reality a person lives in, the same reality that you might take for granted.

Do not underestimate the severity of someone’s symptoms and the impact it is having on their lives.

The suffering is real- please, don’t make jokes about psychotic symptoms.

Be proud of those you know who suffer from psychosis- they fight a battle with their own thoughts and senses, one that is not easy.

Be proud of them for their victories, and support them through any losses.

Don’t look down on psychotic people. They can provide valuable insight into what it means to be human and live in reality. Learn from that insight, lend them your strength, and unite and fight the stigma.

[schizotiger]

More Help Dealing with Symptoms

Hi everyone! Today’s blog post is kind of a continuation of other posts of mine, the “How to Handle Hallucinations” post and “How to Deal with Delusions” post. I’ve had a resurgence of symptoms myself lately (my meds have been being adjusted so I’ve been having some symptoms coming through that) but it has given me further insight into dealing with symptoms and so I’d like to share that insight with you. I want to really emphasize that even though it may feel like it, you’re not going crazy. I know the feelings and sensations that come with symptoms can really feel like pure insanity- and it is a most terrifying feeling. However! While it feels like you may be losing sanity, it’s important to remind yourself that this is not craziness or anything of the sort; it’s simply symptoms of a medical condition that need to be treated.

Keep in mind that stress can increase the severity and frequency and symptoms. Stress is unfortunately unavoidable in life, but there are ways to keep it within a reasonable and manageable level. These are different for everyone. For me, I like to sketch, I like to listen to music, and I recently have gotten back into reading. These are all things that relax me, bring me joy, and don’t require a whole lot of energy or thought.

When you are clear minded, try making a list of everything you can do to help yourself when you are experiencing symptoms. Either write it multiple times, or print it out multiple times, then put this list in multiple places around your home where you can easily access it when hallucinations, delusions, or other symptoms come up. It’s really hard to remember what to do when we’re deep in our symptoms, but having an easily accessible list in numerous places for quick go-to advice is so, so helpful.

And as I’ve said in previous blog posts, try and have at least one person to talk to to use as a safety net when you are unsure if you are having symptoms or when you are having symptoms and need to get back into reality. Remember that having a mental health condition is nothing to be ashamed of; it’s something we can fight and conquer. And all of us, we can win!

Thanks for reading, see you in the next post!

[schizotiger]

2 of 2 You gave my friend some insight into what he could do to help me. I am so grateful that you are here, fighting stigma and helping people. I also wanted to send a bit of a positive message. I was in a really bad place a few years ago, but because I had such a supportive friend, and because I eventually got treatment, I am doing so much better today. I still have symptoms, and I will probably never be without them, but I am so much more in control of my life. things can get better.

What a beautiful and inspiring message! I’m so happy to hear that you’re doing better :) This is a testament to the power within all of us to overcome mental health disorders. You are awesome, my friend, and I hope that you will continue to share your positivity and strength with others.

[schizotiger]

The Importance of Self-Care and Caring for Others

Mental health is important: both your mental health, and the mental health of others. I think one of the biggest hurdles we face as a society trying to move forward is people not taking mental health seriously (or deep enough to heart). There are people who won’t believe anything they can’t see with their own eyes, thus they don’t believe mental illness is real. There are people who try to undermine the seriousness and severity of mental illness, assuming depression is just something you can “get over” or that bipolar disorder is just “mood swings”, or that people who hear voices are just “crazy” and should be locked away. Then there are those who suffer from mental illness, and find difficulty in devoting enough time (or any at all) to take care of their mental health. Some people work in environments that do not promote wellness, or work for businesses that do not believe in allowing time off for mental health days. Other people may feel ashamed or frightened of their illness, and try to avoid giving it time to come to the surface and work on easing its grasp over their lives. Others still might struggle with the validation of their illness, or maybe just don’t know what to do to practice mental health self care.

I can tell you this as someone who has lived with mental illness since age 13 (I’m 26 now): There are going to be people you come across in life who put you down for your mental health condition(s), people who may not believe you or may feel they know better than you. It hurts. It really hurts, especially when it’s people we feel close to, or that we put trust and faith in. As daunting a task as it is, you need to set aside their opinions (at the end of the day, they really do just have an opinion, they don’t actually -know- anything) and focus on what you know about yourself.

You are the expert of you. And you are a person worth living for, and loving. And the loving starts with you loving yourself. Your mental health disorder is not your fault. Your mental health disorder is not who you are, nor does it define you. It is not something to be shoved aside, or avoided, or ashamed of. This is where self-care comes in! Think about what helps you feel good. For example, one thing I do when I experience symptoms is take a warm shower. Maybe you like to go for a walk or a jog, maybe you have a pet that you can cuddle with, or an art form that you practice. Singing, cooking, baking, reading, writing! Whatever your passion is, you can use it to overcome mental illness. If you’ve not found a passion, that’s alright, too! Talk to a friend that makes you laugh, or someone who shares similar experiences to you and can help you out. In addition, self-care has two parts: it’s important to practice when symptoms are active, but also important to practice when you are symptom-free. This is maintenance that will be super beneficial in both short term and long term time periods.

Let’s take self-care one step further: encouraging and helping other people to practice self-care. When we as a society start to build each other up, we will progress. When we accept that mental illness is a reality for millions of people, we can start to move forward. And while we may not always be able to directly take care of someone who suffers from a mental illness, we an help them with self-care. If a loved one of yours suffers from a mental illness, you don’t necessarily need to be a therapist to help them- just participating with them in something they love can be hugely helpful. Encourage them when they feel good about something. Let them know they are loved. It counts. Every single action counts, sometimes more than we could ever know.

[schizotiger]

Life Updates + Post Coming up Soon!

Hello everyone! I’m sorry I haven’t posted in so long; life has kept me busy! A few weeks ago, I went to a 5 day training for my job (Peer Support Specialist) and last week I took the State exam for certification. I passed the exam, and am happy to say that I’m now a Certified Peer Support Specialist in the state of Michigan!

Exactly two years from today, my fiance and I will be husband and wife! So that is exciting. And today is also World Mental Health Day! I’ll have a post up later today talking about how we can help ourselves and others with mental health. Thank you for your continued kindness everyone, I am so thankful for each and every person who comes by this page and I hope it makes a positive impact in your life.

[schizotiger]

Hi, I'm really sorry to bother. What should I do when my psychiatrist dismisses my fears? I've had shadow people following me, and voices telling me they're after me, and I can hardly go outside in fear that the people around me are part of the group trying to hurt me. My psych told me that a lot of women have this fear and that it's normal - but I don't think it is. I can barely function day to day. I don't know what to do.

Hi! You’re not bothering at all <3If it is an option, I think looking into seeing a different psychiatrist would be your best bet at this point. It sounds like you are experiencing psychotic symptoms (I’m not a doctor) and I think you’d really benefit from being treated properly for them. It’s not fair to you that your psychiatrist tries to find excuses for why you are experiencing these things instead of directly treating you for what you need. I really admire your courage and strength in reaching out- please feel free to message me if you would like to chat more!

[schizotiger]

Hi. My husband is psychotic, and sometimes he tells me that I've told him things (usually insults- or things like "I'm gonna leave you and take your children away") that I've never said. I know him well enough to know this isn't for attention or a way to manipulate anyone. He says that he doesn't ever remember actually hearing me say these things, but that his brain tells him it happened. Have you or any of your followers ever experienced this? Thank you.

I’ve not experienced this, myself. Does he see a psychiatrist? If he does, this is something that might be valuable for the psychiatrist to know in order to more effectively treat his symptoms.Followers- if you have experience or advice you’d like to share, send me an Ask and I will post it on this blog.