schöngeist academy

by day: cs 📞 by night: philosophy, skills & craft 🫖 in the twilight: erotic artist 🎙 👒 diary & musings: 🇬🇧🇧🇪

[schoengeist-academy]

We aren't brainwashed.

We are braintrashed.

The brainwashing we do ourselves.

[schoengeist-academy]

In der Dämmerung biegt und beugt sich die Zeit. Wieso, ist selten klar. Schließlich ist alles ein wenig verschwommen. Schon halb in den Meeren der Träume. Neues Land bricht auf, dort, in den Tiefen der Tiefen, wo nur noch drei letzte Sonnenstrahlen fallen, schwer wie ein Blitz in Zeitlupe. Und das, was bleibt, hat die Kraft Berge zu versetzen. Wohin, das weiß man, wenn man dem eigenen Walgesang lauscht.

[schoengeist-academy]

I only owe you when I asked you a favour.

[schoengeist-academy]

Wolkenformen wie Sand am Strand gewellt, fast wie gewollt, herangespült, geschichtenschwer - die Nacht kriecht bereits den Himmel hoch.

Die Ferne ruft aus meinem Bett, das Kopfkissen zum Träumen frisch aufgeschüttelt, die Decke aufgeschlagen; erschöpft steige ich ins nächste Kapitel.

[schoengeist-academy]

Never ask me: What got you thinking about that?

Nothing and every some little thing. All I do is think. That's my nature. There are moments of white noise, when I watch clouds, birds, trees and grass in the wind, when I experience nature. Other than that, thoughts. Ideas, questions, loops ( I learn to use that force like a mill, grind, shape, slot and drill affirmations to manifest; forming intentions and repeating them), answers, musings - you name it.

My answer would most often than not be: isn't it obvious? And I know to you and many others it's not and I find that really interesting. Because I just got tired of let it frustrate me that other brains obviously don't fire as much and as long. At the end of the day, our brains are different.

Could you learn to think more often? That surely falls under neuroplasticity? Anyway. Time for a tea, breathing the after-rain-air, listen to the last screaming parties of the swifts today and.. unwind.

[schoengeist-academy]

Leb' dich spielend durch dein Sein, durch dein Leben. Probier' dich aus, experimentiere; üb' und lern'. Immer und immer wieder. Ja, Schürfwunden bleiben nicht aus, doch weißt du, wie viele interessante Hausmittel es gibt, die du (kreisschließend) ausprobieren kannst? Leb' einfach. Nochmal, und nochmal, und nochmal. Von früh bis spät und Mond um Mond.

[schoengeist-academy]

Die Grillen zirpen und locken mindestens mich Weib an, ich verweile auf Balkonien, lächle immer wieder in die Dämmerung, in ihr beruhigendes Zirpen. In nicht allzu weiter Ferne teilen sich eine Singdrossel und ein Freiluftkonzert die Bühne des späten Abend. Sommer ist schön.

[schoengeist-academy]

Da stand sie. An der Bahnsteigkante, und drehte den Kopf mal zur einen und mal zur anderen Seite, so, wie der Wind wehte. Doch da sie sich in einem Kopfbahnhof befand, gab es nur eine Richtung aus der der Zug kam und wieder in die er wieder fahren würde. Das Woher war sie selbst. Das Wohin im Grunde auch. Sie sah auf ihre offenen Schuhspitzen und lächelte. Wann waren ihr rote Nägel zum Rückenwind geworden? So ziemlich nach dem dritten Tragen, oder? Sie sah nach oben, in das massive metallene Gewälbe, dann ging sie nach draußen. Wie so oft säuselte ihr Heimweh schon vor der Abfahrt, harmonisch ergänzt (und übertönt) von der Vorfreude auf die Ferne.

[schoengeist-academy]

The other shoe dropping, that should be a good thing. Who wants to walk with only one shoe on? And if you want to go barefoot, take off that one shoe and go.

[schoengeist-academy]

It is the eve of my 3 year anniversary if being seizure-free. That last one was such a strange one. It happened at home, safe, sitting down (the deal i made: if it has to be, let me be safe). Before i finally registered the fact as i went to bed absolutely drained and tired in every cell, I vaguely remember having been on my balcony for a moment in kind of a hazy state. It doesn't feel like a daydream. Much more like being a little bit too high and trying hard to stay on earth and not just evaporate into space and time.

Anyway, i went to bed remembering an aunt or grandma looking at me, or watching over me, and i felt calm and not scared anymore, but feeling the warmth of "everything is okay, everything will be alright". At pretty much the same time i realized that i don't know these women of my flashbacks. The emotional bond of such a memory was absolutely uncanny but i didn't know their faces and how they felt, their aura, their being, was different too. As if i had a little thick paper sample for perfume in each of my hands and alternating between the scents to decide.

I love our brains, our bodies. It could have been just my brain firing away for whatever reason and give me these pictures, these feelings. And i choose to believe that they were imprints of some ancestors of mine. Maybe they were the ones ensuring my safety and i somehow got a glimpse of them, or they chose to be seen (because it was such a long recovery time until i got up and to bed in comparison to previous seizures, they weren't nearly as exhausting).

One theory prior to this last one about why i suddenly had so many seizures was ( four within two years, after two and seven years of peace and quiet), that they also served as a spiritual reboot and update. That first one in April 2021 was about a month after i read enough about neurodiversity to suspect some things, and had given CBD oil another (successfull) try.

As serious as it is (i needed to make that deal, that agreement, to be able to surrender instead of fearing that dormant thunderstorm), it's also interesting to play around with experiences like these and, as always, not just try to make sense of it but give it a meaning.

[schoengeist-academy]

Die Zeit bleibt in der Hitze kleben wie Honig an meinen Fingern.

Eine kühle Brise fällt träge zu Boden und streift in einem letzten Versuch aufzuatmen um meine Waden, dann träumen wir beide vom Meer.

[schoengeist-academy]

since i am my own Muse I'm sometimes jealous of myself, and that's how inspire action, next steps.

[schoengeist-academy]

That sounds amazing!, your face is lit up after I shared merely a fraction of my vision. Just remember, Rome wasn't built in a day., you've been amused and in awe by my creative caprice since we've first met; you see me. There's no condescending tone in your reminder just concern for my well-being, and my love for you grows another root. I smile and look at you for a moment.

You're right. I take a day off work, maybe a short trip over the weekend so I can create in peace.

[schoengeist-academy]

Zwei Menschen, ein Schwerpunkt

Wir greifen einander, du ziehst mich in deine Arme und ich dich in meine, so wir halten uns fest; und was uns umgibt, verblasst. (nur für jetzt)

Zwei Menschen, ein Schwerpunkt: Herz.

[schoengeist-academy]

Urgency? No.

Urge'n'see

[schoengeist-academy]

I need to find out how I work. Literally. And literary.

[schoengeist-academy]

our cold feet get warmer the closer we are to the fire that burns our old stories to the ground.

the soles of our feet black we walk through the ashes haunted for a while but freed for ever.