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scout // 18 // they/she/he // wolf bug alien thing // infp // gemini // fixated on lots of stuff

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the song Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfielf is soooooo so so fitting for Pluribus and specifically stursia it makes me ill. every single lyric aligns with carol and her choices in life it makes my soul feel itchy guys. I can and will write an essay on this i cant believe ive never seen an edit of it AAAAAHHGGGGHHHGG

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I love when i post on Tumblr and talk to yall as if there's like at least 80 of you when really only about 3 people see my posts

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and if I said tenna was ted lasso and spamton was Trent would yall boo and throw tomatoes or toss roses upon the stage or what....

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sometimes I remember what happened to me really did happen

I get so used to the story I tell I forget it affects me

until im driving by my old elementary school

and I can feel it all come back again and suddenly I cant breathe and im hyperventilating

and my girlfriend is asking if I need to pull over

when I tell her no I wonder if I really mean it

if I can handle all the memories of feelings coming back to me

I laugh it off and keep driving swerving out of the parking lot

like nothing ever happened there

the little girl I was isn't there anymore, in fact she's with me

so ill hold her small hand and walk her home

and hug her a little bit too tightly

and pat her head

tell her she's strong and beautiful and ill take care of her with my girlfriend

in ways she's never been loved before

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one of my favorite feelings in the whole world is when you're interacting with someone you hadn't fully Clicked with before but liked them... and then you have one Shared Understanding and suddenly you understand them fundamentally and can feel that Click bro. fantastic feeling. I love people

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I genuinely believe my favorite characters and favorite ships at a given time reflect how I feel about myself at that moment and its driving me crazy but in a good way cuz it makes SO MUCH SENSE AND I HATE IT .......

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and if I said warrior cats is just like avatar would i be burned at the stake or do yall get it

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I used to hate izzy sm but I fear ive gone from izzy denier/gentlebeard truther to steddy hands supremacy and izzy being one of my favorite characters despite his nature of being an angry little fecker

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me before rewatching ofmd: I am soooo ed, oh my god... blackbeard is literally me. edward just like me fr!!!

my roommate: *raises an eyebrow in suspicion* (because im the silliest stupidest most whimsical fucker ever)

me after rewatching ofmd: god I was wrong. i cant believe I thought i was ed lol im sorry you're right I am literally stede. its not even funny actually its a very serious condition

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do I dare say it

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little thing I made

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I could never be an actor cuz you best believe if I did id be spending time looking up ship fanart and fanfic of my own damn character with others and giggling abt it

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worth it

a poem (by me)

soft glances wash over me

little steps following

i miss your gentle bite

i hope that youre alright

hungry for your love

clawing to get above

does your soul miss me this bad

you were all that i had

fangs and tangled whiskers

ask me if i miss her

my heartstrings only tighten

in fear my eyes may widen

tissue embeds your touch in me

scars of my old fantasies

blooming love to tear soaked dirt

all i know is you were worth it

(all i know is you were worth it)

gaps in my room and in my heart

wish we didnt need to depart

ive been waiting for something new

to fill this shape thats been left by you

cradling you close to me

something within wont let you be

praying your heartbeat returns to light

softest sounds of a new life

but all i know now

despite it all somehow

you were worth it

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me when I draw something scary and its actually scary: OH GOD OH FUCK

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"scout why don't you ever feel sad about sad things during or after they happen thats so weird" yeah actually I do this awesome thing called pre-grieving where I feel intensely sad BEFOREHAND and then when it happens I am good to go 😁

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me, tired, hungry, bordering on heatstroke and in pain from walking all day: I fuckimg hate everyone 😑 dont touch me or ill scream 😡 everything is horrible and overwhelming 😤😤😤 goughh,, ,,, 🤬🤬

me 20 minutes later after a nice long shower, eating snacks in bed with a blankie: I am full of love 💗 and whimsy! everything is awesome 😆 life is beautiful 🌷🧚‍♀️✨️😊 hehehe 🫶🏼💫💞😻💋